Sunday, December 1, 2019

Pamela Anderson writes to BCCI, urges to promote veganism in CMEs.

Vegetarian Tandoori Chicken in CMEs soon ?
Mumbai: A day after writing a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi urging him to serve only vegan food at all government meetings and functions, Pamela Anderson wrote another letter to the Board for Control of CMEs in India (BCCI) for urging doctors to eat only vegan food at all medical CMEs.

It is a well known fact that doctors at CMEs are extremely fond of tandoori chicken and medical experts have often considered it a symbol of bravery, intelligence and good health. In her letter, Anderson pointed out that the raising of animals for dairy items, meat, and eggs to serve at the CMEs accounted for 2 % of all human-induced greenhouse gas emissions.

Quackdoses interviewed Dr. Arun Swaminathan, the BCCI president and world famous authority on eating, about his views on the news. In between finger licking while eating and lots of loud burps and a few stinky farts, he spoke to our special reporter, who was dressed in bio protective suit for personal safety and fresh air. "Tandoori chicken is a symbol of the skills and identity of the medical profession having benefits at all concentrations - at low concentrations, it makes food tasty; at medium concentration, it makes the belly fat; and at high concentrations, it clears out the gut completely (diarrhea). It is hypocrisy of Pamela, a former playmate, who herself enjoyed the pleasures of the small pieces of meat, but discourages Indian doctors from it in the name of climate change,” said Swaminathan.

It is yet to be known if the BCCI or PM Modi will officially respond to Anderson’s letter. Unconfirmed sources have claimed that BCCI had been considering declaring tandoori chicken the official bird of medical CMEs and was contemplating changing its own logo to a chicken holding a stethoscope, steps which have been put on hold temporarily.

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

IMA comes out in support of Rahul, accuses Modi govt of vendetta.


New Delhi – Days after Rahul Gandhi's former aide Pankaj Shankar criticized the Congress leader that he was still under political "internship" despite having joined politics 15 years ago, the Indian Medicos Association (IMA) has come out in support of the failed leader.

Expressing sympathy and solidarity with Rahul’s political journey, the IMA issued a press release today stating: An Indian doctor’s educational journey is also like Rahul’s internship which doesn’t seem to come to an end. His contribution in politics is similar to that of a medical intern’s contribution in patient care. Only doctors can understand his pain as they too spend almost 15 years doing MBBS – internship - rural MO ship - post graduation - super specialization – bond - year drops for exam preparation, etc before actually starting practice, hence Rahul should not be criticized.

Within hours of the IMA’s press release, the BJP took a potshot at the Congress as the party's IT cell head Arun Awaminathan tweeted: "India is a leading centre for meditation with a rich heritage. We will order an inquiry whether similar to doctor’s vacations, Rahul Gandhi’s frequent ‘meditational visit’ to 'Bangcock' and other odd destinations abroad were also sponsored by pharmaceutical companies." The IMA claimed it to be vendetta politics.

Misinterpreting IMA’s solidarity, a faction of Gandhi’s loyalists demanded that, “When Amit Shah’s son Jay Shah, who would have never held a ball except his own, can be the BCCI secretary, IMA should consider making Rahul its next President.”

Monday, November 4, 2019

Intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates. – Study


Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispecialty Hospital, it was found that intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates compared to those getting weaned off the ventilator.

Though it is not rare to find relatives continuously ventilating their patient with an AMBU bag in government hospital ICUs (due to the lack of ventilators), report of patients in India ventilating themselves have startled doctors across the world.

The team of doctors involved in the study also claimed that when done well, the technique is quite anticlimactic, as patients simply continue to breathe, maintaining their own airway and saturation, for as long as needed, thereby greatly reducing the risk for aspiration, which makes the process safer in many circumstances.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Valmik, a leading anesthesiologist said, “Asking patients to ventilate themselves avoids repeated ABGs, reduces electricity bill of the ventilator and the patient never stops pumping the AMBU owing to the fear of dying. It is similar to prescribing a bottle full of laxative to a patient suffering from cough, as a remedy. He will be too scared to cough! The disadvantage is that the patient’s have to be taught to give 1 breath every 5-6 seconds, which takes time, and even when done well, photographs of such patients become viral on social media making the intern/houseman, a butt of all jokes.”

Taking cue from the revolutionary study, WHO has decided to include “Screaming Patient? Intubate to protect airway…” as its health slogan’ 2020.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Major blow for Kejriwal after insurance company rejects mediclaim.


New Delhi: In another major setback for the Delhi chief minister Arvind Kejriwal, the Supreme Court today upheld the rejection of mediclaim by an insurance company for treatment of his chronic cough. He is already facing the heat as a RTI filed by the BJP has revealed that Kejriwal and his ministers spent more than Rs. 50 lakhs on medical treatment in the last 4 years at top private hospitals, while cheating common man to seek treatment in ‘Mohalla clinics’.

As per the insurance policy documents, a copy of which is available with QuackDoses, Kejriwal had claimed Rs. 10 Lakh cash back for the treatment of his ‘trademark’ chronic cough which exacerbated during press conferences and dharnas, before he used Anna Hazare’s movement for his own political gains.

The insurance company had refuted the claim on grounds that a muffler and sweater were not a recommended medical treatment modality and that Dr. Kumar Vishwas was not a real doctor. Kejriwal challenged the insurance company’s decision before the National Consumer Disputes Redressal Forum which passed an order against him, and he subsequently moved the apex court.

“The documentary material indicates that there was a clear failure on the part of the Kejriwal to disclose that he suffered from Munchausen syndrome, a factitious mental disorder in which a person repeatedly and deliberately acts as if he or she has a physical illness when he or she is not really sick. The ground for rejection was in terms of the exclusions contained in the policy,” the top court said.

In a press conference to media persons after the verdict, Kejriwal said, “Main bahut chota admi hun, meri koi aukat nai hai. Inn insaurance company walon k piche Congress-BJP netaon ki milibhagat hai. Yeh log chahte hain ki mera allergic bronchitis pneumonia mein badal jaye aur main khatiya pakad lun. Ek baar agle saal Dilli mein phir hamari sarkar aane do, inn insurance company walon ko hum expose karke jail bhijwa denge.”

Unconfirmed reports also claimed that a pharmaceutical company who had signed Kejriwal as brand ambassador for their cough syrup might sue him for breach of contract, for not publicly coughing enough in the last 4 years as promised in the deal.

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Patients who self diagnose from Google search will be prescribed medicine after Google search.

Dr. Google - The world's most famous Quack?
Mumbai: In a decision which could further disrupt healthcare in the country, the Medical Council of India (MCI) has issued an official notification today directing all polyclinic and hospital’s entrance to publicly display – “When you can pay for extra butter and sambhar in a restaurant, patients with doubts from Google will also be charged extra.” The historic decision has been taken following complaints from doctors that most consultations have become annoying due to the patient's self diagnosis off the internet.

Over the last few years, the number of ‘net savvy’ patients suffering from minor symptoms with 100 % mortality presenting to the clinic has increased. Also, many panicked patients are visiting the emergency department during silent hours after ‘googling’ their vague symptoms and finding out that they are suffering from Stage 4 Cancer or AIDS, and have only 2 weeks to live. Such patients usually exaggerate their symptoms and are convinced that their situation is much worse than it actually is.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Fees-de, a famous Mumbai based GP, said, “In today's times, patients usually visit doctors to lighten their wallet only after the ‘gharelu nuskhe’ have failed,  and not before openly & loudly updating their concerned relative on phone, “Saala doctor bahut paise charge karta hai”. Earlier patients would come to us with their lab and radiology reports. But now, patients come to us with a pile of print-outs from the online research they’ve done or a list of possible reasons for their ailments, and after making their own amateur medical opinion. The moment a patient says, ‘I read somewhere’, we know he/she has already consulted ‘Dr. Google’ and such patients will be charged double consultation fees."

Many patients have voiced their opinion on social media claiming that it is wrong for doctors to think that they know everything and that patient’s can’t know anything useful. 

The notification further states that patients who diagnose themselves after searching on google will be prescribed medicine by the doctor after searching on google.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

The ‘Untold’ truth about Medical CMEs.



Disclaimer – The following article ‘may’ be a work of fiction and is meant purely for sarcasm and humor, reader discretion is advised. 

1. The major motive of CMEs is not to impart updated knowledge / information but to increase in-patient (for admission) referral by attending GPs.

2. Most doctors attend CMEs only for the CME points and unlimited buffet food.

3. Confirmed attendance of the doctors can be doubled or may be tripled if free & unlimited alcohol is on the menu.

4. Those presenting posters and presentations at such CMEs do it only to show off photographs on Facebook and Instagram. Group photos are uploaded on LinkedIn as publicity stunt and marketing gimmick by hospitals & companies.

5. Many doctors attend CMEs to utilize their conference leaves, turn the trip into a vacation (if it is in another city) and also to claim travel allowance from their hospitals/medical colleges.

6. The registration fee of most paid delegates is usually sponsored by a pharmaceutical company, and so is the entire CME.

7. The most dressed person in the entire auditorium is the girl who brings the bouquet/memento to be handed over to the speakers / dignitaries.

8. Most of the slides in everyone’s presentation are from Google search, or inspired from Slideshare.

9. The same presentation already shown by someone will be shown again after few years by the same person.

10. There will always be 1 person in the audience who will click photograph of every slide, and will never see them ever again.

11. There will be few ‘ectopics / question banks’ in the audience who ask irrelevant question during presentations to gain unnecessary attention of other people.

12. A major chunk of the audience is filled up with medical students, interns and residents who are forced to attend for filling up the empty seats in the conference hall.

13. Residents and Interns staying in hostels start preparing for the CME by ‘fasting and starving’ 3 days in advance.

14. The caterers at the CME have to make extra arrangements for ‘Non vegetarian’ dishes, Paneer pieces and sweet dishes.

15. The boredom of the medical students & interns reaches its peak once the data presentation, sensitivity, specificity, and all the other biostatistics ‘bouncers’ appear on screen.

16. A proxy attendance by resident doctors (for their fellow colleagues) of the hospital hosting the CME is also a common practice, after all who will refuse a free certificate and some CME points.

17. Many interns/residents are under the misconception that by mentioning ‘Attended ‘XYZ’ Conclave/CME’ in their resume/CV, helps their chances of securing a job.

18. Also present in the crowd are few ‘cross specialization’ doctors who are short of CME points for their registration renewal, eg. Dermatogist attending a gynecology conclave.

19. Except the first 3-4 rows, most members of the audience will be found continuously on their smart phones and regularly checking Facebook and Whatsapp, ‘WAITING’ for their patient/staff to call.

20. People drop their business cards in such CMEs in expectation of getting some benefit out of it, which is a myth only.

21. The left over / blank CME certificates are never wasted and can be given to friends in desperate need of points.

22. The string of the delegate entry ID card for the CME is also never thrown away and is always recycled for household purposes.

23. No CME is complete without the mandatory return gift of ‘Letter pad, pen and folder’. A real icing on the cake is a participation certificate.

24. It may be a good tactic to serve lunch before the CME, only flipside being the increased somnolescence due to Post lunch hyperglycemia.

25. CMEs are an excellent cure for insomnia, which is fine as long as the person sleeping does not snore loudly.

Monday, September 23, 2019

News anchor suffers from spontaneous rectal tear, stable after issuing apology.



Mumbai: A day after calling Aditya Thackrey “the Rahul Gandhi of Shiv Sena”, it has been reported that news anchor Anjana Om Kashyap suffered from a spontaneous rectal tear when the editor of the show pointed out that her statements had been aired live on television. She was immediately rushed to the Quackdoses multi specialty hospital where she underwent an emergency surgery and is currently said to be in a stable condition.

Kashyap, a failed medical aspirant herself, had earlier too faced flak in June for entering the ICU at a government hospital in Muzaffarpur and shouting at doctors attending to the sick children suffering from AES (Acute Encephalitis Syndrome), demanding to take their byte. No sooner she entered the ICU with a camera and mic, her journalism went on ventilator and could not be resuscitated.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, her operating surgeon on conditions on anonymity said, “Anjana suffered a grade 4 rectal tear. It is a common condition seen in journalists and is thought to be a long term side effect of cheap publicity by talking shit for excreting TRPs. The disease usually manifests itself and becomes symptomatic when they end up putting their foot in the mouth by speaking against powerful politicians or celebrities. The Shiv Sena workers had threatened to barge into the hospital and turn off her epidural infusion after which she issued an apology on twitter.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that impressed by her idea, Rahul Gandhi is contemplating deflecting to Shiv Sena from the Congress to start afresh as a youth icon and make “Rahul Gandhi of Shiv Sena” a reality before the upcoming Maharashtra elections.

Saturday, September 7, 2019

Medicine is no longer lucrative, my prophecy from 2005.



Just happened to find the following scribbled on a piece of paper, and realized it was my impromptu debate competition speech during SLICE at LTMMC’ 2005. 

Remember the time when you were small and sick. The next moment you see a doctor holding a big syringe ready to pull your undies down and give you the hell like feeling. Was that a good feeling? No my friends….not for me at least.

History repeats itself and here I am today going through the same time. Surely I am going to heaven when I die because I am already going through hell.

On this note, respected judges, teachers and my dear friends, I am Mohit Garg and I am going to speak on Medicine is no longer lucrative.

Medicine, the so called golden field is now turning black - Blackened by the privatization of colleges, by the commercialization of this profession, the rural MO ship issues and the flourishing quack business. Along with this, you get a garnish of the risks of occupational hazards. 1 drop of semen can give you a life, and 1 drop of patient’s blood can ruin your life.

Patients have now become customers for the doctors. Medicine now remains only for the rich. See your non doctor friends, moving ahead in life, getting married, enjoying a good family life; and by the time they have a Mercedes, we will be looking for loans to buy a motorcycle.

I advise you to kindly spread this message, those who want to experience life of a mama, come to a medical college. You’ll all turn out to be a ‘speksy, taklu, frustrated, depressed, sex starved and a patient in the psychiatry OPD yourself. By the time you finish medical school, even your girlfriend will look like a maid.

I would like to end this by a great saying, Medicine is like a public toilet, people inside wanting to get out and people outside rushing to get in. For those pursuing it, Medicine will be like a spider which gets entangled in its own web.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Your child’s mental health is more important than their grades.



3 Idiots is one of the best Bollywood movies ever and I’m sure most Indians would have watched it at least once. The story of Farhan and Virus’ dead son depicted in the movie is a household reality in India. It also highlighted the fact that Mental health is a neglected issue in the country. It is a shame that mental issues are still considered a taboo and people don’t seek early help.

My work in the Accident & Emergency department, apart from managing common medical and surgical emergencies also involves attending to a lot of patients with undiagnosed anxiety and depression, many of whom are teenagers. I have seen teenagers and young adults, depressed and suicidal due to parental pressure, who end up receiving Electro convulsive therapy (ECT) or Ketamine therapy when oral medications have failed.

The number of suicides among teenagers due to anxiety and depression is on the rise in India and it hurts me to read news of teenagers giving up on their lives every other day.

So what can be a neglected cause? In India, it is common for parents to pressurize their children to opt for certain streams such as engineering or medical without taking into consideration their interests and aptitude. From there, the burden of living up to the parents’ expectations begins and the child begins to forget his own personality and gets lost.

Over a period of time, it gets difficult for children to handle the stress suddenly thrown at them. These expectations become a mental stress for the child to cope up with, leading to anxiety, depression and unhappiness. Teenagers then feel isolated, thinking that nobody understands them, which can in most cases draw them completely away from their family and friends.

The solution - ‘communication’. Parents need to watch for signs of stress in their kids and make an effort to talk to the child, their friends and also to teachers at school to know the cause. It is high time people realize that mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is talking about it.

Following is a poem to spread awareness about thoughts which might be going in the mind of such a teenager coping with parental pressure. 

Kho gaya hun main kahin,
Kitab ke kisi panne mein,
Bhul gaya hun apna wajood,
Ek acha beta banne mein.

Unke sapne poore karne mein,
Jalte angaron pe chalta hun,
Jeene ki chah thi meri,
Ghut ghut ke roz marta hun.

Sochta hun chale jaun kahin,
Jahan sirf mere sapne hon,
Na ho koi ummed ka bojh,
Tanha rahun, aur na koi apna ho.

Ho sakta hai ek din unhe,
Unki galti ka ehsaas ho jaye,
Par jiss din khulegi unki ankh,
Shayad khud ko hi khatam kar lun.

Kal se Daaru Band Hai...


Following is a song I had written for a famous Bollywood music director, unfortunately the movie got shelved.

Madhoshi mein kho gaya yaaron,
Zindagi ke rang mein,
Khafa na ho oo meri jaanu,
Tu jo itni tang hai...

Kal se daaru band hai...
Kal se daaru band hai....

Tu jo mere sang hai,
Angaron pe ang hai,
Teri jo pasand hai,
Chodunga par jung hai...

Kal se daaru band hai...
Kal se daaru band hai....

Yaaron se keh dunga main,
Ab party khatam hai,
Chakna bottle le jayenge,
Tu jo itna dang hai...

Kal se daaru band hai...
Kal se daaru band hai....

Peele de na oo meri baby,
Dost mein chand hain,
Tere liye main jiyunga kal se,
Adat ab yeh bhang hai...

Kal se daaru band hai...
Kal se daaru band hai....

Thursday, August 29, 2019

After fake Pastors and Prophets, fortune-tellers to soon treat patients.


New Delhi
 – Taking cue from fake Christian pastors treating patients with equally poor acting skills, the government plans to start OPDs on similar lines where astrologers, palmists and vastu experts will ‘diagnose’ and treat patients. Horoscopes and kundalis will be the mainstays of such facilities that would apparently dispense medical advice to the sick and the vulnerable.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Health Minister Harsh Vardhan said, “Already the educated Indians are looking at muhurats to undergo planned surgeries these days. In such proposed OPDs, the team of experts will study the planetary combinations at the exact time the questions are asked, to arrive at the right astrological diagnosis & treatment. The bridge course and astrologers are coming now, the tantriks will soon follow”.

Expressing shock at the government’s proposal, the Indian Doctor’s Association released a press statement claiming that such initiatives were nothing but promotion of the RSS agenda. The association also expressed fear that we were not far away from a day when ‘gau mutra’ will be sprinkled on patients before they are wheeled into the operation theater.

Meanwhile, the Academy of Motion Pictures has announced that this year’s Oscar nominations for best actor will only go to such Pastors and their patients, and the award ceremony will begin by observing a 2 minute silence for Indian Healthcare.

P.S – “Whosoever after reading this post does not press the like button, be ready to face the consequences. Feel the vibration of my power and then talk to me. Praise Quackdoses, Hallelujah”- Jesus.

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Dhinchak Pooja beats ototoxic medications and Otitis Media to become number 1 risk factor for hearing loss.


Mumbai: In a jaw dropping study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital, it was found that Dhinchak Pooja songs have become the number 1 risk factor for hearing loss in the world. In less than 4 years since the release of her 1st song ‘Swag wali Topi’ in 2016, her songs have caused impaired hearing in more than 10 million people across the globe.

Experts have claimed that noise from her songs causes inflammation of the ear drum leading to build up of fluid or pus behind it, which blocks the transmission of sound causing a conducting hearing loss. It has been suggested that her songs can also directly cause damage to the inner ear or the auditory nerve.

Speaking at the UNESCO headquarters in France yesterday, Prime Minister Modi has assured that though it will be touch for India to stop her all alone, his government is trying hard to stop her release any songs in future. He also threatened to wipe Pakistan out by sending Dhinchak Pooja with a mic and speaker at the Indo-Pak border if Pakistan threatens India with nuclear weapons over the ongoing Kashmir dispute.

Unconfirmed reports have claimed that the CBI is using 3rd degree torture on P Chitambaram, currently in custody in connection with INX Media money laundering case, by making him listen to Dhinchak Pooja songs on full blast in a closed room.

She, however, declined to comment on the study results and scared away our reporter with live performance of her latest ‘Nach ke Pagal’ song.

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Pawar undergoes surgery, hidden gold reserves found.



Mumbai: In a shocking revelation that has stirred the political scenario & has left the medical fraternity aghast, doctors who recently operated on Sharad Pawar for a tongue-and-throat surgery revealed that the Nationalist Corrupt Party (NCP) Supremo has a skeleton made of gold. The former Union minister, who people claim is the 2nd richest and the most corrupt person on Earth after Sonia Gandhi, was flown in to Mumbai from Delhi via an air ambulance.

Doctors who conducted a full check-up and had unfortunately ruled out anything serious were curious about the increased bone density on the serial X-Rays and decided to operate as soon as possible. The hospital authorities refused to divulge further details regarding his health condition. There is no clarity on whether the senior leader’s hidden gold is 24 carat or less.

“He was brought to Mumbai because he was previously treated here. The mal-practicing hospital in Delhi was forcing him to undergo surgery there and allowed him to leave only after signing the Discharge Against Medical Advice (DAMA) form. He will be medically fit to loot India again in a few weeks’ time. If Sheikhs in Dubai can have cars made of gold & platinum, what’s wrong in having a custom made skeleton made of the same metal?,” said NCP leader Ajit Pawar, who visited the 78-year-old politician at the QuackDoses Multi-specialty Hospital.

Earlier too, Pawar's surgery had made headlines in 2014 when he suffered from a hip fracture after slipping and falling on the pavement outside his house during a routine evening walk. He subsequently accused the BJP workers of peeing outside his home to make the sidewalk slippery, and the harassment still continuing with BJP poaching on senior NCP leaders by misusing government agencies like Income Tax & Enforcement Directorate to make them defect, ahead of the assembly elections due later this year.

This was the fourth surgery of the veteran politician. He has earlier been operated on for his oral cancer, a fractured hip and another being the famous Sardar slap, a quick-minor procedure which made his smile from :-/ to :-l .

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Bridge course off, Doctors cite loopholes in NMC bill.



New Delhi: Already facing flak and protests against the recently approved NMC bill, it has now come to light that the government has made provisions in the bill empowering politicians to write chapter in modern allopathic and veterinary medicine books.

Taking note of the increasing interest of his peer groups in medical sciences and animal husbandry, PM Modi called for a meeting today with all Cow Ministers to admire the medicinal properties of cow milk and urine.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Modi said, “I agree with the vision of our learned ministers that cows are the only animal which can exhale oxygen and massaging them can cure breathing problems. The government will install cow sheds in close proximity to hospitals as it can cure tuberculosis. Water from Garud Ganga will also be distributed to pregnant women in wards to avoid unnecessary cesarean deliveries. Also, Rs. 100 crore will also be allocated to look for the legendary Sanjivani Booti.”

When our ‘gupt sutra’ Deepak Kumar enquired about any updates on contraception, PM’s close aide and home minister Amit Shah suggested that the best way to curb India’s population growth is to provide electricity to Indian villages so that couples spend their time watching TV till late in the night instead of procreating (when there is no electricity, there is nothing else to do but produce babies), a claim rubbished by medical experts.

Meanwhile, ousted Karnataka Chief Minister Kumaraswamy has claimed that he was indirectly the 1st victim of the NMC bill as ‘horse trading’ of Congress - JD(S) MLAs into BJP and ‘crosspathy’ were almost the same.

NOTE- Friends, instead of the provision for a ‘bridge course’ (decision of which has been left on the state governments) a new section 32 has been added to the NMC bill, where community health providers (any person CONNECTED WITH a modern scientific medical professional) like compounders, lab technicians, blood sample collectors, etc., could get a ‘limited licensed to practice modern medicine’ without the supervision of a qualified doctor. It truly is nothing but a blatant promotion of ‘Quackery’, endangering life of the common man.

Friday, July 26, 2019

'Bad' words for good health, Because Science said so!


Mumbai: Days after researchers in UK concluded that Swearing increases pain tolerance by one third, doctors in India have now claimed that giving bad words in Indian lingo reduces hypertension, elevates mood and helps combat depression.

A double blinded ‘early morning’ clinical trial was conducted on the harassed ‘potential’ passengers of Autowalas & Taxiwalas in Delhi, Mumbai and Bangaluru. It was found that the ‘guinea pigs’ using disrespectful words for the near & dear female relatives of the auto & taxi drivers on hearing ‘nai jayega’ had higher happiness quotient & less likelihood of death from heart attack or stroke. The study also revealed that Delhi fared better than the other 2 metro cities owing to the spectrum of bad words which Delhites can create.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Shaitan Khopdi, a famous US based neurologist said, “The F-word inspired Indian vocabulary is actually a type of coping mechanism that can make you feel stronger when used in moderation. Tossingaround a few Hindi swear words actually activates the “fight or flight” response in our brains. Virat Kolhi is the world’s best batsman, not because of his batting skills but because of his ability to channelize the same MC-BC energy from his tongue into his game.”

Mumbaikars have however rubbished the study claiming that a drunken Sanjay Dutt and a sober Jackie Shroff were alone enough to topple Delhi’s crown of being the ‘gali’ capital of India.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

The Last Wish



It has been more than 9 years now that I have been working in an Accident & Emergency (A&E) Department of a hospital.

Time and again I see instances where an equally old husband/wife comes all alone with their old ailing spouse, a patient who requires an ICU admission, a quick decision to be put on a ventilator, get thrombolysed, or to be immediately taken to Cath Lab/ OT. On further inquiry, the picture becomes clear that their children are well settled abroad, leaving the old couple back home to take care of themselves, only sending them money for their existence.

Many times I have myself spoken on phone to the son/daughter of the patient, staying thousands of miles away, briefing them of their parent’s condition and receiving the same reply, “Please go ahead do your best, whatever it takes. Don’t worry about the cost of the treatment & the investigations.” Seldom have I heard anyone say, “Doctor, you proceed, we will be there soon.” It really hurts me to the core…. maybe I’m an emotional fool, narrow minded, but at the end of the day I feel that the only people who can leave everything (for want of money/better quality of life) behind and never look back at their own parents, are those who are selfish and self centered.

With the following few lines, I have only tried to bring out the pain, the feeling and the thought process of such patients lying on the bed, right before my eyes in my A&E.

I’m weak now, cannot even walk
You became all busy, with no time to talk
Education gave you wings, I showed you the way
Our life is difficult now, all alone we stay
Please come back…

The money you sent, occasional phone calls you made
Never really made us happy, wish together we stayed
Not playing with grand kids, not meeting your wife
What wrong we did to deserve such life?
Please come back…

I fight to breathe now, with pain in my chest
Remembering old times, our life, I did my best
Your old man might die soon, do you really bother?
After I’m gone, I beg you, look after your mother
Please come back…

These tubes and pipes over me really make me think
Wish I could see you all, only once, and not even blink
In my dying moments, my last wish, by my bedside you stand
Child, please come back, one last time, to hold my hand
Child, please come back, one last time, to hold my hand.

Monday, July 15, 2019

Resignation is merely a stunt, 'Prince of Goof-Ups' will soon be back as RG 2.0



New Delhi – Ending speculations on his next course of action since his much deserved resignation from the post of Party President, it has now emerged that Rahul Gandhi will be back soon after undergoing treatment for his ‘disability’ to win elections, through biomedical engineering.

Our 'gupt sutra' within the Congress party has claimed that Rahul after watching Captain America-The First Avenger with his nephew and niece recently came up with the idea of undergoing the ‘Super Soldier’ treatment which involves injection of special serum and doses of ‘Vita-Rays’. He will soon be flying to New York to meet Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Pappu said, “The Congress party will always remain family controlled. My temporary successor will be expected to perform the same role that Manmohan Singh did as Prime Minister leading the UPA government. I will be back soon as RG 2.0 after upgrading my IQ software and lubricating my hardware. Laluji’s son Tej Pratap Yadav suffered permanent side effects after undergoing an imperfect version of the said procedure, but we are more technologically advanced now.”

The Congress Working Committee (CWC) has meanwhile decided to not give him the experience letter and not refund the security deposit as Rahul did not give the mandatory one month notice before resigning.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Save the Savior !!


Yes we are nerds…we are geeks…we are those hard working, selfless doctors who have sacrificed a lot and gone through hell to be one. For as long as I remember, we are those who have burnt the midnight oil all through childhood, teenage years and early adulthood…been hardworking toppers, disciplined, brilliant winners throughout.

Right from getting into medical college after cracking the entrance exams (in 1,2 or 3 attempts), we give our best so that we can live up to the dreams and hopes in our parents’ eyes. Slogging hard, going through innumerable exams, vivas and more exams, we have no social life at all except restaurants and theaters near the medical college. We miss out on our family lives, cousin’s marriages, family functions, new year celebrations, festivals like Diwali, Navratri because we are always busy studying for the mid term, ward exams, prelims or the university exams.

Unlike engineering and commerce courses requiring 2 months of studies just before half yearly and final exams, for us time literally comes to a standstill for approximately 6-7 years studying 365 days a year during M.B.B.S to become a doctor. The medical college becomes our home, our playground and fellow students our family. Even after completion of M.B.B.S, we stand no where in the current scenario. The days of a General Practitioner are over.. Then we start preparing for a second rat race and we go back to what we are best at…Sitting and studying for post graduation....having the most boring, frustrating, sedentary life one can imagine. By the time we get our graduation degrees, most of our contemporary friends are already done with their Masters. And then there is the 'Rural Moship' where you are supposed to waste 1 more year in some village or tribal area just because we chose to be a ' Life saving Doctor' or pay an impossible amount of money to the Government.

Sitting and studying for 1-2 years preparing for post graduation, not necessarily getting into the branch of your choice and compromising in life, and then living life like a dog for 3 years during post graduation is so saddening. And then we start our lives when our school and college friends are well settled living their lives happily after marriage with their children. And when we do come out of the long dormant period, all we realize is the true meaning of life…it is not in money, fame…but in small little things of everyday life, being with family…. Yes, we doctors do get rich eventually but at the age when we cannot enjoy their own money, because the time we should have been 'alive', we were stuck in our books.

Looking at the images of the medical interns in Kolkatta, CT scan images showing depressed skull fractures, sight of a doctor on a ventilator after being attacked by more than 200 goons after the death of a 85 year old patient rocks me to the core. What kind of a savage society are we really living in ?

Though I'm a very passionate emergency physician with complete dedication to my work and my patients, with the way things are (and only getting worse), I'm inclined to wonder if it is really worth all the grind ? Should hard working youngsters be discouraged to even look at medicine as a career option in India...for people who think being a doctor is cool, noble, respectable and would want to be one…. think again, the politics, the laws in this country will never change...it is not worth risking YOUR OWN LIFE.

#Savethedoctor

Monday, May 27, 2019

Rx: Urgent remedy for Indian Healthcare Education.


The tragic suicide by a young Gynecology resident at a premier government institute in Mumbai has brought focus on harsh truths of the medical post graduate education system.

Deans and the Head of Departments of EVERY medical college in the country would be lying if they claimed that there was no workplace harassment and exploitation of young resident doctors in their respective medical colleges, and that they were not aware of the same. The truth is that seniors with designation of power are mere mute spectators. Also, the so called ‘Anti Ragging Committee’ exists only on paper and many committee members are themselves part of the team involved in ragging of the juniors in hostels at night.

‘Hierarchical’ exploitation of juniors is the NORM in medical colleges (different from workplace politics in the corporate setup) unless you have a familial ‘jack’ or contacts with the seniors. Threats of not getting enough ‘cutting’ in surgical fields during the 3 year tenure, threats of making sure the doctor doesn’t clear the PG exam, getting ridiculed in front of patients and their relatives, exploited to do personal work of their seniors, not allowed time to even bathe/eat or get adequate sleep for days, working almost 100 hours a week, etc is part and parcel of a post graduate resident doctor’s life, especially in the 1st year of their training – a bitter sad reality of this fraternity which not many will refute.

Apart from things mentioned above, I have personally been privy to few instances during my internship which left an ever lasting impact on me, making me vow to never come back to the government setup. An Ortho 1st year houseman was so sleep deprived and tired that he fell asleep on a stretcher less than a feet away from a patient’s vomitus, while another resident doctor was so frustrated with work that he showed up drunk in the ward wearing only his underwear and loudly cursing his seniors – to be then taken to the EMS and asked to take rest and a much deserved sleep.

But the big question is why hasn’t anyone publicly spoken about it? Why no steps have been taken to curb this menace and malpractice that plagues medical education? Is it creating better doctors or improving senior-junior relationship? What about the mental health of the residents and its long term psychological effects? Till when will the authorities turn a blind eye to such things? What are we really waiting for – another Dr. Payal Tadvi?

It is high time the medical fraternity, state universities and the government address these issues, introspect on this existing system of exploitation and harassment, and take stringent steps to curb this menace. Resident doctors should make support groups among themselves, should gather courage to come out openly and complain against any atrocities by their immediate senior residents, professors, head of units or even head of departments. At the same time, refrain from filling up the same shoes as their seniors once they become senior themselves – just because they had themselves gone through such an ordeal. Such social reform will not happen overnight but will slowly and surely be instrumental to bring about the change.

The American Heart Association rightfully calls the doctors – ‘The wounded healers’ due to the effects of psychological, emotional, physical and mental stress of years of clinical practice, I’m sure the Indian medical post graduate education system does not want is create – ‘wounded and scarred’ doctors of tomorrow right out of residency program.

I would like to end by a quote, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Doctors - The Wounded Healers



Scenario: A young 27 year old male was brought by an auto driver to the Accident & Emergency Department with a history of road traffic accident. His body was completely mutilated with multiple broken bones, visible deformities, head injury and a ‘fountain’ of red blood from his right femoral artery due to a puncture wound. Though he was gasping while being shifted from the autorickshaw to the stretcher, his breathing stopped completely by the time he was wheeled in to the resuscitation bed. In spite of an immediate intubation and all our resuscitative efforts, he succumbed to his injuries.

My hands trembled as I looked through the contacts on his phone to search for ‘home, ma / mom, papa / dad, bhai, baby / sweetheart / wifey, etc’. I slowly gathered courage to call on ‘dada’ (which mostly means elder brother) as I did not want to make the 1st call to his mother, father or the wife.

I was at complete loss of words when he picked up the phone…what should I tell him? The images running through my mind was of how my own elder brother would react if he received such a call.

“Main Hospital k Emergency Department se Doctor Mohit bol raha hun, aap please jaldi hospital aa jaiye.”

“Doctor kya hua ? Yeh mere bhai ka number hai, usne kyun call nai kiya?”, he asked.

“Main jyada kuch nai bata sakta phone pe, aap aa jaiye aur kisi family member ko bhi sath le aiyega”, I replied.

“Theek hai, main abhi office mein hun, thodi der mein Papa k sath pahuchta hun.”

The scenes which followed cannot be expressed in. The reaction of the brother, the father, all the tears, the disbelief, the trauma, the shock…the mother fainted on arrival and later with tears rolling down her eyes, she asked me was, “Doctor, usne kuch bola kya marne se pehle? Woh kitni der tak zinda tha? Saasein chal rahi thi kya uski?” – probably she wanted to hear if he left any message or final words, and I couldn’t answer to her (there are tears in my eyes, as I think of that mayhem again to pen down these words) .

After a month, the father and the brother came to get life insurance forms filled. I found out that he was recently married 3 months back. On the day of his accident, his mother was just discharged after an angiography (with report of few coronary blockages which could be medically treated) and he had just brought her home from the hospital after discharge and left with a friend to buy some sweets in view of the normal reports. The brakes of a dumper had failed on Jogeshwari Vikhroli Link Road (JVLR) and the truck driver rammed into 7 vehicles…and the body of the pillion rider was ripped into pieces on the spot of the accident.

                                                                    ********

The life of a doctor is complicated, and gets even worse when he/she is working in the stressful environment of an Accident & Emergency department (A&E). An emergency physician has to be a JACK OF ALL, AND A MASTER OF ALL as it cannot be predicted what will come in through the entrance door – an accident victim, a patients with a heart attack, a stroke, a seizure, a patient fighting to take a breath, a geriatric, a pediatric, a pregnant patients apart from the regular emergencies across all specializations.

What makes this branch different is the amount of emotions, expectations, always, dealing with blood and death on a routine basis, with no margin for error. Seconds and minutes can make all the difference between life and death.

Doctors working in the A&E and ICUs have to be 2 faced, hide their humane emotional side when dealing with a critical patient and delivering bad news, while simultaneously thinking with a straight head about the best modality of treatment. The worst part of this job across the world would definitely be dealing with young deaths. It will be a lie if I say I have never seen doctors break down and cry after declaring a patient dead.

Like most of the doctors working in the A&E across the world, I too have had the MISFORTUNE of giving bad news to a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a wife and friends about the death of their loved one – at young age of 21, 24,27,29, 31, 37,42, etc.

And just while all this is going on, YOUR DOCTOR in the Emergency pulls himself back together and gets ready to tackle another challenge – The Next Patient.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Patient suffering from COPD refuses medications, demands Doctor's 'nebulization'.



Mumbai: In a surprising incident which has sent shock waves among the medical community, a 60 year old patient admitted in the ICU of a local hospital with an acute exacerbation of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) refused his daily dose of bronchodilators and demanded the same ‘nebulization’ that his admitting consultant was on, with an increased frequency than his current dosing.

It is a well known fact that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. ‘Nebulization’ is a secret code for smoking in the medical language, and patients deciphering the same has now made doctors worried. Expecting similar backlash from more patients of COPD, Medical Council of India has already issued directives to doctors to come up with new terminology, or else face 1 more year of rural MO ship after post graduation.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, patient Bevda Charsi (name changed) said, “My doctor is so shameless and insensitive that in front of COPD patients like me, he ‘teasingly’ tells his junior that he is taking a ‘nebulization’ break, whereas we all know that he is really going out for a ‘sutta’. He counsels us that ‘coffin’ is the result of smoking too much, but does not practice what he preaches. When will the medical fraternity understand that nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking, and that smoking has benefits like family planning because it can cause erectile dysfunction?”

“I had also thought about giving up smoking in the past, but decided not to – I’m not a quitter”, Charsi added.

Meanwhile, a virtual war has already started on social media among professionals with many claiming that not only in smoking, some doctors can even beat an Engineer in a drinking competition.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Unhappy with acting skills, MCI to open medical acting college soon.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge Exclusive

Mumbai: Unhappy with the quality and acting skills of doctors in movies and television soaps, Medical Council of India (MCI) is on the lookout of people to train budding actors as doctors for maintaining the dignity and good quality of care we provide.

Viewers have often complained that doctors declaring a ‘fertile’ female pregnant just because she has early morning vomiting or by just checking her pulse looks more unreal than the facelifts actors get by imaginary plastic surgeons on TV soaps. MCI also has been under tremendous pressure from the Ultrasound Society of India as USG machines have complained that they are not being used in diagnostic purposes on television and they miss being inserted transvaginally. They also alleged that MCI was a corrupt body and its president Dr.Ketan Desai had pocketed crores by allowing promotion of Urine Pregnancy Test (UPT) strips and not supporting their cause.

MCI has apparently approached film director Subhash Ghai (who has recently been in the news for encroaching 20 acres of government land) to vacate the Whistling Woods Film School as quickly as possible so it can start a Dada Kondke Medical acting college soon. Curriculum will include lectures on dressing sense with dirty aprons, make up with bald head and thick spectacles, demanding 30 % doctor's cut, dirty handwriting, diagnostic tests and others.

The next time you hear a doctor actor say, "Main aapke pati ko nai bacha paya" or the famous standard dialogue, "Inhe ab dava ki nai, dua ki zarurat hai", it is bound to bring tears to you eyes.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Intern goes on rampage after getting scolded, empty bladder becomes the root cause.



Mumbai: In a surprising incident at LTMGH, an angry, frustrated, sex starved intern Deepak Kumar blasted the gynecology houseman after receiving a earful himself from the radiologist for shifting a pregnant patient with lower abdominal pain to Ultrasonography (to rule out ectopic pregnancy) with an empty urinary bladder.

Our sources confirmed that the hard working ace phlebotomist Dr.Deepak struggled hard to arrange the USG after 1st having to drag the patient on a wheelchair himself to the radiology department (due to the perennial running away of the lazy ward boys, a.k.a MAMAS at night time) only to find the USG door locked which angered him even more. He then had to leave the moaning patient and run to the Resident quarters to call the sleepy radiologist on call. (He wished she had let him inside instead of talking through the window sensing risk from the well known Casanova.)

Our ‘Gupt Sutra’, the intern on duty in Surgery Department (identity withheld) reported that Deepak was apparently scolded harshly by the radiologist with the discovery of the patient’s empty urinary bladder and was asked to return only when patient felt like peeing. He was then seen storming out of the USG room to baby cry & complain to the gynecology registrar.

In an exclusive interview to Quackdoses, Deepak explained,“I was really working hard in the gynecology department as it is a specialty of my liking. Unlike others, never did I once complain about having to put a Foley’s catheter before the many caesarian sections in the day. I punctually got the dabbas (Tiffin boxes), Xeroxes, cakes and other items which my registrars & associate professor asked me to pick up. Angered by the incident, I warned the registrar that I would stop being their pet if such incidents happen again after which she too joined me in my fight against corruption.”

Angry interns were seen shouting slogans early next morning against patients for not filling their urinary bladders before coming for USG & refused to resume work till the culprit patient, the radiologist & the houseman (who did not give appropriate instructions) apologized to the Rockstar intern.

An enquiry has now been ordered by the hospital Dean Sangam to look into the bladder…the matter.

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Grand junior breaks locker, Interns to mislead.


Mumbai: In a jaw dropping never before seen incident at LTMMC yesterday, a grand junior Pranshul Kamdar broke the locker of an intern (identity withheld), 5 years his senior, on finding that the intern had 2 lockers in the reading room (RR) while he himself had to everyday piggy back all his fat 1st year books including the useless Cunningham. 

In times when the grand juniors are usually seen quietly slipping down the staircase due to the fear of being caught by the seniors for ‘introduction’, have lunch in the distant ‘khopcha’ (corner) of the canteen, Kamdar’s courageous act to break the locker and argue with the angry intern has made him an instant hero in college.  While his He-Man act has managed to catch the eyes of most females in LTMMC, 1st year batch mates are already hailing him as a future General Secretary of the Student Council. Kamdar has meanwhile been elected as the class representative to be the face of the batch for getting ragged & to take attendance every day after lectures for the next 4.5 years. 

“The only reason I joined LTMMC was because the prospectus clearly states that unlike other medical schools, we would be provided with a full cadaver to cut individually, there are facilities of a gymkhana, basketball court, a locker allotted to your name and good looking female seniors, otherwise I was getting AIIMS MBBS through all India PMT. While all other things turned out to be fake like the news article on Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge which angered me, I decided I will at least by the 1st year itself be a proud owner of a marble locker in the RR which I’m officially entitled to”, said Kamdar. 

Angered by the incident, all mama interns have now unanimously decided to boycott the grand juniors and misguide them regarding books and study methods to survive in the MBBS jungle for 5.5 years. They have also threatened to not attend the Intern’s social (an event hosted by the grand juniors for the outgoing interns in LTMMC) till the culprit Kamdar does not return back the locker, with a ‘replaced same to same lock’ or offers a bottle of Old Monk to the victim intern.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Medical College k woh din...


Jab exam mein invigilator strict ho, copy karne na mile toh dukh hota hai,
Par Roll Number ke hisab se middle row ki 1st bench aa jaye toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab exam mein tum aur tumhara best friend fail ho jayen toh dukh hota hai,
Par tum latak jao aur tumse copy karke woh dost pass ho jaye toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab barish mein naye leather shoes bheeg jayen toh dukh hota hai,
Par hostel mein jab 3-4 din tak underwear na sukhen toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab medical ki padhai ke chakkar mein tum salon tak ghumne na ja pao toh dukh hota hai,
Par jab non medical dost Facebook par foreign trip ki photo dalen toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab internship mein Registrar aur Houseman tumse khana-xerox mangwayen toh dukh hota hai,
Par jab kamine unn Xerox ya khane ka paisa na den toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab batch ki sabse hot ladki tumhe bhav na de toh dukh hota hai,
Par tumhare best friend ki woh girlfriend ban jaye toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab pata chale ki batch ki sabhi achi ladkiyan booked hain toh dukh hota hai,
Par jab Junior batch mein achi ladkiyan aa jayen aur tum ghur na pao toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab girlfriend se breakup ho jaye toh tute dil ko dukh hota hai,
Par jab who Ex-Girlfriend jald hi naya boyfriend pakadle toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Jab socho ki zindagi ke 9-10 saal padhai mein, saade jeevan mein laga diye toh dukh hota hai,
Par jab unn medical college ke dinon ko yaad kar aakhon se aasun tapke toh jyada dukh hota hai.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Veterinary physicians who study pharmacology can soon practice allopathy in india.


Mumbai: In a proposal which could further cripple the healthcare sector, already facing the heat due to the moronic government policies, the Health Department has said that veterinary physicians with Bachelor's degree in Veterinary Science (B.V.Sc.) could soon be allowed to prescribe and practice modern allopathic medicine.

With the government’s failure to attract adequate number of students to join MBBS due to the rural bond, 2 crore surety for super-specialization courses, putting a cap on consultation and surgery charges, allowing cross pathy, attack on doctors, etc, this move could sound the death knell for modern medicine in India.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Prime Minister Modi said, “It is not possible legally to allow animal doctors to practice human medicine which they have not studied. Similar to allowances currently given to AYUSH doctors in 13 states, animal doctors wishing to practice allopathy will also have to study human pharmacology. It will be a full course of one year and they will be allowed to practice only after they clear the examination. We wanted to make sure that parents tricking children by scaring them of the ‘ghode wala injection’ at the doctor’s clinic would be a reality before 2019.”

This move has, however, faced stiff objection and opposition from the Indian Medical council (IMA), which fears it could “make way for more quackery”.

“Although there is no denying the fact that humans have started behaving like animals again, allowing integrated practice of human and animal medicine will result in increased number of medical negligence cases. It is unfortunate that our views have not been considered,” a senior IMA member said.

This move is likely to give legal sanction to some 75,000 vets enabling them to practice allopathy.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Indian 'Saas Bahu' serials making viewers retarded, Doctors perplexed.



Mumbai: In a study which has perplexed neurologists and radiologists across the world, it has been found that Indian ‘Saas Bahu’ TV serial viewers suffered from early cerebral atrophy than those who did not watch, and that they are hazardous to the human brain.

In a double blinded randomized control study on the idiotic and irritating Indian TV serial viewers over 10 years, it has been found that the serials have added 0 % intellectual growth in its viewers, with shows defying all logic and have made many sane viewers go retard over time. With serials which seem to have no end but are more like ‘Draupadi ka cheer’ instead, the study concluded that India is fast slipping into becoming the greatest nation in the world when it comes to dumbness.

From Sasural Simar Ka to Saath Nibhana Saathiya to Balika Vadhu, the rotten Indian TV soap industry has now made a reputation of pretty much having the same core theme - a good for nothing husband and a powerful/cruel mother and their innocent Daughter in law; daughter in law facing all kinds of cruel treatments from the family; unbelievable number of kidnappings / injuries /divorces, etc; and the family's favorite time pass being organization of functions every next episode with dance performances without any reason. Unconfirmed reports have claimed that even the actors of these serials laugh after watching the brainless sequences.

The Indian Neurology Society has called for a ban on these serials with legal proceedings against their directors for fooling and making people dumb. The ruling BJP government has meanwhile supported the study and claimed that Congress President Rahul Gandhi’s low IQ was also due to these serials, with mother Sonia rubbishing the claim and stating that ‘he’ was just an untimely accident.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Acute Stroke - A Race Against Time.


Did you know that every 3.3 minutes someone dies of stroke, or that stroke is the third leading cause of death and adult disability worldwide!

In India, 1 person suffers from stroke every minute.

The word Stroke (Paralysis or lakva) is derived from the word ‘Strike’ – an analogue to the sudden, severe attack with which it affects the patient and changes their mortality and morbidity completely, if not treated in time.

It is caused by the interruption of the blood supply to the brain, usually because a blood vessel bursts (hemorrhagic) or is blocked by a clot (Ischaemic). This cuts off the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the brain, causing damage to the brain tissue.

Treatment of Acute Ischaemic stroke and its outcome is time dependant. Rapid injection of recombinant tissue-type plasminogen activator (r-tPA – a thrombolytic / clot dissolving injection) in blood is the early treatment. It should be administered within 3 hours of onset of above mentioned symptoms. International guidelines recommend a ‘door-to-needle time’ of 60 minutes or less (the time from entry of patient in emergency to administration of drug).

Lack of knowledge about stroke among the general public delays the initiation of immediate management of stroke. Delay in arrival of patient to the hospital, delayed consent by relatives for thrombolysis and unavailability of emergency ambulance services (especially in rural India) are the major reasons of treatment delay. The proportion of stroke patients reaching hospital within 3 hours in India is only 15%. Less than 20% of the general physicians are aware that r-tPA should be administered within the first 3 to 4.5 hours of stroke onset.

Dr. L H Hiranandani hospital is an advanced stroke centre equipped to provide cutting edge care for stroke management - 24/7. Our team of trained emergency physicians, neurologists & neurosurgeons, critical care specialist, radiologists, rehabilitation specialists, nurses and technicians are committed to providing the best treatment for stroke management, and we value every passing second and minute. The hospital is also equipped with a 24 hour MRI facility and a NABL accredited laboratory. With committed team efforts and by carrying out the thromboysis in the radiology department itself, we have been able to bring down the door to needle time to less than 35 minutes in most patients with Acute Ischaemic stroke.

Unfortunately, over the last 3 months (since October’ 17), more than 15 patients have presented to our Accident & Emergency Department beyond the 3 hour guideline from symptom onset, a missed brain and life saving treatment.

Stroke is a life-changing event that affects not only the person who may be disabled, but their family and caregivers. This year, stroke will affect 4 out of 5 families in India - don't let yours be one of them.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

On crossroads between Life and Death.


Did you know that Heart Attacks and Paralytic Strokes have beginnings, which can best be treated within a “Golden Hour”?

An Emergency Can Strike Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime - an undeniable universal truth where few minutes can mean the difference between life and death, and the only thing standing between it is timely medical care. Most people do not plan for a medical emergency, although everyone will have one at one time or another.

The first hour of definitive medical care is called the “golden hour”. It is usually this first hour where the patient’s medical fate is sealed and is very important in situations such as trauma, heart attack or stroke, where time is heart or time is brain. In general, the faster the medical care is rendered, the better is the patient’s chances of survival and ultimate ability to function.

The Accident & Emergency (A&E) department is the “shop window” and insight mirror for a hospital. It is the part of the hospital most closely in contact with the public as it offers the most informal access. Today, modern emergency departments not only are capable of providing round-the-clock lifesaving care in individual emergencies and disasters, they also conduct timely diagnostic workups and serve as the “safety net of the safety net” for millions of patients. Also it is surrounded by so much drama, tragedy, and media interest.

The A&E at Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital is an 8 bedded state of the art facility dealing with a wide spectrum of patients with acute emergencies for initial evaluation, resuscitation, treatment, investigation, stabilization, monitoring and disposition. The dedicated team of trained emergency physicians, nurses and other health professionals provide an extraordinary level of knowledge, skill and compassion to the full spectrum of patients we serve at the Hospital.

Most patients will be sick enough to know when they are in the golden hour and most of them will miss it when it is gone. When seconds and minutes count, count on us!

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Protect the hands that Heal...Honor your Doctor.


Disclaimer: A work of fiction or based on true events, I will leave it for the reader to decide.

Scenario – A 70 plus elderly gentleman is brought to the Accident & Emergency Department of a hospital in an unconscious, unresponsive state with no recordable pulse, blood pressure and spontaneous respiration, by an auto rickshaw driver.

No identity of the patient known, No past medical and surgical history available, no mobile phone available (to contact family), no wallet or identity card with the patient.

History - Patient was driving somewhere (alone), felt uncomfortable, stopped his car by the roadside to ask for help, collapsed on stepping out of the car, 3-4 by standers rushed to help, an auto rickshaw driver stopped and volunteered to take the patient to the hospital, none of the bystanders accompanied the patient, patient is drowsy in the auto but manages to tell auto driver to rush patient to the emergency department, becomes unresponsive en route to hospital.

Once the patient reaches the emergency department, the entire team of doctors and nurses sprung into action and all life saving measures were initiated. CPR is started immediately, all life saving drugs were given as per ACLS protocol, patients was intubated, but no ROSC (return of spontaneous circulation) was achieved even after 30 minutes of intense efforts. Code was called off and patient was declared dead on arrival.

A pouch is later found in the patient’s belongings with a pass books and few thousand rupees which he probably would have withdrawn from a bank. On the passbook is a landline number through which the doctor is able to contact his old wife (after multiple attempts of getting in touch), takes the number of his son who was in office from her, calls him too and asks them both to rush to the emergency department. No update regarding the patient’s condition is given to the family members on the phone.

Medico-legal case formalities were initiated and since the cause of death was not known, the police was informed.

Anything wrong or atypical in this scenario? I’m sure many doctors would have come across such events at some point in their career.

Shockers (after the family was told of the turn of events and that the patient was dead):

1) The doctor is questioned by the son that why does he have to pay the bill if the patient was declared ‘dead on arrival’ and if the hospital was not issuing the death certificate.

2) The doctor is threatened by the son, “What if I refuse to pay the bill?”

3) The auto rickshaw driver is questioned that the patient’s phone was missing.

My questions to the readers and the society in general:

1. Why is there so much mistrust against the medical fraternity? Why can’t people think that doctors and nurses try to do their best to save someone’s life, they too are humans, and have emotions, and that it takes much more than courage to see life and death everyday!!

2. Should the doctors and the nurses not even try saving an unaccompanied patient’s life brought to the emergency and directly taken a flat line ECG instead?

3. Why should a hospital write off the entire bill of an affording patient for providing life or limb saving emergency services, when the treatment was initiated without caring for the patient’s ability to pay or not and there was no deficiency of services?

4. Would the son have reacted the same way and questioned the efforts put by the medical team, had the father miraculously survived and managed to reach the ICU even with a guarded prognosis?

5. If educated & English speaking people can indirectly threaten the doctor of putting false allegations that the body of the deceased is forcefully being kept by the hospital for non-payment of dues, what can the medical fraternity expect from the lower socioeconomic people?

6. If an uneducated auto rickshaw driver can offer to help (without caring about any legal hassles), why can’t other bystanders and onlookers come forward?

Conclusion - After 4 hours, the bill was finally cleared by the son who showed no remorse for his actions of questioning the credibility of the doctor and the medical team.

The phone was left by the patient at home, later discovered by the wife.

I really wonder what will change the perception of the society in general that all doctors are heartless cheats, and a hospital is only a money making business enterprise. The future of healthcare and humanity surely doesn’t seem bright!!

Friday, May 11, 2018

Doctors - Heal Your Profession.


Dear Doctors,

Our fraternity is in danger!

Your years of hard work & experience are being questioned and scrutinized!

Headlines in newspapers like ‘Doctor arrested’, ‘Doctor beaten up’, ‘Nursing home vandalized’, ‘Doctor caught accepting bribe’ are becoming increasingly common. The Prime Minister’s statements against the medical fraternity in London recently have also put a blot on our profession on international stage. In such testing times, we have to stand together. Today it may be someone else, tomorrow it can be you!

Be rest assured, none of your patients, their relatives, the clubs (Rotary/Lions/NGOs) for whom you regularly conduct health awareness talks or programs will stand up for you. You will have to stand up for yourself and face the reality. Reality that the laws are anti doctor, the media is anti doctor, the SYSTEM IS ANTI DOCTOR, the definition of the doctor patient relationship is changing. No matter how good, empathetic, compassionate, clinically sound you might be, patients and their relatives will label you as a money sucking professional, a pimp and a devil who survives and thrives on the misery of others.

This is the sad truth of what is being portrayed today by the media. Death happening at the hand of ‘quacks’, raids at the nursing home of unregistered practitioners, and those culprits are portrayed as ‘Doctors’. We are all aware to what level the media has fallen. News can be planted, media houses can be bought and muted, rumors can easily be spread on social media, a person’ image can be tarnished within seconds, because all responsible and moral journalism is dead.

I want every doctor to take a pledge today, a promise for a safe and secure future for themselves and their family.

1. Make sure you document your clinical notes in clear, legible handwriting, and that it is dated and timed.

2. Don’t rely completely on your resident doctor alone, but cross check if his/her orders are correctly written too.

3. Make sure that patients and relatives are regularly updated about the treatment and the improvement/deterioration in patient’s condition.

4. Always explain the criticality and prognosis of the illness to the patient and their relatives.

5. Be sensitive while declaring death – in a private room, in presence of someone, with clear communication.

6. Do not speak ill of your colleagues. Work place politics or jealousy is present in every industry, but it should not be visible in front of patient or relatives.

7. Be extra cautious in all medico-legal cases; double cross check all your documentation.

8. Do not try to treat patients beyond your specialization. There is nothing wrong in taking cross referrals.

9. Do not prescribe any medication without examining the patient through phone or any electronic media.

10. Charging consultation fees is your right, no one can dictate terms on it.

11. Always make sure the procedure consents are completely filled and duty signed, all possible complications are entered and explained to the patient/ relatives.

12. Don’t let your personal, family or social life suffer due to your profession. Take care of your own health. Also, it is good to hang out with your work colleagues.

13. Don’t get emotionally attached to your patients.

14. If opportunity comes, go abroad. You will be valued more as a doctor there and the quality of life will surely be better than that in India currently.

15. Order only those diagnostics tests which are indicated and can be interpreted by you.

16. Avoid taking phone calls during a consultation, unless indicated.

17. Have patient education brochures and fliers in your clinic / department.

18. Write your medication prescriptions in both generics and trade (brand) names.

19. Documentation of your Communication and Communication of your Documentation is the extremely important today.

20. Think twice before encouraging your children to pursue medicine as a profession, to go through the suffering of this failed system. Please don’t!!

And for the few bad sheep in the medical fraternity who are tarnishing the image of this profession, it is my sincere request to you to stop accepting any gifts/presents from the medical representatives; stop accepting any cuts/commission for any reference to higher centre, diagnostic laboratory or imaging centre. I’m sure you’ll make enough money, have a better quality of life and a peaceful sleep without getting involved in such malpractice.

It is high time we all stick together to bring this professional back to its lost glory and trust.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

"Black buck died of cardio-respiratory arrest, committed suicide," claims vet.


Jodhpur: A day after Salman Khan walked out of the Jodhpur Central Jail, a local veterinary doctor has claimed that the 2 black bucks in question had committed suicide and he had himself certified ‘cardio-respiratory arrest’ as their cause of death.

The sessions court in its decision yesterday had given Khan ‘benefit of doubt’ with the observation that ‘Bhai is always innocent’. He has to be pardoned for his 'good conduct' and 'charity' to the judges, which successfully kept him out of jail for 20 years with generous ‘tarik pe tarik’ by them.

“Salman was framed by fabricating evidence for actually saving a dear fawn stuck in the bush!! The veterinary doctor’s claim proves what we had been saying all along. There is no doubt that the police and the forest department fudged the case and manipulated unreliable witnesses,” said the controversial actor’s counsel Feku Vakil in a statement to the Quackdoses.

The Bishnoi community, predictably angry at the decision of the sessions court, has rubbished the doctor’s claim and has approached Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to verify if the B.M.V.Sc degree (Bachelor in Masters of Veterinary Science) was fake, and that it will file a petition in the Rajasthan high court challenging the grant of bail to the actor.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Shocked patient gets shocked after Mediclaim gets approved.



Mumbai: In a surprising incident which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoses, a 32 year old IT professional Sujit Deshmukh who had recently recovered from neurogenic shock suffered from neurogenic shock again when his mediclaim was approved without any queries or running around in various departments of the hospital which he was admitted in.

It is a well known fact that medical insurance companies have now become more pain than gain; and that they are there to deny, delay, confuse and refuse policy holders. Instead of making life easier for both the insured and the insurers, they actually end up doing the opposite by finding ways to deny coverage. They’ll do anything to avoid paying, because if they wait long enough, they know the policyholders will die. At the same time, they exploit the bad handwriting of the doctors to fabricate words and reject claims. The disclaimer are the end of their television advertisements too are read so fast that no one can humanely understand and comprehend what was being said but blindly adhere to their terms and conditions.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses (from his hospital bed), Deshmukh said, “My wife had suddenly and unusually started caring for me and loving me more than she did in the last 11 months. Before I could realize that it was all because of the appraisal month of March with its salary day coming close, my blood pressure fell and I started having dizziness on seeing her with a glass of water as soon as I entered home after office. I faked a fainting spell but the doctors named it neurogenic shock and admitted me in the hospital. Now I actually suffered from it when my claim got passed without any hassles.”

It has now come to light that the Mediclaim Insurance company doctor was facing a similar situation at the hands of his better half and sanctioned the claim on humanitarian grounds with no questions asked.