Doctor signs MOU with wife, gets empanelled at home.

Mumbai: In an incident that has sent shockwaves through the healthcare industry, a visiting doctor has reportedly signed an MOU with his wife to get empanelled at home for daily visits to his own children.

It is a well-known fact that most Indian doctors have little or no work-life balance, spending almost their entire day at hospitals, patient rounds, clinics, emergencies, night calls, freelancing, home visits, teleconsultations, and battling metro city traffic—leaving very little time for their families. According to sources, the MOU was signed after repeated complaints that the consultant was available more often for strangers than for his own children.

Speaking exclusively to Quackdoses, Dr. K'abhi Matbann's wife said, "My husband had slowly become a visiting husband. He would be away the entire day and come home only to sleep. Even when the children tried waking him up with painful stimuli, his GCS remained low. But the moment someone whispered, 'Sir, the patient is desaturating,' he would suddenly become 15/15 and sprint towards the door. If I ever wanted him to accompany me anywhere, I had to take an appointment at least three weeks in advance. After lengthy negotiations, we have now signed an MOU with a 70:30 revenue-sharing model, mirroring the standard consultant-hospital arrangement. I only hope our relationship no longer resembles the complete dissociation between the P waves and QRS complexes of a complete heart block."

Unconfirmed sources claimed that the doctor had become so conditioned by hospital protocols that every morning before leaving home, he would ask his wife for his visit sheet to sign. Family members also alleged that he recently documented breakfast with the note, "Reviewed. CT all. Follow-up after 24 hours."

Disclaimer: No consultants were available for comment at the time of publication. They were all either in OT, on rounds, stuck in traffic, attending a CME, answering medico-legal calls, or promising their families, "Bas 10 minutes aur..." for the third consecutive year.