Demonetisation: Modi still rocks, will sponsor free shocks.

Mumbai – 2 days after Congress President Sonia Gandhi’s announcement of Rs. 5 crore to anyone who increases Rahul’s IQ as reported by the Quackdoses, Prime Minister Narendra Modi while addressing his rally at Mumbai today to propagate cashless economy has announced the sponsorship of free Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT/shock therapy) for Rahul Gandhi, Arvind Kejriwal and Mamta Bannerjee.

Over the last 2 weeks, BJP leaders have on record made statements to the press that Mamta Bannerjee suffers from hallucinations, Arvind Kejriwal suffers from Chronic Modi- Psychosis and that Rahul Gandhi needs an evaluation by a Psychiatrist (and a Pediatrician as well for his growth charts!!). Unconfirmed source have claimed that BJP has already tied up with the Quackdoses multispecialty hospital to give 5 cycles of free ECT as a pilot project to the 3 leaders, before expanding the project to other politicians too.

Our gupt samwadata spoke to Dr. Shock Detomi, Mumbai’s leading psychiatrist who said, “ECT is a type of therapy in which electric currents are passed through the brain causing brief seizures with ‘chemical loccha’ in the brain and is indicated only for select symptoms, similar to those seen in the 3 since the announcement of the demonitization drive. Pappu suffers from Delusions of Grandeur (believes that he is a deity, has special powers like being able to cause an earthquake), Kejriwal suffers from Delusion of Persecution (Believes that others ie. Modi — is plotting to get him killed or poisoned) and Mamta suffers from Schizophrenia (mental disorder involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behaviour, leading to faulty perception and inappropriate actions) evident from the announcement of ‘Modi Hatao, desh Bacho’ campaign.”

Meanwhile, the Bar Owners Association of India has announced the boycott of cashless transactions as customers have not been able to recall the pin number after the drinks.

Kejriwal: Facebook prayers to soon clear hospital bills.

New Delhi: In a bizarre proposal put forth by India’s second best comedian after Rahul Gandhi, the Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal has claimed that the general public will soon be able to clear hospital bills with Facebook prayers.

In an exclusive interview with the Quackdoc 3 days after his tongue shortening surgery, Kejriwal said, “I was scared for my life because Modiji wanted to get me killed with a lethal dose of Propofol and also sign the DNR and DNI (Do not resuscitate & Do not intubate) consent for me, so I took DAMA (Discharge against medical advice) from the hospital. But before leaving, Lord Ganesha appeared in my dreams and told me that I should have not have cleared the bill with tax payer’s money, but could have instead made use of Facebook Prayers. I then decided that 1 Facebook like = 1 salute = 1 prayer and should be made = 1 rupee to clear hospital bills which will be a game changer for the heathcare industry.”

 
While the healthcare sector is abuzz with the news, psychologists have claimed that Kejriwal is suffering from acute hospital psychosis, a disorder in which patients in an intensive care unit (ICU) or a similar setting experience a cluster of serious psychiatric symptoms. Another conspiracy report has claimed that the acute altered mental status that Kejriwal is suffering from is because of an overdose of Ketamine, an anesthetic agent which is known to cause dissociative amnesia. 

Taking clue from Kejriwal’s vision, male medical students across India have already started posting pictures of themselves on their Facebook timeline which says, ‘This boy has been diagnosed with no GF, 1 like = 1 prayer.’

Connect the Dots.

You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path. And that will make all the difference.”

-Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

It has been really long I wrote something on this blog from my heart. It was not that I did not have time, or was more focused on writing articles for my website, but the real reason was that I was enjoying myself work really hard.

I have always been a huge Steve Jobs fan and would have seen his Stanford Commencement speech ‘n’ number of times, and every time I’m feeling low, those words never fail to lift my spirit up.

What makes me write this article is the sheer high and the adrenaline rush I’m feeling since the last few days as the dream and the vision that I have been working on since the last 12 months to set up a world class Accident & Emergency Department (within the limited resources and the available infrastructure) is finally completed, and I often look back just watching in awe what has been accomplished so far.

The journey is not complete yet, but looking at the bigger picture, I guess it was time for me to connect a few dots of my life so far.

1. Coming from an average middle class family, my parents were strict and always stressed on education and studies. There were a lot of financial ups and downs in life and I’m still clueless how my parents could be so strong and supported us in everything that we ever asked for. That made me sincere, disciplined, hard working and a tough go getter.

2. Even though since childhood, I always wanted to be an astronaut or an Air Force pilot, or may be more realistically a charted accountant (thanks to my parent’s dream I landed up in Medicine, pun intended), by working the EMS at Sion Hospital I knew right from my 2nd MBBS that Emergency Medicine is what excites me and that was the only thing I would do if I was to continue with clinical medicine. It is one of the busiest emergency departments in the country for a government hospital and the best centre for managing trauma in the city.

3. There was no awareness about Masters course in Emergency Medicine, I was very clear that I did not want to run the utterly stupid rat race of graduated doctors sitting in a library, wasting years of their life studying some really ridiculous MCQ books.

4. After completion of 5.5 years of the gruesome MBBS, I joined Asian Heart Institute as a Casualty Medical Officer where I did not learn much clinical management but a lot of stress was put on a detailed history taking which had to be flawless. Few months into the job and I had made up my mind to get into the administration part of the healthcare industry and started preparing for the CAT MBA exam, surprisingly scoring 95 percentile with only few weeks of preparation on my 1st attempt.

5. My father is a heart patient, had a bypass done in 2007. We went for his regular checkup and the cardiologist who was initially seeing him at Lilavati Hospital and many other hospitals had joined as a full timer cardiologist at Kokilaben Dhidubhai Ambani Hospital. It was during his checkup that I told Dr. Jamshed Dalal if it was possible to work with him, with the condition that I wanted to work in the Emergency Department only. One phone call to the HR in-charge and I found myself sitting in an interview for a job at KDAH.

6. I worked as a registrar in the Accident & Emergency Department for a year, learning the right way to manage emergency patients which was protocol based, evidence based. It is not always the clinical skill that one should pick up at an organization, what I picked up were the soft skills of a gentleman’s conduct, good communication and counseling to patients and relatives, taking care of their food, cleanliness in the department, team work, and many more. But I continued to prepare for another shot at CAT thinking I would crack it this time with a 99 percentile and coming out of clinical medicine.

7. The hospital started a 3 year masters in emergency medicine course, I did not join it initially. Was enjoying the money I was making (from 20k at AHI to 40K) within 4 months and thought that I would give 1 sincere attempt at CAT and if not, could always join the MEM next year.

8. September 25th 2012, my boss informed that a doctor had decided to quit the course due to personal reasons and I without a second thought told him that I would join it in his place. I had managed to save exactly Rs. 3,40,000 by then and surprisingly the annual fees was for Rs. 3,370,80 and felt proud tearing the cheque for the fees of my hard earned money.

9. The course was a 3 year Masters in Emergency Medicine (MEM) by George Washington University, USA that included extensive structured Emergency Medicine training, probably better than what MD and DNB Emerg medicine can ever be in India, with faculty coming from the US/UK every month for a week to teach and lectures on remaining days (twice weekly) by in-house consultants. We got to deal with all the latest technology, doing all procedures, etc, literally having freedom to work LIKE A CONSULTANT where we decided and implemented the investigations, treatment and interventions. It provided many of us a platform to be a part of this exciting field of Emergency Medicine and also an opportunity for people to get out of the shitty Indian repetitions system to get a PG seat (saving 1-2 precious years of this life).

10. I joined Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital on 1st October 2015 in the ‘casualty’ which in my opinion was nowhere close to being called an emergency department. The initial 5-6 months were the toughest period as I found myself working sleepless nights till 2 and 3 am designing the paper work, writing protocols, somehow managing a team of 7 ‘hostile’ doctors (who did not take well of a new comer of approximately their same age being made in-charge), etc. Within 3 months, the department had already taken shape and we were on a road to set up a world class Accident & Emergency Department. What we have accomplished within a very short span truly seems like a fairy tale, I had never worked so hard in life since the medical entrance exam in 2004.

11. On the personal front, I got a lot of recognition, respect and fame in the hospital and the emergency medicine fraternity and can now boast of a dream job for a 29 year old. What makes me happier and pushes me to work even harder is to see the happiness, satisfaction and content on the faces of everyone at the hospital including my CEO, Medical Director, Consultants, everyone from the management & HR to the nursing staff, housekeeping, purchase department, Public relations department, etc with the pace of the constant development we are doing in the department, thereby improving our quality of service, patient feedbacks and their satisfaction.

By connecting the dots backwards as the great Steve Jobs had said, everything has started to make sense to me and I’m now eagerly looking forward to life and my future ahead.

India conducts surgical strike across LOC, Rahul Gandhi demands action against striking surgeons.

New Delhi: Hours after the Army chief’s announcement of surgical strikes across LoC, Congress President Rahul Gandhi took the Congress party to a new low of embarrassment by demanding action against the striking surgeons.

In his 1st public appearance after the recent fiasco seen during the ‘Khat (Cot) Panchayat’ in Deoria district of Eastern UP when farmers scrambled away with the ‘khatiyas’ and Congress was ‘cot red faced’, Rahul said, “Surgery resident doctors have always complained that seniors do not give them enough cutting. I always knew that they meant ‘cutting chai’ and the Congress party under my leadership opened tea shops in all medical colleges across the country. Modiji se main agrah karta hun ki aise ehsaan faramosh hadtali surgeons ki ‘khatiya khadi kar deni’ chahiye”.

With his anti surgeon statement going viral, Twitter co founder Jack Dorsey has announced the temporary suspension of Rahul’s twitter account @iampappu on grounds that their servers are already overburdened with Donald Trump’s idiotic tweets and might crash completely with similar retweets of Rahul Gandhi’s statements.

Unconfirmed reports in media have meanwhile claimed that the happiness quotient of Indian boyfriends has jumped by 5 % with Fawad Khan’s return to Pakistan, apart from hailing Indian Prime Minister Modiji as a ‘real son of a gun’.

Note: We are proud of our armed forces and the rightful action taken by the government. Gone are the days when our Ministers knew to only do ‘Kadi Ninda’, time to really teach Pakistan a lesson.

Pool water sent for urine routine & culture sensitivity, Rio Olympics stopped temporarily.

"Yahan Peshab Karna Mana Hai" - Rio Olympics Committee.

Rio De Janeiro: With the deepening of the mystery surrounding the Rio Olympic diving pool turning from Blue to Green and Olympic officials unable to come up with a valid explanation, the focus has now shifted to the statement by Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time, that it's a common practice for athletes to pee in the Olympic pool and that he had himself relieved his bladder multiple times in the past.

The Olympic Managing committee has decided to temporarily stop the Rio Olympics for microbiologists to send pool water for urine routine, culture and antibiotic sensitivity testing. The Games will resume once the pool water culture reports are obtained and the pool is treated with a complete 5 day course of Norfloxacin and Amikacin.

In an interview to the Wall Street Journal earlier this month, Phelps admitted, “When we’re in the pool for two hours, we don’t really get out to pee. We just go whenever we are on the wall. Chlorine kills it, so it’s not bad”. The committee has now decided to randomly conduct USG KUB along with the dope tests on athletes to check for neurogenic or atonic bladder to prevent repetition of such embarrassing incidents.

A recent study published by doctors at the Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital found that ‘the average adult bladder holds approximately 2 cups of pee, often more. At the Rio Games there are 28 individual swimming events and 6 relay, totaling 52 athletes warming up in the pool to compete for the gold. Even if we just account for the male and female medal winners, that’s 156 potentially peeing athletes in the final round. If all 156 swimmers only deposit two cups of pee into the pool once, there is 75 litres of urine floating around in the Olympic pool.’

Meanwhile, our Gupt Sutra Sunita Tairaq has obtained copies of the secret Memorandum of Understanding signed by Suresh Kalmadi (of the Commonwealth Games scam fame) and owner of Sulabh Shouchalaya Arun Swaminathan for making the pool a world class public urinal after the conclusion of the 2016 Rio Olympics and keeping the price 1 USD similar to the Indian rates for the shouchalayas near railway stations in Mumbai.

The pool peeing revelation which has been found disgusting by most people has brought a wicked smile to female swimmers who envied males for their flexibility to pee anywhere in the open.

Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital – Our pride, our Family.

Dr. L. H. Hiranandani Hospital, Powai is not just another corporate hospital, it is an expression, a culture in itself, an emotion, a daily celebration of togetherness and a family of like minded people committed to providing the best, ethical and quality care to all our patients. I write this not as an employee of the hospital but as a neutral observer who in the last 11 months of being part of this great organization has first hand seen the hard work and sacrifice people do to excel at the job allotted to each of us. This hierarchy includes the top management, to the Administrative staff, the consultants, junior doctors, the nurses, executives, housekeeping, security staff, etc. who have always gone the extra mile with their commitment and service to help our patients in need. 

Today, this family of ours is under attack. It has fallen victim to forgery and cheating by a select few who for us were just another unsuspecting patients in distress with their long standing illness wanting a permanent solution in the form of a kidney transplant. A couple got admitted with all legal documents needed to carry out the transplant, little did we know that the documents including the marriage certificate, Adhar card, Pan card, Ration card, etc which were submitted were all fake. The expertise of the gang operating the racket at making these forged documents was so good that it was impossible for anyone, our ethics committee, the government doctor who gave the go ahead for the transplant, and even the criminal lawyer now investigating the case to point out any discrepancies in the documents until the beans were spilled by one among the gang member when the deal went wrong in terms of money sharing. 

Yes, there was a hospital insider involved. There is not denying the fact that Nilesh Kamble who was working as the Medical Social Worker and Transplant Coordinator in the hospital for the last few years was part of the racket, something that went unnoticed considering his trusted conduct at the organization. One man’s greed has led to an avalanche of problems and allegations against the organization which will leave a life time of scar on this glorious hospital, something that will surely heal but will take years to come to terms with. 

The head of this family, our beloved and highly respected CEO Dr. Sujit Chatterjee, our Medical Director Dr. Anurag Naik (Both are pass outs from the prestigious Armed Force Medical College, Pune and have served the country for more than 20-25 years, even in times of wars), and our fellow doctor colleagues have been arrested and are accused of being part of this racket for monetary gains!! The digital and print media has gone berserk targeting the hospital and its doctors every single day with their front page coverage of their cheap tactics, false allegations, non-existent sources, planted and sold statement providers, etc by twisting the facts and evidence just to gain their TRPs and sensationalize their own channels and newspapers. It boils our blood and makes us extremely angry to see cheap headlines like “Hiranandani k Jallad” for our colleagues who are being falsely and deliberately victimized for reasons which will get clear as the investigation progresses. The only reason I kept quite till now was because I thought it would be in the best interest of the organization to not express my anger and frustration against the ‘SYSTEM’ which will only lead to more controversy on social media with people these days looking for an opportunity to fan a fire. 

The judgment today to send our fellow doctor colleagues into judicial custody till 26th August and cancel their license to practice medicine has wrecked and shaken us all to the core. There is no denying the fact that Doctors and hospitals have now become easy targets to rage up a controversy, a scrape goat which is evident from the recent incidents of doctors being beaten up or even shot dead or stabbed, punished and sued for deficiency of service, while we become mere spectators and participants for similar wrongful things in all other streams and industries.

 
It is high time the medical fraternity is urged to stand up together and raise their voice in support of their fellow colleagues to show solidarity and togetherness against this injustice of the so called ‘system’ that has plagued this noble profession. 

Few questions still continue bother me. 

(1) Why is the Indian law so weak that people who were arrested 7 years back for similar crime were out and openly carrying out their routine modus operandi?
(2) Why are the real culprits, the recipient, the donor (fake wife), our medical social worker, the mediators of the gang out on bail and our innocent doctor colleagues behind bars? 

(3) Why has the government doctor who had verified the documents himself first and had given go ahead for the transplant not even mentioned about in the police enquiry and no action has been taken by the DHS against him? 

(4) If 95 such cases were reported to have been carried out in the city in the last few years and only 4 were alleged to have happened at Hiranandani Hospital, why the police has not investigated the remaining 91 cases so far? Are they scared that they will open up a Pandora box where most corporate and government hospitals across the city, state and the country will be found to have flouted norms and will be party to the crime? 

(5) We doctors after dedicating our years into medical studies are trained to treat patients; it is not possible for us to differentiate faked documents or to establish if donor and recipient are faking a relationship. How can the government body expect us to become an investigating agency? 

All we at the hospital can now do is pray and hope for the earliest return of not a CEO, a Medical Director or Consultant doctors but FAMILY MEMBERS of this organization, a hospital we all take pride in being a part of. We will not surrender to this injustice, give up or lose hope, we will hold our heads held high and come out even stronger. Yes, these are difficult and testing times for us, but the truth will prevail. 

URGING ALL OF YOU TO NOT JUST LIKE AND COMMENT BUT PLEASE HELP SHARE IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

KDAH MEM 2016 batch commencement speech.

Dear Teachers, Parents, Nursing staff and my colleagues,

It is my honor and privilege to be invited by our respected Dr. Mehta, Director of Accident & Emergency to say a few words on this occasion. It was approximately 1 year back that the 1st batch of MEM residents passed out from this institute and have now already made a name for themselves in the field of emergency medicine.

What makes this program at KDAH different from that at other centers is that students here apart from their training as emergency physicians are groomed to be good leaders and managers. The freedom that we residents get right from history taking, deciding on investigations, plan of care and treatment goals, emergency procedures and medication though initially under supervision gives us the confidence of rational thinking and independently taking responsibility of our patients, paving the road for a good future ahead.

My message for the now post graduate doctors is that there is an exciting and emerging world of emergency medicine out there waiting for you with plenty of job opportunities and scope for personal career growth. The days of CMOs (Casualty medical officer) and casualty are far from over and the next decade belongs to this fastest growing branch of emergency medicine in the country. In the medical jargon, it is said that patient satisfaction and recovery is only partly based on the medication, partly on the facility/amenities and the remaining major part on the way the doctor makes the patient feel with his confidence, communication, compassion and soft skills; and this is what we have to continuously improve on. With the kind of patient load and training that you all have received, you are all ready to manage any medical emergency independently. Let it not be money driving you in the initial months but the passion and fire within to do good work in this field and be better clinicians and leaders of tomorrow, good work gets recognized, valued and encouraged everywhere and success will surely follow.

I would conclude with a quote from Steve Jobs, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do”.

On that note, I would like to congratulate all of you and wishing you all the best for the future.

Thank you.

Man undergoes cosmetic surgery on his bums, wanted to sit comfortably on the 4th seat of Mumbai local.

Mumbai- In a jaw dropping, rare corrective surgery which would make even Dr. House piss in his pants, a man from Mumbai, Huge'o Butt got his buttocks remodeled by plastic surgeons to fit on the 4th seat of the local train.

In an interview with our Samwadata Pranshul Kamdar, Butt said, "Getting into a local train during peak office hours is more difficult than taking your wife out for shopping. It was a shame that after standing from Kandivali to Dadar in the 1st Class, all I could manage was the 4th seat, on which half of my butt would float in space making it difficult for me to sleep till Churchgate."

"I had to sit sideways leaning my sweaty back on the person sitting next to me, irritate him by peeping in his newspaper or fart loudly to make some space. This surgery will really change the way I and my fellow commuters travel", Mr. Butt added further.

The revolutionary surgery which has perplexed even the learned medical pundits at the Quackdoc Multi-specialty Hospital drew sharp criticism from a section of Godmen.

After reading the news, Asaram tweeted from jail that the man should have come to his ashram first to learn some 'Pelvic Exercises' from him or his son Narayan Sai which would have saved a lot of money to the patient with even better cosmetic results. Yoga guru Baba Ramdev too offered free Kapalbhanti workshop.

"My next mission is to get into a Virar Fast from Churchgate and try getting down at Borivali to see if my surgery was really a success, after all who would want to kick a cosmetically enhanced ass ?", said Huge'o Butt revealing his further course of action.

Quacks scared, doctors approach Kejriwal for their degree verification.

"I'm so honest, I could have passed PSM exams without writing stories." - Kejriwal

New Delhi: In a major boost to Arvind Kejriwal’s prime ministerial aspirations for the Lok Sabha 2019 elections, doctors across the country have undisputedly nominated him for the prestigious post of clerk in the Medical Council of India to personally check the degrees of all practicing quacks in India.

 
It is a well known fact that compounders claiming to be doctors in small towns and villages, quacks practicing with fake non-existent degrees, BAMS / BHMS doctors prescribing allopathic medications and doing surgeries, MD medicine doctors claiming to be cardiologists and diabetologists, etc is rampant in the country. According to statistics with the Quack Medical Association, up to 45 percent of all people practicing medicine in the nation have no formal training; as many as 700,000 of these dubious practitioners, with exaggerated or falsified credentials, even work in major hospitals. 

The self proclaimed ex-income tax commissioner has proved his expertise and commitment to such noble cause with his recent efforts while trying to prove of Prime Minster Narendra Modi’s degree being fake. While many claim that it was all done with orders from Congress President Sonia Gandhi to take away the limelight from the August Westland Helicopter deal, real doctors have recognized the raw talent and hailed Kejriwal as a messiah for the future of healthcare in India. 

“Kejriwal’s commitment and dedication towards work is unquestionable. He was himself a victim of quackery before becoming Delhi’s Chief Minister. He is allergic to cameras and mics and suffers from bronchospasm every time he would see people from press or common man in groups. For months, a quack continued to treat him with monkey cap with muffler but to no avail. We believe that he will go in depth to find out whether or not a quack has a recognized medical degree as claimed, whether the degree is genuine or fake or finally if someone attended classes and completed his or her homework on time to be conferred the degree”, said an AAPtard who did not wish to be publicly shamed by being named. 

While our personal phone calls and messages to Kejriwal went unanswered, inside sources within the Aam Admi Party revealed that Kejriwal was busy preparing for the upcoming auditions of Zee TV’s talent hunt show “India’s Best Dramebaaz- Season 3” and would announce his decision soon.

Arnab Goswami is the number 1 risk factor for hypertension in India : Study.

Mumbai: In a path breaking study conducted at the Quackdoc Multispecialty Hospital, Arnab Goswami, India’s most famous judge, jury and executioner for his show, the Newshour has now become the number one risk factor for hypertension in the Indian population.

The success of the show, which recently completed its 10 years on 1^st February, was marred by recent reports that the ever angry and ever restless news anchor Arnab had surpassed the threats by obesity, excessive salt in diet, alcohol, low vitamin D levels and other risk factors to become the biggest threat to the morbidity and mortality of an entire nation.

The World Health Organization (WHO) had earlier predicted that by 2025, one third of the Indians would suffer from Diabetes and High blood pressure related ailments, but according to recent study, WHO has now claimed that 99.9 % of all viewers of the talk show will suffer from Hypertension by the year 2020, unless Arnab starts giving the guest panelists a chance to talk on the show.

What has baffled the researchers involved in the study even further is that the hypertension caused by watching Arnab has been found to be resistant to the standard treatment of Diuretics, ACE inhibitors, Beta blockers, Calcium channel blockers, etc and can only be treated to a certain extent by watching youtube videos of Rahul Gandhi’s speeches and of Arvind Kejriwal making his false promises and dramatic claims.

Our Gupt Samwadata spoke to Dr. Arun Swaminathan, the doctor-in-chief of the research, “The constant yelling and bickering on the show produces a stress response in the viewers, which in turn stimulates the adrenal glands to produce the fight, fright and flight hormones, namely Adrenaline, Noradrenaline and Cortisol, thereby increasing the blood pressure. It has been observed that since the debut of the show 10 years back, the number of Indians suffering from myocardial infarction, tinnitus, intracranial bleed and nightmares has doubled, with the guest panelists being the hardest hit, suffering from neurogenic bladder where they have no control on & subconsciously piss in their pants with even the thought of facing Arnab again. He is slowly becoming India’s most dreaded father-husband, and might be the only guy in the world to fight with his wife and win an argument. There was a time when kids did not drink milk and mothers used to scare them by threatening to call the police, times have now changed and mothers now threaten to call Arnab uncle instead.”

With his undeniable ability to increase urine output, research is now underway if videos of Arnab Goswami can be used to treat congestive heart failure (CHF), and whether he is more efficacious than the time tested furosemide (Lasix) & Nitroglycerine infusion. Whatever the results may be, only time will tell, but experts are skeptical of the chances of using Arnab in CHF with the counter argument that he could possibly cause a heart attack first.

Congress president Sonia Gandhi announces Rs. 5 crore reward for any doctor who increases Rahul's IQ.

New Delhi: A day after BJP youth wing leader offered to award Rs 5 lakh to anyone who cuts off JNU president Kanhaiya Kumar's tongue, Congress party president Sonia Gandhi has now announced an award of Rs. 5 crores to any doctor who can treat her son Rahul Gandhi and make him look less idiotic than Pakistani cricket players in post match conferences.

In an emotional speech which lasted over 30 minutes, Sonia looked disappointed and broken while narrating her experience as a mother dealing with a son like Rahul.

The Gandhi scion who is now at the peak of his stand up comedy career has become so much of an embarrassment for the Congress that even ministers from within the party are poking fun at him and were seen laughing during Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s vicious attack on the comedian in the parliament recently.

In an exclusive interview with The Quackdoc, Sonia Gandhi said, "I’ve now tried everything, from Cerelac to Dabur Janma Ghutti, from almonds to chavanprash but nothing seems to be working on him. Rahul ne toh congress ki ‘Gandhi’ maar di. Politics is meant for corruption and he must learn to do what congress has done for the last 60 years. I really hope medical science finds a miracle cure for my son with stem cells or brain transplants technology.”

While many doctors have taken the offer seriously and are flocking to New Delhi to conduct medical tests on their new high profile client, experts are skeptical of such a cure stating that Rahul is like old wine that will only get better with age, in idiocy and his ability to make people laugh though.

Hiranandani Hall of Fame.

“Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of the employees, they will take care of the clients.” – Sir Richard Branson.

Its 2.15 am in the morning (and 4.20 am by the time I finished penning it down) and I just can’t stop thinking and thanking my stars for how lucky I feel to be a part of Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital, an organization that has given me the opportunity of a dream job so early in my career and at a young age of 29. In the last 4 months that I have been part of the organization, I have received uninterrupted support and encouragement from everyone at the hospital, right from the top management, the Human Resources & administrative department, all the consultants, the nursing team, purchase department, housekeeping staff, security, etc to set up a department which I thought the hospital deserved long time back.

I have no shame in accepting that the Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital where I did my post graduate residency from has the best ‘functional’ emergency department in western India, but with the kind of work that we have been able to do at my institution over the last 3-4 months, we have successfully set up a state of the art Accident & Emergency department, ready with its infrastructure, documentation & the SOPs, medications, equipment, etc.

There would very few people on the planet who would say that they love their ‘job’, they look forward to Monday mornings and that their boss is good. Well, I’m among those few who have their passion as their job and even a single day spent away from my work place now makes the day seem incomplete.

I still remember my first 3 months at the hospital. We have an 8 bedded (+2 OTs) A&E now, which was known as casualty then. Every morning when I used to come to work, I would see that out of the 8 beds, 6-7 of the beds were always occupied with patients for Intravenous therapy, Electroconvulsive therapy, Endoscopies, Ascitic tapping, urine catheter insertion and removal, rectal enemas, etc and we were dealing with very few real emergencies. I wondered then that if that is the kind of emergency department that I’m going to work in, I don’t think I’m going to stay for more than 1 month. It was only at the insistence of and counseling from Dr. Anurag Naik (our Medical Director) that I decided that I should settle down first and then think about bringing about the radical changes slowly.

I used to work from 8 am till 4.15 pm, come back home by 5 pm and get back to work again from home designing all the paperwork and forms, sending emails, making phone calls and it used to become a regular routine wherein I was working till 10 in the night, just to set up the department I can now boast of.

It really was a proud moment for me when I presented the overview of the emergency medicine as a specialization and my A&E department during the clinical meet in January in front of 60-80 doctors from the hospital, including the top management, and receiving a big round of applause from the audience and special praise from Dr. Sujit Chatterjee (our hospital CEO). “You really have done a commendable job Mohit, hope you continue to keep up the good work”, were his exact words which still keep ringing in my ears, motivating me further to fulfill the high expectations that everyone has from our department now.

The ambiance at the work place, recognition for your work, the appreciation by your superiors, a cooperative management, the feeling to be wanted, etc are important aspects why an employee would love their place of work and the company or the organization. I’m amazed to see that there are so many doctors, nurses and others who became part of this Hiranandani hospital family right from the start of the hospital and never left!!

Apart from our constant endeavor to provide the best and quality treatment to all our patients, I feel that this hospital is so much lively unlike the previous hospitals I have worked with or seen. Luckily, I joined at a time when the sports day and the annual day were just around the corner and I won a few trophies. Winning and losing is only a part of such events, most importantly, I made such good friendship and bonding with many people in the hospital whom I would have never even met during routine days at work.

To garnish the overall last few months here, was an opportunity to be a part of a singing group for a performance on occasion of the 12^th anniversary of the hospital. An exceptionally vibrant, full of energy song, ‘Hall of Fame’ was chosen by our CEO. It still gives me goosebumps thinking about how we came about from the day we had just started practicing to where we ended, it surely was an exceptional performance. We still continue to have a whatsapp group where we still talk about our performance and are already planning for another rocking performance next year. (Dr. Chatterjee Sir, if you are reading this post, I want to say that I’m just amazed and in complete awe of your dynamism and energy levels, and that you surely have a fan following. It really would not have been such a rocking performance without all your inputs during the rehearsals.)

I also received an award called the Care Award 2015- for caring beyond THE ORDINARY. It was for the 1^st time in the history of the hospital that ‘a doctor’ had received it. I really could not control my tears and the emotions while our CEO read out a feedback email from one of my patient from the large screen on the stage, in front of a strong crowd of 1200-1500 hospital employees and guests, which included my parents.

To conclude, thank you God, and thank you Dr. L.H. Hiranandani Hospital for giving me this platform. I plan a long term career at this organization now, and with everyone’s support, guidance and motivation in years to come, will work with even more commitment and hard work to make the Accident & Emergency Department a jewel in the crown of the hospital.

P.S: Like most of my articles on this blog since 2008, the post was not to glorify my work or achievement. It was to capture in time, my honest opinion, emotions and the feeling racing through my mind, and to express my heartfelt gratitude towards a great hospital and everyone working here for all their love, support, motivation and recognition that I have received in the last 4-5 months. Also, the adrenaline, dopamine within and octane levels were still running high, 2 days after an electrifying hospital anniversary and I thought it is better to pen down the memories than to just smile thinking about it.

Healthcare sector in a tizzy as hospital asks its doctors to carry menu card.

Mumbai: In a bizarre turn of events which has become the talk of the healthcare sector, the management of city’s Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital has directed its doctors to carry a menu card with a price list for all the services, specializations, investigations, consultation, procedure, surgery, etc along with a calculator for totaling, while interacting with patients.

The hospital has already grabbed headlines in the past for its ridiculous treatment, glorified quacks on its panel, open cuts to referring doctor, false radiology & pathology reports, false bills & insurance claims, surgeries / angiography / angioplasty in cases where they are not indicated, etc. The new recommendations have meanwhile been slammed by the Quack Doctor’s Association of India, for making the learned quacks look like ‘waiters’ than doctors in front of the unsuspecting patients.

It is a common practice for most patients (Its true !! - English Speaking, educated people) and their relatives coming to big corporate hospital to ask the attending doctor itself the cost of each investigation, total bill, etc in spite of the presence of executive staff at the front office outside each department. Trade pundits believe that such measures, if successful will hit the healthcare industry hard as more corporate hospitals might follow suit to this unique game changing and cost effective plan.

Our Gupt Samwadata Ratna Johari spoke to the hospital CEO (Chief Executive O’Mama) Arun Swaminathan, “It is important that we give the patient an exact figure of the amount they will be spending at our esteemed world class hospital. It has been our practice and policy over the years that every single Rupee of the insurance claim amount should be used up before the patient is referred to higher center. Our hospital is known for its excellent services and such measures of doctors carrying a menu card will only make the doctor patient relationship more transparent, thereby improving patient satisfaction”, he said with an expected -wicked top brass’ smile. 

Whether the new services become hit or not with the patients or their relatives, only time will tell. But unconfirmed plans of the hospital to soon start ‘Great Dhamaka Treatment’ at large discounts (*Conditions Apply) on few days during the year has already sent the industry in a tizzy.