Friday, July 26, 2019

'Bad' words for good health, Because Science said so!


Mumbai: Days after researchers in UK concluded that Swearing increases pain tolerance by one third, doctors in India have now claimed that giving bad words in Indian lingo reduces hypertension, elevates mood and helps combat depression.

A double blinded ‘early morning’ clinical trial was conducted on the harassed ‘potential’ passengers of Autowalas & Taxiwalas in Delhi, Mumbai and Bangaluru. It was found that the ‘guinea pigs’ using disrespectful words for the near & dear female relatives of the auto & taxi drivers on hearing ‘nai jayega’ had higher happiness quotient & less likelihood of death from heart attack or stroke. The study also revealed that Delhi fared better than the other 2 metro cities owing to the spectrum of bad words which Delhites can create.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Shaitan Khopdi, a famous US based neurologist said, “The F-word inspired Indian vocabulary is actually a type of coping mechanism that can make you feel stronger when used in moderation. Tossingaround a few Hindi swear words actually activates the “fight or flight” response in our brains. Virat Kolhi is the world’s best batsman, not because of his batting skills but because of his ability to channelize the same MC-BC energy from his tongue into his game.”

Mumbaikars have however rubbished the study claiming that a drunken Sanjay Dutt and a sober Jackie Shroff were alone enough to topple Delhi’s crown of being the ‘gali’ capital of India.

Monday, July 15, 2019

Resignation is merely a stunt, 'Prince of Goof-Ups' will soon be back as RG 2.0



New Delhi – Ending speculations on his next course of action since his much deserved resignation from the post of Party President, it has now emerged that Rahul Gandhi will be back soon after undergoing treatment for his ‘disability’ to win elections, through biomedical engineering.

Our 'gupt sutra' within the Congress party has claimed that Rahul after watching Captain America-The First Avenger with his nephew and niece recently came up with the idea of undergoing the ‘Super Soldier’ treatment which involves injection of special serum and doses of ‘Vita-Rays’. He will soon be flying to New York to meet Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Pappu said, “The Congress party will always remain family controlled. My temporary successor will be expected to perform the same role that Manmohan Singh did as Prime Minister leading the UPA government. I will be back soon as RG 2.0 after upgrading my IQ software and lubricating my hardware. Laluji’s son Tej Pratap Yadav suffered permanent side effects after undergoing an imperfect version of the said procedure, but we are more technologically advanced now.”

The Congress Working Committee (CWC) has meanwhile decided to not give him the experience letter and not refund the security deposit as Rahul did not give the mandatory one month notice before resigning.