‘Wannabe Celeb’ with sub-acute intestinal obstruction (SAIO) passes flatus, posts achievement on LinkedIn.

 

Mumbai: In unexpected development which has hyper stimulated peristalsis of general surgeons and gastroenterologists around the world, a LinkedIn post from a patient having successfully passed flatus has gone viral on social media.

In a short post uploaded on LinkedIn with a photograph of the patient on his bed and a hashtag YOLO below (You Only Live Once), the patient claimed that he was ‘thrilled, honored, privileged, excited, proud and happy’ to have been able to butt-burp after spending 2 days in the hospital, under the care of renowned surgeon Dr. Fartkar. The post was reportedly written from the bed at the notorious Quackdoses Multispeciality Hospital.

“Ever since I came to the hospital, everyone – right from the emergency doctor, to the surgeon and his assistants, the radiologist and the nurses have been constantly asking the same question – niche se hawa nikli kya? The surgeon even poked me in my rectum when I replied in the negative. LinkedIn is the perfect platform to be self congratulatory, shit-post vast amounts of trivial nonsense daily and give advice no one asked for, hence I too decided to post about this major achievement which means a lot to my treating team,” said the patient (identity withheld), adding that while a loud fake sound was used to let the nurse know, the anal air pressure he felt was real.

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that when the hospital confronted the patient for breach in their ‘no photography’ policy and informed that his final bill will be hiked as penalty, the patient innocently claimed that he did it for fun and did not know his post would go viral on social media. The patient’s mobile phone and laptop have been seized by the hospital, and investigation is on to ascertain whether Dr. Fartkar had masterminded the post for personal marketing.

Kejriwal campaigning for election in spite of DKA, PG resident allotted thesis on him by guide.

Mumbai: In unexpected developments which have sent shock waves in the medical community, a Post graduate (PG) resident was given a thesis topic on the Delhi CM by his guide.

It is well known fact that endocrinologists across the world have been intrigued by the research done by the AAP leader’s lawyers on Diabetes Mellitus (DM), to verify if they have discovered a newer disease in itself or a newer variant of DM which is ‘aggressive, volatile and randomly undergoes a wide range of swings in blood glucose including episodes of hypo and hyperglycaemia’ based on the political situation in the country. Endocrinologists are also curious to find out if the symptoms were caused due to Modi-Shah, BJP, ED and CBI or related to pancreas and insulin.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, the guide Dr. K’abhi Matbann™ said, “High ketone levels in urine are suggestive of Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA), and such patients world over are immediately admitted to ICU and started on Insulin Infusion with large amount of IV fluids. We want to investigate how Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal is still campaigning for election and attending rallies since his bail, without any signs of Kussmaul’s respiration. Also, it needs to be studied why politicians suffer from high blood pressure, high sugar, cardiac problems in jail, and suddenly become normal once they are out”.

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the multi-speciality hospital where the CM claimed to have consulted his physician now plans to file a defamation case, and have clarified that their TAT (Turn around time) for whole body PET-CT and Holter monitoring was within 48 hours, and not 5-7 days as claimed in the bail extension application.