Patient changes medical history, medical student sends legal notice.

Some patients may even fake or exaggerate their symptoms.

Mumbai: In an incident which has sent shock waves across the medical fraternity, a final year MBBS students has sent a legal notice to a patient and demanded monetary compensation for mental and emotional distress, after the patient had changed his medical history in front of the professor.

It is a well known fact that every doctor in his educative year always goes through this scenario where he takes a detailed history taking for the case presentation during clinics ‘in the patient’s language’, but the patient gives a completely different history when the professor starts the case presentation, making the medical student a butt of all jokes in front of his fellow batch mates.

In an exclusive interview with us, the Dean of Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital Dr. K’abhi Mat’bann™ said, "Gone are the days when we used to teach our students - Listen to the patient, he's telling you the diagnosis. Now days, that can backfire on you into a legal suit. Patients offer explanations for their symptoms that are bizarre or illogical, and often start their medical history with what they had eaten a week back. Some patient's description of their main problem is so creative or vague that it's unintentionally funny, like a patient saying that she has been swallowing the laxative suppository since 3 days but it is not relieving her constipation, or that a husband giving history that his wife doesn’t have chills or rigors but she was hot in bed last night. When you ask patients if they have any past medical history or co-morbidities, they'll refuse. But when you ask them if they're taking any medicines, they'll show at least 10 strips of different medicines. Even when a situation is funny, it's difficult to hold back the laughter and remain professional.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the patient’s husband has also decided to legally pursue the matter, and after obtaining a copy of the patient files has pointed out many glaring mistakes in the budding doctor’s notes including the one which stated – ‘The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.’

Food from OT tiffins goes missing, surgeons under the scanner.

Mumbai : In an incident which has sent shockwaves in hospitals across the country, the mystery of missing food from tiffins kept outside the Operation Theatres (OT) has deepened further with OT staff now accusing surgeons of randomly picking tiffins and emptying them.

It is a well known fact that unlike in the West where most surgeons prefer to take a heavy breakfast before beginning long surgeries, in order to maximize their daily number of cases (and the money), apart from the patients being NBM (Nil by mouth) for 6-8 hours, most Indian surgeons also show up NBM to the OTs.

In an exclusive interview, Dr. Kutting Dey, the Head of GI surgeries at the Quackdoses hospital said, “The five rules for survival in the surgical world are - eat when you can, eat whatever you can, sleep when you can, drain pus and don't mess with the pancreas. This is part of our basic training from residency, and pretty much like how our non surgical friends are groomed to borrow pens from the nurses and never give them back. During surgeries, it is frustrating to see the anesthesiologist sipping coffee and chilling, while we are trying our best to avoid the vital structures while dissecting, it's bleeding now and then, and there's fluctuation in blood pressure – a prolonged stress which increases our cortisol levels, increases appetite and cravings. OT staff who are complaining should understand that the benefit of a successful surgical procedure outweighs the risk of assisting a starving surgeon. On the bright side, we tend not to be choosy if there is any tiffin kept on the common area table.”

An official statement issued by the Hungry Surgeon’s Association of India, has rubbished the statement by Dr. Dey calling them his personal views, and 'like for everything', has blamed the anaesthsiologists for the missing OT food.

Professional Rules for happy life

More than 70 % of my colleagues / juniors from Emergency Medicine are working in UK, and the others too who chose to work in India seem to be making frequent job changes where they're prioritising 'Career Growth over loyalty'. 

Employee attretion has over the years also become an issue in the country, especially in the healthcare sector. This can also to attributed to the fact that there has been a change in the way the current generation wants to lead there life. The generation of our grandparents worked for 'Survival', the generation of our parents worked for 'Standard of Living', and the current generation works for 'Quality of life & work-life balance'.

Over the last few days, I have often wondered if based on my experience in various organisations, if there were any pearls of wisdom I'd like to share with youngsters / freshers / budding doctors of tomorrow / working professionals. 

Today, I decided to jot down my PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE on what should be the professional rules for a happy life.

Note: No offence to anyone. You're free to have your own perspective.

1. Work with Honesty – Dedication – Devotion – Discipline - Sincerity. Always do the right thing, even if no one is watching. Remember, there are no shortcuts to success.

2. Avoid gossiping about work or any colleague with anyone – not at work, nor at home. Come – do your Job – Get Paid - Leave. (This includes any informal chats on Whatsapp with colleagues; screenshots are often being used as evidence these days).

3. Be Punctual – Come on time, leave on time. Don't get into the habit of working overtime. It will only increase your work, not your salary package.

4. Do not take work back home. Learn to disengage & disconnect as soon as you step out of your workplace.

5. Do not work to please an individual or for appreciation. Let your results talk for themselves.

6. Do not get involved or affected by workplace politics. It exists, it will always exist. But always stand up for what is right and against your core values & principles.

7. Do not always be a ‘YES’ man. Sometimes, you have to say ‘No’ also to maintain discipline, dignity & self-respect.

8. Never get involved in relationships at workplace. It will always backfire one day.

9. Do not trust everyone at work. Not everyone is your friend, or wants good for you.

10. Do not share personal problems with colleagues at workplace. Half of them will want to know only because they’re curious, rest will be glad you have them.

11. Subordinates / acquaintances should be considered a Team – Not family. Correcting people or taking difficult decisions can often become difficult then.

12. Unless urgent, do not call or message your colleagues for work related queries, out of official working hours.

13. Never stop involvement in training & academics. Pass on your knowledge and skills to youngsters, you’ll grow with them.

14. No matter how busy you get, take out 1 hour of your every day, for your health, hobbies and personal space.

15. Plan and utilise your paid leaves – travel – go on vacations. It is extremely important to unwind and energise yourself.

16. Never be afraid to take the risk - go where you are appreciated and valued. There are brilliantly talented people everywhere who aren’t receiving the recognition and reward they deserve. But once they feel confident, start valuing themselves and leave from an environment that isn’t serving them, they thrive and grow. 

17. Never end on a sour note with your previous organisation / boss / Colleagues. You never know when you might need them for guidance or future references.

In the end, nothing matters except family, friends, home, health, work life balance and peace of mind.

I’ve found my inner peace, are you searching for yours?

Medical Student picks biscuit from plate, examiner left stunned.

Mumbai: In an incident which has captured the imagination of medical students across the country, an anatomy external examiner was left stunned when a 1st year MBBS student during the viva exam picked a biscuit from his plate, instead of a bone.

Medical viva exams have a long history of being surrounded in controversy every year, with male students often accusing male external examiners of being partial towards females. The most famous & controversial viva incident was with a 1st year female student recently who was shown a uterus specimen and asked to identify it. When she was unable to do so, the male examiner gave her a hint that neither he, not her boyfriend had it. In spite of answering ‘brain’, she still surprisingly managed to top the university exam, for which she credited the prayers she performed the night before the exam.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Kabhi Matbann ⟨™⟩, who is now being hailed as a future surgeon said, “On the 1st viva table, the examiner asked me to identify someone’s balls hanging from a forceps. When I answered that it was a ‘male testicle’, he annoyingly shouted back asking if I had ever seen ‘female testicle’. It made me so nervous and scared that I became Anand bhai of Munnabhai MBBS for the rest of the viva. On the 2nd exam table, when the external examiner asked me to ‘pick anything’, how was I supposed to guess that he meant a bone. Surprisingly, he did not ask me anything after I picked the Parle-G biscuit from his plate. Unfortunately, I had nothing to tell to my batch mates when I emerged from the exam room and they surrounded me to ask ‘Kya Pucha, Kya Pucha’.”

Taking cue from this incident and avoid a similar embarrassment, the Pathology Examiner’s Association has summoned its members to not offer students to ‘pick anything’ from the table during the viva exams, but instead personally hand over the formalin filled organ specimen jar to describe.

Dust of Time.

The days of joy, the nights of fun,
It looked so pretty watching everyone,
Every moment spent together was fine,
Soon they’ll disappear, in the dust of time
Soon they’ll disappear, in the dust of time

I was by your side when you were in fear,
You all hugged me when I shed my tears,
In my setbacks you’d look so divine,
Wish you’re spared, by the dust of time
Wish you’re spared, by the dust of time

Soon we move away, get far a mile,
Gone are old days and gone is our smile,
Distance will shorten of yours and mine,
If memories are clean, from the dust of time,
If memories are clean, from the dust of time

Then life welcomes us on the road to jerks,
Years pass by while we’re at work,
The clock still ticking and we move on,
Without our notice, the time is gone,
Lost in the dust of time, somewhere in the dust of time,

The day you’re left alone, your heart in pain,
You wish those days back again,
Don’t search too far through the hue,
Look behind your shoulder, I'll be there for you
Through the dust of time, through the dust of time.

I'll be there for you, through the dust of time

18/01/08

My 'memorable patient' story.

With Omicron driving India’s 3rd COVID wave, and cases continue to surge in the country, there seems to be no respite in sight for the healthcare workers.

Unlike the 2nd wave, though the the number of COVID patients requiring ICU admission at hospitals, or dying from it are less, but we surely cannot let our guard down.

Looking back at the past close to 2 years of COVID in the country, there were multiple heart wrenching moments I witnessed as a doctor on the frontline, which I would really love to forget.

Following is one such conversation with the son of a patient, which has been hard to erase from my mind.

It was the last week of April' 21, the 2nd wave was at its peak and there was a shortage of hospital beds and oxygen as India battled COVID.

Though my work in the Emergency involves catering to all types of medical or surgical cases coming to the department, over the last decade, I had never admitted any patients under my care as the primary treating physician.

It so happened that the chief consultant in a small 25 bedded hospital (near to my last place of work) had to go on a week-long leave for his brother’s wedding, and the owners approached me to cover for him temporarily.

For the 1st time in my life, I was responsible for treating and saving the life of 22 COVID patients admitted under me, 5 of whom were on high flow oxygen requirement.

A young 30 year old male brought his 62 year old mother to the hospital with complaints of breathlessness and she had been diagnosed as severe COVID pneumonia, with a CT severity score of 17/25.

I explained to him that it was better that they admit her in a bigger hospital since she needed admission to the ICU, and might clinically deteriorate over time.

“Doctor, main abhi shamshan ghat se aa raha hun apne father ka cremation karke. Meri mother aur sister dono hi COVID positive hai. Sab jagah dekh liya, kisi bhi hospital mein bed nai hai. Agar koi bhagwan sach mein hai, toh ab aap hi ho mere aur mere poore pariwar k liye. Please kuch bhi karo, meri mummy ko bacha lo, warna main anath ho jaunga (Read: Doctor, I'm just coming back from the crematorium after performing the last rights of my father. My mother and sister are both COVID positive. We have looked everywhere, but there are no beds in any of the hospitals. If there is really a God, right now, it is only you for me and my family. Please do anything but save my mother's life, or else I will become an orphan)”, he said with both hands folded in front of me, and tears flowing down his eyes.

Hearing this, his sister and mother also started crying, and I couldn’t control my emotions as well (my eyes got wet then, they’re wet now too as I write this).

Every day, during my patient rounds in the morning and evening, every time I would enter her room, she would just bow down with hands folded as say, “Thakur ji aa gye (Read: God has come)”.

Over the next 7 days, I did everything to care for those 22 patients to the best of my abilities. I truly consider it as a miracle / God’s blessings that all of them recovered well (except 1 patient whom we referred to a higher centre as soon as an ICU bed with a ventilator was available for him). That feeling to see the smile on the faces of patients on their path to recovery, to see their oxygen requirement come down gradually, see their happy and relieved relatives and to finally write ‘Patient can be planned for discharge today’ on their file, is something that I cannot completely express in words.

Seeing her getting discharged from the hospital was a really emotional moment for me (her daughter too recovered with oral medications on home isolation). The son did not say a word as I bid her goodbye - just folded hands, tears in his eyes and he bowed down. That said it all.

On her follow up visit to my clinic after a week, he said, "Kash hum pehle hi aapke paas aa jate, shayad aaj papa bhi zinda hote (Read: I wish we had come to you earlier, may be my father would have been alive today)", and I was at loss of words.  

It was God doing his miracles all this while, I was only a medium.

Over the last more than 10 years, I would have treated 1000s of patients, but she will remain one of my most memorable patients, just due of the sense of responsibility and the burden on my shoulders that the son had put – I had to save her at all costs. Those words from him when he got her on the day of admission reverberate in my ears even today.

Till date, I still receive a Whatsapp forward every morning from her, just showering her blessings and expressing her gratitude.

City gynecologists unhappy as COVID plays spoilsport during Navratri.

Mumbai: The BMC's refusal to permit garba dandiya within city limits for the second consecutive year has evoked disappointment among obstetricians and gynaecologists. Expressing displeasure over the BMC's decision, city doctors shot off a letter to PM Modi demanding compensation from the central government against the losses due to the acute patient deficiency seen during 2 years of COVID affected Navratri festival.

It is a well known fact that apart from being the celebration of dance & life, and being Falguni Pathak’s bread and butter, the 9 day festival is also a breeding ground for young couples looking for a casual physical relationship. A study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital had found that the sale of contraceptive devices and pills in Mumbai jump by a whopping 75 % during the 9 day celebration.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Unglikar, a leading gynecologist in Mumbai said, “Like winter is the season for Chest Physicians and dentists with the increased number of patients coming with LRTI, exacerbation of Bronchial Asthma and COPD or tooth ache respectively, Navratri is a season for the obstetricians and gynecologists. Looking at the statistics of casual and unprotected sex people have after a garba-dandiya session, the 9 day festival is a boon for the obstetrician and gynecologists. Such couples come to us for abortions and even delivery after 9 months in select cases. Last 2 years have been so dry that even OPD consultation of couples with Questions like ‘kuch tension ki baat toh nai haina?’ has gone down.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the National Association of Wicketkeepers (Obstetricians) and gynecologists are planning to organize a ‘yagya’ to please the Gods above and pray for a COVID-less Navratri next year.

Doctor spot diagnosed with encephalitis after returning pen to nurse.

Mumbai: In a never before incident in the history of modern medicine, a doctor was spot diagnosed with encephalitis after presenting with the ultimate sign of brain damage when he returned a pen to the nurse. The news has sent shock waves across the medical fraternity.

It is a well-known fact that most doctors never carry their own pen and end up borrowing one from their nurses to put patient notes. On most occasions, doctors pocket the pen, knowingly or unknowingly, and often forget or misplace pens in wards, patient rooms, operating theater, patient's abdomen or anus but never return them to anyone.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Sister Pen-de, the nurse who was felicitated with the clinical acumen award for making this spot diagnosis of encephalitis said, “Doctors get this habit of borrowing pens from nurses right from their internship days. I was in utter disbelief and shock when the doctor came back and handed over my pen back to me. In all my years, I have shouted at and been shouted by many doctors but I have never seen them return a pen. That contributed to making the diagnosis as I knew he was in altered sensorium.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that Sister Pende is hopeful to spot diagnose her second case of encephalitis, and is now waiting for another doctor to return the stethoscope borrowed from the nursing counter.

The Murdered Suicide.

Warning: Graphic Image. 

Some stories remain untold, and there are some stories which trouble your subconscious mind, so much so that it would be a crime if the truth is buried.

We doctors, especially those working in the Emergency deal with medico-legal cases on a daily basis, and are used to clicking photographs of the injuries or identification marks of our patients (including those brought dead) to capture them in detail on our doctor notes and the police information report, or to send them to the surgeons on Whatsapp to give them a rough idea of what they would be operating on, before we dress the wounds.

Though I had deleted this photograph multiple times in the past, I’m not sure how I always find it in my old unused phones, computer backup, cloud, etc - as if the dead wants me to tell the truth, the harsh reality of his life.

A 17 year old male was rushed to my Emergency Department in an unconscious, unresponsive state with no recordable pulse, blood pressure or any spontaneous respiration, pupils were bilaterally 5 millimetre dilated and non reactive to light, with his T-shirt soaked in blood.

But since his body was warm, we started with immediate resuscitation (all life saving measures) including Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR-Chest compressions), Intubation (putting a tube through the mouth, directly in the wind pipe, to give breaths) and life saving drugs. And I realized that with every chest compression, the soakage on the T-shirt was increasing. I asked my nurse to lift the T-shirt, and what we then saw were 3 stab marks on the chest and abdomen.

To control the further loss of blood, I thought of plugging the stab wound (closest to the chest) from which blood clots were coming out of, during each chest compression. I then put my gloved index finger in it, and I knew immediately that it was all the way INSIDE HIS HEART.

I then ordered my team to immediately stop resuscitative attempts, as we knew that no matter how hard we tried, the patient was dead and there was no way he could be revived.

While the nurses were taking out an ECG, which would show a FLAT LINE (to declare the patient dead), I came out from behind the curtains to talk to the scared father, to counsel him regarding the prognosis, and the mandatory documentation including the process of informing the police.

“I’m a professor at ______ (a very prestigious institute in Mumbai) and he is my adopted son. My elder daughter and he had a fight over her social media posts after which in a fit of rage, she stabbed him with a kitchen knife. We took him to a nearby private nursing home, but looking at his condition, they referred us to your hospital. My daughter accompanied us to that hospital, don’t know where she is now”, the panicked father said, without me even inquiring what had happened.

I asked him to calm down, gave him a glass of water. By this time, I had the Flat Line ECG in my had which showed that there was no activity of the heart, and I pronounced him dead – a news that I always hate to break to relatives of any patient, and especially to a parent about their young child. I then proceeded to complete my paper work.

By this time, more of his family members had gathered in the Emergency waiting area, counseled the grieving father.

After 15 minutes, the father again came to me, this time with 2 other gentleman in their 60s, and they wanted to see my hospital documentation. I explained to him that all I had documented was the patient’s clinical condition on arrival, his injury marks, details of our resuscitation efforts, and not the history that he had told me.

“I never told you anything, what are you talking about?”, said the father and I’m left shell shocked.

Knowing that it was the job of the police to investigate, I did not argue much. I informed my medical director of the developments, and he too asked me to leave it to the police to investigate.

When the police came, I handed them the copy of all the relevant documents, informed them verbally of what the father had initially told me, and they reassured me that they would conduct a fair investigation. The body was handed over to them for further formalities and a post mortem at a nearby government hospital.

3 days later, I called up the investigating officer, to inquire about the progress of the case, and I received another shock. He told me that the child was suffering from depression and had committed suicide. Case closed.

And to this day, I can't stop thinking about precisely these things :-

a) The Professor changed his statements after being coached by his family and friends. Now that his son was already dead, did he want the daughter to land up behind bars for many years?

b) Was it because the son was adopted and not his real son, that the father did not even shed a tear, while he was busy thinking how he would brush the truth under the carpet?

c) The police would have been paid off well, to do what they are best known for… (will leave it to the imagination of the reader. A pointer can be the similar investigation, like that of the famous Salman Khan hit and run case) – a clear case of murder was converted into a case of suicide.

d) You do not have to be a forensic medicine specialist to know that it is IMPOSSIBLE to stab yourself like that, THRICE, to commit suicide.

e) Because of a system that can be manipulated, bribed and bought easily, a MURDERER IS OUT ON THE LOOSE.

My version of this story will NEVER CHANGE; as I know what I had heard that day from the father.

I really hope that the photograph no longer find its way back on any of my screens this time, but would want it to show up on your screens, so that the real story and the harsh truth of the boy can be told and shared with the world.

The Fighter In Us.

The war is still on, how can we stop, 

Our blood is still warm, how can we stop,
Our mission is undone, how can we stop,
The battle is not won, how can we stop…

COVID has taken its toll, we are in pain,
Yet unbroken with the shackles and chain,
Our eyes are in tears, but spirit intact,
The fire in us still burning has its effect…

The fighter in us is raring to go,
We don’t have the time to feel a bit low,
Our hearts still beating, we must move on,
As front line warriors we continue to perform…

PPEs and masks we must carefully don,
And fight until the threat is all gone,
God will favor the mighty is our belief,
Until we breathe our last sigh of relief…

मेरा पैगाम, देश के नाम।

एक बीमारी बड़ रही आगे,
नाम सुनते सभी दूर भागे,
COVID -19 है वो कहलाती,
नहीं देखती वो धर्म और जाती।

आओ मिलकर हाथ बड़ाओ,
देश को अपने सक्षम बनाओ,
साथ बड़ाओ अपने कदम,
संग सभी तो जीतेंगे हम।

भारत देश हमारा प्यारा,
कोरोना के प्रकोंप का है मारा,
ज़ोर देकर सोचो सभी,
‘सोशल डिस्टन्सिंग’ करनी होगी अभी।

कोरोना ने देश को भी बनाया है अपना घर,
खासने, छिंकने और छूने से फैला मगर,
आज हज़ारों देश वासी है इसका शिकार,
लॉकडॉन रखने से ही है इसका उपचार।

अन्न है हम सभी को खाना,
गंदे हाथों से बीमारी को क्यों साथ ले जाना,
संक्रमण की दरें कम होंगे तभी,
जब हाथ धोके खायेंगे सभी।

बच्चों - बड़ों को भी यही समझाना,
सरकार के निर्देशनों को ज़रूर निभाना,
बनेंगे भारत के भविष्य तभी,
जब मास्क पहन कर बचेंगे अभी।

डॉक्टर- नर्स- पुलिस- सफाई कर्मी साथ हैं,
बस कुछ समय की और बात है,
कोरोना का प्रकोंप होगा कम्,
प्रगति की राह पर होंगे हम।

सेहत का पैग़ाम फैलाना है हम सभी का धर्म,
इस जंग में साथ देके तुम करो अच्छे कर्म,
ये पाठ याद रख इंसान, बने तो इंसान बन फिर चाहे,
डॉक्टर को मत बना भगवान,
डॉक्टर को मत बना भगवान !

Intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates. – Study

Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispecialty Hospital, it was found that intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates compared to those getting weaned off the ventilator.

Though it is not rare to find relatives continuously ventilating their patient with an AMBU bag in government hospital ICUs (due to the lack of ventilators), report of patients in India ventilating themselves have startled doctors across the world.

The team of doctors involved in the study also claimed that when done well, the technique is quite anticlimactic, as patients simply continue to breathe, maintaining their own airway and saturation, for as long as needed, thereby greatly reducing the risk for aspiration, which makes the process safer in many circumstances.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Valmik, a leading anesthesiologist said, “Asking patients to ventilate themselves avoids repeated ABGs, reduces electricity bill of the ventilator and the patient never stops pumping the AMBU owing to the fear of dying. It is similar to prescribing a bottle full of laxative to a patient suffering from cough, as a remedy. He will be too scared to cough! The disadvantage is that the patient’s have to be taught to give 1 breath every 5-6 seconds, which takes time, and even when done well, photographs of such patients become viral on social media making the intern/houseman, a butt of all jokes.”

Taking cue from the revolutionary study, WHO has decided to include “Screaming Patient? Intubate to protect airway…” as its health slogan’ 2020.

Major blow for Kejriwal after insurance company rejects mediclaim.

New Delhi: In another major setback for the Delhi chief minister Arvind Kejriwal, the Supreme Court today upheld the rejection of mediclaim by an insurance company for treatment of his chronic cough. He is already facing the heat as a RTI filed by the BJP has revealed that Kejriwal and his ministers spent more than Rs. 50 lakhs on medical treatment in the last 4 years at top private hospitals, while cheating common man to seek treatment in ‘Mohalla clinics’.

As per the insurance policy documents, a copy of which is available with QuackDoses, Kejriwal had claimed Rs. 10 Lakh cash back for the treatment of his ‘trademark’ chronic cough which exacerbated during press conferences and dharnas, before he used Anna Hazare’s movement for his own political gains.

The insurance company had refuted the claim on grounds that a muffler and sweater were not a recommended medical treatment modality and that Dr. Kumar Vishwas was not a real doctor. Kejriwal challenged the insurance company’s decision before the National Consumer Disputes Redressal Forum which passed an order against him, and he subsequently moved the apex court.

“The documentary material indicates that there was a clear failure on the part of the Kejriwal to disclose that he suffered from Munchausen syndrome, a factitious mental disorder in which a person repeatedly and deliberately acts as if he or she has a physical illness when he or she is not really sick. The ground for rejection was in terms of the exclusions contained in the policy,” the top court said.

In a press conference to media persons after the verdict, Kejriwal said, “Main bahut chota admi hun, meri koi aukat nai hai. Inn insaurance company walon k piche Congress-BJP netaon ki milibhagat hai. Yeh log chahte hain ki mera allergic bronchitis pneumonia mein badal jaye aur main khatiya pakad lun. Ek baar agle saal Dilli mein phir hamari sarkar aane do, inn insurance company walon ko hum expose karke jail bhijwa denge.”

Unconfirmed reports also claimed that a pharmaceutical company who had signed Kejriwal as brand ambassador for their cough syrup might sue him for breach of contract, for not publicly coughing enough in the last 4 years as promised in the deal.

Veterinary physicians who study pharmacology can soon practice allopathy in india.

Mumbai: In a proposal which could further cripple the healthcare sector, already facing the heat due to the moronic government policies, the Health Department has said that veterinary physicians with Bachelor's degree in Veterinary Science (B.V.Sc.) could soon be allowed to prescribe and practice modern allopathic medicine.

With the government’s failure to attract adequate number of students to join MBBS due to the rural bond, 2 crore surety for super-specialization courses, putting a cap on consultation and surgery charges, allowing cross pathy, attack on doctors, etc, this move could sound the death knell for modern medicine in India.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Prime Minister Modi said, “It is not possible legally to allow animal doctors to practice human medicine which they have not studied. Similar to allowances currently given to AYUSH doctors in 13 states, animal doctors wishing to practice allopathy will also have to study human pharmacology. It will be a full course of one year and they will be allowed to practice only after they clear the examination. We wanted to make sure that parents tricking children by scaring them of the ‘ghode wala injection’ at the doctor’s clinic would be a reality before 2019.”

This move has, however, faced stiff objection and opposition from the Indian Medical council (IMA), which fears it could “make way for more quackery”.

“Although there is no denying the fact that humans have started behaving like animals again, allowing integrated practice of human and animal medicine will result in increased number of medical negligence cases. It is unfortunate that our views have not been considered,” a senior IMA member said.

This move is likely to give legal sanction to some 75,000 vets enabling them to practice allopathy.

Bridge course only for AYUSH practitioners draws ire, compounders protest.

Mumbai: Compounders across India are strongly opposing a provision in the National Medical Commission Bill, tabled in the parliament recently that seeks to allow AYUSH practitioners (Ayurveda, Yoga and Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy) practice modern (allopathic) medicine after clearing a bridge course.

The Compounder’s Association of India are up in arms against the proposal saying it is akin to “giving legal sanction to quackery in the country” and that they should also be allowed to learn the bridge course.

In India, the number of quacks - from hakims with no education at all, to qualified vaidyas with an affinity for prescribing allopathic medicines - has increased. Most compounders are graduates and even school dropouts who are employed as ‘helpers’ but often start running their own ‘clinics’ after ‘experience and training’ under MBBS doctors for few years.

In an exclusive interview with The Quackdoses, Dr. Jhola Chaap said, “Compounders are entrepreneurs who have picked up bits and pieces of medicine through informal apprenticeships and built up large practices on their own. It takes years of study and discipline to become a compounder of modern medicine. The new bill will lead to an army of quacks in the country, and we want to be part of that army. Allowing compounders to legally take up integrated practice will not only help in curbing quackery but also ensure that maximum people get timely treatment.”

Meanwhile, Veterinary physicians have also demanded similar 6 month bridge course instead of the proposed 1 year course in pharmacology to practice allopathy, as exclusively reported by the Quackdoses recently.

Doctors rush to get hitched after PG entrance exam, wedding planners cheerful.

Mumbai: In unexpected developments which have surprised even the experienced marriage pundits who got doctors to bite the bullet in the past, it has been seen that there is a rush among medical students to get engaged / married immediately after next week's NEET PG medical entrance exam.

A survey conducted by The QuackDoses revealed that while previously girls after easily securing a PG seat though both, the general and the women category would wait for their MBBS days boyfriend to get a PG seat after a 2 or 3 year drop, they now prefer to get engaged / married immediately after their 1st attempt together just to change their Facebook relationship status from ‘Its Complicated’ to ‘Engaged / Married’.

With recent reports of non IIT engineers not getting placed this year, many engineering colleges shutting down, market trends of engineers being ready to work for 5K and those with additional MBA degree for 20K, parents of medical students too seem to be happy to get rid of their already frustrated child and let them marry a MBBS graduate, now in demand as RMOs in corporate hospitals across the country.

Our Samwadata spoke to Dr. Tharki Kunwara who is preparing to give his 3rd PG attempt in 2018. “My Facebook home page news feed is flooded with people creating life events of getting engaged or married. Even my best friend who always said that he was doing ‘TP’ with his girlfriend is actually getting married to her in the week after the exam. It is most frustrating is to see the photographs of my juniors getting hitched too. How can people not wait till 1st or 2nd year of residency?”

Whether such changing trends are means of male medical students to ‘once in a lifetime’ get more than 100 likes on their profile pictures or for the BF waiting females to avoid the other batch mates who start hitting on them through Whatsapp / Facebook Messenger, only time will tell.

Although the wedding planners seem to be celebrating their unexpectedly expanding client base, the developments could spell doomsday for single male doctors who finally secure ‘The coveted PG seat’ but would now fail to find any suitors.

Kejriwal: Facebook prayers to soon clear hospital bills.

New Delhi: In a bizarre proposal put forth by India’s second best comedian after Rahul Gandhi, the Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal has claimed that the general public will soon be able to clear hospital bills with Facebook prayers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoc 3 days after his tongue shortening surgery, Kejriwal said, “I was scared for my life because Modiji wanted to get me killed with a lethal dose of Propofol and also sign the DNR and DNI (Do not resuscitate & Do not intubate) consent for me, so I took DAMA (Discharge against medical advice) from the hospital. But before leaving, Lord Ganesha appeared in my dreams and told me that I should have not have cleared the bill with tax payer’s money, but could have instead made use of Facebook Prayers. I then decided that 1 Facebook like = 1 salute = 1 prayer and should be made = 1 rupee to clear hospital bills which will be a game changer for the heathcare industry.”

 
While the healthcare sector is abuzz with the news, psychologists have claimed that Kejriwal is suffering from acute hospital psychosis, a disorder in which patients in an intensive care unit (ICU) or a similar setting experience a cluster of serious psychiatric symptoms. Another conspiracy report has claimed that the acute altered mental status that Kejriwal is suffering from is because of an overdose of Ketamine, an anesthetic agent which is known to cause dissociative amnesia. 

Taking clue from Kejriwal’s vision, male medical students across India have already started posting pictures of themselves on their Facebook timeline which says, ‘This boy has been diagnosed with no GF, 1 like = 1 prayer.’

Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital – Our pride, our Family.

Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital, Powai is not just another corporate hospital, it is an expression, a culture in itself, an emotion, a daily celebration of togetherness and a family of like minded people committed to providing the best, ethical and quality care to all our patients. I write this not as an employee of the hospital but as a neutral observer who in the last 11 months of being part of this great organization has first hand seen the hard work and sacrifice people do to excel at the job allotted to each of us. This hierarchy includes the top management, to the Administrative staff, the consultants, junior doctors, the nurses, executives, housekeeping, security staff, etc. who have always gone the extra mile with their commitment and service to help our patients in need. 

Today, this family of ours is under attack. It has fallen victim to forgery and cheating by a select few who for us were just another unsuspecting patients in distress with their long standing illness wanting a permanent solution in the form of a kidney transplant. A couple got admitted with all legal documents needed to carry out the transplant, little did we know that the documents including the marriage certificate, Adhar card, Pan card, Ration card, etc which were submitted were all fake. The expertise of the gang operating the racket at making these forged documents was so good that it was impossible for anyone, our ethics committee, the government doctor who gave the go ahead for the transplant, and even the criminal lawyer now investigating the case to point out any discrepancies in the documents until the beans were spilled by one among the gang member when the deal went wrong in terms of money sharing. 

Yes, there was a hospital insider involved. There is not denying the fact that Nilesh Kamble who was working as the Medical Social Worker and Transplant Coordinator in the hospital for the last few years was part of the racket, something that went unnoticed considering his trusted conduct at the organization. One man’s greed has led to an avalanche of problems and allegations against the organization which will leave a life time of scar on this glorious hospital, something that will surely heal but will take years to come to terms with. 

The head of this family, our beloved and highly respected CEO Dr. Sujit Chatterjee, our Medical Director Dr. Anurag Naik (Both are pass outs from the prestigious Armed Force Medical College, Pune and have served the country for more than 20-25 years, even in times of wars), and our fellow doctor colleagues have been arrested and are accused of being part of this racket for monetary gains!! The digital and print media has gone berserk targeting the hospital and its doctors every single day with their front page coverage of their cheap tactics, false allegations, non-existent sources, planted and sold statement providers, etc by twisting the facts and evidence just to gain their TRPs and sensationalize their own channels and newspapers. It boils our blood and makes us extremely angry to see cheap headlines like “Hiranandani k Jallad” for our colleagues who are being falsely and deliberately victimized for reasons which will get clear as the investigation progresses. The only reason I kept quite till now was because I thought it would be in the best interest of the organization to not express my anger and frustration against the ‘SYSTEM’ which will only lead to more controversy on social media with people these days looking for an opportunity to fan a fire. 

The judgment today to send our fellow doctor colleagues into judicial custody till 26th August and cancel their license to practice medicine has wrecked and shaken us all to the core. There is no denying the fact that Doctors and hospitals have now become easy targets to rage up a controversy, a scrape goat which is evident from the recent incidents of doctors being beaten up or even shot dead or stabbed, punished and sued for deficiency of service, while we become mere spectators and participants for similar wrongful things in all other streams and industries.

 
It is high time the medical fraternity is urged to stand up together and raise their voice in support of their fellow colleagues to show solidarity and togetherness against this injustice of the so called ‘system’ that has plagued this noble profession. 

Few questions still continue bother me. 

(1) Why is the Indian law so weak that people who were arrested 7 years back for similar crime were out and openly carrying out their routine modus operandi?
(2) Why are the real culprits, the recipient, the donor (fake wife), our medical social worker, the mediators of the gang out on bail and our innocent doctor colleagues behind bars? 

(3) Why has the government doctor who had verified the documents himself first and had given go ahead for the transplant not even mentioned about in the police enquiry and no action has been taken by the DHS against him? 

(4) If 95 such cases were reported to have been carried out in the city in the last few years and only 4 were alleged to have happened at Hiranandani Hospital, why the police has not investigated the remaining 91 cases so far? Are they scared that they will open up a Pandora box where most corporate and government hospitals across the city, state and the country will be found to have flouted norms and will be party to the crime? 

(5) We doctors after dedicating our years into medical studies are trained to treat patients; it is not possible for us to differentiate faked documents or to establish if donor and recipient are faking a relationship. How can the government body expect us to become an investigating agency? 

All we at the hospital can now do is pray and hope for the earliest return of not a CEO, a Medical Director or Consultant doctors but FAMILY MEMBERS of this organization, a hospital we all take pride in being a part of. We will not surrender to this injustice, give up or lose hope, we will hold our heads held high and come out even stronger. Yes, these are difficult and testing times for us, but the truth will prevail. 

URGING ALL OF YOU TO NOT JUST LIKE AND COMMENT BUT PLEASE HELP SHARE IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Man undergoes cosmetic surgery on his bums, wanted to sit comfortably on the 4th seat of Mumbai local.

Mumbai- In a jaw dropping, rare corrective surgery which would make even Dr. House piss in his pants, a man from Mumbai, Huge'o Butt got his buttocks remodeled by plastic surgeons to fit on the 4th seat of the local train.

In an interview with our Samwadata Pranshul Kamdar, Butt said, "Getting into a local train during peak office hours is more difficult than taking your wife out for shopping. It was a shame that after standing from Kandivali to Dadar in the 1st Class, all I could manage was the 4th seat, on which half of my butt would float in space making it difficult for me to sleep till Churchgate."

"I had to sit sideways leaning my sweaty back on the person sitting next to me, irritate him by peeping in his newspaper or fart loudly to make some space. This surgery will really change the way I and my fellow commuters travel", Mr. Butt added further.

The revolutionary surgery which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoc Multi-specialty Hospital drew sharp criticism from a section of Godmen.

After reading the news, Asaram tweeted from jail that the man should have come to his ashram first to learn some 'Pelvic Exercises' from him or his son Narayan Sai which would have saved a lot of money to the patient with even better cosmetic results. Yoga guru Baba Ramdev too offered free Kapalbhanti workshop.

"My next mission is to get into a Virar Fast from Churchgate and try getting down at Borivali to see if my surgery was really a success, after all who would want to kick a cosmetically enhanced ass ?", said Huge'o Butt revealing his further course of action.

Arnab Goswami is the number 1 risk factor for hypertension in India : Study.

Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoc Multispecialty Hospital, Arnab Goswami, India’s most famous judge, jury and executioner for his show, the Newshour has now become the number one risk factor for hypertension in the Indian population.

The success of the show, which recently completed its 10 years on 1^st February, was marred by recent reports that the ever angry and ever restless news anchor Arnab had surpassed the threats by obesity, excessive salt in diet, alcohol, low vitamin D levels and other risk factors to become the biggest threat to the morbidity and mortality of an entire nation.

The World Health Organization (WHO) had earlier predicted that by 2025, one third of the Indians would suffer from Diabetes and High blood pressure related ailments, but according to recent study, WHO has now claimed that 99.9 % of all viewers of the talk show will suffer from Hypertension by the year 2020, unless Arnab starts giving the guest panelists a chance to talk on the show.

What has baffled the researchers involved in the study even further is that the hypertension caused by watching Arnab has been found to be resistant to the standard treatment of Diuretics, ACE inhibitors, Beta blockers, Calcium channel blockers, etc and can only be treated to a certain extent by watching youtube videos of Rahul Gandhi’s speeches and of Arvind Kejriwal making his false promises and dramatic claims.

Our Gupt Samwadata spoke to Dr. Arun Swaminathan, the doctor-in-chief of the research, “The constant yelling and bickering on the show produces a stress response in the viewers, which in turn stimulates the adrenal glands to produce the fight, fright and flight hormones, namely Adrenaline, Noradrenaline and Cortisol, thereby increasing the blood pressure. It has been observed that since the debut of the show 10 years back, the number of Indians suffering from myocardial infarction, tinnitus, intracranial bleed and nightmares has doubled, with the guest panelists being the hardest hit, suffering from neurogenic bladder where they have no control on & subconsciously piss in their pants with even the thought of facing Arnab again. He is slowly becoming India’s most dreaded father-husband, and might be the only guy in the world to fight with his wife and win an argument. There was a time when kids did not drink milk and mothers used to scare them by threatening to call the police, times have now changed and mothers now threaten to call Arnab uncle instead.”

With his undeniable ability to increase urine output, research is now underway if videos of Arnab Goswami can be used to treat congestive heart failure (CHF), and whether he is more efficacious than the time tested furosemide (Lasix) & Nitroglycerine infusion. Whatever the results may be, only time will tell, but experts are skeptical of the chances of using Arnab in CHF with the counter argument that he could possibly cause a heart attack first.