KDAH MEM 2016 batch commencement speech.

Dear Teachers, Parents, Nursing staff and my colleagues,

It is my honor and privilege to be invited by our respected Dr. Mehta, Director of Accident & Emergency to say a few words on this occasion. It was approximately 1 year back that the 1st batch of MEM residents passed out from this institute and have now already made a name for themselves in the field of emergency medicine.

What makes this program at KDAH different from that at other centers is that students here apart from their training as emergency physicians are groomed to be good leaders and managers. The freedom that we residents get right from history taking, deciding on investigations, plan of care and treatment goals, emergency procedures and medication though initially under supervision gives us the confidence of rational thinking and independently taking responsibility of our patients, paving the road for a good future ahead.

My message for the now post graduate doctors is that there is an exciting and emerging world of emergency medicine out there waiting for you with plenty of job opportunities and scope for personal career growth. The days of CMOs (Casualty medical officer) and casualty are far from over and the next decade belongs to this fastest growing branch of emergency medicine in the country. In the medical jargon, it is said that patient satisfaction and recovery is only partly based on the medication, partly on the facility/amenities and the remaining major part on the way the doctor makes the patient feel with his confidence, communication, compassion and soft skills; and this is what we have to continuously improve on. With the kind of patient load and training that you all have received, you are all ready to manage any medical emergency independently. Let it not be money driving you in the initial months but the passion and fire within to do good work in this field and be better clinicians and leaders of tomorrow, good work gets recognized, valued and encouraged everywhere and success will surely follow.

I would conclude with a quote from Steve Jobs, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do”.

On that note, I would like to congratulate all of you and wishing you all the best for the future.

Thank you.

Man undergoes cosmetic surgery on his bums, wanted to sit comfortably on the 4th seat of Mumbai local.

Mumbai- In a jaw dropping, rare corrective surgery which would make even Dr. House piss in his pants, a man from Mumbai, Huge'o Butt got his buttocks remodeled by plastic surgeons to fit on the 4th seat of the local train.

In an interview with our Samwadata Pranshul Kamdar, Butt said, "Getting into a local train during peak office hours is more difficult than taking your wife out for shopping. It was a shame that after standing from Kandivali to Dadar in the 1st Class, all I could manage was the 4th seat, on which half of my butt would float in space making it difficult for me to sleep till Churchgate."

"I had to sit sideways leaning my sweaty back on the person sitting next to me, irritate him by peeping in his newspaper or fart loudly to make some space. This surgery will really change the way I and my fellow commuters travel", Mr. Butt added further.

The revolutionary surgery which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoc Multi-specialty Hospital drew sharp criticism from a section of Godmen.

After reading the news, Asaram tweeted from jail that the man should have come to his ashram first to learn some 'Pelvic Exercises' from him or his son Narayan Sai which would have saved a lot of money to the patient with even better cosmetic results. Yoga guru Baba Ramdev too offered free Kapalbhanti workshop.

"My next mission is to get into a Virar Fast from Churchgate and try getting down at Borivali to see if my surgery was really a success, after all who would want to kick a cosmetically enhanced ass ?", said Huge'o Butt revealing his further course of action.

Quacks scared, doctors approach Kejriwal for their degree verification.

"I'm so honest, I could have passed PSM exams without writing stories." - Kejriwal

New Delhi: In a major boost to Arvind Kejriwal’s prime ministerial aspirations for the Lok Sabha 2019 elections, doctors across the country have undisputedly nominated him for the prestigious post of clerk in the Medical Council of India to personally check the degrees of all practicing quacks in India.

 
It is a well known fact that compounders claiming to be doctors in small towns and villages, quacks practicing with fake non-existent degrees, BAMS / BHMS doctors prescribing allopathic medications and doing surgeries, MD medicine doctors claiming to be cardiologists and diabetologists, etc is rampant in the country. According to statistics with the Quack Medical Association, up to 45 percent of all people practicing medicine in the nation have no formal training; as many as 700,000 of these dubious practitioners, with exaggerated or falsified credentials, even work in major hospitals. 

The self proclaimed ex-income tax commissioner has proved his expertise and commitment to such noble cause with his recent efforts while trying to prove of Prime Minster Narendra Modi’s degree being fake. While many claim that it was all done with orders from Congress President Sonia Gandhi to take away the limelight from the August Westland Helicopter deal, real doctors have recognized the raw talent and hailed Kejriwal as a messiah for the future of healthcare in India. 

“Kejriwal’s commitment and dedication towards work is unquestionable. He was himself a victim of quackery before becoming Delhi’s Chief Minister. He is allergic to cameras and mics and suffers from bronchospasm every time he would see people from press or common man in groups. For months, a quack continued to treat him with monkey cap with muffler but to no avail. We believe that he will go in depth to find out whether or not a quack has a recognized medical degree as claimed, whether the degree is genuine or fake or finally if someone attended classes and completed his or her homework on time to be conferred the degree”, said an AAPtard who did not wish to be publicly shamed by being named. 

While our personal phone calls and messages to Kejriwal went unanswered, inside sources within the Aam Admi Party revealed that Kejriwal was busy preparing for the upcoming auditions of Zee TV’s talent hunt show “India’s Best Dramebaaz- Season 3” and would announce his decision soon.

Arnab Goswami is the number 1 risk factor for hypertension in India : Study.

Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoc Multispecialty Hospital, Arnab Goswami, India’s most famous judge, jury and executioner for his show, the Newshour has now become the number one risk factor for hypertension in the Indian population.

The success of the show, which recently completed its 10 years on 1^st February, was marred by recent reports that the ever angry and ever restless news anchor Arnab had surpassed the threats by obesity, excessive salt in diet, alcohol, low vitamin D levels and other risk factors to become the biggest threat to the morbidity and mortality of an entire nation.

The World Health Organization (WHO) had earlier predicted that by 2025, one third of the Indians would suffer from Diabetes and High blood pressure related ailments, but according to recent study, WHO has now claimed that 99.9 % of all viewers of the talk show will suffer from Hypertension by the year 2020, unless Arnab starts giving the guest panelists a chance to talk on the show.

What has baffled the researchers involved in the study even further is that the hypertension caused by watching Arnab has been found to be resistant to the standard treatment of Diuretics, ACE inhibitors, Beta blockers, Calcium channel blockers, etc and can only be treated to a certain extent by watching youtube videos of Rahul Gandhi’s speeches and of Arvind Kejriwal making his false promises and dramatic claims.

Our Gupt Samwadata spoke to Dr. Arun Swaminathan, the doctor-in-chief of the research, “The constant yelling and bickering on the show produces a stress response in the viewers, which in turn stimulates the adrenal glands to produce the fight, fright and flight hormones, namely Adrenaline, Noradrenaline and Cortisol, thereby increasing the blood pressure. It has been observed that since the debut of the show 10 years back, the number of Indians suffering from myocardial infarction, tinnitus, intracranial bleed and nightmares has doubled, with the guest panelists being the hardest hit, suffering from neurogenic bladder where they have no control on & subconsciously piss in their pants with even the thought of facing Arnab again. He is slowly becoming India’s most dreaded father-husband, and might be the only guy in the world to fight with his wife and win an argument. There was a time when kids did not drink milk and mothers used to scare them by threatening to call the police, times have now changed and mothers now threaten to call Arnab uncle instead.”

With his undeniable ability to increase urine output, research is now underway if videos of Arnab Goswami can be used to treat congestive heart failure (CHF), and whether he is more efficacious than the time tested furosemide (Lasix) & Nitroglycerine infusion. Whatever the results may be, only time will tell, but experts are skeptical of the chances of using Arnab in CHF with the counter argument that he could possibly cause a heart attack first.

Congress president Sonia Gandhi announces Rs. 5 crore reward for any doctor who increases Rahul's IQ.

New Delhi: A day after BJP youth wing leader offered to award Rs 5 lakh to anyone who cuts off JNU president Kanhaiya Kumar's tongue, Congress party president Sonia Gandhi has now announced an award of Rs. 5 crores to any doctor who can treat her son Rahul Gandhi and make him look less idiotic than Pakistani cricket players in post match conferences.

In an emotional speech which lasted over 30 minutes, Sonia looked disappointed and broken while narrating her experience as a mother dealing with a son like Rahul.

The Gandhi scion who is now at the peak of his stand up comedy career has become so much of an embarrassment for the Congress that even ministers from within the party are poking fun at him and were seen laughing during Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s vicious attack on the comedian in the parliament recently.

In an exclusive interview with The Quackdoc, Sonia Gandhi said, "I’ve now tried everything, from Cerelac to Dabur Janma Ghutti, from almonds to chavanprash but nothing seems to be working on him. Rahul ne toh congress ki ‘Gandhi’ maar di. Politics is meant for corruption and he must learn to do what congress has done for the last 60 years. I really hope medical science finds a miracle cure for my son with stem cells or brain transplants technology.”

While many doctors have taken the offer seriously and are flocking to New Delhi to conduct medical tests on their new high profile client, experts are skeptical of such a cure stating that Rahul is like old wine that will only get better with age, in idiocy and his ability to make people laugh though.

Hiranandani Hall of Fame.

“Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of the employees, they will take care of the clients.” – Sir Richard Branson.

Its 2.15 am in the morning (and 4.20 am by the time I finished penning it down) and I just can’t stop thinking and thanking my stars for how lucky I feel to be a part of Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital, an organization that has given me the opportunity of a dream job so early in my career and at a young age of 29. In the last 4 months that I have been part of the organization, I have received uninterrupted support and encouragement from everyone at the hospital, right from the top management, the Human Resources & administrative department, all the consultants, the nursing team, purchase department, housekeeping staff, security, etc to set up a department which I thought the hospital deserved long time back.

I have no shame in accepting that the Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital where I did my post graduate residency from has the best ‘functional’ emergency department in western India, but with the kind of work that we have been able to do at my institution over the last 3-4 months, we have successfully set up a state of the art Accident & Emergency department, ready with its infrastructure, documentation & the SOPs, medications, equipment, etc.

There would very few people on the planet who would say that they love their ‘job’, they look forward to Monday mornings and that their boss is good. Well, I’m among those few who have their passion as their job and even a single day spent away from my work place now makes the day seem incomplete.

I still remember my first 3 months at the hospital. We have an 8 bedded (+2 OTs) A&E now, which was known as casualty then. Every morning when I used to come to work, I would see that out of the 8 beds, 6-7 of the beds were always occupied with patients for Intravenous therapy, Electroconvulsive therapy, Endoscopies, Ascitic tapping, urine catheter insertion and removal, rectal enemas, etc and we were dealing with very few real emergencies. I wondered then that if that is the kind of emergency department that I’m going to work in, I don’t think I’m going to stay for more than 1 month. It was only at the insistence of and counseling from Dr. Anurag Naik (our Medical Director) that I decided that I should settle down first and then think about bringing about the radical changes slowly.

I used to work from 8 am till 4.15 pm, come back home by 5 pm and get back to work again from home designing all the paperwork and forms, sending emails, making phone calls and it used to become a regular routine wherein I was working till 10 in the night, just to set up the department I can now boast of.

It really was a proud moment for me when I presented the overview of the emergency medicine as a specialization and my A&E department during the clinical meet in January in front of 60-80 doctors from the hospital, including the top management, and receiving a big round of applause from the audience and special praise from Dr. Sujit Chatterjee (our hospital CEO). “You really have done a commendable job Mohit, hope you continue to keep up the good work”, were his exact words which still keep ringing in my ears, motivating me further to fulfill the high expectations that everyone has from our department now.

The ambiance at the work place, recognition for your work, the appreciation by your superiors, a cooperative management, the feeling to be wanted, etc are important aspects why an employee would love their place of work and the company or the organization. I’m amazed to see that there are so many doctors, nurses and others who became part of this Hiranandani hospital family right from the start of the hospital and never left!!

Apart from our constant endeavor to provide the best and quality treatment to all our patients, I feel that this hospital is so much lively unlike the previous hospitals I have worked with or seen. Luckily, I joined at a time when the sports day and the annual day were just around the corner and I won a few trophies. Winning and losing is only a part of such events, most importantly, I made such good friendship and bonding with many people in the hospital whom I would have never even met during routine days at work.

To garnish the overall last few months here, was an opportunity to be a part of a singing group for a performance on occasion of the 12^th anniversary of the hospital. An exceptionally vibrant, full of energy song, ‘Hall of Fame’ was chosen by our CEO. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about how we came about from the day we had just started practicing to where we ended, it surely was an exceptional performance. We still continue to have a whatsapp group where we still talk about our performance and are already planning for another rocking performance next year. (Dr. Chatterjee Sir, if you are reading this post, I want to say that I’m just amazed and in complete awe of your dynamism and energy levels, and that you surely have a fan following. It really would not have been such a rocking performance without all your inputs during the rehearsals.)

I also received an award called the Care Award 2015- for caring beyond THE ORDINARY. It was for the 1^st time in the history of the hospital that ‘a doctor’ had received it. I really could not control my tears and the emotions while our CEO read out a feedback email from one of my patient from the large screen on the stage, in front of a strong crowd of 1200-1500 hospital employees and guests, which included my parents.

To conclude, thank you God, and thank you Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital for giving me this platform. I plan a long term career at this organization now, and with everyone’s support, guidance and motivation in years to come, will work with even more commitment and hard work to make the Accident & Emergency Department a jewel in the crown of the hospital.

P.S: Like most of my articles on this blog since 2008, the post was not to glorify my work or achievement. It was to capture in time, my honest opinion, emotions and the feeling racing through my mind, and to express my heartfelt gratitude towards a great hospital and everyone working here for all their love, support, motivation and recognition that I have received in the last 4-5 months. Also, the adrenaline, dopamine within and octane levels were still running high, 2 days after an electrifying hospital anniversary and I thought it is better to pen down the memories than to just smile thinking about it.

Healthcare sector in a tizzy as hospital asks its doctors to carry menu card.

Mumbai: In a bizarre turn of events which has become the talk of the healthcare sector, the management of city’s Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital has directed its doctors to carry a menu card with a price list for all the services, specializations, investigations, consultation, procedure, surgery, etc along with a calculator for totaling, while interacting with patients.

The hospital has already grabbed headlines in the past for its ridiculous treatment, glorified quacks on its panel, open cuts to referring doctor, false radiology & pathology reports, false bills & insurance claims, surgeries / angiography / angioplasty in cases where they are not indicated, etc. The new recommendations have meanwhile been slammed by the Quack Doctor’s Association of India, for making the learned quacks look like ‘waiters’ than doctors in front of the unsuspecting patients.

It is a common practice for most patients (Its true !! - English Speaking, educated people) and their relatives coming to big corporate hospital to ask the attending doctor itself the cost of each investigation, total bill, etc in spite of the presence of executive staff at the front office outside each department. Trade pundits believe that such measures, if successful will hit the healthcare industry hard as more corporate hospitals might follow suit to this unique game changing and cost effective plan.

Our Gupt Samwadata Ratna Johari spoke to the hospital CEO (Chief Executive O’Mama) Arun Swaminathan, “It is important that we give the patient an exact figure of the amount they will be spending at our esteemed world class hospital. It has been our practice and policy over the years that every single Rupee of the insurance claim amount should be used up before the patient is referred to higher center. Our hospital is known for its excellent services and such measures of doctors carrying a menu card will only make the doctor patient relationship more transparent, thereby improving patient satisfaction”, he said with an expected -wicked top brass’ smile. 

Whether the new services become hit or not with the patients or their relatives, only time will tell. But unconfirmed plans of the hospital to soon start ‘Great Dhamaka Treatment’ at large discounts (*Conditions Apply) on few days during the year has already sent the industry in a tizzy.

O Re Parinde

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Yahan hai koi nahi jo,
Samajhe teri udaan ko,
Aasman ko chune tu bana,
Aasman ko chune tu bana.

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Tanhayi ka hath thamke,
Chun le tu apni rah ko,
Manzil kare hai tera intezar,
Manzil kare hai tera intezar.

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Sapnon ki jeet hamesha,
Hoti hai khudke shram se,
Hare kyun tu bhala,
Kyun Haar mane bhala.

Chal udd ja tu...jaa udd ja re,
Duniya ko....tu Dikhlade

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu...

06/07/13

Love forever.

The following is the romantic modified version (on the same tune) of Band Ignition's famous song 'Manzil'.

Manzil tu, chahat bhi

Aakhon mein tu hai basi…

Jeene ki, asha tu

Tere bin kya zindagi…

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Tera liye dil dhadakta, tumhe hai pata

Tu hai meri jaane jana sabko de bata

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Bharosa hai mujhko bahut tujhpe

Tune sapne dikhaye mujhe,

Tu roye toh aakhon se aasun nikle,

Aaja bahon mein lag ja gale…

Tere bin main akela, jiya bhi na jaye

Tu hai meri Soni, yeh jaan le sabhi

Bhara josh dil mein, ek khwab hum sajaye

Chahe lakh tufan aaye, Daren hum naa kabhi

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Depression rising among male medical students, MCI declares it a 'National Health Emergency'.

Mumbai: In an astonishing study conducted at The Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital, it has been found that ‘Not getting 100 likes on Facebook profile picture’ has become the number one cause of depression in male medical students today.

In a double blinded, randomized control study conducted on 1000 depressed, bald, male medical students across the city, it was found that a whopping 56 % of them were suffering from the disorder due to the sparse likes on their Facebook profile picture, their singlehood status coming in second at 31 % and the remaining 13 % due to other causes like failing in PSM exam, FIFA 2015 crashing frequently on their computer, parents forcing them to join medicine & now they see no way out, shameful balance in bank accounts till 28-29 years of age, etc. (Maths enthusiastic doctors, please don’t count. I’ve rechecked. Total is 100 %)

It has been often noted that girls (even the not so hot & sexy ones) putting any random photos always ends up getting a minimum of 100 likes and comments eventually (50 additional likes for a pout), which has often been joked around as a hot topic on social media and instant messengers like Whatsapp. When a guy puts photographs with similar poses, background or location, they end up frequently checking their notification panel for the evasive likes and comments, are forced to ‘Tag’ friends to get some response or are often bombarded with rude comments.

Our gupt samwadata Deepak Kumar Singh spoke to Pranshul Kamdar (name changed to withhold identity), a medical intern who is a regular in the Psychiatry OPD at our hospital.

“A girl puts a photo in a saree and gets more than 200 likes and I post my photo in an Armani Blazer and get only 17 likes? I’ve also tried clicking and uploading photos with babies, kids or puppies but have not even touched 50 likes ever!! Once I put my marriage photo as profile picture and people started passing cheap ‘Bhabhi’ jokes about my wife. Kutte-Saale !! It gets so depressing. Even monkeys with a DSLR camera calling themselves amateur photographers get more likes on their random crappy photos than we medicos get on ours.”

With fear looming large that many depressed, future doctors might attempt suicide by deactivating their Facebook profile, Medical Council of India (MCI) has declared depression among male medical students a ‘National Health Emergency’.

Dentists protest ban on gutka & pan masala, offer government 30% cut.

Mumbai: In an impromptu decision by the Indian Dental Association to protest against Aamir Khan’s suggestion to ban gutka & pan masala, city dentists came together at Azad Maidan early this morning shouting slogans and painting effigy of him with red gutka spit.

“How will we be able to feed our families if people stop coming to us for bleaching, scaling, root canal and tooth extraction after years of chewing gutka and pan masala?”, questioned angry Dentist Dr. Manjan Dantodkar. “Just because Aamir Khan is only 12th pass and has inferiority complex about it, how can he suggest policies against real doctors?”, he shouted showing off a borrowed stethoscope. “We are even ready to give the Government 30% referral cut if they do not pay heed to the suggestion, ” he added.

On his show Satyamev Jayate, Aamir had recently revealed that he ate over 10000 pans for getting into the skin of his Bhojpuri Character in PK which has permanently stained his teeth. The Government taking note of the self proclaimed-hypocrite-social crusader’s suggestion had planned to ban these products from 1st January, also after recurrent reports that people would slip and fall while crossing roads and on railway platforms increasing the number of patient load to government hospitals.

Dr. Manjan Dantodkar has now called for a Bandh across India urging dentists from all over the country to join in and not watch PK in theaters, only its generic version on pirated CDs.

At the end of the rallly when the photographer asked the dentists to smile, they all smiled saying FEEEEEESS.

SC orders patient to pay compensation to doctor, fraternity calls it a historic moment.

Mumbai: In the first ever compensation awarded in a harassment case against a patient, the Supreme Court today asked a patient Deepak Kumar to pay a whopping Rs 10 Lakhs along with interest to a Mumbai-based doctor Arun Swaminathan who had a mental breakdown during the patients prolonged consultation with him, which included the patient’s doubts and claims of become a half doctor within few hours by reading about his symptoms on the internet.

It is a well known fact that patients these days visit their doctor and lighten their wallets only when their symptoms worsen after trying all free treatment options from websites like PubMed.com, WebMD.com, etc, and not before openly & loudly updating their concerned relative on phone, “Saala doctor bahut paise charge karta hai”.

Deepak with complains of hair loss in June, had consulted Dr Swaminathan, who, without prescribing any medicine, rightly asked him to apply Baba Ramdev’s hair oil and stop masturbating for a few weeks.

As hair loss became more aggressively by July, Dr. Swaminathan prescribed Dabur Chavanprash twice daily, but Deepak started using Minoxidil after looking up on Google, a step which was later faulted by expert dermatologists from Bihar at the apex court.

With time, patient’s questions after reading things online become so vague that Swaminathan started pulling his own hair, and gradually stopped taking gifts from MRs or cuts for referrals and started prescribing only generic drugs.

Dr. Swaminathan had then filed a criminal case against the patient for mental harassment on the ground that the patient was grossly negligent in his Google search and the patient asking silly, stupid questions had lead to the doctor’s mental breakdown and in his plea, had demanded a record Rs.1 crore as compensation.

Terming the verdict as “historic”, Dr. Swaminathan in an email told The Quackdoc, “Patients have now become a question bank like Paresh Raval from the film ‘Judaai’. This verdict will send a strong message to all tech-savvy patients that are infuriating innocent doctors like me every day with their half enlightened knowledge from Google.”

The Mumbai doctor’s association has meanwhile unanimously decided to use a notice board at all polyclinic and hospital’s entrance stating – “When you can pay for extra butter and sambhar in a restaurant, patients with doubts from Google will also be charged extra.”

My vote of thanks at KDAH MEM graduation ceremony.

Respected Teachers, senior consultants, parents, and my dear friends. 

First of all, I would like to thank everybody for giving me this privilege today to thank all of you on behalf of my colleagues and for greater privilege that we have been enjoying as the 1st resident doctors of a structured residency course at KDAH for the last 3 years. This is indeed a very special moment for us here today with a strange blend of happiness, sadness and nostalgia. Happy because we will be leaving KDAH for greater endeavor in future, sad for the same reason.

It really gives me goose bumps talking in front of this remarkable audience. An audience consisting of our teachers and our family members, without their support, training, sacrifice and patience we would not have come this far today. They are people who have looked up to us with great anticipation and hope, the ones who supported us in shaping our future and are now humble spectators of our performance. All I can say is THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart for the love, warmth, and most of all; your commitment to give to the medical fraternity, better doctors and the emergency physicians of tomorrow.

Also among the audience are my colleagues-friends including juniors and the nursing staff. Emergency medicine is a branch which teaches you to value team work. While in the department, we really worked as a closely bonded team to provide the best care possible and not compromise on our commitment towards patient’s health, off duty hours we were just a bunch of youngsters hanging out together, discussing everything, apart from work and studies. All the time we spent managing patients together, the resuscitations, trauma cases, code blues, lectures, presentations, last minute studying, late night birthday cake cuttings, the end of the month night shift treats, etc will really be missed. I’m sure that as soon as we will be scattered around the country and the globe, the nostalgia of togetherness will surely set in.

Last but not the least; I would like to thank a very silent member of our audience. One who has no hands to clap, and no lips to smile. But has a very big heart, the one whom we are going to miss the most. Our beloved Accident and Emergency department which is no doubt the best in the city and the best in Western India. Not to boast, but I trust our training and commitment so much that I do not even remember the number of people staying in Mumbai I have proudly told, if you want to save someone’s life in emergency, come to Kokilaben Hospital A & E (Accident & Emergency Department). If we can’t, no one else can. The department truly deserves our large slice of our gratitude.

To conclude, I would like to thank the almighty for giving us the strength to pull it off. Residency years are undoubtedly the toughest years of a doctor’s life.

I would like to end with this short 10 minute video clip of some of our wonderful memories at KDAH.

Thank you.

Protest intensifies on social media as 'The Profile Picture of Shame' campaign gains momentum.

Mumbai: Thousands of unhappy, single, male medical students and doctors have put up this image as their profile picture on various social networking and microblogging site as a mark of protest against the Medical Council to admit girls in medical colleges based on marks alone, and not their looks.

The profile picture has become a rage on the Internet with several groups telling Net users to share this picture and become a part of the silent protest in cyberspace.

"The image symbolizes the shame MBBS & PG courses carry for not being able to protect the love interest of the hardworking, dashing male medical students who become bald, fat and look mature by the time their education ends, and are then not able to find a pretty girlfriend", said a sobbing Deepak Kumar Singh whose many attempts to woo a batchmate / junior / senior / dermatology or psychiatry houseman / nurse / patient's relative had failed in the past.

Facebook user Dr. Arun Swaminathan said, “A symbol works when words fail. This is the symbol of pain, injustice, anger and helplessness of the single, male MBBS & PG students. This image is a mark of collective humiliation faced by us in front of our non medical branch friends, to not have even one pretty girlfriend in the 5.5 years of MBBS and internship.”

Whether or not this social networking wave will bring about any change, only time will tell. But a section of the protesting medical students are now planning to approach Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi in the hope of 'Ache din' soon.

I'd love to love you.

Tanha hun main, tere bin

Sochu tumhe, sara din
O meri....Jaane jaan,
Main tera Deewana

Aa meri baahon mein, Aa bhi jaa....
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, Yun naa mujhe tadpa

You take my breath away, In my arms you stay,
My world is complete, with the look in your eyes,
Sounds of your laughter, ringing in my ears,
You’re the one, I've waited for years.

Come to me, Baby I miss you, please come back
I’d love to love you, I’d love to love you.

Roothi tu, jabse hai
Sooni yeh palken hain
Aasun bhi tapke hain,
Meri inn akhiyon se

Aa meri baahon mein, Aa bhi jaa....
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, Yun naa mujhe tadpa.

I think of you, day and night,
Aura of your smile, shining bright,
Trust in me, I’m being true,
In love I’ve, fallen for you,

Come to me, Baby I miss you, please come back
I’d love to love you, I’d love to love you.

Yun naa mujhe tadpa, I’d love to love you,
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, I’d love to love you…

Charitra - The Character

The first time I saw her was on the first day of my pediatric rotation during the PGY1 of my residency. She was lying down on her bed in the chemotherapy day care center, crying, as the drugs flowed slowly through her veins over 4 hours.

With my weakness of getting emotional on seeing people cry, I decided to find out if she was in any pain or discomfort. After telling her that I was the good doctor uncle who would not give her any more pricks (did a hands-up too to show I didn’t have any syringe in my hands) and only wanted to talk to her, she let me sit beside her.

“I want to eat ‘Pani Puri’, ice cream and chocolate right now”, she said.

I smiled and told her I’ll be back after confirming with her primary care physician.

I along with the pediatric oncologist then attended to her on our rounds and explained to her that she has to be very strict with her diet while the chemotherapy was on (to avoid URTI / AGE) and would be allowed to eat everything she wanted in a few months time.

*****

Time passed, allied rotation ended and I was back to my Emergency Department. Saw her undergo bone marrow biopsy 2-3 times in the minor OT of our department, and if I was free, would always talk with her about everything except her treatment- her school, teachers, friends, hobbies, etc.

She began to open up to me. Showed me her sparkling hair clips, the games on her I-pad, would take my pen and stethoscope to play with, occasionally borrowing A4 size papers from the printer to draw and write on. And soon a friendship blossomed.

*****

Next time she came to our OT for her procedure, I had promised to give her a chocolate of her choice if she did not cry this time. Unexpectedly, she didn’t and asked for her 5 star as soon as she came out. I had no option but to change from my scrubs, and go to buy her chocolate from the Panwala outside. The smile on her face as I gave it to her doubled as I surprised her with another one hidden in my other hand, which earned me a kiss me on the cheeks.

*****

After a gap of few months, saw her again 2 days back. She has some throat pain and fever and the panicky parents immediately brought her to the ED. Could not recognize her at all as unlike her usual self, she was so quiet, looking serious, and had beautiful long hair by now and I proceeded to our doctor’s room.

“Hello doctor uncle”, I heard in a familiar voice as she peeped through the half closed door following me all the way. It put a smile on my face. For the next 30 minutes, I chatted with her, pulled her leg that we would keep her with us as we would get bored in our night shift, even tried bribing her with chocolates and Oreo biscuits my colleague had brought for dinner.

“Is the chemo over?,” I asked her mother thinking it must be by now, it has been a long 2 years…

”Still Going on,” is all she said.

The on call in house pediatrician had seen her by now, but she did not want to leave and followed me as I attended to my other patients. It was only when I was going to attend to a patient with a new onset pleural effusion did I tell her to go home (didn’t want her to get infected from a suspected Pulmonary Koch’s Patient) and promised to give her more time the next time she comes.

“I will now come to meet you on 14th July. It’s my birthday. Will you gift me a Cinderella dress? I will make 2 cards for you.” she said before leaving, and I’m still clueless what exactly a Cinderella dress is.

I am now waiting to see her again, and hopefully will find her gift soon.

*****

Nothing exceptional! Right? What makes me write this is how a 4-5 year old girl has touched me deeply with her ever undying spirit in spite of the tough ordeal she has to go through on a daily basis, her courage to not cry when getting pricked multiple times for her blood samples, her cheerfulness and eagerness to share with me all the new happenings in her life, and most importantly, she has taught me to stay happy and value this beautiful gift of life.

It really surprises me how strong a bond can build up between doctors and our patients over time. We too get attached at times, praying for their well being and quick recovery.

I don’t even know her full name. Her 1st name is Charitra- means character in English. Don’t know if this post will ever be read by her, or her parents, but all I know is that I will always pray that medical science progresses so fast that she and millions of other children suffering from leukemia and adults with cancers do not go through such painful ordeal for such prolonged period and we can soon find a cure.

*****

I have always felt a lot for patients suffering from cancer, and those with chronic kidney diseases. Both these diseases are an emotional, physical and financial burden on the patient & the family members with the high cost of treatment (Chemotherapy, dialysis, immunosuppressive drugs, etc) apart from recurrent admissions to a hospital, and an uncertain future.

Yes, there are other debilitating diseases like arthritis, patients with low ejection fraction who go into recurrent failure, liver cirrhosis, COPD and many others, but I plan do my bit after coming into independent practice soon by spreading awareness about health, and encourage others to help, support, donate for and encourage such people and initiatives for the betterment of society and people in need.

No matter how much people accuse doctors of being money minded, selfish, involved in cut practice, easy targets beat them up, hand in glove with pharmaceutical companies, and many other accusations, medicine will always remain the most Noble of all professions. Yes, there are and there will be bad fishes, but the fraternity cannot be charged to be corrupt as a whole. People should realize that ‘We do and will always care for you’.

Houseman writes open letter to HOD, demands respect.

Mumbai: In a never before seen bizarre incident in the history of medical education, inspired by the spate of open letters on social media, another open letter written by a first year Surgery houseman to his thesis guide/Head of Department(HOD) has taken the social media by storm.

Apart from well known abuses similar to the ones used the All India Bakchod (AIB) Roast of Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor (we do not want to publish them as our editor fears being attacked by political parties and religious groups), the houseman has publicly accused the HOD of insulting him in front of pretty Obstetric/Dermatology/Psychiatry residents when they come for seeing references, asking theory questions and abusing him in front of patient’s relatives, not giving time to meet his girlfriend, warning him to laugh at the HOD’s not so funny jokes, make PPTs for which the HOD takes away all the credit and many other such heart touching concerns.

Our samwadata spoke to the houseman Pranshul Kamdar (name changed to withhold identity), “If Deepika Padukone and Shehnaz Treasurywala can write an open letter just before the release of their movies to gain sympathy, why can’t I grab the limelight before the upcoming final exams of my 3rd year registrars. For the past 9 months, the HOD would only make me clean and drape the surgical site or maximum take post operative sutures when the surgery got over, but after my open letter he now only makes me adjust the OT light and count the number of mops used in the surgery with the nurse. He has sidelined me from the unit how Modi has sidelined L.K. Advani from BJP. The only people who supported me were the medical interns who too have to take their money back for the Xeroxes, tea and breakfast, etc that the HOD/Professors and Registrars ask them to get.”

The issue has now become a bone of contention between the state and the central government with Maharashtra Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis announcing free MCh seat for the houseman while PM Modi wants to nominate him for Bharat Ratna next year. Unconfirmed reports stated that impressed by his courage, Kamdar’s matrimony web profile has been flooded with alliance offers ever since the letter went viral.

When The QuackDoc tried contacting the HOD in question (identity withheld), he did not reply to our calls and smses.

Pappu suffers from Enuresis & breath holding spells: The Quackdoc exclusive

New Delhi- In a major embarrassment for the Congress party which may be considered even more shameful than their much deserved tally of zero seats in the recently held Delhi elections, Rahul Gandhi’s pediatrician Dr. Ratna Johari in an exclusive interview with The Quackdoc has revealed that the 44 year old comedian still suffers from enuresis and breath holding spells.

Enuresis, also known as bedwetting or urinary incontinence is an inability to control urination, often referring to people who are old enough to be able to exercise urinary control. Breath-holding spells are the occurrence of episodic apnea, possibly associated with loss of consciousness, and changes in postural tone usually precipitated by anger or frustration. Both these are common childhood conditions, especially among young children and the most common reasons parents ask for medical help.

“I have been seeing him ever since the disaster was born. Most of the wealth that was amassed by the Gandhi’s after looting India over the last 6 decades has been spent on seeking treatment and buying diapers for Rahul Baba. I’m sick of him emptying the jar of toffees at my clinic for other pediatric patients and also playing doctor-doctor using my stethoscope with his ‘chamchas’ every time he visits for a checkup. His enuresis is so bad that he wets in his pants on laughing while watching videos of his own speeches, and holds his breath even on seeing his nephew Raihan (Priyanka Gandhi’s son) sucking on a lollypop while he doesn’t get any”, said Johari.

The revelation has left the congress scion totally devastated so much so that he has decided to not participate in any more standup comedy shows (much to the relief of the already battered Congress), along with suing the doctor for breach of trust and patient privacy. Congress Party has meanwhile claimed that their leader is taking a break from politics to “reflect” on the future course of his party after a series of electoral defeats.

“I’m left with no money, I have no girl, and everybody ridicules me. I’m beginning to feel like a medical intern / houseman now. She has permanently derailed my prospects of ever getting married”, Rahul tweeted after the interview went viral on social media.

Taking swift action, Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal set up a committee today and ordered for a probe to investigate the source of funding for Rahul’s medical bills and diapers.

Doctors discover new 'game changing' Arnab's vocal cord-stem cell therapy.

Mumbai: In a discovery that might change wo-mankind forever, doctors at The QuackDoc Multi-specialty Hospital & Research Institute have found a new modality of treatment for men who can’t talk, argue with or back answer to their demanding wives / girlfriends.

In a path breaking research conducted over the last 5 years, doctors found that stem cells transplanted from the vocal cords of India’s legendary vocalist Arnab Goswami, known for mocking, shouting and humiliating the participants on his show ‘The Noisehour’ and deafen an entire nation, showed promise during clinical trials conducted on mice.

“The discovery of this novel modality of treatment challenges long-held scientific beliefs and holds great hope for treating an array of menacing wives and girlfriends. Any report of a perennially scared husband / boyfriend shouting back on his alpha-female better half is auspicious, but what most excites me about this research is the tantalizing prospect that this discovery is just the tip of the iceberg… It may be that we will find more, perhaps many more, hidden Arnabs using this latest technique. ,” said Professor Deepak Kumar Singh from The QuackDoc Research Institue.

In studies published in the journal ‘Fattu’, doctors claimed that the discovery, the first in 1000s of years (Only currently available treatment is alcohol) – showed that men after successful transplant to their vocal cords will be able to quieten cranky women, even without getting ‘talli’ and speaking their hearts out.

The World Health Organization warned last year that a post-alcohol era, where most men would not dare open their mouth even during routine discussion, could come this century unless something drastic is done.

Doctors not involved in the work welcomed the finding, but cautioned that human trials of Arnab’s vocal cord stem cells hold the key. Dr Singh hopes to start human testing in around two years, and claims that we are not far away from the day most scared men are found shouting back, “The hubby wants to know…”

Telebrands Collaborates With Faking News To Sell M.B.B.S Degrees, Order Now.

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The Ambulance

My work in the Emergency Department involves meeting and interacting with many ‘Ambulance Doctors’ on a daily basis who come to transfer patients from some medical facility to our tertiary care hospital. Here is a report of my observation over the years. (Trust me every word of it is true and from real life scenarios)

1) Most ambulances always drive with their sirens on even if there is no patient inside. You will seldom come across an ambulance moving at a normal driving speed. While few motorists use this opportunity to drive bumper to bumper with the ambulance to beat the traffic (I do that often :p), I've seen young crack heads trying a stint of street racing with the ambulance too.

2) MOST doctors that are hired in this ‘money minting’ ambulance business are BUMS, BAMS and BHMS ie. Ayurvedic and Homeopathy ‘Doctors’ who have no/very little knowledge of modern medicines they use during the journey.
Note: There are centers across the country running a 6 month PGDEMS (Post Graduate Diploma in Emergency Medical Services) course that makes it easier for them to get jobs in such ambulances and a license to kill (Wow…they become qualified Emergency Physicians...why will MBBS people persue a 3 year MD/DNB Emergency Medicine degree then ?)

3) Their sole aim is to ‘dump an alive patient’ at the receiving hospital. Patients with no recordable blood pressure (but with a pulse), patients who have an oxygen saturation of above 85 % (with or without oxygen) and many such patients with life threatening vitals are STABLE FOR THEM. The vital parameters of the patient (Pulse, Blood Pressure, Saturation and Respiratory rate) are always stable during the journey, as reported by them and change as soon as the patient enters the hospital door, when we measure them.

4) One of their primary objectives is to get their hands back on the ‘patient transferring sheet’, (the one used to shift patients from their stretcher to the hospital bed). They make the uncomfortable patient roll right and left as soon as the patient is brought in (arre chain ki saans toh lene do patient ko). The doctor too is more interested in helping his attendants pull it out than briefing us what is wrong with the patient in the 1st place. The money can wait for 15 minutes, but the patient transferring sheet is the real treasure.

5) The oxygen mask used for patients during transit is reused for an unlimited time till the elastic straps on the side of the mask become loose or break. Even if they bring a patient with TB or pneumonia, they always want the mask back, as it’s the only one they have. (My hospital infection control nurse would surely kill them!!)

6) With the dressing sense and grooming of a few ambulance doctors, it can at times become difficult for us to recognize the doctor among the 3 people who wheel the patient in (the ambulance driver, the attendant and the real ‘fake’ doctor) until we see a stethoscope hanging in 1 someone’s neck.

7) The accompanying doctor’s are exceptionally good with ONLY 2 drugs.a) Dopamine – to increase the blood pressure. b) Nitroglycerine (NTG) to make the blood pressure fall.

Depending on what the reading shows on the monitor in the moving ambulance, they don’t even bother to manually check the BP and play with the infusion rates as they like.

8) Any patient who is irritated, non cooperative, moving about, there is a high probability that he/she will be injected with Midazolam/ Fortwin and Phenagan which puts the patient to a good sleep. The relatives feel that the doctor has done something, the doctor feel that the journey will now be uneventful. But the catch here is that with a wrong extra dosing, the patient can go into respiratory arrest developing hypoxia and carbon dioxide narcosis. Next step: Intubation in a moving ambulance --- damaged vocal cords --- a bathroom singer for life, if the patient survives.

9) Rarely does an ambulance doctor declare a patient dead at home and are more than happy to rush a patient who has been dead for more than 1-2 hours on AMBU (even a layman can tell that when the body is cold, pupils completely dilated, body is stiff- rigor mortis that the person is a goner) giving false hopes to the family of a miraculous recovery or securing a Death Certificate from the hospital the patient is taken to (both of which never happen).

My motive of the above article was not to disrespect any of my fellow medico colleagues, but was to highlight the plight of a very essential and ‘life altering’ (I say altering as it really can change the outcome of the patient, the future of the family members) service - The Ambulance.

It really is disappointing to see such practice and I really wish we could have better standards of care one day and may be an EMS services like 911 in our country too.

"Aamir Khan has grown from a trusted liar to have empathy with all chakna buyer", say doctors.

Mumbai: In a major setback for Aamir Khan who is currently in the news for the new season of his show ‘Satyamev Jayate’, media pundits have revealed that he is gradually becoming the new laughing stock like Rahul Gandhi and Alia Bhatt after the 1st episode which featured those shameless people who do not drink but always finish the 'Chakna'.

It has been seen that the popular show which features not-so-true dramatizations with its sensational pauses, exaggerated viewpoints and pointless rounds of applause on topics mostly pertaining to discrepancies in the healthcare industry has finally come of age and has become bold enough to address the real issues plaguing the society.

Our Gupt Sutra spoke to Dr. Pranshul Kamdar, a famous columnist for a leading health magazine who said, “It is bad to drink on an empty stomach. The Moong Dal, Masala Peanuts, Sev Bhujia, boiled Chana, etc aid in digestion and helps counteract the female hormones in alcohol, which after drinking, make men talk unnecessarily, become emotional, drive badly, stop thinking and fight for nothing. The show is really a boon to society for highlighting the sorry plight of people fed up of their non drinker friends who blatantly finish the Chakna.”

The changed mood of doctors towards the actor is in sharp contrast to the previous view of the fraternity which felt that the show with its just 12th pass host Aamir Khan was biased and targeted the health care industry by showing doctors (who spent half their life studying) in bad light. It also never mentioned about the dark side of Bollywood including the casting couch, the unspoken infidelity of actors, Aamir’s illegitimate child with British reporter Jessica Hines, etc.

Our sources have revealed that the next episode on the show will feature life in college hostels and how a friend with weed, is the true friend indeed.

Man 'retired hurt' while booking for IRCTC's retiring room online.

Mumbai: A day after Indian Railway Catering and Tourism Corporation (IRCTC) launched an online booking facility for retiring rooms at railway stations, a man from Mumbai, Chukchuk Prasad ‘retired hurt’ with pain in his fingers, neck, back and bums after sitting for 10 hours continuously in front of his laptop, but yet failing to book his accommodation through the IRCTC website.

The news which has spread like wild fire among the already angry railway passengers owing to the slow website server during Tatkal bookings and unproved allegations of IRCTC’s setting with agents, has exposed another lie of the Indian railways that tech-savvy railway passengers could find accommodation in retiring rooms at the click of a button.

The ‘retired hurt’ passenger was taken to the emergency department of the Quackdoc Multi-Specialty Hospital where a medico-legal case (MLC) was filed against IRCTC and the patient was admitted in the ICU for observation where he is said to be stable. The police department has meanwhile started investigations, but they are not too hopeful as Mr. Prasad couldn't come up with any details except for how many times IRCTC returned “Service Unavailable” error.

In a statement to our Faking News Samwadata, Chukchup Prasad said, “The website claimed that any railway passenger with a PNR of a confirmed or RAC ticket can make an online booking of a retiring Room. I was somehow successful to get a confirmed ticket from Borivali to Churchgate, but when I made the payment of Rs. 20 for my 24 hour stay in the retiring room at CST, I never got my confirmation receipt even after trying multiple times for almost 10 hours. I wonder if I will ever get back my refund.”

There seems to be no break through in sight as there is now a dispute over whether the case falls under the jurisdiction of local police or the Railway police.

The American Dream

@ Washington DC: This is not an article…this is not a diary entry…For me this post is a documentation of one of the distant dreams of my father, who for many years often spoke about sending me to the US for further education.

“When I finished my engineering in Kanpur in 1978, I neither had the family support, nor the money to even go along with my college friends to the graduation celebration trip they had planned to Mumbai and Goa… But I’m there for you”, he said. (That father-son moment seemed like a scene from the movie Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge when Anupam Kher tells Shah Rukh Khan, “Ja…tu ab meri jawani jeeke aa”.)

I had kept this post for my last day in DC, had planned to write it while sitting on one of the benches at The National Mall, but I leave for New York tomorrow…don’t know if I will ever get that precious time. So here I’m at 2.50 am, with no sleep in my eyes penning down some random thoughts as I relive the last 4 weeks of my stay here.

Washington has surely been the most beautiful city that I have lived in or travelled to till now. I have always believed that you really have to stay in a city for a few days, walk around in the neighborhoods, wander (not be a tourist), get lost (I actually did when after being misguided by a local, ended up being the lone cyclist on a busy Georgetown Highway with cars whizzing past at 60-80 miles per hour and drivers hurling some really good American abuses at me), talk to native people to appreciate its true beauty.

From the awe inspiring 2.3 mile National Mall with the Capitol building on one side, the Lincoln Memorial on the other & the National Monument standing tall in between, to the countless world class free memorials & Smithsonian museums, gardens and parks, the access into federal buildings even while at work, beautiful old row houses of the 1800 and 1900s (there are no skyscrapers in DC), visit to the unique International Spy Museum and the Newseum, friendliness and good nature of the people (not to mention their manners), first time couch surfing experience (Thank You Mihir Pathare for that idea), cleanliness all around, almost zero traffic 24 hours (compared to Mumbai), etc made me fall in love with this city.

It was such a good experience meeting and interacting with doctors and medical students from all over the world. One thing I realized it that here people think and talk a lot about Global Health, research & publications, actually coming up with their own medical ‘apps’ and websites or writing a book, working in war stricken countries, etc while most young doctors in India are worried about getting married !!

There is so much I can write but I’d prefer the photos do all the talking (my eyes are drooping). Here is the link: The Wanderer - USA

Well I guess, all good things come to an end. But this surely is not the end, a new city…a new dream awaits me tomorrow…and this is just the beginning...Looking forward to my actual 10 day extended vacation (I have not taken my paid leaves in the last 4 months to accumulate them).

I conclude with this thought. Life’s calling, where are you ?? (Inspired by the Smirnoff tagline :p)

Fun at Work

It is fun to be witty / sarcastic with patients in the Emergency Department at times.

A 30 year old 'Fattu' male, had come with complaints of chest pain and palpitation around midnight 4 days back. We did a complete work up on him including ECG, Cardiac Enzymes, 2 D Echo which were all normal, a Cardiologist's consultation was taken and patient was then discharged.

He presented again yesterday. Here is the interaction.

Patient: "Doctor, I'm really worried...I think I'm having a heart attack...I'm feeling Uneasy."
Me: "We got your entire work up done 3 days back...your heart is fine. Don't worry".

Patient: "Doctor, is there a way I can still be sure my heart is normal?"
Me: "If you are still worried about it, you can get a CT Coronary Angio done for yourself. It will tell us about the arteries supplying the heart if they have any blockages."

Patient: "Doctor, if that CT Angio comes out normal too, is there a way we can still be sure my heart is fine?"
Me: "Then you can go for further investigations, get a Cardiac MRI done."

Patient: "Doctor, if that Cardiac MRI comes out normal too, can we be still sure my heart is fine?"
Me (Irritated by now) : "Yes, then the only way is to do an Autopsy (Post Mortem) on you to see if your heart WAS fine."

Total Silence......and his brother gives me a High Five.

But it doesn't end there...
Patient (Just before going out)- "Doctor, what were the 2 tests you told?"

Doctors go on a strike after Alia Bhatt stops colleague's car.

Mumbai: In a major embarrassment for Alia Bhatt, the 2nd in command to Rahul Gandhi for being 'The Dumbest Indian Internet Sensation', doctors across the country went on a flash strike today after she force stopped a doctor's car mistaking him for a snake charmer.

The incident happened in the wee hours of the morning when Alia who was returning from an IQ improvement class saw a car whiz past which had a sticker of 2 snakes on the wind shied and a black snake like object on the dashboard. She immediately called up the 'velle' media persons and animal right activists who were quick to reach the scene as she successfully chased down and force stopped the car. The driver (identity withheld) was later found to be a medical intern who was getting tea-biscuits for his Registrar and Houseman, and the snake like object was only a stethoscope.

In an exclusive interview with Faking News: Doctor's Lounge, the meaning of which we are still trying to decipher, Alia said, "When Doctor Fix -It can be a wall putty, Teachers can be a whiskey brand, why can't a car with a sticker of 2 snakes on it be that of a snake charmer. My intentions were not at all wrong. I respect doctors. Even when I have to go for a blood 'Test', like engineering students, I too start studying 1 day in advance."

Meanwhile, our gupt sutra Sunita Soni has found out that Alia has already filed a petition with the President of India, 'Prithviraj Chavan' to change the current universal doctor's sign to that of Aamir Khan (The 'dood ka dhula hua' Mr. Perfectionist who shot to limelight with his Anti-doctor episodes on Satyamev Jayate) wearing a stethoscope.

Patients who self diagnose from Google search will be prescribed medicine after Google search.

Dr. Google - The world's most famous Quack?

Mumbai: In a decision which could further disrupt healthcare in the country, the Medical Council of India (MCI) has issued an official notification today directing all polyclinic and hospital’s entrance to publicly display – “When you can pay for extra butter and sambhar in a restaurant, patients with doubts from Google will also be charged extra.” The historic decision has been taken following complaints from doctors that most consultations have become annoying due to the patient's self diagnosis off the internet.

Over the last few years, the number of ‘net savvy’ patients suffering from minor symptoms with 100 % mortality presenting to the clinic has increased. Also, many panicked patients are visiting the emergency department during silent hours after ‘googling’ their vague symptoms and finding out that they are suffering from Stage 4 Cancer or AIDS, and have only 2 weeks to live. Such patients usually exaggerate their symptoms and are convinced that their situation is much worse than it actually is.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, Dr. Fees-de, a famous Mumbai based GP, said, “In today's times, patients usually visit doctors to lighten their wallet only after the ‘gharelu nuskhe’ have failed,  and not before openly & loudly updating their concerned relative on phone, “Saala doctor bahut paise charge karta hai”. Earlier patients would come to us with their lab and radiology reports. But now, patients come to us with a pile of print-outs from the online research they’ve done or a list of possible reasons for their ailments, and after making their own amateur medical opinion. The moment a patient says, ‘I read somewhere’, we know he/she has already consulted ‘Dr. Google’ and such patients will be charged double consultation fees."

Many patients have voiced their opinion on social media claiming that it is wrong for doctors to think that they know everything and that patient’s can’t know anything useful. 

The notification further states that patients who diagnose themselves after searching on google will be prescribed medicine by the doctor after searching on google.

Major setback for Congress ahead of elections, doctors file copyright infringement case.

Mumbai: In a major setback to the already demotivated Congress party under the leadership of the dumb Rahul Gandhi, an alumni of doctors from Mumbai's Lokmanya Tilak Municipal Medical College have filed a copyright infringement case with the Election Commission against the party's tagline "Har hath shakti, har hath tarakki" yesterday.

The doctors claimed that they had coined the saying "Apna hath Jagannath" one night in their hostel room 18 years back due to the frustration of having to study 24 X 7, not getting girlfriends in medical college during their conservative era, and the Congress party has now stolen it from there.

Faking News: Doctor's Lounge got in touch with Dr. Deepak Kumar Singh, a famous city based Surgeon who filed the case. "I personally remember writing 'Apna hath Jagannath' above the 1st urinal in the college library during my final year of MBBS 18 years back.The Congress has simply lifted my 'eye opening, inspiring' words from there, similar to how Anu Malik lifts tunes from other musicians, and made subtle modifications to it. Jagannath and Shakti, both symbolize power - of the hand here." he said.

"However, we have no issues with the 2nd part of their tagline 'Har hath tarakki' as it doesn't even rhyme well or make sense. I'm sure that it really was Rahul Baba's original idea", Dr.Singh added further.

In a hurriedly called press conference today to rebut the claim, Rahul Gandhi said, "I'm a 43 year old unmarried youth icon. My mummy is not at all worried about my marriage. I have always believed and propagated the power of the hand- 'Har hath shakti' since last 30 years. How can these doctors claim copyright on it? Dadi se seekha hun, maza chakhaunga unhe". The statement was immediately applauded by Digvijay Singh and Kapil Sibbal.

Whether or not the Congress Party changes their election punch line, only time will tell. But a section of party workers seen shouting "Abki baar Pappu Sarkar" on the streets of Mumbai surely reflect lack of insightful ideas and tough days ahead for the Congress party.

My Resentment

Its 3.50 am in the morning and I’m not sleepy at all. It has been a busy last 46 hours. Started off with morning lectures 2 days back followed by an afternoon plus night double shift, again morning lectures and again an afternoon plus night shift…expected myself to be dead tired by now considering I have slept only for 4 hours in the last 2 days.
                                                               *
Its been more than 2.5 hours that I finished taking my rounds which included 6 new admissions today but the constant sound of the ventilator, monitor and infusion pump alarms along with the hustle and bustle outside makes it difficult to sleep….also the small sized couch isn't so comfortable at all.
                                                               *
All I can do at this point is to look back and retrospect about how difficult this journey has been to be a doctor. It was 2003 that 1st year of junior college ended and the slogging for the 12th Board exam and the medical entrance exam began…and 11 years later after working extremely hard all throughout, I’m still stuck with a lifestyle, 95 % of which includes doing a hectic job (with odd working hours, grossly altered sleepy cycle, working on Sundays and public holidays), studying, eating and sleeping, and surviving on a stipend which does not even meet my annual fees and monthly expense. There is very little time now for leisure, family, friends, and health or to pursue any hobbies and at this juncture in life that is taking quite a toll on my mental health now.
                                                               *
The best years of my life (age 17-29 years ) were/will be spent ONLY studying (Read as ‘Life wasted’ - No alcohol/smoking/drugs/girlfriends) and all I can do is drag on with life and wait for the day my existence in society really matters. Right now, I’m nobody except for the people who know I’m pursuing medicine and to those who come to me for free consultation (and a few others who really piss me off by expecting me to collect their reports from the hospital I’m working in….bloody morons). It really is so damn frustrating.
                                                               *
I've realized now that I’m a mediocre, hardworking person…Medicine is only for those gifted, brilliant minds who along with the hard, monotonous, long student life years have the patience to spend more than half their existence struggling, 1st to complete their studies and come up to a level of becoming a consultant (age 37-40 years) and then become so busy again to lead an unhealthy lifestyle with little time for themselves or their family.
                                                               *
Gone are those days when doctors used to be respected and looked upon as demi-God. Healthcare now has become a purely commercialized business with cut throat competition and infighting for the survival of the fittest. Also doctors have become easy targets- can be sued, implicated in false allegations to extort money, beaten with ‘lathis’ and sticks by the police, be slapped by patient’s relatives, threatened by the government to have their license cancelled and be thrown out of the resident doctors quarters for raising their voice.

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I really wish now that I wouldn't have listened to my parents 12-13 years back and their wish to see both their children as doctors, a dream which eventually came true. I still remember the conversation I had with my mother telling her that I wanted to be an Air Force Pilot. All the creativity, passion, aspirations and dreams are slowly fast fading and I really can’t wait to come out of this busy, hectic student life and finally be free of all these books and studying….another 1.5 years to go…desperate to 'actually' starting earning and become independent at the age of 29....feeling like a caged beast now.

Front row - corner seat couple found 'actually watching' the movie, theater authorities refer them for psychiatric evaluation.

Mumbai: In a rare occurrence which can be seen only on children channels like Pogo and Cartoon Network, a college couple who bunked their lectures to watch an early morning show of the movie 'Heartless', actually watched it in spite of sitting alone on the corner seats of the entire 3rd row from the screen.

It is a well known fact that ever since hotels have started demanding an identity card to rent a room or patrolling policemen suddenly shining torchlight in cars, young college couples have flocked to movie theaters to get to know each other better.

Our Samwadata Dr.Tharki Jasus with his 8 years of experience staying single in medical college and studying such couples said, "Usually the boyfriend takes the girl out on the days Vodafone and Loop Mobile offer a 1 plus 1 scheme. No sooner the lights go off after the national anthem, the heads of the couple which can be seen from the back seats usually disappear and can be visible only when the girl demands a popcorn bucket during the intermission. I wonder what the reason would be in this particular case, but I'm not fully convinced as eyewitness did not report anything about their hands."

The theater authorities citing moral responsibility, forcefully referred them for a psychiatric evaluation to the nearby Faking News: Doctor's Lounge Hospital, even getting their 30% referral cut.

The news drew sharp criticism from other college couples who now demanded broad, reclining club seats (like in the last 2 rows) in the front 3-4 row-corner seats too.