Saturday, June 23, 2018

PROTECT THE HANDS THAT HEAL...HONOR YOUR DOCTOR.



Disclaimer: A work of fiction or based on true events, I will leave it for the reader to decide.

Scenario – A 70 plus elderly gentleman is brought to the Accident & Emergency Department of a hospital in an unconscious, unresponsive state with no recordable pulse, blood pressure and spontaneous respiration, by an auto rickshaw driver.

No identity of the patient known, No past medical and surgical history available, no mobile phone available (to contact family), no wallet or identity card with the patient.

History - Patient was driving somewhere (alone), felt uncomfortable, stopped his car by the roadside to ask for help, collapsed on stepping out of the car, 3-4 by standers rushed to help, an auto rickshaw driver stopped and volunteered to take the patient to the hospital, none of the bystanders accompanied the patient, patient is drowsy in the auto but manages to tell auto driver to rush patient to the emergency department, becomes unresponsive en route to hospital.

Once the patient reaches the emergency department, the entire team of doctors and nurses sprung into action and all life saving measures were initiated. CPR is started immediately, all life saving drugs were given as per ACLS protocol, patients was intubated, but no ROSC (return of spontaneous circulation) was achieved even after 30 minutes of intense efforts. Code was called off and patient was declared dead on arrival.

A pouch is later found in the patient’s belongings with a pass books and few thousand rupees which he probably would have withdrawn from a bank. On the passbook is a landline number through which the doctor is able to contact his old wife (after multiple attempts of getting in touch), takes the number of his son who was in office from her, calls him too and asks them both to rush to the emergency department. No update regarding the patient’s condition is given to the family members on the phone.

Medico-legal case formalities were initiated and since the cause of death was not known, the police was informed.

Anything wrong or atypical in this scenario? I’m sure many doctors would have come across such events at some point in their career.

Shockers (after the family was told of the turn of events and that the patient was dead):

1) The doctor is questioned by the son that why does he have to pay the bill if the patient was declared ‘dead on arrival’ and if the hospital was not issuing the death certificate.

2) The doctor is threatened by the son, “What if I refuse to pay the bill?”

3) The auto rickshaw driver is questioned that the patient’s phone was missing.

My questions to the readers and the society in general:

1. Why is there so much mistrust against the medical fraternity? Why can’t people think that doctors and nurses try to do their best to save someone’s life, they too are humans, and have emotions, and that it takes much more than courage to see life and death everyday!!

2. Should the doctors and the nurses not even try saving an unaccompanied patient’s life brought to the emergency and directly taken a flat line ECG instead?

3. Why should a hospital write off the entire bill of an affording patient for providing life or limb saving emergency services, when the treatment was initiated without caring for the patient’s ability to pay or not and there was no deficiency of services?

4. Would the son have reacted the same way and questioned the efforts put by the medical team, had the father miraculously survived and managed to reach the ICU even with a guarded prognosis?

5. If educated & English speaking people can indirectly threaten the doctor of putting false allegations that the body of the deceased is forcefully being kept by the hospital for non-payment of dues, what can the medical fraternity expect from the lower socioeconomic people?

6. If an uneducated auto rickshaw driver can offer to help (without caring about any legal hassles), why can’t other bystanders and onlookers come forward?

Conclusion - After 4 hours, the bill was finally cleared by the son who showed no remorse for his actions of questioning the credibility of the doctor and the medical team.

The phone was left by the patient at home, later discovered by the wife.

I really wonder what will change the perception of the society in general that all doctors are heartless cheats, and a hospital is only a money making business enterprise. The future of healthcare and humanity surely doesn’t seem bright!!

Friday, May 11, 2018

DOCTORS - HEAL YOUR PROFESSION.


Dear Doctors,

Our fraternity is in danger!

Your years of hard work & experience are being questioned and scrutinized!

Headlines in newspapers like ‘Doctor arrested’, ‘Doctor beaten up’, ‘Nursing home vandalized’, ‘Doctor caught accepting bribe’ are becoming increasingly common. The Prime Minister’s statements against the medical fraternity in London recently have also put a blot on our profession on international stage. In such testing times, we have to stand together. Today it may be someone else, tomorrow it can be you!

Be rest assured, none of your patients, their relatives, the clubs (Rotary/Lions/NGOs) for whom you regularly conduct health awareness talks or programs will stand up for you. You will have to stand up for yourself and face the reality. Reality that the laws are anti doctor, the media is anti doctor, the SYSTEM IS ANTI DOCTOR, the definition of the doctor patient relationship is changing. No matter how good, empathetic, compassionate, clinically sound you might be, patients and their relatives will label you as a money sucking professional, a pimp and a devil who survives and thrives on the misery of others.

This is the sad truth of what is being portrayed today by the media. Death happening at the hand of ‘quacks’, raids at the nursing home of unregistered practitioners, and those culprits are portrayed as ‘Doctors’. We are all aware to what level the media has fallen. News can be planted, media houses can be bought and muted, rumors can easily be spread on social media, a person’ image can be tarnished within seconds, because all responsible and moral journalism is dead.

I want every doctor to take a pledge today, a promise for a safe and secure future for themselves and their family.

1. Make sure you document your clinical notes in clear, legible handwriting, and that it is dated and timed.

2. Don’t rely completely on your resident doctor alone, but cross check if his/her orders are correctly written too.

3. Make sure that patients and relatives are regularly updated about the treatment and the improvement/deterioration in patient’s condition.

4. Always explain the criticality and prognosis of the illness to the patient and their relatives.

5. Be sensitive while declaring death – in a private room, in presence of someone, with clear communication.

6. Do not speak ill of your colleagues. Work place politics or jealousy is present in every industry, but it should not be visible in front of patient or relatives.

7. Be extra cautious in all medico-legal cases; double cross check all your documentation.

8. Do not try to treat patients beyond your specialization. There is nothing wrong in taking cross referrals.

9. Do not prescribe any medication without examining the patient through phone or any electronic media.

10. Charging consultation fees is your right, no one can dictate terms on it.

11. Always make sure the procedure consents are completely filled and duty signed, all possible complications are entered and explained to the patient/ relatives.

12. Don’t let your personal, family or social life suffer due to your profession. Take care of your own health. Also, it is good to hang out with your work colleagues.

13. Don’t get emotionally attached to your patients.

14. If opportunity comes, go abroad. You will be valued more as a doctor there and the quality of life will surely be better than that in India currently.

15. Order only those diagnostics tests which are indicated and can be interpreted by you.

16. Avoid taking phone calls during a consultation, unless indicated.

17. Have patient education brochures and fliers in your clinic / department.

18. Write your medication prescriptions in both generics and trade (brand) names.

19. Documentation of your Communication and Communication of your Documentation is the extremely important today.

20. Think twice before encouraging your children to pursue medicine as a profession, to go through the suffering of this failed system. Please don’t!!

And for the few bad sheep in the medical fraternity who are tarnishing the image of this profession, it is my sincere request to you to stop accepting any gifts/presents from the medical representatives; stop accepting any cuts/commission for any reference to higher centre, diagnostic laboratory or imaging centre. I’m sure you’ll make enough money, have a better quality of life and a peaceful sleep without getting involved in such malpractice.

It is high time we all stick together to bring this professional back to its lost glory and trust.

Monday, April 16, 2018

INDIAN 'SAAS BAHU' SERIALS MAKING VIEWERS RETARDED, DOCTORS PERPLEXED.


Mumbai
: In a study which has perplexed neurologists and radiologists across the world, it has been found that Indian ‘Saas Bahu’ TV serial viewers suffered from early cerebral atrophy than those who did not watch, and that they are hazardous to the human brain.

In a double blinded randomized control study on the idiotic and irritating Indian TV serial viewers over 10 years, it has been found that the serials have added 0 % intellectual growth in its viewers, with shows defying all logic and have made many sane viewers go retard over time. With serials which seem to have no end but are more like ‘Draupadi ka cheer’ instead, the study concluded that India is fast slipping into becoming the greatest nation in the world when it comes to dumbness.

From Sasural Simar Ka to Saath Nibhana Saathiya to Balika Vadhu, the rotten Indian TV soap industry has now made a reputation of pretty much having the same core theme - a good for nothing husband and a powerful/cruel mother and their innocent Daughter in law; daughter in law facing all kinds of cruel treatments from the family; unbelievable number of kidnappings / injuries /divorces, etc; and the family's favorite time pass being organization of functions every next episode with dance performances without any reason. Unconfirmed reports have claimed that even the actors of these serials laugh after watching the brainless sequences.

The Indian Neurology Society has called for a ban on these serials with legal proceedings against their directors for fooling and making people dumb. The ruling BJP government has meanwhile supported the study and claimed that Congress President Rahul Gandhi’s low IQ was also due to these serials, with mother Sonia rubbishing the claim and stating that ‘he’ was just an untimely accident.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

"BLACK BUCK DIED OF CARDIO-RESPIRATORY ARREST, COMMITTED SUICIDE," CLAIMS VET.


Jodhpur: A day after Salman Khan walked out of the Jodhpur Central Jail, a local veterinary doctor has claimed that the 2 black bucks in question had committed suicide and he had himself certified ‘cardio-respiratory arrest’ as their cause of death.

The sessions court in its decision yesterday had given Khan ‘benefit of doubt’ with the observation that ‘Bhai is always innocent’. He has to be pardoned for his 'good conduct' and 'charity' to the judges, which successfully kept him out of jail for 20 years with generous ‘tarik pe tarik’ by them.

“Salman was framed by fabricating evidence for actually saving a dear fawn stuck in the bush!! The veterinary doctor’s claim proves what we had been saying all along. There is no doubt that the police and the forest department fudged the case and manipulated unreliable witnesses,” said the controversial actor’s counsel Feku Vakil in a statement to the Quackdoses.

The Bishnoi community, predictably angry at the decision of the sessions court, has rubbished the doctor’s claim and has approached Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal to verify if the B.M.V.Sc degree (Bachelor in Masters of Veterinary Science) was fake, and that it will file a petition in the Rajasthan high court challenging the grant of bail to the actor.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

SHOCKED PATIENT GETS SHOCKED AFTER MEDICLAIM GETS APPROVED.


Mumbai:
In a surprising incident which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoses, a 32 year old IT professional Sujit Deshmukh who had recently recovered from neurogenic shock suffered from neurogenic shock again when his mediclaim was approved without any queries or running around in various departments of the hospital which he was admitted in.

It is a well known fact that medical insurance companies have now become more pain than gain; and that they are there to deny, delay, confuse and refuse policy holders. Instead of making life easier for both the insured and the insurers, they actually end up doing the opposite by finding ways to deny coverage. They’ll do anything to avoid paying, because if they wait long enough, they know the policyholders will die. At the same time, they exploit the bad handwriting of the doctors to fabricate words and reject claims. The disclaimer are the end of their television advertisements too are read so fast that no one can humanely understand and comprehend what was being said but blindly adhere to their terms and conditions.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses (from his hospital bed), Deshmukh said, “My wife had suddenly and unusually started caring for me and loving me more than she did in the last 11 months. Before I could realize that it was all because of the appraisal month of March with its salary day coming close, my blood pressure fell and I started having dizziness on seeing her with a glass of water as soon as I entered home after office. I faked a fainting spell but the doctors named it neurogenic shock and admitted me in the hospital. Now I actually suffered from it when my claim got passed without any hassles.”

It has now come to light that the Mediclaim Insurance company doctor was facing a similar situation at the hands of his better half and sanctioned the claim on humanitarian grounds with no questions asked.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

EMERGENCY TRAUMA MANAGEMENT - LIFE IN THE FAST LANE.


A 17 year old boy is wheeled in to the Accident & Emergency (A&E) after being run over by a truck. The patient is rapidly assessed, given essential life saving emergency care including blood transfusions and is immediately rushed in to the operation theater for a suspected pelvic (hip bone) fracture. Two weeks later, the patient is sent back home, alive and hearty - one of the many success stories where prompt emergency management saved a life.

So what does a person involved in a motor vehicle collision or a fall, a child who breaks a bone, and a physical assault victim should do? They all must seek emergency treatment for their trauma-related injuries.

Trauma refers to a bodily injury resulting from the application of an external physical force. It is the leading cause of death under the age of 45 years all over the world, with majority of victims being young males. Motor vehicle accidents are the major culprit of these types of fatalities; in children too under the age of 18, trauma is the leading cause of death above all other diseased conditions combined. Surprisingly, the number of years of life lost before the age of 65 due to trauma exceeds those lost from heart disease and cancer put together. There is a massive additional social burden from disability affecting survivors as well.

While the word may have a fairly simple and standard definition, when it comes to treatment of trauma patients, there is nothing uniform or standard about it. Traumatic injuries can range from minor isolated wounds to complex injuries involving multiple organ systems. The trauma can be blunt or penetrating - like a stab or a gun shot wound.

Majority of deaths occur either at the scene or within the first four hours after the patient reaches a trauma center. Relatively, fewer patients die after the first 24 hours have passed following the injury. Most preventable deaths are due to excessive blood loss.

Regardless of the cause or type of trauma, the ultimate goal of treatment is to minimize the disability and deaths associated with the injury. It involves reducing the deaths associated with the 2nd peak period which occurs in the hours shortly after the injury.

A systematic approach toward the trauma patient allows for rapid assessment and stabilization of the victim. This maximizes outcomes and reduces the risk of undiscovered injuries. Established protocols within an organization allow physicians to evaluate the patient in a logical, algorithmic (ATLS) manner and treat injuries in the order that has the greatest chance to prolong life and also minimizes long term consequences from the injury.

Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital is a Level 1 trauma centre providing a multidisciplinary, extensive emergency medical service to trauma patients with the highest level of care, and is capable of offering definitive treatment for any type of injury. Apart from an Accident & Emergency (A&E) department which is manned by emergency physicians who specialize in this field of practice, it also boasts of availability of all surgical subspecialties and advanced imaging capabilities. The hospital operates on a “team approach” whose staff includes emergency physicians, general surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons, reconstructive surgeons and anesthesiologists who are experts in treating trauma victims. We also have a 24 hour functioning blood bank and a NABL accredited laboratory, apart from a 24X7 Radiology department for carrying out emergency X-rays, Ultrasound, CT scans and MRI. The A&E also has an attached operation theatre equipped to carry out all life and limb saving emergency surgeries.

With our comprehensive trauma care and emergency medical services, we are able to care for the most life threatening emergencies at a moment’s notice.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

ACUTE STROKE - A RACE AGAINST TIME.


Did you know that every 3.3 minutes someone dies of stroke, or that stroke is the third leading cause of death and adult disability worldwide!

In India, 1 person suffers from stroke every minute.

The word Stroke (Paralysis or lakva) is derived from the word ‘Strike’ – an analogue to the sudden, severe attack with which it affects the patient and changes their mortality and morbidity completely, if not treated in time.

It is caused by the interruption of the blood supply to the brain, usually because a blood vessel bursts (hemorrhagic) or is blocked by a clot (Ischaemic). This cuts off the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the brain, causing damage to the brain tissue.

Treatment of Acute Ischaemic stroke and its outcome is time dependant. Rapid injection of recombinant tissue-type plasminogen activator (r-tPA – a thrombolytic / clot dissolving injection) in blood is the early treatment. It should be administered within 3 hours of onset of above mentioned symptoms. International guidelines recommend a ‘door-to-needle time’ of 60 minutes or less (the time from entry of patient in emergency to administration of drug).

Lack of knowledge about stroke among the general public delays the initiation of immediate management of stroke. Delay in arrival of patient to the hospital, delayed consent by relatives for thrombolysis and unavailability of emergency ambulance services (especially in rural India) are the major reasons of treatment delay. The proportion of stroke patients reaching hospital within 3 hours in India is only 15%. Less than 20% of the general physicians are aware that r-tPA should be administered within the first 3 to 4.5 hours of stroke onset.

Dr. L H Hiranandani hospital is an advanced stroke centre equipped to provide cutting edge care for stroke management - 24/7. Our team of trained emergency physicians, neurologists & neurosurgeons, critical care specialist, radiologists, rehabilitation specialists, nurses and technicians are committed to providing the best treatment for stroke management, and we value every passing second and minute. The hospital is also equipped with a 24 hour MRI facility and a NABL accredited laboratory. With committed team efforts and by carrying out the thromboysis in the radiology department itself, we have been able to bring down the door to needle time to less than 35 minutes in most patients with Acute Ischaemic stroke.

Unfortunately, over the last 3 months (since October’ 17), more than 15 patients have presented to our Accident & Emergency Department beyond the 3 hour guideline from symptom onset, a missed brain and life saving treatment.

Stroke is a life-changing event that affects not only the person who may be disabled, but their family and caregivers. This year, stroke will affect 4 out of 5 families in India - don't let yours be one of them.

Friday, January 5, 2018

BRIDGE COURSE ONLY FOR AYUSH PRACTITIONERS DRAWS IRE, COMPOUNDERS PROTEST.


Mumbai:
Compounders across India are strongly opposing a provision in the National Medical Commission Bill, tabled in the parliament recently that seeks to allow AYUSH practitioners (Ayurveda, Yoga and Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy) practice modern (allopathic) medicine after clearing a bridge course.

The Compounder’s Association of India are up in arms against the proposal saying it is akin to “giving legal sanction to quackery in the country” and that they should also be allowed to learn the bridge course.

In India, the number of quacks - from hakims with no education at all, to qualified vaidyas with an affinity for prescribing allopathic medicines - has increased. Most compounders are graduates and even school dropouts who are employed as ‘helpers’ but often start running their own ‘clinics’ after ‘experience and training’ under MBBS doctors for few years.

In an exclusive interview with The Quackdoses, Dr. Jhola Chaap said, “Compounders are entrepreneurs who have picked up bits and pieces of medicine through informal apprenticeships and built up large practices on their own. It takes years of study and discipline to become a compounder of modern medicine. The new bill will lead to an army of quacks in the country, and we want to be part of that army. Allowing compounders to legally take up integrated practice will not only help in curbing quackery but also ensure that maximum people get timely treatment.”

Meanwhile, Veterinary physicians have also demanded similar 6 month bridge course instead of the proposed 1 year course in pharmacology to practice allopathy, as exclusively reported by the Quackdoses recently.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

DOCTORS RUSH TO GET HITCHED AFTER PG ENTRANCE EXAM, WEDDING PLANNERS CHEERFUL.


Mumbai: In unexpected developments which have surprised even the experienced marriage pundits who got doctors to bite the bullet in the past, it has been seen that there is a rush among medical students to get engaged / married immediately after next week's NEET PG medical entrance exam.

A survey conducted by The QuackDoses revealed that while previously girls after easily securing a PG seat though both, the general and the women category would wait for their MBBS days boyfriend to get a PG seat after a 2 or 3 year drop, they now prefer to get engaged / married immediately after their 1st attempt together just to change their Facebook relationship status from ‘Its Complicated’ to ‘Engaged / Married’.

With recent reports of non IIT engineers not getting placed this year, many engineering colleges shutting down, market trends of engineers being ready to work for 5K and those with additional MBA degree for 20K, parents of medical students too seem to be happy to get rid of their already frustrated child and let them marry a MBBS graduate, now in demand as RMOs in corporate hospitals across the country.

Our Samwadata spoke to Dr. Tharki Kunwara who is preparing to give his 3rd PG attempt in 2018. “My Facebook home page news feed is flooded with people creating life events of getting engaged or married. Even my best friend who always said that he was doing ‘TP’ with his girlfriend is actually getting married to her in the week after the exam. It is most frustrating is to see the photographs of my juniors getting hitched too. How can people not wait till 1st or 2nd year of residency?”

Whether such changing trends are means of male medical students to ‘once in a lifetime’ get more than 100 likes on their profile pictures or for the BF waiting females to avoid the other batch mates who start hitting on them through Whatsapp / Facebook Messenger, only time will tell.

Although the wedding planners seem to be celebrating their unexpectedly expanding client base, the developments could spell doomsday for single male doctors who finally secure ‘The coveted PG seat’ but would now fail to find any suitors.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

VETERINARY PHYSICIANS WHO STUDY PHARMACOLOGY CAN SOON PRACTICE ALLOPATHY IN INDIA.


Mumbai: In a proposal which could further cripple the healthcare sector, already facing the heat due to the moronic government policies, the Health Department has said that veterinary physicians with Bachelor's degree in Veterinary Science (B.V.Sc.) could soon be allowed to prescribe and practice modern allopathic medicine.

With the government’s failure to attract adequate number of students to join MBBS due to the rural bond, 2 crore surety for super-specialization courses, putting a cap on consultation and surgery charges, allowing cross pathy, attack on doctors, etc, this move could sound the death knell for modern medicine in India.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Prime Minister Modi said, “It is not possible legally to allow animal doctors to practice human medicine which they have not studied. Similar to allowances currently given to AYUSH doctors in 13 states, animal doctors wishing to practice allopathy will also have to study human pharmacology. It will be a full course of one year and they will be allowed to practice only after they clear the examination. We wanted to make sure that parents tricking children by scaring them of the ‘ghode wala injection’ at the doctor’s clinic would be a reality before 2019.”

This move has, however, faced stiff objection and opposition from the Indian Medical council (IMA), which fears it could “make way for more quackery”.

“Although there is no denying the fact that humans have started behaving like animals again, allowing integrated practice of human and animal medicine will result in increased number of medical negligence cases. It is unfortunate that our views have not been considered,” a senior IMA member said.

This move is likely to give legal sanction to some 75,000 vets enabling them to practice allopathy.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

DON'T MESS WITH RAHUL GANDHI, HE COULD BE YOUR NEXT DOCTOR. - CONGRESS


New Delhi: Four weeks after Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi shared images of himself practicing Aikido with Sensei Paritos Kar to support his claim of having a black belt in the sport, the Congress party has now claimed today that Pappu is also a gold medalist doctor and had completed his MBBS from the prestigious Jholachap Institute of Medical Science (JIMS) in New Delhi.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Rahul said, “The ability to crack jokes and talk non sense has only come after years of practice as a medical student where people talk crap during viva exams and give answers totally unrelated to the question asked. I also decided to get married late, similar to my friends in the medical fraternity. Modiji thought that I was a fool, but laughter is best medicine and that is what I have been providing all these years.”

An RTI has revealed that Dr. Rahul was actually doing his rural bond MOship in Rae Bareily after completion of his graduation and used to visit there only during the inspection by the District Health Officer (DHO).

The BJP leadership has ordered a CBI enquiry to ascertain if the money used by the congress party on election is from the 30% cuts and commission Pappu gets from lab and radiology centers for referring patients. They have also accused that such claims were nothing but publicity stunts before the upcoming Gujarat election and that Rahul had only become paranoid after watching Govinda’s ‘Raja Babu’ movie recently.

The public is now waiting for Rahul’s photo-shopped images to be released by the Congress with a stethoscope around his neck.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

ON CROSSROADS BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH.


Did you know that Heart Attacks and Paralytic Strokes have beginnings, which can best be treated within a “Golden Hour”?

An Emergency Can Strike Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime - an undeniable universal truth where few minutes can mean the difference between life and death, and the only thing standing between it is timely medical care. Most people do not plan for a medical emergency, although everyone will have one at one time or another.

The first hour of definitive medical care is called the “golden hour”. It is usually this first hour where the patient’s medical fate is sealed and is very important in situations such as trauma, heart attack or stroke, where time is heart or time is brain. In general, the faster the medical care is rendered, the better is the patient’s chances of survival and ultimate ability to function.

The Accident & Emergency (A&E) department is the “shop window” and insight mirror for a hospital. It is the part of the hospital most closely in contact with the public as it offers the most informal access. Today, modern emergency departments not only are capable of providing round-the-clock lifesaving care in individual emergencies and disasters, they also conduct timely diagnostic workups and serve as the “safety net of the safety net” for millions of patients. Also it is surrounded by so much drama, tragedy, and media interest.

The A&E at Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital is an 8 bedded state of the art facility dealing with a wide spectrum of patients with acute emergencies for initial evaluation, resuscitation, treatment, investigation, stabilization, monitoring and disposition. The dedicated team of trained emergency physicians, nurses and other health professionals provide an extraordinary level of knowledge, skill and compassion to the full spectrum of patients we serve at the Hospital.

Most patients will be sick enough to know when they are in the golden hour and most of them will miss it when it is gone. When seconds and minutes count, count on us!

Saturday, October 7, 2017

BJP: MODI SUFFERING FROM LARYNGITIS, REFUSING MEDICATIONS.


PM Modi undergoing examination of his oral cavity at Dr. Feku's Clinic.
Mumbai: In the wake of growing public unrest due to the crippling economy, and voices growing louder against the Prime Minister’s silence, BJP spokesperson Arnab Goswami (since a BJP minister’s investment in Republic TV) produced a medical certificate stating that PM Modi is suffering from a severe case of laryngitis and has been advised rest till further orders from the RSS.

Laryngitis is known to be caused by inflammation of the larynx and can often result in the temporary loss of voice. It is primarily caused by a strain on the larynx from talking or singing for long periods and is commonly seen in people ranging from performers to actors.

“With evolving comedians and actors like Kejriwal, Rahul Gandhi and Modi, the incidence of laryngitis is increasing in Politicians too,” claimed actor Prakash Raj while commenting that PM was a better actor than him.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Feku, Modi’s personal ENT specialist said, “The PM has for the entire year been monotonously singing about demonitization, bringing black money back, advantages of GST, ending corruption and Adhar card (which will eventually get linked to everything, except election Card) which has strained his vocal chords. Becoming a prime minister itself is a risk factor for laryngitis with ex-Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh suffering from it apart from his mask like face due to Parkinson’s disease for over 10 years when UPA was under power.”

Meanwhile, MCI has claimed that Doctors are finding it increasingly difficult to treat politicians with oral medications after Modi’s diktat on medicines ‘Na Khaunga, na Khane Dunga’.

Monday, September 4, 2017

MEDICINE WITH A SOUL.


A 36 year old male was brought in a state of cardiac arrest. Me and my team immediately swung into action. We intubated the patient, started CPR, gave all life saving drugs and after 15 minutes of gruesome resuscitation efforts, a return of spontaneous circulation was achieved. The downtime of the patient was almost 20 -25 minutes (including the transfer from private nursing home in ambulance and the resuscitation in our A&E department) and the patient landed up with hypoxic ishaemic encephalopathy. 

I was walking into the canteen for my breakfast when the patient’s brother came to see me. He thanked me and just hugged me tightly as he started crying profusely. It was enough for the family that the patient was alive, opening his eyes intermittently and was trying to say his words. He also told me that the patient had a 5 year old daughter, and on seeing her, tears started coming from the corner of the eyes of a father who hadn’t woken up for a long time. Almost 15-20 onlookers were there in the canteen, nobody said a word or blinked an eye as this episode happened. After a prolonged stay of almost 1 month in the ICU, the patient was discharged on a tracheostomy with a peg tube that same day.

What makes me write this post is the lack of empathy in many doctors these days. I do not say that all doctors fall in that category but the way the healthcare industry is evolving, there is a mistrust building up which is spoiling the sacred doctor patient relationship. At the same time, there is no denying the fact that doctors are overburdened with the problems of electronic medical records (where they have no option but to give less time to the patient as they type the notes in the computer system during history taking), they are given targets by corporate hospital of seeing ‘n’ number of patients on a daily basis, the unsaid practice of giving cuts, fear of the increasing number of medico-legal cases, etc. With evolving trends, the noble profession is completely becoming commercial similar to the airline and the hotel industry. So in my opinion, it is not the right direction in which healthcare industry is moving.

During my residency in Kokilaben hospital I gave a presentation highlighting the qualities of a good doctor (the image above). We came up with a general plan and then we took a vote among us. 

The Startling Result.

And from this you can see that it is not the medical management, it is not the treatment that comes as a priority but the right communication, the humility, the empathy and the compassion of doctors towards their patients. What lacks in today’s healthcare industry and what is the expectation of most patients is 'the human touch'. It is the care and their expectation to be treated as a human first.

I hope to see better days in our profession. I hope doctors work hard to hone these soft skills too and bring this profession back to its glorious days where joining medicine was considered noble and doctors were treated next to God.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

AAMIR DIAGNOSED WITH SWINE FLU, ACCUSES MEDICAL STUDENTS OF ABUSE.


Mumbai
: Aamir Khan along with his wife Kiran Rao was diagnosed with Swine Flu yesterday. Despite being on generic Oseltamivir, his condition worsened and he underwent emergency intubation today.

52-year-old ‘Mr. Perfectionist’, who was taken to Quackdoses Hospital yesterday for breathlessness and cough complained of uneasiness after a group of medical students surrounded him for revision of their systemic examination before the upcoming University exams next month. Our sources confirmed that few interns also tried multiple failed attempts of securing an IV line on him and he complained severe chest pain when one of the interns told him that they would now practice putting a Foley’s catheter. Failing to interpret the X-Ray, the panicky CMO and interns at Quackdoses Hospital decided to shift Aamir to nearby Mohalla clinic where he was detected with ARDS (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome).

“Aamir had suddenly very shallow and rapid breathing which necessitated immediate intubation and ventilation. The patient is stable now and is admitted in the critical care unit,” said Dr. Hruday Fefde, a leading Pulmonologist in Mumbai.

Shallow and rapid breathing is normally seen in Asthamatic, COPD, ILD or LVF patients but it also results from a break up in relationships, failing in University Exams, not getting internship completion sign from HOD, scarcity of good looking batch mates, etc said a physician who suffered from similar symptoms in his undergraduate days. He said that the intubation is a minor procedure for Dr. Fefde who did his residency at The QuackDoses Hospital & Research Institute, Mumbai.

With the fear of the eagle eyed medical undergraduates looking for case presentations for their clinics looming large, Aamir has expressed his wish to be quickly taken to Baba Ramdev’s Patanajli Ashram than spending a few days in the ward, said a worried Kiran Rao.

Doctors have meanwhile asked Aamir to publicly apologize for his statements against the medical fraternity, or else keep his Aadhar Card ready.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

BRIDE ELOPES WITH MEDICAL REPRESENTATIVE, GROOM GIVES HER DAMA.

Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband !
Disclaimer : Inspired by real life interactions with future Mrs. Quackdoc.

Mumbai: In a shocking incident which has brought more shame to the medical fraternity than what Arvind Kejriwal has brought to the people of Delhi, a bride-to-be Dr. Kriti (name changed) who was to get married to a doctor next week, eloped with a medical representative yesterday.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Rohit, the grieving groom-to-be said, “She was always fond of the freebees and gifts the Medical Reps give to doctors. She often told me that she is marrying a clinician only because of the travel perks for conferences and frequent gifts the MRs give along with the free samples of medications. In spite of being a pathologist, she had also expressed her desire of opening up a stationary shop, exclusively of pens soon after marriage. Never had I imagined that she would actually elope with a MR just for the free pens and letter pads.”

With the news going viral on social media platforms, many scared doctors have already started prescribing generic medicines to patients to limit the entry of medical reps to their home / clinics and do ‘nain matakka’ with their daughters. Prime Minister Narendra Modi in his speech on occasion of World Yoga day in Delhi yesterday hailed the girl as a hero for eloping; and for single handedly bringing about this new dawn in the healthcare industry which the government had been unsuccessful in implementing in the past few decades.

Our gupt sutra have confirmed that to avoid medico-legal hassles in future, Dr. Rohit has taken the ‘DAMA-Discharged against medical advice’ consent from the girl’s parents. Also, inside sources have revealed that Dr. Rohit has however decided to not cancel his bachelor party, a move which has put medical pundits in dilemma if the groom-to-be is actually celebrating or grieving the news.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

SELF DIAGNOSING ULTRASONOGRAPHY MACHINE INVENTED, EMERGENCY PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS CELEBRATE.



Mumbai: In an astonishing breakthrough which can be considered a boon for the healthcare industry, a team of doctors and scientists at the Quackdoc multipseciality hospital have invented a self diagnosing and self reporting Utrasonography (USG) machine, much to the relief of doctors worldwide, more so for the surgeons and emergency physicians.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Samrat, the mastermind of the whole project said, “The inspiration for the machine was a recent full-blown catfight between our senior Surgeon Dr. Sadita (name changed) and our radiologist Dr. Anvita (name changed), 2 friends who were like Krishna and Sudama before the unfortunate incident. For years, the standard confusing radiology report of ‘a suspicious looking vermiform tube with its view obscured by bowel gas, co-relate clinically, advised CT Abdomen & Pelvis with contrast’ has been a bone of contention between the radiologists and surgeons/emergency physicians who have to then depend on the raised White Blood Cell count in CBC before taking the patient to the Operation theatre irrespective of the USG report. We are confident that our product will solve such predicament globally and our beloved doctors will be back to discussing cosmetics, men and shopping again, just like old days”.

On being asked when the machine would be unveiled for use in day to day clinical practice, Dr. Samrat commented, “We are still having technical glitches. The cases which are self diagnosed as Appendicitis by the machine are reported as ‘Hell yeah it is Acute Appendicitis, in your face!!’ and also our newly developed trademark probe with tentacles on it for diagnosis of torsion testis tend to squeeze on to the scrotal sac with far more pressure than desired, a feeling which has not gone down too well with the patients enrolled in our clinical trial.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

ALCOHOL IS THE MEDICINE TO LIFE AND JOINING MEDICINE IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH. :STUDY

Dammit, forgot to bring Chakna today.

Mumbai: In a jaw dropping research conducted at the Quackdoses Multispecialty Hospital, a team of doctors and scientists have claimed that ‘Alcohol is the medicine to life and joining medicine is injurious to health’.

In an exclusive interview with our gupt samwadata, Dr. K'Abhi Matbann, the lead scientist on the project said, “WHO defines health as a state of complete sexual, financial and egoistic well being. It is a well established fact that medical students after joining MBBS become socially outcast, depressed, sex starved, sleep deprived, fat, old and ugly which has long term psychological and physical health risks.”

In the double blinded study, it was found that students who regularly drank alcohol and smoked weed were found to be happier, healthier and relaxed giving no fucking care towards their family, politics, studies and the country. On the contrary, alcohol has come out to be one of the most potent antidote against the poison called ‘joining MBBS’.

Meanwhile, engineering students have challenged the claim and have started an online petition that porn and sex is the medicine to life, but not alcohol. To counter the claim, medical students have demanded state of the art LAN in all medical colleges to have free Wi-Fi access to an unlimited supply of porn where they do not have to struggle to catch bleak signals of Wi-Fi somewhere in the canteen.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

WIGS & COSMETICS TO CREATE 1000s OF DOCTORS: MUHS

Mumbai: With the sharp decline in the number of aspiring medical students seen after 12 states and 4 Union Territories favored making it mandatory for medical students to clear the National Exit Test (NEXT) to get the ‘doctor’ title, the Medical Council of India (MCI) which has been famous for mentally torturing medical students has now gone into damage control mode and has come up with new ways to woo science students to join medicine and repent for the rest of their lives.

It has been observed that most male doctors get partially bald and girls look ugly and old by the time they pass MBBS. This has led to a decrease in the charm and sex appeal of young doctors who no longer find medicine to be lucrative, after all ‘item patana’ and ‘patna’ is the new generation mantra. In a critical meeting of the illiterate babus, it was decided that MCI will now give wigs for males and cosmetic hamper to females as souvenirs after clearing the NEXT on their convocation along with their medical degrees. It was further decided that the top 3 students from each college will be given hair transplant and free breast augmentation for males and females respectively.

Keeping in mind the recent attacks on doctors and onslaught faced by medical professionals by the hands of Indian politician and judiciary all over the India, MCI seems hopeful about this groundbreaking move to prevent youngsters from dropping out of medical schools. Stripped off of right to have a secure and comfortable life, MCI`s lure of a bountiful youth (no matter how short lived it is) and promise of a great sex life (after passing their prime of youth), may prove as only solace to medical students.

Students and doctors from across the country have expressed their displeasure about the introduction of the NEXT. Even the promise of head full of hair and glowing skin in their prime years in lieu of passing `just another exam’ is not proving to be that rewarding.

Dr. K’abhi Matbann, a mama intern from Mumbai says, “Getting into MBBS is like going to a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in and those inside are desperate to come out. What is the point of awarding beauty packages in NEXT ‘after’ MBBS when good looks are labeled as mandate for passing MBBS professional exams every year, especially for girls.”

Only time will tell whether wigs and cosmetics will coax students to take up medicine as a career or not, but moronic medical pundits say it is a master stroke played by MCI and positive results will soon be seen.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

NEGLECT AT FAMILY FUNCTION LANDS DOCTOR IN ICU.



Mumbai: In a never before incident in the history of medical education, a freshly graduated MBBS doctor was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a local hospital in psychological shock after being completely neglected by his relatives at a family function yesterday.

It is a common problem faced by young medical graduates attending any family function (venue for professional exploitation) that distant relatives who often have no fucking idea about medicine as a career option start giving free career guidance advice,tips to pursue post graduate specialization, taunt about younger cousins settling down professionally, come up with weird long standing medical queries etc, apart from frequently recommending matrimonial matches at every function.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. K.Abhi Matbann said, “I was completely taken aback when the function was about to end, people started leaving and not even a single relative had come up to me to give any professional advice or had any query. Even complete strangers claiming to be my neighbors and asking for free consultations, free medical leave certificates, free medicine samples and expecting me to regularly come to their house to check their blood pressure for free did not bother me at all. Earlier, I would really wish I could take revenge by brainwashing their children to take up medicine as a career.”

Seeing political opportunity in the poor doctor’s plight, future Punjab Chief Minister Sardar Arvind Kejriwal has publicly announced that if he is successful in fooling an entire state for the second time, he will allot a free Internal Medicine PG seat at PGI Chandigarh to Dr. Matbann.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

BASS YAHI DIN DEKHNA BAKI THA....


Among all tricks known to Indian parents to coax their children to finish any meal, scaring them of the Police, the building watchman, the non existent ‘bhoot’, ‘chudail’, threat to lock them in a dark bathroom or the famous ‘chuhe wali kothri’ were at the top. I was left speechless when I was entering the building today and I heard a mother say to her kid, “Yeh wahi doctor uncle hain…Jo bacche khana nai khaate naa, unhe who bada wala injection lagane aa jate hain”.

On the bright side, I remembered the famous dialogue of the legendary Gabbar Singh from the movie Sholay, “Yahan se pachas pachas kos door gaon mein ... jab bachcha raat ko rota hai, toh maa kehti hai bete soo ja ... soo ja nahi toh Gabbar Singh aa jayega.” At least now I can boast to my children and grandchildren in future, that mothers used to scare their children saying, “Khana kha le, warna Doctor Mohit aa jayega”.

This is the 2nd extracurricular recognition that I have got from patients or their relatives in my medical career. The 1st was during my internship when on entering the surgery ward to collect blood samples of patients in morning, a relative said to his patient, “Who khoon niklane wale doctor aa gaye”.

Soch raha hun ki yeh skills bhi apni professional likedin job profile pe update kar dun.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

DEMONETISATION: MODI STILL ROCKS, WILL SPONSOR FREE SHOCKS.



Mumbai – 2 days after Congress President Sonia Gandhi’s announcement of Rs. 5 crore to anyone who increases Rahul’s IQ as reported by the Quackdoses, Prime Minister Narendra Modi while addressing his rally at Mumbai today to propagate cashless economy has announced the sponsorship of free Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT/shock therapy) for Rahul Gandhi, Arvind Kejriwal and Mamta Bannerjee.

Over the last 2 weeks, BJP leaders have on record made statements to the press that Mamta Bannerjee suffers from hallucinations, Arvind Kejriwal suffers from Chronic Modi- Psychosis and that Rahul Gandhi needs an evaluation by a Psychiatrist (and a Pediatrician as well for his growth charts!!). Unconfirmed source have claimed that BJP has already tied up with the Quackdoses multispecialty hospital to give 5 cycles of free ECT as a pilot project to the 3 leaders, before expanding the project to other politicians too.

Our gupt samwadata spoke to Dr. Shock Detomi, Mumbai’s leading psychiatrist who said, “ECT is a type of therapy in which electric currents are passed through the brain causing brief seizures with ‘chemical loccha’ in the brain and is indicated only for select symptoms, similar to those seen in the 3 since the announcement of the demonitization drive. Pappu suffers from Delusions of Grandeur (believes that he is a deity, has special powers like being able to cause an earthquake), Kejriwal suffers from Delusion of Persecution (Believes that others ie. Modi — is plotting to get him killed or poisoned) and Mamta suffers from Schizophrenia (mental disorder involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behaviour, leading to faulty perception and inappropriate actions) evident from the announcement of ‘Modi Hatao, desh Bacho’ campaign.”

Meanwhile, the Bar Owners Association of India has announced the boycott of cashless transactions as customers have not been able to recall the pin number after the drinks.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

KEJRIWAL: FACEBOOK PRAYERS TO SOON CLEAR HOSPITAL BILLS.



New Delhi: In a bizarre proposal put forth by India’s second best comedian after Rahul Gandhi, the Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal has claimed that the general public will soon be able to clear hospital bills with Facebook prayers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoc 3 days after his tongue shortening surgery, Kejriwal said, “I was scared for my life because Modiji wanted to get me killed with a lethal dose of Propofol and also sign the DNR and DNI (Do not resuscitate & Do not intubate) consent for me, so I took DAMA (Discharge against medical advice) from the hospital. But before leaving, Lord Ganesha appeared in my dreams and told me that I should have not have cleared the bill with tax payer’s money, but could have instead made use of Facebook Prayers. I then decided that 1 Facebook like = 1 salute = 1 prayer and should be made = 1 rupee to clear hospital bills which will be a game changer for the heathcare industry.”
 
While the healthcare sector is abuzz with the news, psychologists have claimed that Kejriwal is suffering from acute hospital psychosis, a disorder in which patients in an intensive care unit (ICU) or a similar setting experience a cluster of serious psychiatric symptoms. Another conspiracy report has claimed that the acute altered mental status that Kejriwal is suffering from is because of an overdose of Ketamine, an anesthetic agent which is known to cause dissociative amnesia. 

Taking clue from Kejriwal’s vision, male medical students across India have already started posting pictures of themselves on their Facebook timeline which says, ‘This boy has been diagnosed with no GF, 1 like = 1 prayer.’

Saturday, October 8, 2016

CITY GYNECOLOGISTS UNHAPPY AS RAIN PLAYS SPOILSPORT DURING NAVRATRI.


Mumbai: In the wake of the heavy downpour across the state, city gynecologists in a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi have expressed their displeasure over the less than usual number of patients seen during this Navratri festival and have demanded compensation from the central government.

It is a well known fact that apart from being the celebration of dance & life, and being Falguni Pathak’s bread and butter, the 9 day festival is also a breeding ground for young couples looking for a casual physical relationship. A study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital 2 years back found that the sale of contraceptive devices and pills in Mumbai jumped by a whopping 75 % during the 9 day celebration.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Anand Nanavati (name changed), a leading gynecologist in Mumbai said, “Due to the unexpected heavy rains that has continued across the state, the Navratri pandals have recorded a decreased number of patrons. Like winter is the season for Chest Physicians and dentists with the increased number of patients coming with LRTI, exacerbation of Bronchial Asthma and COPD or tooth ache, Navratri is a season for the obstetricians and gynecologists. Looking at the statistics of casual and unprotected sex people have after a garba-dandiya session, the 9 day festival is a boon for the obstetrician and gynecologists. Such couples come to us for abortions and even delivery after 9 months in select cases. This year has been so dry that even OPD consultation of couples with Questions like ‘kuch tension ki baat toh nai haina?’ has gone down.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the National Association of Wicketkeepers (Obstetricians) and gynecologists are planning to organize a ‘yagya’ to please the Gods above and pray for a rainless Navratri next year.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

INDIA CONDUCTS SURGICAL STRIKE ACROSS LoC, RAHUL GANDHI DEMANDS ACTION AGAINST STRIKING SURGEONS.


New Delhi: Hours after the Army chief’s announcement of surgical strikes across LoC, Congress President Rahul Gandhi took the Congress party to a new low of embarrassment by demanding action against the striking surgeons.

In his 1st public appearance after the recent fiasco seen during the ‘Khat (Cot) Panchayat’ in Deoria district of Eastern UP when farmers scrambled away with the ‘khatiyas’ and Congress was ‘cot red faced’, Rahul said, “Surgery resident doctors have always complained that seniors do not give them enough cutting. I always knew that they meant ‘cutting chai’ and the Congress party under my leadership opened tea shops in all medical colleges across the country. Modiji se main agrah karta hun ki aise ehsaan faramosh hadtali surgeons ki ‘khatiya khadi kar deni’ chahiye”.

With his anti surgeon statement going viral, Twitter co founder Jack Dorsey has announced the temporary suspension of Rahul’s twitter account @iampappu on grounds that their servers are already overburdened with Donald Trump’s idiotic tweets and might crash completely with similar retweets of Rahul Gandhi’s statements.

Unconfirmed reports in media have meanwhile claimed that the happiness quotient of Indian boyfriends has jumped by 5 % with Fawad Khan’s return to Pakistan, apart from hailing Indian Prime Minister Modiji as a ‘real son of a gun’.

Note: We are proud of our armed forces and the rightful action taken by the government. Gone are the days when our Ministers knew to only do ‘Kadi Ninda’, time to really teach Pakistan a lesson.

Monday, September 5, 2016

CONNECT THE DOTS.


You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path. And that will make all the difference.”

-Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

It has been really long I wrote something on this blog from my heart. It was not that I did not have time, or was more focused on writing articles for my website, but the real reason was that I was enjoying myself work really hard.

I have always been a huge Steve Jobs fan and would have seen his Stanford Commencement speech ‘n’ number of times, and every time I’m feeling low, those words never fail to lift my spirit up.

What makes me write this article is the sheer high and the adrenaline rush I’m feeling since the last few days as the dream and the vision that I have been working on since the last 12 months to set up a world class Accident & Emergency Department (within the limited resources and the available infrastructure) is finally completed, and I often look back just watching in awe what has been accomplished so far.

The journey is not complete yet, but looking at the bigger picture, I guess it was time for me to connect a few dots of my life so far.

1. Coming from an average middle class family, my parents were strict and always stressed on education and studies. There were a lot of financial ups and downs in life and I’m still clueless how my parents could be so strong and supported us in everything that we ever asked for. That made me sincere, disciplined, hard working and a tough go getter.

2. Even though since childhood, I always wanted to be an astronaut or an Air Force pilot, or may be more realistically a charted accountant (thanks to my parent’s dream I landed up in Medicine, pun intended), by working the EMS at Sion Hospital I knew right from my 2nd MBBS that Emergency Medicine is what excites me and that was the only thing I would do if I was to continue with clinical medicine. It is one of the busiest emergency departments in the country for a government hospital and the best centre for managing trauma in the city.

3. There was no awareness about Masters course in Emergency Medicine, I was very clear that I did not want to run the utterly stupid rat race of graduated doctors sitting in a library, wasting years of their life studying some really ridiculous MCQ books.

4. After completion of 5.5 years of the gruesome MBBS, I joined Asian Heart Institute as a Casualty Medical Officer where I did not learn much clinical management but a lot of stress was put on a detailed history taking which had to be flawless. Few months into the job and I had made up my mind to get into the administration part of the healthcare industry and started preparing for the CAT MBA exam, surprisingly scoring 95 percentile with only few weeks of preparation on my 1st attempt.

5. My father is a heart patient, had a bypass done in 2007. We went for his regular checkup and the cardiologist who was initially seeing him at Lilavati Hospital and many other hospitals had joined as a full timer cardiologist at Kokilaben Dhidubhai Ambani Hospital. It was during his checkup that I told Dr. Jamshed Dalal if it was possible to work with him, with the condition that I wanted to work in the Emergency Department only. One phone call to the HR in-charge and I found myself sitting in an interview for a job at KDAH.

6. I worked as a registrar in the Accident & Emergency Department for a year, learning the right way to manage emergency patients which was protocol based, evidence based. It is not always the clinical skill that one should pick up at an organization, what I picked up were the soft skills of a gentleman’s conduct, good communication and counseling to patients and relatives, taking care of their food, cleanliness in the department, team work, and many more. But I continued to prepare for another shot at CAT thinking I would crack it this time with a 99 percentile and coming out of clinical medicine.

7. The hospital started a 3 year masters in emergency medicine course, I did not join it initially. Was enjoying the money I was making (from 20k at AHI to 40K) within 4 months and thought that I would give 1 sincere attempt at CAT and if not, could always join the MEM next year.

8. September 25th 2012, my boss informed that a doctor had decided to quit the course due to personal reasons and I without a second thought told him that I would join it in his place. I had managed to save exactly Rs. 3,40,000 by then and surprisingly the annual fees was for Rs. 3,370,80 and felt proud tearing the cheque for the fees of my hard earned money.

9. The course was a 3 year Masters in Emergency Medicine (MEM) by George Washington University, USA that included extensive structured Emergency Medicine training, probably better than what MD and DNB Emerg medicine can ever be in India, with faculty coming from the US/UK every month for a week to teach and lectures on remaining days (twice weekly) by in-house consultants. We got to deal with all the latest technology, doing all procedures, etc, literally having freedom to work LIKE A CONSULTANT where we decided and implemented the investigations, treatment and interventions. It provided many of us a platform to be a part of this exciting field of Emergency Medicine and also an opportunity for people to get out of the shitty Indian repetitions system to get a PG seat (saving 1-2 precious years of this life).

10. I joined Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital on 1st October 2015 in the ‘casualty’ which in my opinion was nowhere close to being called an emergency department. The initial 5-6 months were the toughest period as I found myself working sleepless nights till 2 and 3 am designing the paper work, writing protocols, somehow managing a team of 7 ‘hostile’ doctors (who did not take well of a new comer of approximately their same age being made in-charge), etc. Within 3 months, the department had already taken shape and we were on a road to set up a world class Accident & Emergency Department. What we have accomplished within a very short span truly seems like a fairy tale, I had never worked so hard in life since the medical entrance exam in 2004.

11. On the personal front, I got a lot of recognition, respect and fame in the hospital and the emergency medicine fraternity and can now boast of a dream job for a 29 year old. What makes me happier and pushes me to work even harder is to see the happiness, satisfaction and content on the faces of everyone at the hospital including my CEO, Medical Director, Consultants, everyone from the management & HR to the nursing staff, housekeeping, purchase department, Public relations department, etc with the pace of the constant development we are doing in the department, thereby improving our quality of service, patient feedbacks and their satisfaction.

By connecting the dots backwards as the great Steve Jobs had said, everything has started to make sense to me and I’m now eagerly looking forward to life and my future ahead.

Monday, August 15, 2016

POOL WATER SENT FOR URINE ROUTINE & CULTURE SENSITIVITY, RIO OLYMPICS STOPPED TEMPORARILY.

"Yahan Peshab Karna Mana Hai" - Rio Olympics Committee.
Rio De Janeiro: With the deepening of the mystery surrounding the Rio Olympic diving pool turning from Blue to Green and Olympic officials unable to come up with a valid explanation, the focus has now shifted to the statement by Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time, that it's a common practice for athletes to pee in the Olympic pool and that he had himself relieved his bladder multiple times in the past.

The Olympic Managing committee has decided to temporarily stop the Rio Olympics for microbiologists to send pool water for urine routine, culture and antibiotic sensitivity testing. The Games will resume once the pool water culture reports are obtained and the pool is treated with a complete 5 day course of Norfloxacin and Amikacin.

In an interview to the Wall Street Journal earlier this month, Phelps admitted, “When we’re in the pool for two hours, we don’t really get out to pee. We just go whenever we are on the wall. Chlorine kills it, so it’s not bad”. The committee has now decided to randomly conduct USG KUB along with the dope tests on athletes to check for neurogenic or atonic bladder to prevent repetition of such embarrassing incidents.

A recent study published by doctors at the Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital found that ‘the average adult bladder holds approximately 2 cups of pee, often more. At the Rio Games there are 28 individual swimming events and 6 relay, totaling 52 athletes warming up in the pool to compete for the gold. Even if we just account for the male and female medal winners, that’s 156 potentially peeing athletes in the final round. If all 156 swimmers only deposit two cups of pee into the pool once, there is 75 litres of urine floating around in the Olympic pool.’

Meanwhile, our Gupt Sutra Sunita Tairaq has obtained copies of the secret Memorandum of Understanding signed by Suresh Kalmadi (of the Commonwealth Games scam fame) and owner of Sulabh Shouchalaya Arun Swaminathan for making the pool a world class public urinal after the conclusion of the 2016 Rio Olympics and keeping the price 1 USD similar to the Indian rates for the shouchalayas near railway stations in Mumbai.

The pool peeing revelation which has been found disgusting by most people has brought a wicked smile to female swimmers who envied males for their flexibility to pee anywhere in the open.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Dr. L. H. HIRANANDANI HOSPITAL - OUR PRIDE, OUR FAMILY.


Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital, Powai is not just another corporate hospital, it is an expression, a culture in itself, an emotion, a daily celebration of togetherness and a family of like minded people committed to providing the best, ethical and quality care to all our patients. I write this not as an employee of the hospital but as a neutral observer who in the last 11 months of being part of this great organization has first hand seen the hard work and sacrifice people do to excel at the job allotted to each of us. This hierarchy includes the top management, to the Administrative staff, the consultants, junior doctors, the nurses, executives, housekeeping, security staff, etc. who have always gone the extra mile with their commitment and service to help our patients in need. 

Today, this family of ours is under attack. It has fallen victim to forgery and cheating by a select few who for us were just another unsuspecting patients in distress with their long standing illness wanting a permanent solution in the form of a kidney transplant. A couple got admitted with all legal documents needed to carry out the transplant, little did we know that the documents including the marriage certificate, Adhar card, Pan card, Ration card, etc which were submitted were all fake. The expertise of the gang operating the racket at making these forged documents was so good that it was impossible for anyone, our ethics committee, the government doctor who gave the go ahead for the transplant, and even the criminal lawyer now investigating the case to point out any discrepancies in the documents until the beans were spilled by one among the gang member when the deal went wrong in terms of money sharing. 

Yes, there was a hospital insider involved. There is not denying the fact that Nilesh Kamble who was working as the Medical Social Worker and Transplant Coordinator in the hospital for the last few years was part of the racket, something that went unnoticed considering his trusted conduct at the organization. One man’s greed has led to an avalanche of problems and allegations against the organization which will leave a life time of scar on this glorious hospital, something that will surely heal but will take years to come to terms with. 

The head of this family, our beloved and highly respected CEO Dr. Sujit Chatterjee, our Medical Director Dr. Anurag Naik (Both are pass outs from the prestigious Armed Force Medical College, Pune and have served the country for more than 20-25 years, even in times of wars), and our fellow doctor colleagues have been arrested and are accused of being part of this racket for monetary gains!! The digital and print media has gone berserk targeting the hospital and its doctors every single day with their front page coverage of their cheap tactics, false allegations, non-existent sources, planted and sold statement providers, etc by twisting the facts and evidence just to gain their TRPs and sensationalize their own channels and newspapers. It boils our blood and makes us extremely angry to see cheap headlines like “Hiranandani k Jallad” for our colleagues who are being falsely and deliberately victimized for reasons which will get clear as the investigation progresses. The only reason I kept quite till now was because I thought it would be in the best interest of the organization to not express my anger and frustration against the ‘SYSTEM’ which will only lead to more controversy on social media with people these days looking for an opportunity to fan a fire. 

The judgment today to send our fellow doctor colleagues into judicial custody till 26th August and cancel their license to practice medicine has wrecked and shaken us all to the core. There is no denying the fact that Doctors and hospitals have now become easy targets to rage up a controversy, a scrape goat which is evident from the recent incidents of doctors being beaten up or even shot dead or stabbed, punished and sued for deficiency of service, while we become mere spectators and participants for similar wrongful things in all other streams and industries.
 
It is high time the medical fraternity is urged to stand up together and raise their voice in support of their fellow colleagues to show solidarity and togetherness against this injustice of the so called ‘system’ that has plagued this noble profession. 

Few questions still continue bother me. 
(1) Why is the Indian law so weak that people who were arrested 7 years back for similar crime were out and openly carrying out their routine modus operandi?
(2) Why are the real culprits, the recipient, the donor (fake wife), our medical social worker, the mediators of the gang out on bail and our innocent doctor colleagues behind bars? 
(3) Why has the government doctor who had verified the documents himself first and had given go ahead for the transplant not even mentioned about in the police enquiry and no action has been taken by the DHS against him? 
(4) If 95 such cases were reported to have been carried out in the city in the last few years and only 4 were alleged to have happened at Hiranandani Hospital, why the police has not investigated the remaining 91 cases so far? Are they scared that they will open up a Pandora box where most corporate and government hospitals across the city, state and the country will be found to have flouted norms and will be party to the crime? 
(5) We doctors after dedicating our years into medical studies are trained to treat patients; it is not possible for us to differentiate faked documents or to establish if donor and recipient are faking a relationship. How can the government body expect us to become an investigating agency? 

All we at the hospital can now do is pray and hope for the earliest return of not a CEO, a Medical Director or Consultant doctors but FAMILY MEMBERS of this organization, a hospital we all take pride in being a part of. We will not surrender to this injustice, give up or lose hope, we will hold our heads held high and come out even stronger. Yes, these are difficult and testing times for us, but the truth will prevail. 

URGING ALL OF YOU TO NOT JUST LIKE AND COMMENT BUT PLEASE HELP SHARE IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

TO SIR, WITH LOVE.


In our journey of growing up, we come across many teachers from school to college and through under graduation to post graduation who selflessly help mold us as a person and shape our career. Some of them leave an ever lasting impression on you. Following is one such letter to my teacher, Dr. Sanjay Mehta - Director, Accident & Emergency, Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital I wrote to few days back.

Respected Sir,

I had thought of personally writing to you many times in past, but better late than never.

It gives me immense pleasure to inform you that I'm really enjoying my work here at Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital. I've got a good opportunity and made the most of it within a short interval of time, with work at the hospital feeling like being part of a big family.

With the training we received at Kokilaben Hospital, and with teachers like you and Dr. Rathi, we are all doing very well in life and feel settled from a career point of view. I really feel satisfied to have literally set up the Accident and Emergency department in 3-4 months. I have no shame in accepting that a lot of the paper work, SOPs, and protocols are inspired by whatever you have taught us, after all they are the best and most systematic that they ever could be.

I have really worked very hard in the last few months and I now have a job profile that I could have only dreamt of so early in my life, being the administrative and clinical in charge of the A&E, no night shifts, offs on Sundays and public holidays, etc. Even the hospital administration and medico-legal diplomas I had done are coming in handy now along with all the AHA courses, I guess God really had a plan for me. On a funny note, I have lost more hair here in 10 months than that at KDAH over 4 years.

The management and patients are really appreciating my work here, I get a lot of good feedback from patients on mails and I would attribute it to you for your guidance and giving me an opportunity to be a part of KDAH A&E, 1st as a resident doctor and then as an Masters in Emergency Medicine (MEM) candidate.

You and the hospital have really played a pivotal role in molding us, our skills, character, confidence and whatever little of emergency medicine I know, is always because of all of you. Many youngsters might say that they want to be like their father, but I personally respect you so much that I always idolize you as a teacher, a guide, a department head, a boss and as a person who has supported us always and achieve so much. 

Thank you for everything.

Regards - Mohit Garg

and the unexpected reply within 10 minutes of my mail, that too on a Sunday morning from Dr. Sanjay Mehta - “Many congratulations for your achievements. It is your passion that drives you to achieve your dreams. There can be nothing more satisfying for a teacher than to see his students carving out a brilliant career. It is a privilege and pride for me to have students like you. Wish you all the success and glory in life.”

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

KDAH MEM 2016 BATCH COMMENCEMENT SPEECH


Dear Teachers, Parents, Nursing staff and my colleagues,

It is my honor and privilege to be invited by our respected Dr. Mehta, Director of Accident & Emergency to say a few words on this occasion. It was approximately 1 year back that the 1st batch of MEM residents passed out from this institute and have now already made a name for themselves in the field of emergency medicine.

What makes this program at KDAH different from that at other centers is that students here apart from their training as emergency physicians are groomed to be good leaders and managers. The freedom that we residents get right from history taking, deciding on investigations, plan of care and treatment goals, emergency procedures and medication though initially under supervision gives us the confidence of rational thinking and independently taking responsibility of our patients, paving the road for a good future ahead.

My message for the now post graduate doctors is that there is an exciting and emerging world of emergency medicine out there waiting for you with plenty of job opportunities and scope for personal career growth. The days of CMOs (Casualty medical officer) and casualty are far from over and the next decade belongs to this fastest growing branch of emergency medicine in the country. In the medical jargon, it is said that patient satisfaction and recovery is only partly based on the medication, partly on the facility/amenities and the remaining major part on the way the doctor makes the patient feel with his confidence, communication, compassion and soft skills; and this is what we have to continuously improve on. With the kind of patient load and training that you all have received, you are all ready to manage any medical emergency independently. Let it not be money driving you in the initial months but the passion and fire within to do good work in this field and be better clinicians and leaders of tomorrow, good work gets recognized, valued and encouraged everywhere and success will surely follow.

I would conclude with a quote from Steve Jobs, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do”.
On that note, I would like to congratulate all of you and wishing you all the best for the future.

Thank you.

Friday, June 17, 2016

MAN UNDERGOES COSMETIC SURGERY ON HIS BUMS, WANTED TO SIT COMFORTABLY ON THE 4TH SEAT OF MUMBAI LOCAL.


Mumbai- In a jaw dropping, rare corrective surgery which would make even Dr. House piss in his pants, a man from Mumbai, Huge'o Butt got his buttocks remodeled by plastic surgeons to fit on the 4th seat of the local train.

In an interview with our Samwadata Pranshul Kamdar, Butt said, "Getting into a local train during peak office hours is more difficult than taking your wife out for shopping. It was a shame that after standing from Kandivali to Dadar in the 1st Class, all I could manage was the 4th seat, on which half of my butt would float in space making it difficult for me to sleep till Churchgate."

"I had to sit sideways leaning my sweaty back on the person sitting next to me, irritate him by peeping in his newspaper or fart loudly to make some space. This surgery will really change the way I and my fellow commuters travel", Mr. Butt added further.

The revolutionary surgery which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoc Multi-specialty Hospital drew sharp criticism from a section of Godmen.

After reading the news, Asaram tweeted from jail that the man should have come to his ashram first to learn some 'Pelvic Exercises' from him or his son Narayan Sai which would have saved a lot of money to the patient with even better cosmetic results. Yoga guru Baba Ramdev too offered free Kapalbhanti workshop.

"My next mission is to get into a Virar Fast from Churchgate and try getting down at Borivali to see if my surgery was really a success, after all who would want to kick a cosmetically enhanced ass ?", said Huge'o Butt revealing his further course of action.