Shehzada fails to make even Siddhu laugh, wins Great Indian Laughter Challenge.

Mumbai: In a surprising result which has perplexed most Congress workers including the ‘bimar maiya’, Shahzada Rahul Gandhi was yesterday voted the winner of the Great Indian Laughter Challenge by a unanimous public vote after miserably failing to make even Siddhu laugh. Digvijay Singh and Kapil Sibbal were the 1^st and the 2^nd runner up respectively.

Rahul Gandhi, the self proclaimed 43 year old ‘Youth Icon’ who has gradually climbed the chart busters with his hard work and consistent performances time after time was hailed as ‘The Greatest Indian Comedian Of All Time’ in a recent opinion poll by Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge.

With the producers facing financial crisis in previous seasons of the show after multiple tables were broken by Siddhu’s banging, the challenge this season was changed to not making Siddhu laugh, clap or bang the poor table.

“Chak de phatte, stage se bhag ullu, thokunga tali nai toh, babaji ka thullu”, was what Siddhu said after Rahul Baba’s last act which consisted of jokes about him being killed like his grandma and father.

On being asked what he would do with the prize of 1 kg onion that he got, “I will go to the nearest Dalit’s house and ask them to prepare ‘kanda poha’,” he said before running out of the set with the escape velocity of Jupiter.

A jovial looking Asaram Bapu in his 1st public appearance after passing his 2^nd potency test  also sent his congratulatory message to Rahul, but however dropped the bombshell by claiming to be the real ‘Youth Icon’ at 72 years of age.

Meanwhile, Aam Admi Party claimed that the results were rigged as all 3 winners were from the Congress Party.

Quack doctor arrested, took inspiration from fake Cardiologists & Diabetologists.

Mumbai: The district administration and a task force of ‘pandus’, formed under Fake Establishments Act, on Friday arrested a quack Dr. Asaram Chaalu for suggesting immoral treatment options to a young female patient suffering from infertility.

Chaalu, who claimed to be a gold medallist in ABCD, actually had studied only up to 10th, and prescribed medicines to his patients by referring to medical literature online. The police refused to accept the ‘Chai-Pani’ he offered to internally sort out the matter and have registered a case. His clinic was equipped with a sphygmomanometer (blood pressure measuring instrument), which was seized along with a stethoscope and other equipment.

 “I am innocent and the charges might actually be against a different Asaram. I have completed ABCD- Any Body Canbe Doctor, which is a 6 months paramedic course offered by Bihar University. When most MD medicine people can claim to be Cardiologists and Diabetologists which are super speciality DM degrees, why am I being framed for just claiming to be a family physician? They all should be arrested too”, he shouted in anger as he was being taken away.

While the news has spread like wildfire in the medical community, Dr. Daruwala who was called for his psychiatric evaluation revealed, “He became delusional after watching the movie ABCD- Any Body Can Dance and came up with a similar degree. We commonly see such symptoms in frustrated MBBS graduates who do not get admission to PG courses even after repeating for 2-3 years and make up such unheard specialization degrees when they start their practice in small towns.”

Taking note of the true revelation by the quack regarding MD medicine doctors, MCI has promised a crackdown on such fake cardiologists and diabetologists soon.

The Death Experience

In a Doctor’s life, there are many situations, events and patient interactions which touch us, make us reassess our decisions, at times rock us to our core and often go deep beyond human understanding. The following incident is something I often think about, but can do nothing to erase it from my memory…. Life can be hard.

It was the time I was working in the ICU as part of my allied posting.

A 32 year old male patient, known case of advanced squamous cell carcinoma of the buccal musoca with extensive metastasis to multiple organs was brought to the Emergency Department with complaints of hemetemesis (vomiting blood) at home.

In the last 3 years since it was 1st diagnosed, the family had left no stone unturned to find its cure. Having already spent a fortune on past surgeries, chemotherapy medications, radiotherapy, recurrent hospital admissions, etc they were by now financially, physically and emotionally drained out. Finally they had to accept the bitter truth- there was no coming back for him now. The parents had already seen him suffer enough and could not see their only son, a husband to a young woman, a father to a 3 year old bleed to death at home.

“We do not want any aggressive treatment. Please don’t put him on a ventilator, do not give any blood and do not try to pump the heart if something happens. We only got him here as we could not see him die in front of our eyes”, were the clear instructions from his father.

It was late in the night and I had already finished my rounds for all the other patients. After the family had signed the DNI and DNR (Do not Intubate and Do not Resuscitate) consent, the patient was shifted to the ICU with strict instructions of palliative care alone.

As I went through the patient’s files, I stumbled upon his last PET CT report which showed that the tumor had spread close to a major blood vessel in the neck (and hence the possibility of hemetemesis once the vessel wall is breached was already explained to the family).

We doctors can be such big liars at times…I spoke to the patient for 2-3 minutes…told him that things will soon be fine and we will do our best. He nodded in acceptance, but the look in his eyes said it all…he knew death was coming.

After starting him on some intravenous fluids and an analgesic, I went to my doctor’s room to relax. At the back of my mind, I knew that one episode of massive hemetemesis for him and I could soon find myself issuing a Death Certificate (DC)…. something I always hate to fill.

20 minutes later, I got a call from the nurse station. “Dr.Mohit, the patient is vomiting blood again. What do we do?” asked the panic stricken nurse.

“JUST DRAW THE CURTAIN AND WAIT”, I replied……………. CALL ENDED.

5 minutes later, I got a call again. “Dr. Mohit.…woh patient ka asystole ho gaya (flat line on the cardiac monitor. In simple terms, he was gone).” …. and I reluctantly walked to the patient cubicle to clinically confirm and pronounce him dead.

It was the bloodiest site I had seen in my life till now, the thought of which sends chills down my spine even to this day and as I write this. It seemed as if someone had taken out the entire 5 liters of blood from his body and spilled it on the clothes, the bed, the walls and the floor.

I called for his family to deliver the news. As per hospital policy, only 1 relative per patient is allowed to stay and I had no option but to break the news to his wife who immediately broke down.

“Sab clean karwao, body pack karwao aur niche Emergency se DC book mangwao” were my last order to the nurse as I walked out.

Hospital provides pre-election discounts for politicians, Diggy becomes brand ambassador.

Mumbai: In a corporate strategy that has amazed the marketing pundits, a leading corporate hospital has announced massive discounts for politicians on pre-election fitness check up.

Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge Hospital spokesperson Dr. Mohit Garg said, “Similar to the pre-operative fitness by the anesthetist and cardiologist, with the media hype for the upcoming 2014 election, our core committee decided that it would be in the best financial interest of the hospital and also the country if we could provide fitness check up for our aged, retarded politicians at a cheap price.”

Senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh who was roped in as the brand ambassador for his persistent, perennial nonsensical remarks and comments making him the ideal candidate for a check up green flagged the pilot project with his own ophthalmic examination after he complained of seeing most women as ‘tunch maal’.

“There were allegations by a section of the media that I suffer from a disease called Digvijay Singh. People ridiculed me for my statements often saying that they were written by Kapil Sibbal, but when I come out clean after my fitness check up, all will know that my talent is truly God gifted. I will strongly recommend this hospital to party high command and Rahul baba too”, he said.

Senior BJP leader L.K.Advani who was second in que opted for Electromyography-Nerve conduction study and signed up for the sports medicine department membership saying he was still in the race for the 2014 Prime Minister candidature.

With the news spreading fast and Shiv Sena babus too flocking for the discounted fitness check up, our ‘Gupt Samwadata’ Tushar Malwade asked party supremo Uddhav Thackeray on how he planned to settle the hospital bill. “We have saved just about enough money allotted by BMC for filling the potholes on Mumbai Roads,” he replied.

To be or not to be...

Well, now that I’m in the second year of my Residency, I have some tough decisions ahead to make…most important being about career and marriage (read: “settling down” as per Indian mentality).

The reason it is becoming increasingly difficult for me is my belief in life. “Every person has a split personality, one WHAT HE IS and the other, WHAT HE WANTS TO BE”. Most people make peace with their present accepting it as fate, luck or destiny and continue to sulk even if they are not happy while a few other with their never give up attitude choose to fight it out. I belong to the second kind.

There are so many unfulfilled dreams that I have, a list of things to do, adventures to be lived, destinations to be travelled, all of which mean a lot to me and are the fire to my soul, giving me a reason to live, continue to explore and move forward. I personally believe that the day a person is happy and satisfied in life, he is finished. Unfortunately, I could not pursue my aspirations in the last many years that I’ve been studying all along to be a Doctor and have seen myself become a ‘rebel’ with time. Many did initially think me to be crazy or lost as they failed to understand that, “Not all those who wonder are lost”. 

I don’t want to walk the same road that almost 99% do, I don’t want to live in the perimeter of the thoughts defined by society, culture or religion. I want to push the human mind to the unimaginable limits, explore, discover, create, invent…there is so much more to life…I might fail, but at least I can be happy that I tried.

Apart from continuing my passion for writing and making nusic, a few options that I will consider in future (that too, if I pursue clinical medicine) include joining the Navy as a medico on an aircraft carrier, or working as a emergency physician in an Air Ambulance, or joining a cruise liner as a doctor, etc….quite different from the norm of joining a corporate hospital for a routine job or opening up your own clinic which lacks the punch of doing something different.

Second issue is pertaining to marriage. Many of my colleagues from school, junior college or medical school are now married, engaged or at least unofficially committed. My aging grandmother (last of my living grandparents) has her wish to see me married before something happens to her and my parents want an arranged marriage in future, find a girl of their choice ‘packaged with 10 other quality parameters’ that most ‘bania’ families expect. And here again, I’m being revolting, selfish, in hope of finding someone for myself when the time comes….not being sure if I even want to (I wish to work hard, earn and blow it all on travelling the World).

Don’t know how the future will unfold, if I ever will be able to come out of my dreamy unpractical world….only time will tell and I’m hoping for the best.

Yes, a dialogue in a recent Bollywood movie did touch me, “Zindagi mein sabko sab kuch nai milta, kuch na kuch chut hi jata hai” but it wasn’t enough to deter me as this is only one life and “Zindagi naa mile dobara”.

Dear God, thank you for everything…Please keep me close to victory. Amen.

Nothing Else Matters.

Slowly, but surely, I have noticed a change in me…. Don’t know if it was my trip to Singapore and Malaysia (I felt so damn alive), but off lately, I have started to appreciate who I am, what I have accomplished and how far I have come in my quest for peace (Defined as a socially, financially and mentally stable life)…These days I smile a lot, staying positive about life and at my naturally talkative best with people around.

In the past 10 years on this road to be a Doctor, I had become a volatile, unpredictable, depressed soul…Many times it came to me whether I was suffering from a bipolar mood disorder. Staying away from social life, family, being secluded in the world of the hospital life, medical college, books, food and sleeping, did take a toll on me…There was a time I felt completely lost, lonely, alone, angry, frustrated at not being able to lead a relatively normal life (most medicos go through this phase), but I seem to have no sign of that hatred towards life anymore. I guess it’s the satisfaction of being part of a Post Graduate course and knowing at the back of your mind that the future will now be decent enough to lead a good life.

I am now able to give time to my family, travel, watch movies, write, play music, doing everything I wanted my life to be like. I really seem to enjoy the quality of work, respect, power, learning, teaching at KDAH. Also looking forward to the arrival of my juniors in July so that I can start working on my next target –Finish Tintinalli, Harrisons and few other books which will surely make me a better doctor, an all rounder.

Also, the time has come when many of my medical school batch mates, guys included are getting married and I’m being bombarded the same question frequently, “Ab toh tu settle ho gaya hai, kuch problem nai hai, shaadi kab kar raha hai ?” I had always enjoyed my freedom, hassle-free life being single all throughout and wanted to spend my life alone working, traveling, writing and making music,until recently when I read this quote by Jim Carrey, “ I hope everybody could get rich and famous and will have everything they ever dreamed of, so they will know that it is not the answer” which did make me reconsider. As of now and the next 2 years, I want to enjoy myself traveling, exploring, wandering, discovering and being creative.

Few words of wisdom before I finish (you are free to disagree)

1.Work hard, be patient, and most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP…I’m sure there is someone up there watching you.

2. Always smile, no matter what, specially in front of people who don’t like you. It really makes them jealous.

3. Never think too much of your “Friends”, as people will eventually get busy, move on, find new ones and the only people who will remain with you in all the ups and down of life will be your family.

4. Try avoiding “Time pass Relationships” during education years. It really complicates life, plays with your emotions and can screw your future. (I’m ready to be booed now)

5. Don’t give a damn about what others think of you (Are you going to change for them?). Don’t pretend to be who you are not. Don’t let your future drag with the current, instead do what you are best at, what you want to be, choose a branch of your liking, as job satisfaction is really very important in professional life. Initially, you may face the outrage from family and friends, but in the long run, you will be happy.

6……………. Enough of philosophy, remaining boring talks in future posts :p

Thank you for reading, was just bored…. hehe

The Great Indian Tamasha

In the last 6 years that I have been writing, I have always refrained from writing about Indian politics and our great politicians (I am scared of being beaten up by their hired goons). But the recent turn of events like Sarabjeet’s death, Chinese intrusion into Indian Territory, the Delhi rape case with a 5 year old girl, the Coal gate, and the other countless unreported cases everyday made me reconsider my fears and I felt it was time to speak against the current Indian political scenario and their poor administration.

I’ve always had a good understanding and great interest in Indian politics and in my following expressed thoughts, I’ve tried to be impartial, practical. You are free to express your views.

The team work at the center is worth appreciating. The Ex-president Pratibha Patil was a mere filler holding the highest post in the country who did nothing except traveling the world with her family members at the cost of the tax payer’s money. To add fuel to the fire, she pardoned terrorists, murderers and rapists, in the rarest of rare cases awarded death sentence by the Supreme Court and boasted about it before leaving office. The cost of her travel in her last trip was Rs. 214 crores as per a PIL. The current President, Pranab Mukherjee, who was gifted the post in an 'un-biased' election, has also been a mere spectator.

Dr. Manmohan Singh, a great past finance minister of India has failed as the Prime Minister in the 2 terms he has held office. The media is not wrong in calling him weak/mum as he has never lead from the front and has not taken any strong actions against all the happenings in the country. Madam Sonia Gandhi (who was initially hailed as a Goddess for withdrawing her Prime Ministerial Candidature 9 years back, fact was that she is not an Indian citizen and cannot be the Prime Minister) has emerged as the Superwoman who calls the shots.

A lot has been written and shared about the Gandhi family, their true identities with false names, their real NON-education certificates, criminal cases (including the gang rape case against the so called 43 year old Youth Icon, Rahul Gandhi) but I wonder if it will ever make any difference apart from providing stories to share on social networking sites.

Scam after scam, the 2 G spectrum, the Telgi scam, the Common wealth Games scam, the DLF - Vadra deals, the Coal scam, the rising inflation (petrol had almost doubled in cost by the time I finished MBBS), the Nirbhaya rape case, etc are just a few where the congress has been busy washing their hands off all charges. The only action taken by them is to express “sadness, shed crocodile tears, pretend to mourn” or set up committees to investigate and put down their recommendations in the parliament which are then rejected by the same educated politicians, and this vicious cycle continues.

In the last 9 years of this UPA government, they have been like Cancer and Diabetes to the country, eating her from within. All they have to say against the BJP, their only worthy opposition is the Gujarat 2002 riots.(And Nitin Gadkari’s personal scam, which was internally settled among them, to not talk about the Robert Vadra deals too)

Few other characters are involved in the tamasha. Kapil Sibbal, Salman Khurshid and Digvijay Singh (Patrons and protectors of Rahul Baba, who have no clue of what they talk), Arvind Kejriwal, who tried to become Anna, but now likes to only spark a fire and run away or sit on fasts for unrealistic demands, Baba Ramdev, the NCP, TMC, Samajwadi Party, JDU, Shiv Sena, MNS, etc who keep giving their expert comments now and then. (The hot topic of discussion now days is the next Prime Minister of India) Dear News channels, you are also partners in crime to cover and present bull shit in your paid news.

The BJP too has not done anything great in the past few years because of the constant infighting among themselves. (For God’s sake Advaniji, give up your Prime Ministerial aspirations). Only hope I have now for this country is from Narendra Modi as the next Prime Minister who has really done wonders in Gujarat in the past few years.

What will happen in future, only time will tell. But as of now, India, my motherland, is in the clutches of all the wrong people who are busy filling up their own pockets and working for their personal gains. Even though the youth today want to raise a voice, are thinking about making a difference, want to bring about a change, there is very little they can do as “India ka Kuch nai ho sakta- the rich and the famous, especially the politicians, industrialists and film stars, have the power to do anything and ultimately get away. ” The only solution is to have a complete make over of the Indian laws, which is highly unlikely even in the distant future.

About the current scenario, politics remains a bad field. No honest man can survive in it for too long. The arguments and debates in the parliament, the statements to the press are just a cover up to fool the people. After all, “ Hamaam mein sare NANGE hain”.

The Magic Box

In day to day, moments of time

Instances come, not everything’s fine,

Things are lost, not to be found,

We are in search all around.

Go find your Magic Box

Go find your Magic Box.

And the smile is lost, so much in pain,

Efforts and hope go all in vain,

Far away you see the light,

Things you lost shining bright.

You found the Magic Box

You found the Magic Box.

Happiness drives us, so damn true,

Destiny smiles just on you,

Look within soon life will rock,

You’re the key to your Magic Box.

Open your Magic Box

Life is a Magic Box.

Open your Magic Box

Life is a Magic Box.

I wanna grow up once again...

Yesterday turned out to a very eventful day for me…Firstly, I found the most precious treasure of my life, an old cassette with voice recordings of myself, my brother, mom and dad from the period of 1987 to 1989 which included the voice of me crying when I was a new born baby…Secondly, I found my precious remote controlled Mercedes car and surprisingly, even after 12 years of being unused, it was still well maintained (single owner driven) and as fast as it used to be…. Memories which made me emotional.

With the voices still echoing in my sub conscious mind, I went for  a swim…Remembering my brother sing “Papa kehte hain bada naam karega” when he was 6 years old, brought a big smile to my face. I began to wonder that life had changed so much, we had grown up so quickly…both brothers have become doctors (my parents dream fulfilled) and at peace with God and life. I began wondering that over these 26 years of my existence, I had changed my career options so many times. So I thought of penning down those thoughts. The following is the true reflection of a child’s brain as he grew up.

Police officer- I was in my 1st standard and movies with the protagonist as a police officer were a rage then. Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, it was my standard reply. Police officers I thought were the strong, non fearing, honest supermen who always would fix everything till the end.

Actor- Well growing up in Mumbai can take a toll on your career options especially when you randomly meet actors occasionally. I met Govinda, Sanjay Dutt, Amrish Puri to name a few while I was very young and seeing their persona, success, public demand, I started to think I could be one of them too…That was the time when education in the primary school days consisted of worksheets, dramatization, poetry and singing…Never pursued acting seriously though, otherwise I would have had no place to keep the number of trophies…lol.

Astronaut- I was in my 4th standard when we were introduced to Geography as a separate subject. (Environmental Science- EVS till then) I distinctly remember, chapter 1 was about the universe, stars, planets, galaxies, etc. Since childhood, I was always fascinated by astronomy. I loved gazing at the clear night sky looking for moving satellites and ‘tut ta tara – shooting stars’. Whenever we used to go for a vacation at my grandmother’s house, I would prefer to sleep on the terrace gazing at the sky instead of the warmth of the room…it was then that I decided I wanted to be an astronaut. But I soon realized that chances were slim and the cost too high, so idea dropped. (I am still in love with the stars and will buy a high resolution telescope to be placed by the window when I buy my own house.)

Archeologist- Growing up can be fun and it reflects on your mentality…after geography, by 5th standard, it was history which fascinated me. I’m a great fan of Indian architecture and I loved visiting historical places even then. I began to wonder that if I could excavate even a single pot of jewels or find a stock of old hidden cannon balls and sell them, I could live on the money for life…I used to visit forts and keep myself busy looking for undiscovered spots where the gold would be hidden. That was the time I thought archeologists dug up the dinosaur bones too.

Singer- I was always passionate about music and I used to love singing. I don’t think I ever got ready for school without the music while taking bath. All my batch mates in school knew I was always a die-hard fan of Sonu Nigam, and that’s what they started calling me. Any free period and I used to be there, singing. It still remains my dream to launch a music album of my own with all my original songs before I die.

VJ (Video Jockey)- By 6th-7th standard, I was hooked to MTV and channel V…it looked good to see the VJs just talk to people, play the song of their choice, still stay popular…simple job...I thought I could do that too…my communication skills would come in handy and I was talkative too…Then I realized I wasn’t being realistic and idea dropped again…however, 5 years later when I participated in Channel V panga, my aspirations were back temporarily to fulfill a childhood dream.

Sportsman- By the 8th- 9th standard, I had become one of the best TT players in school, a strong center defender for the football team and the meanest leg spinner and the hardest hitter of the cricket ball in the colony. Friends started calling me Viru (for Virendra Sehwag) and I used to open the innings for the colony team, hitting a few quick fire big shots and get out soon. I could spin the cricket ball to almost 2 feet (trust me, I still can). I was also complimented for my strong smashes in TT and friends said they could hardly see the ball. (I know bahut jyada ho gaya :p) I began to wonder if sports was my calling.

Air Force Pilot- As I grew up, I had become crazy enough...eccentric...in my 10th standard, I told my parents that I wanted to be an Air Force pilot…Speed still thrills me (I have driven my car at 170 km/hr on Mumbai Highway) but to my disappointment the reply I got form my mom was, “Mere 2 hi bete hain, jyada hote toh bhej deti”….chapter closed.

Doctor- In spite of scoring 95 plus % in both accounts and math in the 10th board exams, my parents had by now sealed my fate. They wanted both their children to be doctors and I was naive to seriously decide what I wanted to be…Although I worked very hard, getting an unexpected 147 rank in the state merit list for the medical entrance, I found it extremely difficult to adjust in medical school. I was never so studious in med school and did not fare well in the exams. People did make fun of me as I never felt one of them.. but I always knew I would become a better doctor than most…after my dad heart attack and subsequent bypass surgery, I found myself lonely and began blogging and playing music to express myself.

Musician &Writer / Rockstar- Deep down in my heart, I still feel I’m more of a writer, singer, musician and medicine is my side business…playing my guitar, singing originals, with the beats on my synthesizer in the background is nothing less than heavenly for me…I would never stop any of these no matter how old I get.

Well, now I have reached a juncture in life where I cannot change anything. I finally have accepted my destiny and I enjoy my work, and thanks to these extracurricular things, I still feel like a school boy at times…but yes, looking back in time, probably the best thing for me would have been to pursue commerce after 10th and become a charted accountant… but the world needs good doctors too ;-) and probably God wanted me to be here…so no regrets now.

The Future- I will always remain passionate about clinical medicine and I now want to become an extremely good emergency physician & an entrepreneur (www.seekmedicine.com is my 1st step towards my goal)… I want to do something which will make me famous…I don’t know when and how, but definitely it will happen one day…I also want to be involved in charity work…education of under privileged children in near future…I now have only one wish from God – “Please keep me close to victory”.

Doctors create ruckus over food, annual LTMGH CME disrupted.

Mumbai: In a major embarrassment for the entire medical fraternity which highlighted the cheap mentality of most doctors, a group of 5 senior physicians created ruckus at a CME about ‘Fartfree’ - the new drug that treats flatulence held at LTMGH yesterday. They shouted slogans against the organizing LTMGH staff and the pharmaceutical company, Saboo pharmaceuticals over inadequate food quantity and the absence of alcohol in the menu.

It is a well known fact that doctors are the biggest smokers, alcoholics and also that 80% of medicos attend CMEs (Continuing Medical Education) not to gain knowledge but only for the gala food, beverages, deserts and drinks served during the CMEs. A few doctors also prearrange to have a ‘good time’ when they travel to another city for a 2-3 day trip without their wife and children. Many CME attendances depend on how good looking the pharma sales reps are at these events. Deepak Kumar Singh who is a known ladies' man wholeheartedly agrees with this.

Our samwadata Arun Swaminathan spoke to Dr. Faltu Lafdewala, who headed the heated arguments. “We paid Rs.1500 for the registration, many doctors came from far off cities and what we see after the early morning session is that we were made to stand in a queue behind most LTMGH interns and RMOs who did not even attend the CME or pay the registration fees. Most of them, who did not even include good looking women were from the Ortho and Surgery departments, not even having any future connection with ‘Fartfree’. By the time our turn came, the ‘Gulab Jamuns’ were over , we had to fight to get the syrup from the container in which they were stored, there was no alcohol and also only the melted ice cream remained. Is this what we deserve after paying so much?”, he asked angrily. When Arun replied that they should consider themselves lucky to at least have got the Gulab Jamun Sweet Syrup (Chashni) unlike the last CME where interns & RMO finished that off too and delegates did not even get that, he got some dirty looks.

LTMGH dean Dr. Sangam Jholar refused to comment on the issue. He apologized for sending Surgery and Ortho residents as fillers this year and guaranteed the attendance of good looking female residents from Dermatology and Gynecology departments next time. He also promised that band ignition would be invited to perform during the lunch break so that there would be good entertainment and would request Mohit Garg to be busy performing and not eating, depriving poor visiting doctors of their food.

A report has meanwhile been sent to Maharashtra Medical Council which has refused to grant 2 credit points for the CME to the 5 culprit doctors.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge conducts sting operation, Interns under scanner.

Mumbai: In a never before incident and a massive blow to the clean, bookworm reputation of LTMMC, a sting operation conducted by our ‘Gupt Sutra’ Hiranmayee Bagwe on 31st December night at the college hostel has revealed that Interns ‘actually’ partied in the premises on new year eve. It had been observed in the past few years that most Interns lied about going to a 5 star hotel or a discotheque on 31st night, but would spend the new year in the hostel room drinking ‘chai-sutta’ until now.

An average LTMMC intern would previously spend anything between Rs. 4000- 6000 per month on food (at government subsidized mess prices), PG book Xeroxes, Aprons & pens which left them with very little money to blow on girlfriends, birthday or New Year, and life would be difficult with the monthly budget already going for a toss considering the paltry Rs. 2490 they used to get earlier. Our experts have indicated that the sudden increase in stipend to almost Rs. 6500/month and rumors that the rural MO ship bond will be abolished soon had lead to the drastic worry some behavioral change among interns.

Our Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge Samwadata Deepak Kumar spoke to the hostel warden Rohan Naik. “I was very happy with the lively, party atmosphere in the hostel on 31st night. It felt nice to hear some loud Marathi music, see many interns drinking & dancing in their inners in the hostel premises itself, instead of being found riding a bike on the streets of Dharavi and be brought to the hostel by local cops after being thrashed for drunken driving and showing off that they are ‘Doctors from Sion Hospital’. One of the interns even gifted me a bottle of Old Monk as a New Year gift”, he said.

Although the male interns looked happy, good looking female interns were still found to have sad faces for the 4th consecutive golden Jubilee year with no one even asking them to accompany to a disco in spite of being good baits for a free couple entry. There was also no significant increase in condom sales compared to previous years on New Year eve, our epidemiological study with the local chemists has revealed.

2012

Life is a mystery, that interesting unread novel one cannot wait to know what’s next and the best journey one undertakes as it helps to discover and explore the unimaginable potential of the human mind and spirit.

Sitting all alone under the dim lamp light in my hostel room at KDAH, I can’t prevent myself from my retrospection of 2012 and also wait for the feeling to sink in that the year is finally drawing to a close. Never ever have I done this in my 5 years of blogging but I guess 2012 was a special year for me both professionally and personally to write about.

Some of the biggest highlights for me were:-

My Brother’s Wedding: Certainly the best and the biggest family get together and function I have ever seen in many years after being stuck with studies for as long as I can remember. Never had I imagined it would be so much fun, although I was the official driver, watchman (for the cash & jewels) and a babysitter for 8-10 cousins present at the wedding.

Joining the Masters in Emergency Medicine at KDAH: It is by far the best thing to happen in life as it has provided me the professional, social and financial security for the future. All the hard work since childhood has finally paid off with the blessings of my family, teachers and few other well wishers. What makes me proud is to have paid the entire 1^st year fees of a whooping 3.5 lakhs off my entire savings (after deduction of expenses) from the money I earned over the past 15 months, after starting to work exactly a week after completion of 5.5 years of the gruesome MBBS.

Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge: Although is started out of boredom as a Facebook page in 2011, it has strongly built up its reputation and maintained high standards only in 2012 with its awesome news content, cartoons, headlines, conversations and funny tips. My independent one man show there (and I’m proud of it) has given me so many fans, friends, visitors, subscribers, messages, comments and likes that I can finally believe, “I’m not a bad writer after all”. Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge provided me a platform to explore some witty creative thoughts and an opportunity to try a hand at writing satire. Imagination can really run wild.

Writing the title track for Rock On 2: I distinctly remember listening to the original song tune almost a 1000 times before writing one of my best songs till date in January 2012. Sad that the movie got shelved and the song never saw the light of the day. Don’t know if it ever will but it is now my dream to perform and sing that song on stage, whenever hopefully Band Ignition makes a comeback concert at LTMMC in few years to come.

And yes, there were other things too which excited me like the ACLS/BLS workshop, my 1^st independent intubation, central line, learning sonography, 2D Echo, the appreciation, hugs from many patients and their relatives at work. With so many happening things, saving lives, I sometimes feel to be among God’s special people, feeling close to Him and at peace with myself.

Looking forward to my life now, some unfulfilled dreams. I will begin 2013 on a high with a visit to the Siddhivinayak Temple, launching my own ‘dot com’ website in January and then my wandering trip to Jaipur, Agra, Fatehpur Sikri and Delhi. Joined the gym last month and hope to achieve a dream body in 2013, at least be somewhat close to what I looked like in 2^nd MBBS minus 25 kgs of extra weight now. And then celebrate my 26^th birthday in February.

Can’t wait to roar out in the world in 2015, get a decent job, buy my 1^st car (driving remains my first love) which definitely will be a fully loaded black 4X4 SUV, extensively travel abroad, see the world, get all famous, so that with time, I can ultimately achieve my only goal in life- “To leave behind a legacy”. All I want is to be remembered for the person I am, the little things I accomplish, create, the charity work which I will eventually do and leave behind footsteps for many others to follow, spreading joy and my motto in life, “Nothing is Impossible, its I-M-Possible.”

Kasab to be treated by doctor who treated Yash Chopra, urges Pakistan government to intervene.

MUMBAI: Pakistani gunman Ajmal Kasab has been down with fever for the last seven days. Officials at the Arthur Road jail, where he is currently lodged, confirmed his deteriorating health condition and also that he will be now be treated by Dr.Rohan Naik, the doctor who treated Yash Chopra forever.

A team of doctors from the JJ Hospital, who regularly visit the jail to taste the food served to Kasab and also treat other prisoners, have advised the doctors attached to the jail on Kasab's treatment to shift him to a 5 star corporate hospital immediately. Dean of JJ Hospital Dr.Arun Swaminathan said, "Enough of biryani plates, its high time he now gets platelets".

Scared for his own life & paranoid after watching ‘Jab Tak Hai Jaan’, Kasab has written a letter to the Pakistan Embassy in Mumbai, a copy which is available with Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge seeking immediate intervening on diplomatic grounds. In desperate attempt to avoid Dr.Naik’s treatment, Kasab has threatened to expose the links of the ISI & Pakistan Army with the Taliban, Indian Mujahiddin & other terrorist outfits. Pakistan has now complained to the UN alleging India to be testing biological weapons on its captured citizens.

In an exclusive interview with your favorite medical news channel, Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi said, “At least our mosquitoes are fair, secular & democratic and believe in immediate justice. I’m sure the Indian mosquito will get to terrorists sooner than the Indian law. It will be epic if Kasab dies of Dengue. Since the government is so keen on keeping Kasab alive, the mosquito tried its best to kill him. Machhar ke haath bahut lambey hotein hain jaani.”

‘India against Corruption’ President Arvind Kejriwal has pledged support on social networking sites for mosquitoes to at least get Bharat Ratna or Param Veer Chakra for their heroic act and also to be made the national insect. ‘The Brave Indian Mosquito’ Facebook page has gone viral and already crossed more than a 4 million fan likes in last 5 days since we at Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge first broke the news of Kasab testing positive for Dengue. 

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

Never have I been so happy writing a blog post as this one today..Finally realized what tears of happiness are! All the struggle, the hard work, the determination over 25 years has now paid off after joining the Masters in Emergency Medicine, 3 year Post Graduate program at Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital.

I still distinctly remember the EMS at Sion Hospital…It was during my 2^nd year medicine posting that I developed a liking towards emergency medical care. With my Registrars, Dr.Tushar Malwade (a consultant nephrologist in Canada now) & Dr.Prashant Udgire (a consultant cardiologist in Aurangabad now) to encourage me, those 2 months of medicine posting were a life changer. Of all the 19 subjects in clinical medicine, the only thing that fascinated me was working in the ED. Call it fate or destiny, with too many personal (familial) turmoil after turmoil, seeing the quality of care, the poor patients in a government hospital, I had developed a hatred towards being a clinician. Never did I ever want to go back to a government setup even for a Post Graduate Program. It was the time when I was too overconfident of my entrepreneur, marketing & organizational skills that I started thinking of opting for an MBA instead. I’m glad that that I never ran after the high paying job opportunities in the marketing division of pharmaceutical companies and opted for jobs in the emergency department, 1^st at Asian Heart Institute and then at KDAH itself. I guess better sense has prevailed in me now to stick to clinical medicine. (wink)

For the 1st time, I don’t have words to describe what I feel…just in love with the study, lectures, the library, the power point presentations, staying in the awesome air conditioned accommodation and the hectic work schedule. Attended a class on 2D echo of the heart yesterday, looking forward to the lecture on Sonography in the ED tomorrow and my lecture on child abuse on the 23^rd…I guess I’m once again in love with life, feeling it is not dragging anymore and I have something to look up to. It doesn't matter that I paid my entire 1.5 year savings as the fees with the kind and quality of education I will receive over the next 3 years, in the great ambience of the hospital, so close to home in Mumbai itself.

Thank you God, Nanaji (I miss you a lot and I know you are guiding me from somewhere up there in heaven), my entire family, mom dad, bhai and my lovely bhabhi (the newest member in our family) for being so supportive all throughout. Love you all a lot.

Its time I put in everything I got…work with confidence, motivation, determination, dedication and devotion learning & mastering all procedures over the next 3 years to save lives & make a difference. Will sure make everybody proud. Steve Job (my idol), you rightly said, "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish".

NGO 'Being Doctor' launched, experts called in to help sobbing balding medical undergraduates.

On eve of the launch of the Faking News: Doctor's Lounge NGO 'Being Doctor', our Faking News gupt samwadata Arun Swaminathan caught up with the world famous trichiologist Dr. Billu Ustarawala and following are bites from the interview.

“To the readers of Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge. I’m highly honored to connect to you all. This interview is dedicated to all my lovely hair which once sat on the anterior one third of my scalp but have now deserted me, the reason of which I’m not able to understand. Apoptosis is defined as a planned cell death…..but why did my hair cells have to go through this deadly process , I’m not able to answer till today. Before giving up on life ,my hair used to be so happy being combed , liking the birds shit that would fall on them occasionally, stretching exercises when I would have a fight with my friends, etc ….with such lovely silky long hair then , even I used to think that I looked like the king of Bollywood SHAH RUKH KHAN ,from BAZIGAR….what a nice hair he had when he removed his helmet and shook his head to sprinkle all his sweat on the cameraman…..I miss those hairy days”, said Dr. Ustarawala with a sad smile.

1) Sir, was it too much studying that made you bald, or was it the tension of passing ?
In my MBBS under graduation days, the hair roots on my scalp were unable to bear the pressure from inside by my ever expanding brain (thanks to me trying to fill it with all medical knowledge that I should have gained in 4.5 years in the final 1.5 years only).The brain then acted as a space occupying lesion for my scalp and my poor hair had no choice but to give way.

2) Sir, is it true that you did not have a girlfriend, so you got bald?
May be, yes…The testosterone that should have been used in some other things at that point of age accumulated due to me not being able to get time off studying and took out its toxic effect on my lovely hair……At least its giving me the perfect look of male patterned baldness…cheers. I have still not managed to find myself the perfect girl who would give my hair the extra nutrients and proteins required by passing her hands through my hair.Where are you DREAMGIRL ? So if any of you fans interested, kindly feel free to contact me…lol.

Also, my hair no more got the fertilizer of GELS that I used to apply in my childhood, thanks to spike hairstyle (remember Dil Chahta Hai ?) getting famous all over then.

3) Sir, did your friends encourage you to lose hair too?
Hmm….Off lately ,I’ve been scratching my head a lot thinking where I’m going to land in future…..my engineering friends at 21 started to earn 50K a month and I was nowhere close to earning even half of it till I'm 28….Gosh. Also I am a Virendra Sehwag fan ,played cricket somewhat like him with them…..laga toh laga nahi toh gaya…..so my hair wanted to imitate his famous hairstyle then…..taklu. I think there was divine intervention too….. My friends used to call me SABU (the bald heavyweight friend of Chacha Chaudhary) , so may be God worked on me to give a similar look…

4) Sir, did you never try taking treatment or consider self hair transplant ?
I did try all sorts of creams ,oils , gels, minoxidil, etc but nothing convinced my hair to stay where they were……They continued to commit suicide at a rate faster than the strikes of pilots in Kingfisher Airlines , and then I had no choice but to approach the ELVIS OF INDIA….HIMESH RESHAMMIYA, the singer with an extra ordinary talent of barking with his nose and ask him which company branded cap made his hair grow so long…sadly he did not let the secret out. Through this interview I appeal to your readers, if anyone of you already know the secret ,then I’m waiting to hear from you…I will transplant your hair absolutely free to give you back the pre MBBS look.

5) Sir, any suggestions for our readers ?
Hmm...don't study too much to pressurize your brain...you can always pass 'gracefully' by copying and bluffing on the answer sheet ...like I did...girls can just dress in pink, put a little makeup and just smile during vivas...they will pass...so boys, please take care of your hair, girls are difficult to find after passing MBBS...if you can't save them, do turn up at my clinic anytime...and yes, we are giving away free coupons to 5 lucky winners who like and share my interview the maximum...Just keep reading and sharing Faking News: Doctor's Lounge...it really is a blessing to the boring geeky Indian Healthcare industry.

Acute gastroenteritis banned from Oylpmics after Sushil loses gold.

Baprola, New Delhi- In a shocking revelation after being holed up in the washroom for 48 hours, 2 time Indian Olympic medalist Sushil Kumar Shinde has revealed that he suffered from 6 episodes of loose motions before the final fight and was completely dehydrated when he went in.

“Sir, I was suffering from pain in abdomen ever since that hot chick in red took away all the limelight from me in the official walk of the Indian Contingent 17 days back. Today my condition worsened. While in the washroom, they kept calling my name for the bout (The fight rounds are called bout). I didn’t care what it was all about.” said a dejected Sushil in a post fight interview with our Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge samwadata Arun Swaminathan.

Apparently, a concerned Baba Ramdev ended his fast abruptly to attend to the ailing Sushil to personally teach him Kapalbhanti and bring back all the black money from London's Buckingham Palace.

A local Pandit, Ravi Shastri who had performed a Hawan at Sushil’s house before his London departure said, “ While Sushil was holding the Japanese wrestler Tatsuhiro Yonemitsu in the doggie position from behind, I saw a transparent gas fume up from the opponents rear. I think it was some biological weapon or a conspiracy of the Japanese to prevent India from getting a Gold medal.”

A committee has now been setup to investigate the matter. Meanwhile Sushil’s blood and stool samples have been sent to LTMGH for a battery of tests. It has now been unanimously decided by all nations to ban Acute Gastroenteritis from participating in the Olympics hence forth.

“I wish I could give a Dhobi Pachad to that girl in red”, concluded Sushil.