After fake Pastors and Prophets, fortune-tellers to soon treat patients.

New Delhi – Taking cue from fake Christian pastors treating patients with equally poor acting skills, the government plans to start OPDs on similar lines where astrologers, palmists and vastu experts will ‘diagnose’ and treat patients. Horoscopes and kundalis will be the mainstays of such facilities that would apparently dispense medical advice to the sick and the vulnerable.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Health Minister Harsh Vardhan said, “Already the educated Indians are looking at muhurats to undergo planned surgeries these days. In such proposed OPDs, the team of experts will study the planetary combinations at the exact time the questions are asked, to arrive at the right astrological diagnosis & treatment. The bridge course and astrologers are coming now, the tantriks will soon follow”.

Expressing shock at the government’s proposal, the Indian Doctor’s Association released a press statement claiming that such initiatives were nothing but promotion of the RSS agenda. The association also expressed fear that we were not far away from a day when ‘gau mutra’ will be sprinkled on patients before they are wheeled into the operation theater.

Meanwhile, the Academy of Motion Pictures has announced that this year’s Oscar nominations for best actor will only go to such Pastors and their patients, and the award ceremony will begin by observing a 2 minute silence for Indian Healthcare.

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