Citing rising unemployment, General Surgeons pitch to rebrand their specialization.

Mumbai : The General Surgeon’s Association of India (GSAOI), in its standing committee meeting today, approved the rechristening of their branch of specialization. Surgeons performing ‘non organ specific’ surgeries will now be called ‘Lumps & Bums Surgeons’ instead of ‘General Surgeons’.

Over the years, with more patients now seeking surgical treatment from super-specialists, there has been a drastic drop in ‘cutting’ practice of general surgeons. Euphoria over the name change had already caught up with them last month, when their association had sought suggestions from its members.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoses, a sobbing general surgeon (who did not wish to be named) said, “Plastic Surgeons have staked claim to the breasts, Orthopedic Surgeons have captured all bones with limbs, Neurosurgeons the brain, CVTS surgeons the Heart & lungs, Uro surgeons the kidney – ureter - urinary bladder, Gynaecologists the uterus – ovaries with the fallopian tubes, and Gastrointestinal surgeons have taken over of what’s left in the abdominal cavity. What have our fellow surgery colleagues left for us to operate on? How will we survive in this cut throat world when even a local GP calls himself a ‘Physician and Surgeon’?”

Unconfirmed sources have claimed that the plastic surgeons plan to oppose the renaming on the grounds that since they already do body contouring surgery, the 'bums' are already taken. The Oncosurgeons also don't wish to give away the 'Lumps', which has left many general surgeons with bleeding piles.