To be or not to be...

Well, now that I’m in the second year of my Residency, I have some tough decisions ahead to make…most important being about career and marriage (read: “settling down” as per Indian mentality).

The reason it is becoming increasingly difficult for me is my belief in life. “Every person has a split personality, one WHAT HE IS and the other, WHAT HE WANTS TO BE”. Most people make peace with their present accepting it as fate, luck or destiny and continue to sulk even if they are not happy while a few other with their never give up attitude choose to fight it out. I belong to the second kind.

There are so many unfulfilled dreams that I have, a list of things to do, adventures to be lived, destinations to be travelled, all of which mean a lot to me and are the fire to my soul, giving me a reason to live, continue to explore and move forward. I personally believe that the day a person is happy and satisfied in life, he is finished. Unfortunately, I could not pursue my aspirations in the last many years that I’ve been studying all along to be a Doctor and have seen myself become a ‘rebel’ with time. Many did initially think me to be crazy or lost as they failed to understand that, “Not all those who wonder are lost”. 

I don’t want to walk the same road that almost 99% do, I don’t want to live in the perimeter of the thoughts defined by society, culture or religion. I want to push the human mind to the unimaginable limits, explore, discover, create, invent…there is so much more to life…I might fail, but at least I can be happy that I tried.

Apart from continuing my passion for writing and making nusic, a few options that I will consider in future (that too, if I pursue clinical medicine) include joining the Navy as a medico on an aircraft carrier, or working as a emergency physician in an Air Ambulance, or joining a cruise liner as a doctor, etc….quite different from the norm of joining a corporate hospital for a routine job or opening up your own clinic which lacks the punch of doing something different.

Second issue is pertaining to marriage. Many of my colleagues from school, junior college or medical school are now married, engaged or at least unofficially committed. My aging grandmother (last of my living grandparents) has her wish to see me married before something happens to her and my parents want an arranged marriage in future, find a girl of their choice ‘packaged with 10 other quality parameters’ that most ‘bania’ families expect. And here again, I’m being revolting, selfish, in hope of finding someone for myself when the time comes….not being sure if I even want to (I wish to work hard, earn and blow it all on travelling the World).

Don’t know how the future will unfold, if I ever will be able to come out of my dreamy unpractical world….only time will tell and I’m hoping for the best.

Yes, a dialogue in a recent Bollywood movie did touch me, “Zindagi mein sabko sab kuch nai milta, kuch na kuch chut hi jata hai” but it wasn’t enough to deter me as this is only one life and “Zindagi naa mile dobara”.

Dear God, thank you for everything…Please keep me close to victory. Amen.