Patient seeks 3rd opinion, doctor sends him for a 4th.

Mumbai: In an incident that has sent shockwaves through the healthcare industry and set new precedents in today’s evolving AI age, a doctor reportedly sent back a patient who had already consulted Gemini and ChatGPT, advising him to first discuss his symptoms with his relatives and neighbours.

It is a well-known fact that medicine is increasingly becoming a team sport in India, with many qualified people available in every Indian family and housing society. It is becoming common for patients to first present their AI-generated differentials, Google prescriptions, screenshots and family WhatsApp polls in the OPD, before actually describing their symptoms as part of the history-taking process. Patients are increasingly not looking for a diagnosis anymore, but simply professional validation and confirmation by the doctor.

In an exclusive interview with Quackdoses, Dr. Kabhi Mat’bann™ said, “The patient walked in with a laptop, a tablet with a stylus, printouts of journal articles and all his digital reports. I initially thought he was a medical representative and waited for the usual pen or gift on the table. Then he started telling me what Gemini and ChatGPT had diagnosed. I told him to first consult his neighbour, gym trainer, pharmacist cousin, morning-walk uncle and that other uncle who sends medical advice on WhatsApp. After all, why should I be the first doctor to disagree with everyone?”

Unconfirmed sources claimed that the doctor also advised the patient to conduct a final family consultation on a WhatsApp video call before coming back to the consulting room, so that everyone could agree on the diagnosis before treatment was initiated.

10-year-old denied pizza in hospital, calls Tukaram Mundhe.

Mumbai: In an incident which has touched millions of hearts, a 10-year-old child admitted at Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital reportedly called the Tukaram Mundhe-led FDA to complain about unhygienic conditions in the hospital kitchen after being denied pizza and French fries by the dietician. The child, who had apparently been served green leafy boiled vegetables and something described by the hospital as a “nutritionally balanced meal”, reportedly told FDA officials that he had tolerated multiple pricks, injections, blood tests and even bitter medicines, but the ‘lauki’ soup was “a step too far”.

It is a well-known fact that patients rarely enjoy food customised for them by dieticians. The food is healthy, balanced, low in salt, low in fat, low in sugar and unfortunately also low in everything that patients actually want to eat. Patients often do not recognise what they are eating and become convinced that the food is responsible for their constipation, paralytic ileus and abdominal bloating during their hospital stay. Tauntingly, the patient loses weight, while the relative gains weight eating delicious food from the hospital canteen of their own choice.

In an exclusive interview with The Quackdoses, his treating gastroenterologist Dr. Wecash Pan-dey said, “We are happy that the child’s condition is stable and he is recovering well. FDA investigators have found that the child had made the complaint from inside the hospital, using his mother’s phone, after being informed that his next meal would contain ‘Paalak’ and ‘Karela’. Negotiations are still ongoing between the child and the dieticians. Our dieticians have agreed to reconsider his meal plan, while the child has agreed to withdraw his complaint on one condition — pizza to be added to the discharge diet.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the child is expected to make a full recovery, although Dr. Pan-dey remains cautiously optimistic about the possibility that the child will ever forgive the dietician.