Tusshar Kapoor becomes 'butt' of jokes, WHO officials annoyed.

Mumbai: In a setback to India’s image as a hot medical tourism destination, Indian Macho Superstar Tusshar Kapoor’s (who shot to limelight with his dumb act in Golmaal series) butt exposing act has put the entire nation to shame.

The BCG mark evidently seen on the Right buttock has become the centre of attention and has drawn huge ire from the WHO (World Health Organization) officials about the grossness in Indian Healthcare system. To add fuel to fire, the protruding nipples of the man boobs or 'moobs' which have been compared to ‘Totapuri Mangoes’ on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter have highlighted the Silicone implants gone wrong in a botched up surgery conducted at LTMGH.

The above photograph which is now the centre of the storm has attracted support with Dr.Keedawala, the Head of the FN: Doctor's Lounge Institute of Clinical Research claiming, "Tusshar's butt looks ripe and 'The perfect Ass' for clinical trials. If Tusshar can offer his butt for research into new ways of giving injections, he would not only contribute to science but to the entire mankind, more than he would have by quitting acting".

With the likes of Tusshar Kapoor joining in the race for the 'Item Girl', even Poonam Pandey and Rakhi Sawant are feeling the heat of the new degree of exposure they have to do in future to stay in the competition.

When our gupt samwadata Dr.Salman Butt contacted Tusshar, he stated, "It is nothing but a testosterone injection abscess scar which my Doctor Arun Swaminathan gave me. I plan to sue him in court soon for making this particular photograph public. AA E A O AEO Penchor"

A Red Corner Notice has now been issued against Dr.Arun Swaminathan who is apparently on the run and is expected to escape to US soon.

Relatives threaten to stare at nursing sisters if doctor does not stop.

Mumbai: In a Tit for Tat incident in the psychiatry ward of LTMGH, angry relatives of a psycho patient Mr.Raas Leela (admitted for stalking a female colleague) turned violent and threatened to stare at the Hospital nursing sisters if the on duty Houseman did not stop staring at the unfortunate patient’s sister Bholi.

“Humein iss Doctor ki niyat shuru se theek nai lag rahi thi….He sees other patient twice a day but seems to pay undue attention to Raas visiting him 4-5 times a day, chatting with Bholi and trying to come close to her. He also gave him medications on his own, quietly put the Ryle’s tube, Foley’s Catheter and IV lines without arguing with the nurses. What surprised us was that today the Doctor helped the mama tie the patient too.

When Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge questioned Dr. Phil Good, he explained, “I just feel a special connection with Raas. He reminds me of my MBBS days how I had myself become a stalker after this senior of mine. She was so so….Ahem Ahem…..About me talking to his sister, as a doctor I believe it is important to make frequent eye contact with relatives to convey better. I have a clean heart.”

Dr. Arun Swaminathan, a famous US based neurologist on conditions of anonymity said, “ Doctors are the most pervert of all working professionals. In my vast experience of 1 year as an intern, I have commonly seen many batch mates look at patient or their sisters with a bad intention.”

Taking clue from the incident, Aamir Khan has already planned the next episode of ‘Satyamev Jayate’ to high lighten and showcase the pervert Doctors in bad light similar on lines of the 1st episode.

Open Letter to Aamir Khan

Dear Mr.Aamir Khan,

I have been trying hard but cannot get over the fact that you can 'sell' ignorance with such ease and honour.

Though I agree to 'parts' of your show , Lets first get the facts right.

1) You said patients on dialysis live upto 15-20 years. Fact - The 5 year survival rate of patients on dialysis is about 25-30 % ( less than many cancers). Renal transplant remains the best available treatment option for chronic kidney disease. (I hope you take responsibility for people who after watching your show plan to not go for kidney transplant and die in less than 5 years)

2) An overenthusiastic girl from the audience said that her father was forced for an emergency liver transplant '6-7 years' ago for gastroenteritis. Fact- Even today there are ' a handful' of hospitals in India offering liver transplants. To think that 6-7 years ago , just a gastroenteritis patient was offered liver transplant is not only improbable but technically impossible.

3) A diabetic patient blamed a doctor for losing a toe. Fact- Lacs of diabetic patients per year lose entire limbs due to diabetic foot ( cellulitis and gangrene) . Doctors go about step wise cutting off toes , then foot, even the leg up to above knee level in order to save as much limb as possible. The patient in your show might still be able to walk just because of the timely action taken by the surgeon.

Mr. Aamir Khan I am not getting back at you because i took your show personally. Yes , I agree that there are doctors indulging in shameful malpractices and even i know a few of them. But i can proudly say i am surrounded by more doctors who work day and night just to ensure that their patients get the best possible treatment..The' BAD' doctors should be punished and we all can come together to ensure we do not encourage such malpractices.

Secondly I would have appreciated if you would have thrown some light on the entrance examinations and the hard work, dedication and sacrifices a doctor needs to clear his MBBS, MD, DM etc examinations.

I wish you had spent half a day in the emergency department and OPD of a Govt. Hospital and realised that the work timings, working conditions, lunch breaks, doctor : patient ratio, hours of sleep per week , living conditions in the hostel and the stipend is worse than a class 4 labourer. You would have also surprisingly realised that the 'DOCTORS' are the only 'FUNCTIONAL' part of a Govt. Hospital which still caters to thousands of patients in a day. When you compared statistics of U.K and India , why didn't you include the salaries, living standards and the doctor: patient ratio the doctors have in developed countries.

Coming to generic drugs, Yes, a large amount of rural population should have access to cheap generic drugs. But one should not forget the pharma companies that charge more for the drugs are the ones that spend crores of rupees for research and development of new drugs. Had there not been drug trials no new drugs would have been invented and we would have mortality rates compared to stone age.

Also i agree that most doctors endorse certain brands of drugs (which i do not deny may be for some financial gains also ) because they have faith in the quality of the 'active drug' of certain companies. Yes many local companies manufacture generic products ( which is a copy of the original molecule discovered by the expensive company)which can be used for unaffordable patients. But you did not mention that many of these generic drugs are of substandard quality and are the reason of many uncalled for deaths due to drug reactions. Most doctors would not want to take responsibility of the quality of the 'generic' drugs.

Lastly, What do you mean when you say ' People of high IQ and desire to earn money should not become doctors'. Why aren't doctors allowed to have an ambition ?? How can a person who earns 4 crores for an episode of a so called 'social' show decide on what should be an individual's ambition and financial status !! Why can there be no doctors who earn well for their professional skills and do not indulge in malpractices ?! It just reflects your hypocrisy.

I would like to offer a few solutions to the problem.

a) ' BAD' doctors indulging in malpractices should be suspended for life. We need a strong regulatory authority to publish expected treatment 'protocols' and punish doctors found to be doing unethical practices.

b) Regulatory authorities should also keep a check on the quality of drugs being manufactured and at the same time 'sold' at the local chemist.

c) Govt. medical colleges and hospitals should multiply several folds, increasing the number of doctors in each department , improving the doctor: patient ratio. Doctor's salaries and living conditions shoul be looked after and should be comparable to other professionals.

d) Regular CME'S and licensing exams ( like other countries) every 5-10 years.

e) The Govt. should spend 6-8% of GDP ON HEALTHCARE and a part of which should also be committed to the research and development of newer drugs.

f) No politician should be allowed to be associated with any private medical colleges.

g) The general public should be educated well about common diseases and the 'acceptable' qualifications of the doctors.

These are just a few points i can think of at the moment. I am sure had you bothered to have a panel discussion and find solutions in a healthy way, We could come up with a lot more viable solutions.

However you chose to sensationalise your show, by hiring 'few' people with 'fake' or 'amplified' problems and shed a few tears.

Hope you understand that Your allegations like ' HAMARE DESH KE DOCTORS ITNE BIMAAR KYUN HAIN' and 'MAUT KE SAUDAGAR' are as seriouus as calling all actors 'Rapists' ( after the shiney ahuja incident ) and all Muslims 'Terrorists' .

Knowing that you twisted not one but not many known medical 'facts' to strike a chord with the 'ignorant' 'naive' audience, How do you expect me to have faith in you and the stories you would project in the upcoming shows. You have betrayed a large segment of the 'classes' as well as 'masses'.

All i can say is i feel sad for the death of the 'image' you created in our minds and hearts. An unbiased Aamir who strives for nothing but the truth and the betterment of the society was after all a MYTH.

Condolences,

An honest Doctor .

Man gets job, thanks expired medications.

Mumbai: Isratunissa, a manager at a local appliance store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of C.V's, she found four people who were equally qualified. Isratunissa decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Isratunissa asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Isratunissa.

 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Isratunissa. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the field the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.

'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Isratunissa was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said. Turning to Ganpat, the fourth and final man, Isratunissa posed the same question.

Old Ganpat replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.'

'WHAT !?' said Isratunissa, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said Ganpat. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, I had taken medications but they turned out to be expired. I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit myself..'

Ganpat was hired immediately.

Lost & found.

For the first time in life I feel like an aimless boat without its oars, drifting in the ocean. There is no desire, no determination…. Only one thought to make it big in life, but I don’t know how.

Here at KDAH, I have a dream life… working 16-17 days a month out of which 7-8 are night shifts, that makes it 20-21 effective days I get to be me. My days are spent doing things I always hoped I would be doing when I grow up be it playing music, writing, sports, watching movies, spending time with family, etc and would continue all my life. The job satisfaction is immense to be working at one of the best Emergency centers in the country.

At 25 years of age, I feel as if I have done it all… no regrets, no mistakes…not boasting or exaggerating about myself but it needs to be expressed so I can smile reading this when I gift myself my ‘Printed Blog’ in the form of a book on some birthday of mine in years to come. Only a happy thought that I have lived 25 wonderful years living a dream of achievements. Looking at old photographs, watching videos, a glimpse of all certificates, the coin & stamp collection, mark sheets, etc fills my heart with happiness…. I really have lived a different life, in my own world feeling the sense of satisfaction…relief…salvation…seems like the philosophy of a dying old man about his life.

I guess its time to change, leave things behind as they were, move onto something new…I really want to travel a lot, go on an adventure trip, meet new like minded ‘different achievers’ from all walks of life, meet people looking for their purpose in life…I don’t want to be tied down by family, society, money, materialistic love…Its going to be just me and my freedom to express, be creative, feeling the human spirit…the adrenaline rush to be who you are…Dear life, bring it on!  

Story of FREE SPIRIT- The Blog.

It all started 4 years back with a way to relieve the stress of the day to day hectic medical life by pouring my heart out. Facebook was not so popular then and ‘Blogging’ was the favorite writer’s pastime ( now taken over by Facebook Notes). Necessity is the mother of all inventions and so the ‘ Free Spirit’ was born. This blog post is dedicated to this blog, an inanimate best friend & girlfriend of mine whom I have shared everything with in past few years.

I have opened up my life here, my journey over the years with all the ups and downs I have been through. It is the bare naked truth, the open book of my life. Poems, songs, articles, plays…. Didn’t know I could be so versatile. Sometimes when I read my own posts, I’m surprised if I wrote them, some of them really are heart touching.

Growing up from a boy who was denied admission in a school just because I came from a Hindi medium school during my KG classes, to being a doctor and writing so much has been an immensely satisfying journey. Writing had never been a hobbie and was limited to the exams and essay & poetry writing competitions in inter house competitions at school.

This talent that I have nurtured over the years has now reached its peak and I’m madly in love with my brain child Faking News: Doctor’s lounge. It really is doing great and I love coming up with medical satire which is being read by medical and other professionals all around the world. I had close to 14000 visitors on this blog in last 4 years but with more than 1.1 lakh visiting the Facebook page and more than 300 fan following in 5 months is a proof of Facebook’s outreach.

80 % of all articles have been written in a dead of the night when I’m in a trance like psychotic state (without influence of alcohol or drugs as life itself gives me a high) including this one which I’m writing sitting in the medical social worker’s room in KDAH at 1.25 AM.

Life really has been a party ever since I passed MBBS and I’m living the dream. Job, studies, writing, music, swimming, tennis, long drives, biking, traveling, etc…there is so much I’m doing and it reflects on my personality and energy. Other plans in pipeline include learning salsa, calligraphy, numerology, palmistry, teaching, social work, LFS alumni stuff and many other unplanned surprises life has to offer.

I really hope this journey continues and I can come up with more creative articles to maintain the high quality and standard I have set over the years for my style of writing.

All I live for is the adrenaline rush, the thrill, the peace and happiness…. I only want to be remembered for who I really was. The day I have a meeting with God, I’m sure ‘We’ will be looking down with a smile on our faces thinking ‘the Free Spirit partied like a Rockstar’ living the ideal life of a good human being.

Poonam Pandey to the rescue as course length saga continues.

Mumbai: A day after Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge reported about Doctors protesting 1 year increase in length of MBBS course and demanding longer course, medical undergraduates have found ‘support’ and solace in the bosom of Poonam Pandey, a former Kingfisher calendar girl .

Miss Pandey who was present during the convocation ceremony at LTMMC yesterday has publicly accepted the brand ambassadorship of the ‘Increase course duration movement- Long, Longer , Longest’ since it rhymed well with her seminude bathing videos called Bold, Bolder, Boldest. In her 1st rare public appearance, the beauty who has not been posing nude even a year after promised so vowed to shed all her clothes the day MBBS courses are made of 8 years duration.

Dr. Ketan Desai, the non corrupt President of  Medical Council of India and a self proclaimed Poonam Pandey fan said, “ I waited for her videos all these months. But she always tweeted pictures which fell short of my fantasy target by few meters of clothes. It was very disappointing. We now hope to increase the length of the course to 8 years as soon as possible and pray she keeps her promise for this noble cause. After all doctors are human too.”

The LTMMC student council has already written a thanksgiving letter to the model after she filled the geeky doctors with the hope of having fireworks in the next college festival, Ashwamedh 2013. “We will all dance naked on stage if she keeps her words,” said Dr. Pranshul Kamdar, an intern who failed 1 entire semester waiting for Poonam Pandey to strip after India won the World Cup. “Unlike her, we will keep our words.” he added, and claimed that at least 50 other interns and final year students from LTMMC alone were ready to strip with him to celebrate Poonam’s commitment next Ashwamedh.

When Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge reminded Poonam’s manager Laloo Shukla that she had not kept her promise made before World Cup, Shukla clarified, “ She has been misquoted and that too out of context. She meant the Beach Volleyball World Cup, not the cricket one. She wants our Beach Volley Ball team to be number 1 in ‘ Global Exposure’ like the IIPMs.

When asked how much was offered to Poonam for the brand ambassadorship, Dr. Ketan Desai declined to give a figure but hinted, “She might get a paid job as lecturer in AIIMS to teach Female Anatomy. If found satisfactory, which I’m sure she will, we will honor her with a MBBS degree so she can become rich like all doctors and never has to strip again.”

In spite of repeated phone calls and SMSs from our Samwadatas, Poonam Pandey could not be contacted as she was busy rehearsing for her cheerleader dance and the drunken nude post match parties during the upcoming Indian Premier League next month.

Doctors protest 1 year increase in length of MBBS, demand longer course.

By Arun Swaminathan (ASS-ociated press of India)

Doctors and students from Sion Hospital strongly came out against the proposed 1 year increase in the duration of the MBBS course being considered by the health ministry. They termed the increase in duration insufficient and inadequate, saying that longer increases were needed to maintain the quality of medical education and skills among students.

“It is important to encourage students to study further and spend time in college.” said head honcho Dr.Mohit Garg, a staunch proponent of medical education. “Most students spend only 5 ½ years now which is insufficient for them to learn important skills like playing carom well and table tennis or eating 20 vada pavs a day. Most students can only spend a year or two learning these important things. In the first year, they are so scared they do not go anywhere including the library as they do not want to get ragged. In the 3rd year, they have to do extra activities like going to the wards and attending rounds which does not give them enough time to improve their carom skills. Being good carom players is an important skill to have for doctors as it teaches them effective patient batting skills. They become all-rounders.”said Dr.Garg, who is an ‘all-rounder’ himself.

Dr.Garg says that it is important to have a 7 year course at least, as it would give sufficient time to learn these skills. In addition, they would have longer to learn better ragging techniques with more experience. They would also be able to play football and other sports which would help them, he claimed, despite his non-sporty physical appearance. He claimed that if he had the chance, he would play football with the residents in gynec or dermat, especially the female ones and after the success of these events, more people would be encouraged to participate in these events.

Supporting Dr.Garg’s statement was the famous student, Sagar Chandekar who wholeheartedly supported the decision to increase the length of the course but said that it should be increased by at least 3-4 years. “Most of my batch mates are not yet married and I feel that increasing the course length would increase their chances of getting married. The longer they are here, the greater the chance of meeting someone and getting hitched.” Sagar, who famously had a crush on the librarian, spoke very sentimentally when he remembered past experiences and missed chances.

Even residents support the decision to increase the length of the course saying that it would give them longer to ‘train’ and ‘work with’ MBBS students. Said an orthopedic resident, speaking on condition of anonymity, “It really pains us to see all these girls join the course and then come to ortho in the 3rd year only. By the time we really get to ‘know’ them, they are at the end of their course and we have to start finding new girls to ‘train’. Increasing the course length would make it more convenient for us to ‘train’ these girls for a longer period of time. We can give them ‘hands-on’ experience.”

Dr.Garg, who famously turned down offers from Google and Apple to remain and serve at Faking News, said that the move to increase the course length was a step in the right direction and would encourage more youngsters to come into medicine. Studying in comfortable and clean college rooms, eating healthy, tasty and cheap food, learning important skills like filling patho forms and getting ragged were some of the other incentives for students to spend 10 years getting a very important degree that would give them the power and license to study for another 10 years  till their super-specialization. This would ensure that they would be very experienced before they even started working and doing less important things like saving a few million lives and discovering new treatments and would know important things like patient batting, carom, table-tennis, phone-chatting and filling patho forms which form an essential part of service as a doctor. This way, he said, they would graduate with lots of knowledge, but no hair on their heads.

Another major benefit was that they would be experienced exam takers and would be able to help their kids take exams too. Chances are, doctors and their kids would be taking exams at the same time. When this reporter asked Dr.Garg how he knew so much about helping one’s children with exams, Dr.Garg just smiled enigmatically and said, “I know.”

Whether the government decides to increase the duration remains to be seen, but it would certainly find a lot of supporters in Sion Hospital to back the measure. Dr.Garg, for one, would welcome the move to make sure that he can keep dating more new chicks in his band Ignition for many more years to come.

Alcoholic's goondaism- attack doctors in Mumbai.

Mumbai: In a bizarre incident similar to the attack on media persons by the ‘Vele’ lawyers in Bangalore recently, there was pandemonium in the Psychiatry OPD of LTMGH today afternoon when newly joined members of the Alcoholic Anonymous group beat up the resident doctors for failing to provide them with the Alcohol brand of their choice.

“We all were having a gala time, doctors included, drinking the regular ‘Tharra Khamba’ and dancing to Royal Stag Mega Music when the new guy ordered the doctor for a peg of Smrinoff and to ‘Make it Large’. The innocent doctor politely told him that the stock was over for the day which angered the newly joined trio of alcoholics who started hurling the empty glass bottles along with the ‘ma-ben’ awesomefucking words at the doctor”, recollected Ganpat Bevdu, the oldest surviving alcoholic of the Alcoholic Anonymous group.

With the help of the CCTV footage, the police are on the hunt of the trio of doctor beaters but they are finding it extremely difficult due to the non availability of the names and address of the culprit ‘Anonymouses’.

All group activities have now been stopped temporarily as the doctors have stopped reporting to work till the guilty are punished. Few older members have been discharged from the ward on Metronidazole and alcohol prescription till the matter is resolved. The Hospital Dean Sangam has strongly condemned the attack saying, "The guilty will be shown no mercy. No one would be spared for violating the law and order of the hospital". He has apparently ordered that henceforth, the entire stock of alcohol will be stored in his cabin till the hardworking police force bring the guilty to book.

Ganpat Bevdu and others have meanwhile started a Facebook page ‘Justice for LTMGH Doctors’ which already has made headlines with 5 fans in 1 day and more are expected to 'Like it' soon.

For more information for the Free Alcohol and Chakna, write to
Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge ,
C/O Dr.Free Spirit,
PO BOX: 420-9211, Mumbai

Patient dies in quest for strength, doctors strike work.

Mumbai:  In spite of  Bihar Health Minister Ashwini Kumar Choubey's threat last week to cut off the hands of junior doctors if they go on strike, the shameless doctors across the state have once again gone on a flash strike accusing patients of perennially cursing their good handwriting. The decision was taken by the Doctor's Association following an attack on a colleague Dr.V.I.Agra’wala when his patients died after consuming more than the prescribed amount of Sildenafil.

Patients in past have made several allegation that what doctors write is not intended for the public to see but only for themselves and their peers. "The way 'Normal' people write is decipherable amongst all because everyone knows what to look for. The illegible doctor handwriting is 'Made Not Born'. How could anyone get through college far less medical school writing so badly?," asked Ganpat Shah who too has been taking treatment for erectile dysfunction.

“Why hold the innocent Doctors responsible when the patient’s wife wanted more?”, argued Dr.Har’dick, the secretary of the Doctor's Association.

Hearing about the outrage in heaven through Faking News, Steve Jobs offered to develop a software called  'I-Rx' where standard printed prescription could be written by verbal commands, but protesting doctors disagreed to using technology stating their prescription changes frequently depending on the gifts they get from the medical representatives.

“How can the doctor’s be so heartless? At least the Emergency Departments should be running. I’m getting dark and I’m worried”, said worried Dharavi resident Isratunissa. In view of the strike, many ICU patients were forced to sign the DAMA form  (Discharge against medical advice) and packed home. Unconfirmed reports also claimed that few rioting doctors stole the ‘Anatomical Snuff Boxes’ from the pharmacy after scaring the pharmacist with their claw hand.

Municipal Union of Hospital Services (MUHS) has now decided to make Doctors sit for a handwriting exam from 2013 before issuing graduation degrees to make sure that they can write something readable by the general public and not just by the chemist.

A Few Doctor Handwriting Tips from Faking News: Doctor's Lounge

• Abbreviate - It's much faster to write 'SOB' than 'shortness of breath'.
• Write small - Distance takes time so writing tiny saves time.
• Skip vowels - Can u rd ths sntnce? Most sentences can be read without vowels.
• Write the first two or three letters legibly then Scrawl. Doctors use the same words over and over so it only takes one or two letters in context to recognize a specialized word eg.

Dare to dream beyond AIIMS, IIPM medical school launched.

Mumbai : With the fall in revenue after the public notification by UGC (University Grants commission) that IIPM is not a University and has no right to issue degrees, India’s biggest fraudster and self proclaimed management guru Prof. Arindham Chaudhari announced the opening of IIPM Medical School today.

“We at IIPM Medical School offer M.M.B.B.S to medical students, a dual course called Masters in Bachelor of Medicine & Bachelor of Surgery. Our on panel professors team include eminent medicos like Dr.Amitabh Bacchan, Dr.Vijay Mallaya, Dr. Rahul Dravid, Munnabhai and others. In line with our tradition at IIPM to give free laptop and a foreign trip to students, we will gift a Doctor’s set comprising of 2 aprons, 1 hammer and 3 pens to every student along with a trip to a real hospital before the completion of the 3 year course”, said Chaudhari.

When asked about the career prospects and relevance of such Doctors in today’s fierce competition, our Faking News samwadata Arun Swaminathan was legally warned of asking defamatory and disturbing personal questions.

Inspired by the IIMs to grant extra marks to females and non engineers to maintain diversity in the batch, IIPM medical School has decided to give 33 % Quota for women candidates with 5 marks extra to good looking ones. Medical students will also be provided fake campus placements as consultants into 7 star corporate hospitals. With IITs similar plan to provide medical education whitewashed after no clearance by the HRD ministry, trade analysts claim IIPM Medical School might actually be the “Game Changer” for the deficit of doctors in the country.

IIPM spoke person Shah Rukh Khan added, “IIPM is a non profit organization and we believe in providing quality education at cheap prices. Our M.M.B.B.S course is likely to cost a paltry Rs.25 Lakhs which is peanuts compared to what other private institutions currently charge. We plan to tie up in future with Harward School of Medicine and other such non existing fake Universities too.”

Although Mr.Chaudhuri neither confirmed nor denied the possibilities, it is being rumored that he has already planned to buy out Hospitals like AIIMS, KEM, LTMGH, PGI and others in the near future.

The Flashback

Life is so beautiful and I feel blessed to be who I am…It has been an awesome 25 years of life going through all sorts of ups and downs but the spirit is still high and I’m just loving its every phase now…I’m doing what I always loved, Emergency Medicine along with the writing, guitar, tennis and the little meditation I always do.

Looking back into time, my entire life moves in front of me in flashback which brings a smile to my face and few tears too. The following are the random most memorable highlights of this awesome journey.

1.Driving at speed of 170 km/hr while coming back from work and feeling the adrenalin rush. Driving surely will always remain my first love.

2. Jogging every morning on Modak Sagar Dam during my rural posting with arms outstretched and feeling the breeze…..It sure was heavenly.

3. Starting Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge…It makes me smile so much, brought me more acclaim and recognition and pushes me further for pursuing imaginative and creative awesomeness.

4. Blogging at odd hours past midnight being all psychotic....messimerizing.

5. Riding 100-150 kms  per day on my way to Vaitarna, Khardi and near by places.

6. The hugs, smiles and tears shared with many patients.

7. The feeling of passing MBBS and celebrating my Birthday the next day.

8. The applause, the echo of the claps every time I have been on stage….I close my eyes often to relive them again.

9. Playing the best Table Tennis in top form with Mihir Dalal, Shiva Seth, Kunal Suradkar and Mayank Gupta.

10. The convocation ceremony and the nostalgia of 5.5 years that it was all over.

11. Forming Band Ignition and performing during college festival…. It sure will remain the most memorable thing that happened to me…. actually to us all.

12. Taking to my Grandfather, holding his hand and kissing him on his forehead 2 days before his death.

13. Arranging the 1st alumni party and bringing together around 200 ex students for the first time.

14. Reading Arun’s article on me ( Faking News ) and laughing so much.

15. Sleeping with my 2 young dear cousins hugging me tightly from either side.

16. My dad just before his bypass surgery telling my mom, “Hanuman Baba sab theek karenge”…even today it brings tears to my eyes.

17. Participating in Channel V Panga and a patient in LTMGH actually recognizing he had seen me on TV.

18. The days as the head boy of my school- the mini celebrity for the tiny tots wanting to shake hands with me after the assembly each morning.

19. Participating in various inter school competitions and winning allocates.

20. Running from the college Boys common room to Kings circle station crying all throughout after knowing my dad had a heart attack.

21. Participating in Bombay Medical Congress in final year…. and celebrating the team spirit although we did not win in spite of being the truly deserving.

22. Playing my acoustic guitar in dim light and enjoying the loneliness.

23. Playing with my cousins Kartik and Kaustubh and clicking their photographs.

24. Participating in a rally after the Mumbai attack, standing on divider at Gateway of India and shouting slogans against politicians and Pakistan.

25. Each and every day spent at my native place, “Khekra” a small town in U.P…..they are my readily available happy thoughts. Any time ever I feel low in life, I just think about my grand parents, gardening, cycling, skating, cricket in the huge house we have there.

Well, needed to pen down the important ones so I can smile reading this later in life….I’m sure there are plenty of memorable moments more to come and I will be waiting to welcome them with arms wide open.

Rock On 2 title Track.

Ruki Ruki zindagi ki rahon mein
Hasin hain, khushi hain, tu hai, bahon mein
Koi gam na ho mere hathon mein rahejo tera haath

Janeja tu jo mere sath hai
Zindagi mein koi baat hai
Tere bin kahan mujhe chain bhi
Tere bin dil mein kahan jaan-jaan-jaan-jaan

Rock on...ooo...Rock on…ooo
Rock on...ooo...Rock on….

Let’s relive the fun we all had
Without Magic we always had been sad
This is one life, live your dream, c'mon
Go Rock on....

Teri nigahon se pyar hum pane ko
Aise kyun hain taraste
Basse ho dil mein tum aise
Din bhar hum hain taraste

Teri Nazar hai jaadu
Basi hai dil mein justju
Kya kahe tumhe dil ki yeh baat …

Rock on....ooo...Rock on
Rock on...ooo...Rock on….

22/01/12

New medical developments to look cool, cardiologists feel the heat.

Mumbai: In a planned outrage against 6 pack abb-ed and 24-36-24 figure conscious actors yesterday, city cardiologists protested in front of gay Shah Rukh Khan’s bungalow ‘Mannat’ demanding compensation from the rich and famous for eating into their business.

People in general, both old and young have now become more health conscious sweating it out while stalking the opposite sex in the gym or at jogger’s park, resulting in a decrease in the number of future potential ‘customers’ pointed out a cardiologist who did not wished to be named. “Earlier I used to admit panicky patients with gastritis in ICCU, starting them on placebo IV drips and discharging the next day after running them on all tests including all routine, Malaria, Dengue, Widal, Triple H ( Hepatitis B &  C, HIV), Urine and Stool for culture and sensitivity making some good money but there has been a decrease in number of patients after movies like Dhoom 2, Om Shanti Om, Ghajini, etc and I sit idle most of the time now”, said famous cardiologist Dr.Hriday Rog with a sad face.

Some doctors agreed it was wrong to single out actors alone and over the years, high profile elite like politicians and cricketers too have added to the doctor’s woes. Congress President Sonia Gandhi went to the US for glycerin enema after suffering from constipation claiming she went for some ‘confidential’ surgery, Amar Singh flew off to Singapore to start his own Kidney racket, Virendra Sehwag went to Bangladesh for his alopecia (Baldness) and others too should be held responsible. Many claim it is nothing but a cheap publicity stunt on the part of the wannabes to grab the limelight.

When Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge news crew reached the spot, hardly could they make out what the fuss was all about (because of the secret handwriting on the placards) until they saw the doctors burning effigy of Hrithik Roshan and beating Ghajini with slippers. This angered Shah Rukh’s good friend Salman Khan who tried running over the protesting doctors, this time in his Caravan. No one was seriously injured.

Support poured in on online forums for the protesting doctors from Cardiologists and Pharmaceutical Companies manufacturing ‘Statins, Ecospirin and Clopidogrel’ and medicated stents from all over the country. They have warned that the day is not far when like the ink on Baba Ramdev’s face or the slap to Sharad Pawar, a frustrated doctor would throw a pint of blood on some actor/cricketer/politician's face during their press conference.

The ugly scenario turned into celebration as news came in that Cardiologist Dr.Hriday Rog and his Gynacologist wife Dr. Meenupauz had just become proud parents of twins Angina and Vagina. The protesting Doctors then dispersed and were seen sitting and drinking in a bar close by.

MBBS exams marred by rampant cheating, MUHS approaches Anna.

Mumbai: In a desperate move after the outrage by the citizen groups against the “Registered” local quacks, MUHS has approached the anti corruption crusader Anna Hazare for help.

With the death of 21 people in the past 1 month due to cough and cold, it is now clearly evident that the standard of medical education in the country is so poor and only MUHS is to be blamed. Following initial complaints, a secret pilot project was launched wherein it was found that MBBS students hardly study for exams and widespread copying practices by passing of supplements, E-books on mobiles, micro Xeroxes and open book exams are prevalent in most medical colleges. In some cases, it was found that the question papers are leaked by the Houseman or Registrars a day prior to the exam and students simply insert 'Answers Written Supplements' with other sheets before submitting their papers to the invigilator intern who himself stands guard to help students copy.

Some college managements taking stringent measures installed CCTV cameras in classrooms but often, the camera operators were caught red handed zooming on the female students. With the involvement of Anna Hazare, this copycat doctor issue has now become a political agenda. Baba Ramdev has decided to conduct Yoga classes in seminar halls of medical colleges across the country where students will be taught “Kapal Bhanti” and “Surya Namaskar” which increases concentration so that students start studying and stop copying. Even senior BJP leader Shree L.K. Advani has set out once again in his famous ‘Rath’- The Air conditioned Mercedez Benz bus on a rath yatra to spread awareness among the General practitioners. Congress leaders P. Chitambaram, Pranab Mukherjee, Kapil Sibbal and Dig Vijay Singh visited Ralegaon early this morning urging Anna Hazare to sit on an ‘Anshan’ for this cause pledging full support from the ruling party.

Even though Hazare has not publicly answered the shutterbugs, our inside sources say that he has cowardly refused the offer citing non compliance from medical undergraduates to stop copying. While news channels desperately wait for his official statement, protesting citizen group 'Me Anna' has labeled the copycat Doctors as ticking Time Bombs waiting to explode anytime and claim more lives if not defused immediately.

Many morally enlightened General Practitioners have come forward to return back their MBBS degrees to MUHS in exchange for other career options.

Playboy group of hospitals to be launched soon, announces Hugh Hefner.

Los Angeles, California: In a wise business decision taken after reading the news article, Playboy owner Hugh Hefner announced his plans to start a Playboy Chain of Hospitals across the globe.

"I owe my long life to all my girlfriends", said the 85 year old Casanova. "I want the world to know the real secret of staying healthy at my age. My Hospitals will have all females right from receptionists to nurses looking absolutely endowed and gorgeous. We plan to showcase our Playboy Hospital collection at the Parsi Fashion week early next year", he added.

Aishwarya not pregnant, Faking News goes GaGa.

                        
Mumbai: In a shocking revelation reported exclusively by Faking News, Aishwarya Rai Bachpan is actually not pregnant anymore. She was brought to LTMGH for post natal USG (Sonography) where our ‘Gupt Sutr’ spotted her removing a soft pillow from  under her top looking a perfect 36-24-36 and bribing the gynecologist.

When Faking News decided to investigate, it came to light that the shooting of Madhur Bhandarkar’s Heroine was in full swing and Aishwarya is still the lead actor. 7 Hills hospital which has been turned into a fortress as claimed by Mumbai Mirror dated 15/11/11 is the location where the last few scenes are being shot.

Faking News caught up with the director Bhandarkar who said, “After I enjoyed raping a small time model, I decided to include the casting couch angle in my movie. During the shooting of intimate scenes, Aishwarya actually got pregnant & we had to change the story line. She has already delivered twins Sallu and Vivek on 11/11/11 at 11:11 AM. We are now shooting the climax of the movie where she files a court case against her movie director and they live happily ever after.”

Both Big B & Small B refused to comment when Faking news tried contacting them in their ‘B-hive’. Whereas this revelation has shocked even the Faking News crew, many trade analysts say that the hype around Aishwarya’s baby is only to revive her husband’s sinking career and bring him back to limelight with something ‘productive’ at last although there are speculations that the 'do boond zindagi ke' are not his.

Reportedly, Big B had bet Rs.50 Crores and his ‘non-existent’ Rolls Royce Phantom (gifted by Vidhu Vinod Chopra for his spectacular performance in Eklavya) on whether Aishwarya would deliver Monozygotic or dizygotic twins.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge almost loses its 'head.'

WRITTEN BY ARUN SWAMINATHAN- "Check out my tribute to the founder of Faking News:Doctors' Lounge !! Good show Mohit!! "

(All Names, incidents and institutions are real. This is not a work of fiction and must not be treated as one. No names have been changed for reasons of privacy / safety. The writer is not responsible for any of his actions despite being fully aware of his senses. No legal responsibility will be accepted by the writer in the event of something untoward happening, which he sincerely hopes to see happen. )

Mumbai:  In a highly dramatic event filled day, the likes of which have only been seen during final exam vivas, Faking News' head honcho and legendary newsman Dr.Mohit Garg agreed to stay on as CEO (Chief Entertainment Officer) after rejecting offers from some of the finest institutions in the world to work for them at a salary greater than what is being currently offered to him for his yeoman service at Faking News.

Reports suggest that various iconic institutions approached him and tempting offers were made to entice him away from his current position as CEO and MD (Madness Director).

Some of the approaches and negotiations that were made were as follows-

1) Apple - The company has been in turmoil since the death of its iconic and legendary founder Steve Jobs (who used to watch Bhojpuri movies with Mohit and was a 'close friend'). They reportedly approached Mohit with an offer that included his own office in California with 2 'actresses' as his secretaries for his...daily needs, his own dabbawala service for his minimal dietary needs titled as 'iDiet' and his own movie production studio titled 'iApples', an obvious reference to his legendary fondness of apples, of the eating variety, of course. Mohit turned down the offer as he had already been asked by Jobs about it. Jobs had told him that he could have large assets during tenure as Apple chairman to which Mohit replied by removing his shirt and showing his paunch to Jobs declaring it his largest asset. Jobs reportedly died of shock with his last words being, "Oh Wow!!Wow!"

2) Google - Sergei Brin and Larry Page realized that they were inviting the greatest marketing genius of all time when they came by to offer Mohit a position on the board of Google. They offered him half of the total shares of the company, his own McDonald's and daily sandwich jobs with his favourite employees among other benefits like a salary of 100 million $/week, a chauffeur driven truck and as many free beers as he could count daily. Mohit turned it down saying half was only 25% of shares, he preferred Jumbo King over McDonald's, sandwich jobs with Larry and Sergei were not possible because the bed would not hold their weight, it would take a week for him to count 100 million, he preferred a royal bullock-cart driven by a 100 donkeys and he could only have 10 beers since he could not count more than that using hisfingers.

3) Anna Hazare - One of his major local offers came from our very own crusader,Annaji,who wished to have Mohit on his team. The government of India protested saying that when Anna who fasted for a few days could change so much,  what was the need to use Mohit who could safely fast for a year at least? They greatly feared the results of a year long fast from Mohit, which while highly anticipated, would be very lethal since national food reserves would double and cause a sharp drop in food prices. They claimed that this would cause financial instability and collapse of many institutions. Mohit declined Annaji's offer claiming that government stability was important for security and he could bring down the government or any other institution any time he wanted to by standing on top of their buildings.

 4) WikiLeaks - Impressed by his insightful and fearless reporting, WikiLeaks leader Julian Assange offered Mohit the job he himself held via video chat from London where he is being held for 'rape'. He offered to teach Mohit the latest techniques for espionage and electronic surveillance and Yoga and diet techniques for personal use. Mohit declined because he thought Assange was trying to fool him by offering to teach a technique that is impossible to master like Kung-fu dragon fireballs or Nuclear Reactor technology. Mohit had tried every diet on Wikipedia and the internet and had come to the realization that weight loss diets were as effective as asking ortho professors to rate students on the basis of knowledge rather than looks.

 5) Tata Group - The final offer for Mohit came from the famous Tata Group. Ratan Tata himself offered to guide Mohit in his first 2 years of employment before Mr.Tata retired to ensure a smooth transition. Mohit refused the job because Tata group served only 2 types of vada-pav in its canteens and not the 8-9 types that Mohit wanted .

Officials at LTMMC and LTMGH spoke off the record to this reporter and expressed regret that Dr.Garg had not taken up any of the offers made to him. They were worried that he would pursue news writing and eating with more enthusiasm, as if it were needed. Dr. Garg himself told us his reasons for staying on. As he very astutely put it, " It is my undying love for this campus, its people and all that it holds that keeps me here. The large beautiful clean buildings, spacious living quarters, healthy and friendly people, large salary of Rs.2000 and easily available high quality canteen food that will hold me here forever. But most importantly, it is the helpful and friendly librarian who keeps me from leaving. One smile from that face and it wipes away all your pain and fears."

This reporter wishes Dr.Garg many more happy, healthy and hungry years at LTMGH and shares Dr.Garg's large appetite...for life, of course. Thank you for your work and support, Dr.Garg. We all love you, Mohit. Keep up your inspiring work and continue to inspire your followers. May 'The Stomach that walks' continue to give us courage and fight for freedom for many more years to come.

LTMMC fashion show fixed, claims Rageshwari.

Mumbai: After a sensational claim by Vinod Kambli yesterday that 'there was something fishy about 1996 Word Cup Semi Final', Rageshwari Sachdev, a small time TV soap actress & a permanent judge of the Ashwamedh Fashion show has made similar claims about the LTMMC extravaganza.

When Faking News caught up with her, she explained. " Usually only 2 teams participate each year. One of the home college and the other whom the student council pays to walk the ramp. LTMMC 'models' are so pathetic that if the girls tie their hair and wear their specks, they will look like medical students...Boys too are completely expressionless. Still in a trance like state, I always declare LTMMC the winner. I think the smart doctors mix something in the Mazaa cold drink they give me."

The 2009 Fashion Show too was surrounded in controversy when the then Dean Dr. Moneykha Matkar angrily handed over the mic back to the anchor to 1st announce, " Now our respected Dean will say a few words". The same year, an ugly LTMMC female model shook her ass Shakira style and the excited Dr.Matkar awarded her the best female model award.

Though an official report is now awaited after Jodha & Akbar filed an RTI, the current student council has now been rusticated and barred from giving the upcoming University Exams. The erstwhile student council has too been charged and ordered to pay not 5 but 10 lakhs or face 2 yeas of MOship.

The current Dean Sangam refused to comment on the issue.

H.O.D. turns 'Nayak', LTMGH comes to a standstill.

Mumbai: In an unusual incident yesterday which seems straight out of a bollywood flick, the PSM Department HOD (A self proclaimed Die Hard fan of Anil Kapoor) inspired by the movie 'Nayak' angrily asked an Intern to be 1 day's HOD. The innocent intern Dr. Pranshul Kamdar, known for intelligently forging completion signatures had waited for '15' long minutes outside the HOD's room in the wee working office hours.

"When I peeped inside, the HOD was combing his bald head in front of the mirror, singing and dancing to the song 'My name is Lakhan' which suddenly changed to 'Munni Badnam Hui' and he started shaking his booty. I thought he was in his jolly mood and finally after months of stealing the roster, forging signatures, I will get my signatures. Then he called me in", said the Baby face intern Dr.Kamdar. Little did he know that the HOD was a cunning pig who blasted him for catching him unawares and asked to become 1 day's HOD to see for himself how difficult the job was. Surprisingly, Kamdar, an old time hostel secretary and the Accounts secretary who had learned to play it dirty, gladly accepted the offer.

This news spread like wild fire and all interns were seen bursting fire crackers at LTMGH and raising Aprons on IV stands to show their solidarity. The day was declared as a holiday for the interns as Kamdar announced a stat CME on 'PSM: Recent Advances in commode sizes'. A Lavish lunch, flowing alcohol and sexy pole dancers were called for after the CME. Some interns got their internship certificate signed for as low as Rs.500. PSM registrars and Houseman were too seen having a Kitty party at Shabri and playing bridge. Few were seen playing FIFA on the 3 computers in the satellite room while some rushed to the hostel with their girlfriends. Our 'Gupt' Samwadata report that the sale of condoms from the near by medical store apparently skyrocketed yesterday. PSM mamas too were seen drinking and dancing in the PSM museum. Registrars from many departments were seen sweating in the sun carrying dabbas and xeroxes for Associate Professors. Shockingly, patients in the casualty were seen putting IV lines, Ryle's tube and Foley's catheter on their own. Trauma patients were piled up in the store room and kept for CT scan for next day. Everyday pathetic life at LTMGH nearly came to a standstill.

While HOD's from other Departments who joined the interns in the celebration too promised to make an intern 1 day's HOD in future, the MUHS Director (Municipal Union of Hospital Services) ordered to set an investigating committee on the issue. PSM HOD now faces up to 100 days of internship to compensate for the loss of '90 Intern Days' [ 90 interns x 1day = 90 Intern days, Read Time & Work from School Text books to know more].

In an exclusive interview with Faking News, the Dean of LTMMC & LTMGH Sangam commented and I quote, "Democracy has finally prevailed, Medical Colleges are of the Interns, by the Interns and for the interns." Till the committee submits its report, Dr.Pranshul Kamdar has been requested to continue as the acting PSM HOD for now. "My next step is to get the internship stipend increased to Rs. 25000 per month", he said.

FIFA Power, go get it.

Mumbai: In a study conducted by a Psychiatry resident in LTMMC and published in the British Medical Journal, it was found that medical students who play FIFA in their undergraduate days are smarter than those who don't. When the brains of the students under study were removed and weighed post MBBS, it was found that they were 20% heavier with increased content of grey matter seen on histology slide.

Faking news caught up with Dr.Psyco The'rapist how FIFA playing MBBS students pass without studying much." Scoring a goal in a match lights up the orgasm center in the brain, as a result most FIFA players don't feel the need of a boyfriend/ Girlfriend (Yes girls are now addicted too) and with time, learn to concentrate in the game and in the few hours of study they do.", said Dr.The'rapist.

Today, on a normal day in the hostel, most undergraduates are found playing FIFA during the preparatory leave given before the upcoming university exams. With LAN and online hubs providing more fierce non medico opponents, FIFA players are at their competitive best. "FIFA teaches us teamwork, keep our cool, it increases our confidence to go for the exam without any worry," said Master Mickey, well known non certified Computer Hacker who would solve people's computer woes even on the phone for as low as Rs.10. "FIFA should be made a part of the 3rd year curriculum," added Master's arch rival Abhishek.

This study which has been critically acclaimed by the scientists and doctors in the west did not go too well with the Hostel warden who has been pulled up for the hostel's  high electricity bill. Most FIFA addicts play for 10-12 hours a day, never switching off the PC all day and taking undue advantage of the free electricity. The angry Dean has requested students of the opposite sex ( Batch mates/Seniors,Juniors) to woo FIFA addicts so that the college result and reputation is not hampered.

Scientists around the world are now urging patients of Alzheimer's Disease and attention deficit to start playing FIFA immediately. In a news that has put LTMGH on the world map, Dr.Psycho The'rapist has been nominated for next years Nobel prize in the field of Medicine.

100s washed away as amniotic sac bursts.

Mumbai: In a rare incident which exposed the incompetence of the maintenance department of LTMGH, 100s were washed away when an amniotic sac in labor burst causing flash floods in Ward 12. The sac was reportedly 9 months old and the twin residents were warned by MUHS (Municipal Union for Hospitality Services) in the past.

Faking news caught up with Ganpat, a ward Mama who had a miraculous escape. "We were all sleeping like always when suddenly we heard a blast. Initially we thought it was the Registrar scolding the Houseman but when we saw newborns running out of the labor room,we knew something was wrong. Next moment the lights went out and I found myself riding a 1 foot tall wave. Luckily, I climbed onto the USG machine floating close to me.

In the wake of the aftermath, nurses were seen carrying the placenta stealing ward cats on their shoulders and walking through the slimy fluid....Many cribs were destroyed, ward incubators also flooded. As the fear of the Tsunami looms over, many patients from the 'non existent' Ward 13 were shifted to the college hostel across the road.The disaster management team from PSM department which saw the event live from the satellite room swung into action and now claims to get things back to normal in 3-4 days.

Among the most hard hit were the houseman from all units who were rendered homeless. "We spent out entire 1st year in the ward side room. Even daily chores like drinking and dancing were done there", recollected Anand Nanawati, a famous Mumbai based gynecologist and an alumni of LTMMC. The Dean of LTMMC Sangam has labelled it as a very unfortunate natural calamity. "We have forwarded our request to MUHS for a new drainage system in LTMGH, it is likely to cost around 3 Crores", he added with a wicked smile.

If you wish to bring back the smile, finance the expensive education or adopt the writer, send your generous donations in form of 'Comments/Likes' to Faking news, C/O Dr.Free Spirit, Locker No.5, Boys Common Room, LTMMC. Last date of accepting donations - The day India becomes corruption free.

Facebook addiction hits student section.

MUMBAI : Facebook after spoiling the lives of Teenagers and the youngsters, has now caught up with clerks in student section. Student section clerks aged 40 yrs of age or 45+ are usually found playing Farmville, Mafia Wars, looking for their Lost Love or reading Faking News: LTMMC & LTMGH on the computer with free unlimited internet access provided by the college

Lately MUHS (Municipal Union of Hospital Services) has observed that all the students belonging to LTMMC always submit their forms or fees or any other required Document one day prior or on the last date of submission. Accompanied by Faking News, MUHS decided to investigate.

" I went there being as casual as possible to look like a LTMMC student. I walked into the Students Section and went to ask for the details of a scholarship form. The person in charge who was busy poking his wife and children on Facebook, turned and said "Abhi tak aaya nahi hai, next week pucho" and returned to the screen, reports our Samwadata Hiranmayee. To this information MUHS claimed that the forms were sent two weeks ago. She also found that turn by turn, the female clerks have video chats with their husbands and the males with their girlfriends on the computer provided.

MUHS officials who paid a surprise visit to the student section found the office closed at 12:30 pm and was to open only at 2:30pm due to reasons of Lunch break. On peeping inside, the clerks were found sitting on the tables and watching Youtube links on Facebook. Angry MUHS officials have now asked the Dean to submit a report within 7 days failing which the college will be derecognized.

Doctor caught accepting pen as bribe, arrested.

Mumbai: A doctor (name withheld) from a leading 7 star hospital LTMGH was caught red handed by IT officials while accepting a pen as bribe from a Medical Representative (MR). Many MRs had made repeated complaints how many doctor from this hospital begged for gifts during Diwali week.With no evidence to support their claim, IT officials decided to visit OPD disguised as Mamas and see for themselves.

"Although doctors are allowed to accept gifts costing up to Rs.999, this particular pen was packed in a cardboad box with 'Made in Dharavi' written over it, we are trying to ascertain its cost", said IT official Isrutnissa. Smoke billowed from the ears of the doctor while he as being taken away."I am innocent, even the HOD ( Head of the department) was given this pen", he shouted across the OPD. The Dean of LTMMC & LTMGH Sangam refused to comment on this issue.

"We suspect the doctor had links to Pappu Injection", said another IT official. It is now very clear that the gift giving racket runs into Crores as Faking news has claimed for years. Whether or not the doctor will come out clean remains to be seen but the hospital authorities and other doctors beng tight lipped about the issue points in a different direction altogether.

The many CCTV cameras which were put for decoration in LTMGH have now been repaired and switched on (Another issue going on as to who will bear the cost of the electricity bill, the patients or BMC). Medical Representativs have now been banned from the hospital premises and a board has been put up for at the entrance which reads, " Patients and MRs not allowed, trespassers will be prosecuted".

Girls to wear cap & mast during viva exams, male medical students celebrate.

Mumbai : In a historic judgement hailed as the victory of justice by the male medical students, the Lokmanya Tilak Municipal Medical College Management has made it mandatory for all females to appear for viva exams wearing the hospital cap & mask. The domination of female toppers in exams had drawn huge cry against the marking system in the past. Male students often complained that their female counterparts hardly prepared for the exams, were always found discussing clothes and jewellery in the female common room and were not asked many questions in vivas by the pervert male examiners. Often the girls with a beautiful smile, pretty eyes or a sexy figure would end up getting higher scores than the hard working boys who slog for hours in the college library.

"Just because God was unfair in giving us the curves does not mean we study less", complained Yashant supported by nodding from hundred other boys. Their voices were unheard for few days until they threatened to boycott the 47 condom machines installed in the hospital campus. The college management citing financial losses quickly called for a crisis meeting where it was decided to bow down to the unrealistic demands. The news was welcomed by the local tailor Baburao who expects his business to peak due to the foreseen demand of stitched caps and masks.

This judgement which has brought a grin to many pretty faces was cheered by a section of ugly girls too.

Stray dog takes pole position at the F1 Indian GP.

Noida (U.P)-  In a shocking incident to highlight the plight of the stray dogs, a local bitch Chammak Chaloo jumped the security barricades during practice run at the newly built Budh International Circuit. While running on the track at 350 km/hr, she barked in protest accusing the Mayawati Government of wrongfully encroaching their land. No sooner did the organizers realize the intrusion, they asked the safely car to be deployed with Micheal Schumacher at the drivers seat to try and persuade the bitch for an under the table settlement which he refused to oblige saying,"I will never be able to overtake the bitch on her home circuit". The organizers then announced through the camera crew helicopter that the bitch will be given a bone signed by all drivers but she did not stop running saying she wanted to first set the lap record. She barked that no one should try to stop her otherwise she will sit on a hunger strike in the Pit Lane.

With no option left, Ra-One and G-one were called from a nearby theater with a lot of persuasion to team up and stop the bitch from running amok. She could only be caught when she stopped to pee in the typical 'raising the 1 leg doggie position' at a pole near the finish line. Shah Rukh Khan reportedly pocketed a cool 5 crores for it and a chance to climb on stage with Lady Gaga to persuade that bitch to be his Chammak Challo.When Mayawati was asked why such a shameful incident had happened, she said "It is a conspiracy of Rahul Gandhi's puppy to malign the peace in the state. I request the center to order a CBI probe" Her comments have raised eyebrows in the stray dog community and who came out in large numbers demanding the immediate release of Chammak Challo.

Hearing the reports of such security breach, Metallica, the world famous rock band decided to postpone their concert which was to be held at Gurgaon till the matter is not resolved. This had the fans fuming who set fire to any stray dog and bitch they could get hold of and the army had to be called in to stop them. PETA has strongly criticized this heinous act and asked the Prime Minister to intervene in the matter.

The incident today has already raised the entertainment bar of F1 as a sport and  fans around the world are excited to see more unexpected entertainment. The circuit gets applause or not remains to be seen but Chammak Chalo has definately become an overnight sensation with almost 2 million hits on her official You tube channel already. Before printing,there were unconfirmed reports that the organizers have decided that the winner's trophy will be handed over by Chammak Challo herself.

IN OTHER NEWS :
Metallica Concert cancelled – SRK celebrates Diwali -
Gurgaon (U.P) Bollywood Superstar Shah Rukh Khan is ecstatic with the cancellation of the Metallica concert in Gurgaon. He has successfully tied up with the organizers to give free Ra-One tickets to all fans as refund instead of the money. Ra-One was later seen bursting firecrackers with G-one.

Nirvana...

This is not a article or a post…it is a long due spontaneous flow of thoughts which I wanted to be frozen in time on my blog…At 24 years of age, I feel as though I have achieved enlightenment…Moksha…I now know the key happiness…be positive no matter what…I feel I have understood the philosophy of life…I feel closer to God each day…so much mature.

Until few months from now, it was money which drove me…materialistic love…cars, bikes, gadgets…I was always unhappy about the sacrifices on the road to becoming a doctor…I always took life too seriously..working hard..missing out on things..but off lately,I have been living a dream balanced life..studies..work..health..meditation..recreation..guitar..music..
writing..friends.. social work..everything has been maintained well..

There was a time during medical years that I had hit rock bottom…There was no ambition…I did think about leaving everything to become a sage…But the fire burning in my belly to make it big never let my spirit to bow down…Today, I’m filled with immense energy to make everything perfect around me…influence lives…I ‘m proud to be a doctor, to help people…Thankful to my parents, teachers.

Looking back in life, I have lived a dream 24 years…There is nothing more a person could achieve balancing everything…studies, sports, society, extra curricular participation, family, social work, etc…I love to be loved, respected, appreciated but with time I have learned to keep my feet on the ground…My friends used to tell me often, “ bahut udta hai”…I don’t deny it either, I had attitude, was childish at times, made mistakes…but who does not ? Time teaches you a lot..and I have grown with it..met some wonderful people, read some exceptional books, traveled…I’m happy to be who I am…There is not a thing I would want to change about me now.

Just cannot wait to fast forward into the future…but it sure doesn’t matter to me anymore…Life is not about having a fat bank balance...adding degrees to your visiting card…luxury homes and cars…But life is about living every moment of this awesome journey…experiences…meeting people…loving your family…doing what you love and loving what you do…always keeping the smile..finding time for yourself... forgiving people…not looking back too much into sad memories of past..pursuing hobbies…social involvement…always having something to look up to…something to die for…to achieve…Surprisingly, I have my life’s every fortnights planner scheduled till next July, committed to my dates…Lets see where life takes…whats in store for me…But I truly feel blessed for being who I am..Thank you God, I know you have sent me here for a purpose and I won’t disappoint you…You will pat my shoulder when I get back…I will have tales to tell you about this beautiful life as we raise a toast to “A Mission Accomplished” !!

Keetabi keede behind the books.

The life cycle of doctors before we are ready to fly to the outer world from our cocoon of struggle , frustration and boredom comprises of the following 5 stages :-

1) Slogging at the hospital

2) Studying in the lecture hall or clinic room

3) Eating anywhere from canteen to roadside food or bananas in ward

4) Sitting and wasting time in the Library

5) Sleeping (we are a veteran at those)

Even if we wish to customize our qualifications to post graduation or super specialization, the 5 stages remain the same year after year for all medicos. Apart from the medical knowledge, a skill we all develop over the sleep deprived years is the tendency to sleep anywhere, and in any position…in lectures, practicals, dissection room, Operation theaters, casualty, the air conditioned library...you name it and there would be someone to set an example…. from the ability to sleep while standing holding the handle in a jam packed local train, to sleeping on a series of benches put together  in the clinic room…. from sleeping on card boards of cartons brought by mamas in casualty to the comfortable infected beds  in the Emergency medical services…. we have done it all…. but nothing comes close to sleeping in the air conditioned library next to friends/ girlfriends asking the unknown junior sitting in front to wake you up after 15-30 minutes…the heaven for most hostelites where they complete most part of their sleep due to the lack of sleep in the sweaty mosquito infested hostels. The library also serves as the favorite tourist destination for most college couples who pretend to be sitting and studying for hours giving a false impression to parents about how hardworking their child is. The following is a description of just another routine day in the college library and I have tried my best to bring out humor in it too. 

Librabry ke kone mein, (Khopcha in mumbaiya language)

Chipa baitha tha Ek couple,

Fuut rahe the mann mein unke,

Pyar ki ummedon ke bubble.

Kitabon ke piche done ke beech,

Jab chal raha tha Nain Matakka,

Tabhi wahan boyfriend ka achanak,

Ek boring dost aa tapka.

Bola, “Meri Phatti padi hai,

Tera kitna hua, main raat bhar padha”,

Boyfriend bola, “Saale, bass hone hee wala tha, (pun intended)

Tu kyun sir par ho gaya khada ?

Lecture bunk karke toh ,

Ab hai time humein mila,

Romance yahan ho raha tha,

Pakane ko main hi tujhe mila ? “

Idhar dost ka muh latka,

Udhar pyar ke mood ki bali hui,

Aur phir ‘nakchadi’ girlfriend bhi,

Gusse mein jane ko khadi hui.

“Bhad mein jao dono”, bola boyfriend,
Romance ka mood hi khatam ho gaya,
Phir sir apna rakhke ussi table par,
Gehri chain ki neend woh so gaya…