Patient sends 20-page report, Doctor sends back 20-page bill.

Mumbai : In an incident which has shocked the medical fraternity – and possibly set a new roadmap for handling patients who forward endless reports on WhatsApp - a doctor has sent back a 20-page bill to a patient, after receiving a 20-page laboratory report from her.

It is a well-known fact that doctors across the country are fed up with patients who send pages of irrelevant medical reports, often weeks after the first consultation, and expect them to leave everything, analyze every page, and reply to those reports instantly – of course, without charging a single rupee. Unfortunately, out of fear of losing patients, most doctors reluctantly keep up with that shit.

In an exclusive interview, Dr. Kabhi Matbann™, the genius behind the revolutionary idea said:

“I had only asked the patient for a basic CBC, creatinine and electrolytes. But the next morning at 7 a.m, I was shocked to receive 20 pages of reports from her. I had just woken up and ignored it, but she kept bombarding me with messages, worrying about every bold parameter and every fancy, irrelevant graph of every test she had done on her own. So I too sent her a 20-page bill in return – complete with graphs showing how my clinic rent, compounder's salary, electricity bill, home expenses, and children’s education fees have all risen over the years. Every doubt she raised, every minute of my time—it all had a price tag.”

Unconfirmed sources claim that after much negotiation, Dr. Matbann generously offered the patient a 5% discount - but only after she promised to refer 10 more of her kitty-party friends as patients within the month.