Tuesday, August 18, 2009

SCHIZOPHRENIC YOU?



My frustration has crossed its limits after so much time of remaining away from CREATIVITY while preparing for my prelim exams coming up in about 20 days…so thought of coming out of my blogging hibernating shell to write a few words.

A thing that I keep wondering time and again and have tried to find an answer to is, “Are we all schizophrenic, are we all having a split personality, being 2 minds in 1 body? ”… Over my experience of 22 years with the little psychological and spiritual knowledge that I have, I think the answer to that is in the affirmative….not all of you might agree to it…but nevertheless.

We all have both, the Devil and the God within us. On a rough day with nothing going our way, after a fight or an argument with a friend or a family member, after scoring not so good marks, etc…..the frustration that builds up, brings out the devil in you. He is the one who makes you unhappy, feel alone, lonely and tells you how sad a person you are. That is the time you feel the need of “ a someone” to talk to, to shout at, to get your frustration out…then you try to look back in time ….happier times….sad times…time spent…life lived …which makes you sulk even more. The only good thing I think about the devils expression within you is that it makes the person more artistic to express himself… with aggression…with sorrow…mixed feelings… For a writer, it reflects in his words…. for a painter, in his colors and so on.

On the other hand, the God within makes you a confident cool dude…be a charming person, people enjoy your company at the time you are smiling, making others smile…you are vibrant with positive energy. After all, who wants to be a company to a broken, sad, lost out soul? The God within makes you feel good about yourself, be at peace with the world around, the work you do in the day, enjoy the daily routine…spend the day without a fuss, any argument …and in the end, gift you a night, well slept.

I am writing this because I’ve been going through a lot of mood swings these days…Long hours of studies, lack of recreational activities makes me think life is so boring, mundane…and to add to that, my increasing weight and puffy face sitting at home, my sinking eyes having to study all day and my increasing baldness make me more frustrated at times making me want to run away from this field of medicine…so I look towards extra-curricular activities like blogging, guitar ,photography ,etc and end up wasting a lot of time….after all, everyone deserves a break for themselves which is very difficult to manage in the life of a final year medical undergraduate. There is so much I want to do in this life “which begins so late but ends so quickly”….For some reason, I am in a hurry to begin life early...spend time driving, riding, playing tennis with my best friend Aniruddha, making music with band ignition, writing, gymming, photography, painting, dancing…it’s a long list.

But the next moment I realize that if I stop looking for happiness in such extra-curricular activities and study a bit more, may be I can save 1 extra life!!...after all I’ve worked so hard to be where I am today.

I am desperately looking for the solution to such oscillating thoughts in my pendulum brain… God, please help me find“ The Middle Path” – Be ENLIGHTENED.

2 comments:

Aniruddha Agarwal said...

hey this is one of your nicest posts in a long time.

It makes me think too; but i guess its just a matter of little more time now before things fall into place.

So just hang on for some more time.

Yaar I'm missing tennis :(

vidur said...

Duffer!

Schizophrenia and MPD are different!

Padh le...hahaha