Pamela Anderson writes to BCCI, urges to promote veganism in CMEs.

Vegetarian Tandoori Chicken in CMEs soon ?

Mumbai: A day after writing a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi urging him to serve only vegan food at all government meetings and functions, Pamela Anderson wrote another letter to the Board for Control of CMEs in India (BCCI) for urging doctors to eat only vegan food at all medical CMEs.

It is a well known fact that doctors at CMEs are extremely fond of tandoori chicken and medical experts have often considered it a symbol of bravery, intelligence and good health. In her letter, Anderson pointed out that the raising of animals for dairy items, meat, and eggs to serve at the CMEs accounted for 2 % of all human-induced greenhouse gas emissions.

Quackdoses interviewed Dr. Arun Swaminathan, the BCCI president and world famous authority on eating, about his views on the news. In between finger licking while eating and lots of loud burps and a few stinky farts, he spoke to our special reporter, who was dressed in bio protective suit for personal safety and fresh air. "Tandoori chicken is a symbol of the skills and identity of the medical profession having benefits at all concentrations - at low concentrations, it makes food tasty; at medium concentration, it makes the belly fat; and at high concentrations, it clears out the gut completely (diarrhea). It is hypocrisy of Pamela, a former playmate, who herself enjoyed the pleasures of the small pieces of meat, but discourages Indian doctors from it in the name of climate change,” said Swaminathan.

It is yet to be known if the BCCI or PM Modi will officially respond to Anderson’s letter. Unconfirmed sources have claimed that BCCI had been considering declaring tandoori chicken the official bird of medical CMEs and was contemplating changing its own logo to a chicken holding a stethoscope, steps which have been put on hold temporarily.

IMA comes out in support of Rahul, accuses Modi govt of vendetta.

New Delhi – Days after Rahul Gandhi's former aide Pankaj Shankar criticized the Congress leader that he was still under political "internship" despite having joined politics 15 years ago, the Indian Medicos Association (IMA) has come out in support of the failed leader.

Expressing sympathy and solidarity with Rahul’s political journey, the IMA issued a press release today stating: An Indian doctor’s educational journey is also like Rahul’s internship which doesn’t seem to come to an end. His contribution in politics is similar to that of a medical intern’s contribution in patient care. Only doctors can understand his pain as they too spend almost 15 years doing MBBS – internship - rural MO ship - post graduation - super specialization – bond - year drops for exam preparation, etc before actually starting practice, hence Rahul should not be criticized.

Within hours of the IMA’s press release, the BJP took a potshot at the Congress as the party's IT cell head Arun Awaminathan tweeted: "India is a leading centre for meditation with a rich heritage. We will order an inquiry whether similar to doctor’s vacations, Rahul Gandhi’s frequent ‘meditational visit’ to 'Bangcock' and other odd destinations abroad were also sponsored by pharmaceutical companies." The IMA claimed it to be vendetta politics.

Misinterpreting IMA’s solidarity, a faction of Gandhi’s loyalists demanded that, “When Amit Shah’s son Jay Shah, who would have never held a ball except his own, can be the BCCI secretary, IMA should consider making Rahul its next President.”

Intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates. – Study

Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispecialty Hospital, it was found that intubated patients who ventilate themselves have higher survival rates compared to those getting weaned off the ventilator.

Though it is not rare to find relatives continuously ventilating their patient with an AMBU bag in government hospital ICUs (due to the lack of ventilators), report of patients in India ventilating themselves have startled doctors across the world.

The team of doctors involved in the study also claimed that when done well, the technique is quite anticlimactic, as patients simply continue to breathe, maintaining their own airway and saturation, for as long as needed, thereby greatly reducing the risk for aspiration, which makes the process safer in many circumstances.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Valmik, a leading anesthesiologist said, “Asking patients to ventilate themselves avoids repeated ABGs, reduces electricity bill of the ventilator and the patient never stops pumping the AMBU owing to the fear of dying. It is similar to prescribing a bottle full of laxative to a patient suffering from cough, as a remedy. He will be too scared to cough! The disadvantage is that the patient’s have to be taught to give 1 breath every 5-6 seconds, which takes time, and even when done well, photographs of such patients become viral on social media making the intern/houseman, a butt of all jokes.”

Taking cue from the revolutionary study, WHO has decided to include “Screaming Patient? Intubate to protect airway…” as its health slogan’ 2020.

Major blow for Kejriwal after insurance company rejects mediclaim.

New Delhi: In another major setback for the Delhi chief minister Arvind Kejriwal, the Supreme Court today upheld the rejection of mediclaim by an insurance company for treatment of his chronic cough. He is already facing the heat as a RTI filed by the BJP has revealed that Kejriwal and his ministers spent more than Rs. 50 lakhs on medical treatment in the last 4 years at top private hospitals, while cheating common man to seek treatment in ‘Mohalla clinics’.

As per the insurance policy documents, a copy of which is available with QuackDoses, Kejriwal had claimed Rs. 10 Lakh cash back for the treatment of his ‘trademark’ chronic cough which exacerbated during press conferences and dharnas, before he used Anna Hazare’s movement for his own political gains.

The insurance company had refuted the claim on grounds that a muffler and sweater were not a recommended medical treatment modality and that Dr. Kumar Vishwas was not a real doctor. Kejriwal challenged the insurance company’s decision before the National Consumer Disputes Redressal Forum which passed an order against him, and he subsequently moved the apex court.

“The documentary material indicates that there was a clear failure on the part of the Kejriwal to disclose that he suffered from Munchausen syndrome, a factitious mental disorder in which a person repeatedly and deliberately acts as if he or she has a physical illness when he or she is not really sick. The ground for rejection was in terms of the exclusions contained in the policy,” the top court said.

In a press conference to media persons after the verdict, Kejriwal said, “Main bahut chota admi hun, meri koi aukat nai hai. Inn insaurance company walon k piche Congress-BJP netaon ki milibhagat hai. Yeh log chahte hain ki mera allergic bronchitis pneumonia mein badal jaye aur main khatiya pakad lun. Ek baar agle saal Dilli mein phir hamari sarkar aane do, inn insurance company walon ko hum expose karke jail bhijwa denge.”

Unconfirmed reports also claimed that a pharmaceutical company who had signed Kejriwal as brand ambassador for their cough syrup might sue him for breach of contract, for not publicly coughing enough in the last 4 years as promised in the deal.

News anchor suffers from spontaneous rectal tear, stable after issuing apology.

Mumbai: A day after calling Aditya Thackrey “the Rahul Gandhi of Shiv Sena”, it has been reported that news anchor Anjana Om Kashyap suffered from a spontaneous rectal tear when the editor of the show pointed out that her statements had been aired live on television. She was immediately rushed to the Quackdoses multi specialty hospital where she underwent an emergency surgery and is currently said to be in a stable condition.

Kashyap, a failed medical aspirant herself, had earlier too faced flak in June for entering the ICU at a government hospital in Muzaffarpur and shouting at doctors attending to the sick children suffering from AES (Acute Encephalitis Syndrome), demanding to take their byte. No sooner she entered the ICU with a camera and mic, her journalism went on ventilator and could not be resuscitated.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, her operating surgeon on conditions on anonymity said, “Anjana suffered a grade 4 rectal tear. It is a common condition seen in journalists and is thought to be a long term side effect of cheap publicity by talking shit for excreting TRPs. The disease usually manifests itself and becomes symptomatic when they end up putting their foot in the mouth by speaking against powerful politicians or celebrities. The Shiv Sena workers had threatened to barge into the hospital and turn off her epidural infusion after which she issued an apology on twitter.”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that impressed by her idea, Rahul Gandhi is contemplating deflecting to Shiv Sena from the Congress to start afresh as a youth icon and make “Rahul Gandhi of Shiv Sena” a reality before the upcoming Maharashtra elections.

Your child’s mental health is more important than their grades.

3 Idiots is one of the best Bollywood movies ever and I’m sure most Indians would have watched it at least once. The story of Farhan and Virus’ dead son depicted in the movie is a household reality in India. It also highlighted the fact that Mental health is a neglected issue in the country. It is a shame that mental issues are still considered a taboo and people don’t seek early help.

My work in the Accident & Emergency department, apart from managing common medical and surgical emergencies also involves attending to a lot of patients with undiagnosed anxiety and depression, many of whom are teenagers. I have seen teenagers and young adults, depressed and suicidal due to parental pressure, who end up receiving Electro convulsive therapy (ECT) or Ketamine therapy when oral medications have failed.

The number of suicides among teenagers due to anxiety and depression is on the rise in India and it hurts me to read news of teenagers giving up on their lives every other day.

So what can be a neglected cause? In India, it is common for parents to pressurize their children to opt for certain streams such as engineering or medical without taking into consideration their interests and aptitude. From there, the burden of living up to the parents’ expectations begins and the child begins to forget his own personality and gets lost.

Over a period of time, it gets difficult for children to handle the stress suddenly thrown at them. These expectations become a mental stress for the child to cope up with, leading to anxiety, depression and unhappiness. Teenagers then feel isolated, thinking that nobody understands them, which can in most cases draw them completely away from their family and friends.

The solution - ‘communication’. Parents need to watch for signs of stress in their kids and make an effort to talk to the child, their friends and also to teachers at school to know the cause. It is high time people realize that mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is talking about it.

Following is a poem to spread awareness about thoughts which might be going in the mind of such a teenager coping with parental pressure. 

Kho gaya hun main kahin,
Kitab ke kisi panne mein,
Bhul gaya hun apna wajood,
Ek acha beta banne mein.

Unke sapne poore karne mein,
Jalte angaron pe chalta hun,
Jeene ki chah thi meri,
Ghut ghut ke roz marta hun.

Sochta hun chale jaun kahin,
Jahan sirf mere sapne hon,
Na ho koi ummed ka bojh,
Tanha rahun, aur na koi apna ho.

Ho sakta hai ek din unhe,
Unki galti ka ehsaas ho jaye,
Par jiss din khulegi unki ankh,
Shayad khud ko hi khatam kar lun.

After fake Pastors and Prophets, fortune-tellers to soon treat patients.

New Delhi – Taking cue from fake Christian pastors treating patients with equally poor acting skills, the government plans to start OPDs on similar lines where astrologers, palmists and vastu experts will ‘diagnose’ and treat patients. Horoscopes and kundalis will be the mainstays of such facilities that would apparently dispense medical advice to the sick and the vulnerable.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Health Minister Harsh Vardhan said, “Already the educated Indians are looking at muhurats to undergo planned surgeries these days. In such proposed OPDs, the team of experts will study the planetary combinations at the exact time the questions are asked, to arrive at the right astrological diagnosis & treatment. The bridge course and astrologers are coming now, the tantriks will soon follow”.

Expressing shock at the government’s proposal, the Indian Doctor’s Association released a press statement claiming that such initiatives were nothing but promotion of the RSS agenda. The association also expressed fear that we were not far away from a day when ‘gau mutra’ will be sprinkled on patients before they are wheeled into the operation theater.

Meanwhile, the Academy of Motion Pictures has announced that this year’s Oscar nominations for best actor will only go to such Pastors and their patients, and the award ceremony will begin by observing a 2 minute silence for Indian Healthcare.

P.S – “Whosoever after reading this post does not press the like button, be ready to face the consequences. Feel the vibration of my power and then talk to me. Praise Quackdoses, Hallelujah”- Jesus.

Dhinchak Pooja beats ototoxic medications and Otitis Media to become number 1 risk factor for hearing loss.

Mumbai: In a jaw dropping study conducted at the Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital, it was found that Dhinchak Pooja songs have become the number 1 risk factor for hearing loss in the world. In less than 4 years since the release of her 1st song ‘Swag wali Topi’ in 2016, her songs have caused impaired hearing in more than 10 million people across the globe.

Experts have claimed that noise from her songs causes inflammation of the ear drum leading to build up of fluid or pus behind it, which blocks the transmission of sound causing a conducting hearing loss. It has been suggested that her songs can also directly cause damage to the inner ear or the auditory nerve.

Speaking at the UNESCO headquarters in France yesterday, Prime Minister Modi has assured that though it will be touch for India to stop her all alone, his government is trying hard to stop her release any songs in future. He also threatened to wipe Pakistan out by sending Dhinchak Pooja with a mic and speaker at the Indo-Pak border if Pakistan threatens India with nuclear weapons over the ongoing Kashmir dispute.

Unconfirmed reports have claimed that the CBI is using 3rd degree torture on P Chitambaram, currently in custody in connection with INX Media money laundering case, by making him listen to Dhinchak Pooja songs on full blast in a closed room.

She, however, declined to comment on the study results and scared away our reporter with live performance of her latest ‘Nach ke Pagal’ song.

Pawar undergoes surgery, hidden gold reserves found.

Mumbai: In a shocking revelation that has stirred the political scenario & has left the medical fraternity aghast, doctors who recently operated on Sharad Pawar for a tongue-and-throat surgery revealed that the Nationalist Corrupt Party (NCP) Supremo has a skeleton made of gold. The former Union minister, who people claim is the 2nd richest and the most corrupt person on Earth after Sonia Gandhi, was flown in to Mumbai from Delhi via an air ambulance.

Doctors who conducted a full check-up and had unfortunately ruled out anything serious were curious about the increased bone density on the serial X-Rays and decided to operate as soon as possible. The hospital authorities refused to divulge further details regarding his health condition. There is no clarity on whether the senior leader’s hidden gold is 24 carat or less.

“He was brought to Mumbai because he was previously treated here. The mal-practicing hospital in Delhi was forcing him to undergo surgery there and allowed him to leave only after signing the Discharge Against Medical Advice (DAMA) form. He will be medically fit to loot India again in a few weeks’ time. If Sheikhs in Dubai can have cars made of gold & platinum, what’s wrong in having a custom made skeleton made of the same metal?,” said NCP leader Ajit Pawar, who visited the 78-year-old politician at the QuackDoses Multi-specialty Hospital.

Earlier too, Pawar's surgery had made headlines in 2014 when he suffered from a hip fracture after slipping and falling on the pavement outside his house during a routine evening walk. He subsequently accused the BJP workers of peeing outside his home to make the sidewalk slippery, and the harassment still continuing with BJP poaching on senior NCP leaders by misusing government agencies like Income Tax & Enforcement Directorate to make them defect, ahead of the assembly elections due later this year.

This was the fourth surgery of the veteran politician. He has earlier been operated on for his oral cancer, a fractured hip and another being the famous Sardar slap, a quick-minor procedure which made his smile from :-/ to :-l .

'Bad' words for good health, Because Science said so!

Mumbai: Days after researchers in UK concluded that Swearing increases pain tolerance by one third, doctors in India have now claimed that giving bad words in Indian lingo reduces hypertension, elevates mood and helps combat depression.

A double blinded ‘early morning’ clinical trial was conducted on the harassed ‘potential’ passengers of Autowalas & Taxiwalas in Delhi, Mumbai and Bangaluru. It was found that the ‘guinea pigs’ using disrespectful words for the near & dear female relatives of the auto & taxi drivers on hearing ‘nai jayega’ had higher happiness quotient & less likelihood of death from heart attack or stroke. The study also revealed that Delhi fared better than the other 2 metro cities owing to the spectrum of bad words which Delhites can create.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Shaitan Khopdi, a famous US based neurologist said, “The F-word inspired Indian vocabulary is actually a type of coping mechanism that can make you feel stronger when used in moderation. Tossingaround a few Hindi swear words actually activates the “fight or flight” response in our brains. Virat Kolhi is the world’s best batsman, not because of his batting skills but because of his ability to channelize the same MC-BC energy from his tongue into his game.”

Mumbaikars have however rubbished the study claiming that a drunken Sanjay Dutt and a sober Jackie Shroff were alone enough to topple Delhi’s crown of being the ‘gali’ capital of India.

Resignation is merely a stunt, 'Prince of Goof-Ups' will soon be back as RG 2.0

New Delhi – Ending speculations on his next course of action since his much deserved resignation from the post of Party President, it has now emerged that Rahul Gandhi will be back soon after undergoing treatment for his ‘disability’ to win elections, through biomedical engineering.

Our 'gupt sutra' within the Congress party has claimed that Rahul after watching Captain America-The First Avenger with his nephew and niece recently came up with the idea of undergoing the ‘Super Soldier’ treatment which involves injection of special serum and doses of ‘Vita-Rays’. He will soon be flying to New York to meet Tony Stark and Steve Rogers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Pappu said, “The Congress party will always remain family controlled. My temporary successor will be expected to perform the same role that Manmohan Singh did as Prime Minister leading the UPA government. I will be back soon as RG 2.0 after upgrading my IQ software and lubricating my hardware. Laluji’s son Tej Pratap Yadav suffered permanent side effects after undergoing an imperfect version of the said procedure, but we are more technologically advanced now.”

The Congress Working Committee (CWC) has meanwhile decided to not give him the experience letter and not refund the security deposit as Rahul did not give the mandatory one month notice before resigning.

Bridge course off, Doctors cite loopholes in NMC bill.

New Delhi: Already facing flak and protests against the recently approved NMC bill, it has now come to light that the government has made provisions in the bill empowering politicians to write chapter in modern allopathic and veterinary medicine books.

Taking note of the increasing interest of his peer groups in medical sciences and animal husbandry, PM Modi called for a meeting today with all Cow Ministers to admire the medicinal properties of cow milk and urine.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Modi said, “I agree with the vision of our learned ministers that cows are the only animal which can exhale oxygen and massaging them can cure breathing problems. The government will install cow sheds in close proximity to hospitals as it can cure tuberculosis. Water from Garud Ganga will also be distributed to pregnant women in wards to avoid unnecessary cesarean deliveries. Also, Rs. 100 crore will also be allocated to look for the legendary Sanjivani Booti.”

When our ‘gupt sutra’ Deepak Kumar enquired about any updates on contraception, PM’s close aide and home minister Amit Shah suggested that the best way to curb India’s population growth is to provide electricity to Indian villages so that couples spend their time watching TV till late in the night instead of procreating (when there is no electricity, there is nothing else to do but produce babies), a claim rubbished by medical experts.

Meanwhile, ousted Karnataka Chief Minister Kumaraswamy has claimed that he was indirectly the 1st victim of the NMC bill as ‘horse trading’ of Congress - JD(S) MLAs into BJP and ‘crosspathy’ were almost the same.

NOTE- Friends, instead of the provision for a ‘bridge course’ (decision of which has been left on the state governments) a new section 32 has been added to the NMC bill, where community health providers (any person CONNECTED WITH a modern scientific medical professional) like compounders, lab technicians, blood sample collectors, etc., could get a ‘limited licensed to practice modern medicine’ without the supervision of a qualified doctor. It truly is nothing but a blatant promotion of ‘Quackery’, endangering life of the common man.

Rx: Urgent remedy for Indian Healthcare Education.

The tragic suicide by a young Gynecology resident at a premier government institute in Mumbai has brought focus on harsh truths of the medical post graduate education system.

Deans and the Head of Departments of EVERY medical college in the country would be lying if they claimed that there was no workplace harassment and exploitation of young resident doctors in their respective medical colleges, and that they were not aware of the same. The truth is that seniors with designation of power are mere mute spectators. Also, the so called ‘Anti Ragging Committee’ exists only on paper and many committee members are themselves part of the team involved in ragging of the juniors in hostels at night.

‘Hierarchical’ exploitation of juniors is the NORM in medical colleges (different from workplace politics in the corporate setup) unless you have a familial ‘jack’ or contacts with the seniors. Threats of not getting enough ‘cutting’ in surgical fields during the 3 year tenure, threats of making sure the doctor doesn’t clear the PG exam, getting ridiculed in front of patients and their relatives, exploited to do personal work of their seniors, not allowed time to even bathe/eat or get adequate sleep for days, working almost 100 hours a week, etc is part and parcel of a post graduate resident doctor’s life, especially in the 1st year of their training – a bitter sad reality of this fraternity which not many will refute.

Apart from things mentioned above, I have personally been privy to few instances during my internship which left an ever lasting impact on me, making me vow to never come back to the government setup. An Ortho 1st year houseman was so sleep deprived and tired that he fell asleep on a stretcher less than a feet away from a patient’s vomitus, while another resident doctor was so frustrated with work that he showed up drunk in the ward wearing only his underwear and loudly cursing his seniors – to be then taken to the EMS and asked to take rest and a much deserved sleep.

But the big question is why hasn’t anyone publicly spoken about it? Why no steps have been taken to curb this menace and malpractice that plagues medical education? Is it creating better doctors or improving senior-junior relationship? What about the mental health of the residents and its long term psychological effects? Till when will the authorities turn a blind eye to such things? What are we really waiting for – another Dr. Payal Tadvi?

It is high time the medical fraternity, state universities and the government address these issues, introspect on this existing system of exploitation and harassment, and take stringent steps to curb this menace. Resident doctors should make support groups among themselves, should gather courage to come out openly and complain against any atrocities by their immediate senior residents, professors, head of units or even head of departments. At the same time, refrain from filling up the same shoes as their seniors once they become senior themselves – just because they had themselves gone through such an ordeal. Such social reform will not happen overnight but will slowly and surely be instrumental to bring about the change.

The American Heart Association rightfully calls the doctors – ‘The wounded healers’ due to the effects of psychological, emotional, physical and mental stress of years of clinical practice, I’m sure the Indian medical post graduate education system does not want is create – ‘wounded and scarred’ doctors of tomorrow right out of residency program.

I would like to end by a quote, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

Doctors - The Wounded Healers

Scenario: A young 27 year old male was brought by an auto driver to the Accident & Emergency Department with a history of road traffic accident. His body was completely mutilated with multiple broken bones, visible deformities, head injury and a ‘fountain’ of red blood from his right femoral artery due to a puncture wound. Though he was gasping while being shifted from the autorickshaw to the stretcher, his breathing stopped completely by the time he was wheeled in to the resuscitation bed. In spite of an immediate intubation and all our resuscitative efforts, he succumbed to his injuries.

My hands trembled as I looked through the contacts on his phone to search for ‘home, ma / mom, papa / dad, bhai, baby / sweetheart / wifey, etc’. I slowly gathered courage to call on ‘dada’ (which mostly means elder brother) as I did not want to make the 1st call to his mother, father or the wife.

I was at complete loss of words when he picked up the phone…what should I tell him? The images running through my mind was of how my own elder brother would react if he received such a call.

“Main Hospital k Emergency Department se Doctor Mohit bol raha hun, aap please jaldi hospital aa jaiye.”

“Doctor kya hua ? Yeh mere bhai ka number hai, usne kyun call nai kiya?”, he asked.

“Main jyada kuch nai bata sakta phone pe, aap aa jaiye aur kisi family member ko bhi sath le aiyega”, I replied.

“Theek hai, main abhi office mein hun, thodi der mein Papa k sath pahuchta hun.”

The scenes which followed cannot be expressed in. The reaction of the brother, the father, all the tears, the disbelief, the trauma, the shock…the mother fainted on arrival and later with tears rolling down her eyes, she asked me was, “Doctor, usne kuch bola kya marne se pehle? Woh kitni der tak zinda tha? Saasein chal rahi thi kya uski?” – probably she wanted to hear if he left any message or final words, and I couldn’t answer to her (there are tears in my eyes, as I think of that mayhem again to pen down these words) .

After a month, the father and the brother came to get life insurance forms filled. I found out that he was recently married 3 months back. On the day of his accident, his mother was just discharged after an angiography (with report of few coronary blockages which could be medically treated) and he had just brought her home from the hospital after discharge and left with a friend to buy some sweets in view of the normal reports. The brakes of a dumper had failed on Jogeshwari Vikhroli Link Road (JVLR) and the truck driver rammed into 7 vehicles…and the body of the pillion rider was ripped into pieces on the spot of the accident.

                                                                    ********

The life of a doctor is complicated, and gets even worse when he/she is working in the stressful environment of an Accident & Emergency department (A&E). An emergency physician has to be a JACK OF ALL, AND A MASTER OF ALL as it cannot be predicted what will come in through the entrance door – an accident victim, a patients with a heart attack, a stroke, a seizure, a patient fighting to take a breath, a geriatric, a pediatric, a pregnant patients apart from the regular emergencies across all specializations.

What makes this branch different is the amount of emotions, expectations, always, dealing with blood and death on a routine basis, with no margin for error. Seconds and minutes can make all the difference between life and death.

Doctors working in the A&E and ICUs have to be 2 faced, hide their humane emotional side when dealing with a critical patient and delivering bad news, while simultaneously thinking with a straight head about the best modality of treatment. The worst part of this job across the world would definitely be dealing with young deaths. It will be a lie if I say I have never seen doctors break down and cry after declaring a patient dead.

Like most of the doctors working in the A&E across the world, I too have had the MISFORTUNE of giving bad news to a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a wife and friends about the death of their loved one – at young age of 21, 24,27,29, 31, 37,42, etc.

And just while all this is going on, YOUR DOCTOR in the Emergency pulls himself back together and gets ready to tackle another challenge – The Next Patient.

Patient suffering from COPD refuses medications, demands Doctor's 'nebulization'.

Mumbai: In a surprising incident which has sent shock waves among the medical community, a 60 year old patient admitted in the ICU of a local hospital with an acute exacerbation of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) refused his daily dose of bronchodilators and demanded the same ‘nebulization’ that his admitting consultant was on, with an increased frequency than his current dosing.

It is a well known fact that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. ‘Nebulization’ is a secret code for smoking in the medical language, and patients deciphering the same has now made doctors worried. Expecting similar backlash from more patients of COPD, Medical Council of India has already issued directives to doctors to come up with new terminology, or else face 1 more year of rural MO ship after post graduation.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, patient Bevda Charsi (name changed) said, “My doctor is so shameless and insensitive that in front of COPD patients like me, he ‘teasingly’ tells his junior that he is taking a ‘nebulization’ break, whereas we all know that he is really going out for a ‘sutta’. He counsels us that ‘coffin’ is the result of smoking too much, but does not practice what he preaches. When will the medical fraternity understand that nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking, and that smoking has benefits like family planning because it can cause erectile dysfunction?”

“I had also thought about giving up smoking in the past, but decided not to – I’m not a quitter”, Charsi added.

Meanwhile, a virtual war has already started on social media among professionals with many claiming that not only in smoking, some doctors can even beat an Engineer in a drinking competition.

Unhappy with acting skills, MCI to open medical acting college soon.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge Exclusive

Mumbai: Unhappy with the quality and acting skills of doctors in movies and television soaps, Medical Council of India (MCI) is on the lookout of people to train budding actors as doctors for maintaining the dignity and good quality of care we provide.

Viewers have often complained that doctors declaring a ‘fertile’ female pregnant just because she has early morning vomiting or by just checking her pulse looks more unreal than the facelifts actors get by imaginary plastic surgeons on TV soaps. MCI also has been under tremendous pressure from the Ultrasound Society of India as USG machines have complained that they are not being used in diagnostic purposes on television and they miss being inserted transvaginally. They also alleged that MCI was a corrupt body and its president Dr.Ketan Desai had pocketed crores by allowing promotion of Urine Pregnancy Test (UPT) strips and not supporting their cause.

MCI has apparently approached film director Subhash Ghai (who has recently been in the news for encroaching 20 acres of government land) to vacate the Whistling Woods Film School as quickly as possible so it can start a Dada Kondke Medical acting college soon. Curriculum will include lectures on dressing sense with dirty aprons, make up with bald head and thick spectacles, demanding 30 % doctor's cut, dirty handwriting, diagnostic tests and others.

The next time you hear a doctor actor say, "Main aapke pati ko nai bacha paya" or the famous standard dialogue, "Inhe ab dava ki nai, dua ki zarurat hai", it is bound to bring tears to you eyes.

Intern goes on rampage after getting scolded, empty bladder becomes the root cause.

Mumbai: In a surprising incident at LTMGH, an angry, frustrated, sex starved intern Deepak Kumar blasted the gynecology houseman after receiving a earful himself from the radiologist for shifting a pregnant patient with lower abdominal pain to Ultrasonography (to rule out ectopic pregnancy) with an empty urinary bladder.

Our sources confirmed that the hard working ace phlebotomist Dr.Deepak struggled hard to arrange the USG after 1^st having to drag the patient on a wheelchair himself to the radiology department (due to the perennial running away of the lazy ward boys, a.k.a MAMAS at night time) only to find the USG door locked which angered him even more. He then had to leave the moaning patient and run to the Resident quarters to call the sleepy radiologist on call. (He wished she had let him inside instead of talking through the window sensing risk from the well known Casanova.)

Our ‘Gupt Sutra’, the intern on duty in Surgery Department (identity withheld) reported that Deepak was apparently scolded harshly by the radiologist with the discovery of the patient’s empty urinary bladder and was asked to return only when patient felt like peeing. He was then seen storming out of the USG room to baby cry & complain to the gynecology registrar.

In an exclusive interview to Quackdoses, Deepak explained,“I was really working hard in the gynecology department as it is a specialty of my liking. Unlike others, never did I once complain about having to put a Foley’s catheter before the many caesarian sections in the day. I punctually got the dabbas (Tiffin boxes), Xeroxes, cakes and other items which my registrars & associate professor asked me to pick up. Angered by the incident, I warned the registrar that I would stop being their pet if such incidents happen again after which she too joined me in my fight against corruption.”

Angry interns were seen shouting slogans early next morning against patients for not filling their urinary bladders before coming for USG & refused to resume work till the culprit patient, the radiologist & the houseman (who did not give appropriate instructions) apologized to the Rockstar intern.

An enquiry has now been ordered by the hospital Dean Sangam to look into the bladder…the matter.