O Re Parinde

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Yahan hai koi nahi jo,
Samajhe teri udaan ko,
Aasman ko chune tu bana,
Aasman ko chune tu bana.

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Tanhayi ka hath thamke,
Chun le tu apni rah ko,
Manzil kare hai tera intezar,
Manzil kare hai tera intezar.

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu

Sapnon ki jeet hamesha,
Hoti hai khudke shram se,
Hare kyun tu bhala,
Kyun Haar mane bhala.

Chal udd ja tu...jaa udd ja re,
Duniya ko....tu Dikhlade

O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu,
O re parinde, chal udd ja re tu...

06/07/13

Love forever.

The following is the romantic modified version (on the same tune) of Band Ignition's famous song 'Manzil'.

Manzil tu, chahat bhi

Aakhon mein tu hai basi…

Jeene ki, asha tu

Tere bin kya zindagi…

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Tera liye dil dhadakta, tumhe hai pata

Tu hai meri jaane jana sabko de bata

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Bharosa hai mujhko bahut tujhpe

Tune sapne dikhaye mujhe,

Tu roye toh aakhon se aasun nikle,

Aaja bahon mein lag ja gale…

Tere bin main akela, jiya bhi na jaye

Tu hai meri Soni, yeh jaan le sabhi

Bhara josh dil mein, ek khwab hum sajaye

Chahe lakh tufan aaye, Daren hum naa kabhi

Lets believe in our dreams, you will be mine

In my arms you stay, all things will be fine

Let us join our hands and pray for the best

Leave our sorrows behind and God will do the rest.

Depression rising among male medical students, MCI declares it a 'National Health Emergency'.

Mumbai: In an astonishing study conducted at The Quackdoc Multispeciality Hospital, it has been found that ‘Not getting 100 likes on Facebook profile picture’ has become the number one cause of depression in male medical students today.

In a double blinded, randomized control study conducted on 1000 depressed, bald, male medical students across the city, it was found that a whopping 56 % of them were suffering from the disorder due to the sparse likes on their Facebook profile picture, their singlehood status coming in second at 31 % and the remaining 13 % due to other causes like failing in PSM exam, FIFA 2015 crashing frequently on their computer, parents forcing them to join medicine & now they see no way out, shameful balance in bank accounts till 28-29 years of age, etc. (Maths enthusiastic doctors, please don’t count. I’ve rechecked. Total is 100 %)

It has been often noted that girls (even the not so hot & sexy ones) putting any random photos always ends up getting a minimum of 100 likes and comments eventually (50 additional likes for a pout), which has often been joked around as a hot topic on social media and instant messengers like Whatsapp. When a guy puts photographs with similar poses, background or location, they end up frequently checking their notification panel for the evasive likes and comments, are forced to ‘Tag’ friends to get some response or are often bombarded with rude comments.

Our gupt samwadata Deepak Kumar Singh spoke to Pranshul Kamdar (name changed to withhold identity), a medical intern who is a regular in the Psychiatry OPD at our hospital.

“A girl puts a photo in a saree and gets more than 200 likes and I post my photo in an Armani Blazer and get only 17 likes? I’ve also tried clicking and uploading photos with babies, kids or puppies but have not even touched 50 likes ever!! Once I put my marriage photo as profile picture and people started passing cheap ‘Bhabhi’ jokes about my wife. Kutte-Saale !! It gets so depressing. Even monkeys with a DSLR camera calling themselves amateur photographers get more likes on their random crappy photos than we medicos get on ours.”

With fear looming large that many depressed, future doctors might attempt suicide by deactivating their Facebook profile, Medical Council of India (MCI) has declared depression among male medical students a ‘National Health Emergency’.

Dentists protest ban on gutka & pan masala, offer government 30% cut.

Mumbai: In an impromptu decision by the Indian Dental Association to protest against Aamir Khan’s suggestion to ban gutka & pan masala, city dentists came together at Azad Maidan early this morning shouting slogans and painting effigy of him with red gutka spit.

“How will we be able to feed our families if people stop coming to us for bleaching, scaling, root canal and tooth extraction after years of chewing gutka and pan masala?”, questioned angry Dentist Dr. Manjan Dantodkar. “Just because Aamir Khan is only 12th pass and has inferiority complex about it, how can he suggest policies against real doctors?”, he shouted showing off a borrowed stethoscope. “We are even ready to give the Government 30% referral cut if they do not pay heed to the suggestion, ” he added.

On his show Satyamev Jayate, Aamir had recently revealed that he ate over 10000 pans for getting into the skin of his Bhojpuri Character in PK which has permanently stained his teeth. The Government taking note of the self proclaimed-hypocrite-social crusader’s suggestion had planned to ban these products from 1st January, also after recurrent reports that people would slip and fall while crossing roads and on railway platforms increasing the number of patient load to government hospitals.

Dr. Manjan Dantodkar has now called for a Bandh across India urging dentists from all over the country to join in and not watch PK in theaters, only its generic version on pirated CDs.

At the end of the rallly when the photographer asked the dentists to smile, they all smiled saying FEEEEEESS.

SC orders patient to pay compensation to doctor, fraternity calls it a historic moment.

Mumbai: In the first ever compensation awarded in a harassment case against a patient, the Supreme Court today asked a patient Deepak Kumar to pay a whopping Rs 10 Lakhs along with interest to a Mumbai-based doctor Arun Swaminathan who had a mental breakdown during the patients prolonged consultation with him, which included the patient’s doubts and claims of become a half doctor within few hours by reading about his symptoms on the internet.

It is a well known fact that patients these days visit their doctor and lighten their wallets only when their symptoms worsen after trying all free treatment options from websites like PubMed.com, WebMD.com, etc, and not before openly & loudly updating their concerned relative on phone, “Saala doctor bahut paise charge karta hai”.

Deepak with complains of hair loss in June, had consulted Dr Swaminathan, who, without prescribing any medicine, rightly asked him to apply Baba Ramdev’s hair oil and stop masturbating for a few weeks.

As hair loss became more aggressively by July, Dr. Swaminathan prescribed Dabur Chavanprash twice daily, but Deepak started using Minoxidil after looking up on Google, a step which was later faulted by expert dermatologists from Bihar at the apex court.

With time, patient’s questions after reading things online become so vague that Swaminathan started pulling his own hair, and gradually stopped taking gifts from MRs or cuts for referrals and started prescribing only generic drugs.

Dr. Swaminathan had then filed a criminal case against the patient for mental harassment on the ground that the patient was grossly negligent in his Google search and the patient asking silly, stupid questions had lead to the doctor’s mental breakdown and in his plea, had demanded a record Rs.1 crore as compensation.

Terming the verdict as “historic”, Dr. Swaminathan in an email told The Quackdoc, “Patients have now become a question bank like Paresh Raval from the film ‘Judaai’. This verdict will send a strong message to all tech-savvy patients that are infuriating innocent doctors like me every day with their half enlightened knowledge from Google.”

The Mumbai doctor’s association has meanwhile unanimously decided to use a notice board at all polyclinic and hospital’s entrance stating – “When you can pay for extra butter and sambhar in a restaurant, patients with doubts from Google will also be charged extra.”

My vote of thanks at KDAH MEM graduation ceremony.

Respected Teachers, senior consultants, parents, and my dear friends. 

First of all, I would like to thank everybody for giving me this privilege today to thank all of you on behalf of my colleagues and for greater privilege that we have been enjoying as the 1st resident doctors of a structured residency course at KDAH for the last 3 years. This is indeed a very special moment for us here today with a strange blend of happiness, sadness and nostalgia. Happy because we will be leaving KDAH for greater endeavor in future, sad for the same reason.

It really gives me goose bumps talking in front of this remarkable audience. An audience consisting of our teachers and our family members, without their support, training, sacrifice and patience we would not have come this far today. They are people who have looked up to us with great anticipation and hope, the ones who supported us in shaping our future and are now humble spectators of our performance. All I can say is THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart for the love, warmth, and most of all; your commitment to give to the medical fraternity, better doctors and the emergency physicians of tomorrow.

Also among the audience are my colleagues-friends including juniors and the nursing staff. Emergency medicine is a branch which teaches you to value team work. While in the department, we really worked as a closely bonded team to provide the best care possible and not compromise on our commitment towards patient’s health, off duty hours we were just a bunch of youngsters hanging out together, discussing everything, apart from work and studies. All the time we spent managing patients together, the resuscitations, trauma cases, code blues, lectures, presentations, last minute studying, late night birthday cake cuttings, the end of the month night shift treats, etc will really be missed. I’m sure that as soon as we will be scattered around the country and the globe, the nostalgia of togetherness will surely set in.

Last but not the least; I would like to thank a very silent member of our audience. One who has no hands to clap, and no lips to smile. But has a very big heart, the one whom we are going to miss the most. Our beloved Accident and Emergency department which is no doubt the best in the city and the best in Western India. Not to boast, but I trust our training and commitment so much that I do not even remember the number of people staying in Mumbai I have proudly told, if you want to save someone’s life in emergency, come to Kokilaben Hospital A & E (Accident & Emergency Department). If we can’t, no one else can. The department truly deserves our large slice of our gratitude.

To conclude, I would like to thank the almighty for giving us the strength to pull it off. Residency years are undoubtedly the toughest years of a doctor’s life.

I would like to end with this short 10 minute video clip of some of our wonderful memories at KDAH.

Thank you.

Protest intensifies on social media as 'The Profile Picture of Shame' campaign gains momentum.

Mumbai: Thousands of unhappy, single, male medical students and doctors have put up this image as their profile picture on various social networking and microblogging site as a mark of protest against the Medical Council to admit girls in medical colleges based on marks alone, and not their looks.

The profile picture has become a rage on the Internet with several groups telling Net users to share this picture and become a part of the silent protest in cyberspace.

"The image symbolizes the shame MBBS & PG courses carry for not being able to protect the love interest of the hardworking, dashing male medical students who become bald, fat and look mature by the time their education ends, and are then not able to find a pretty girlfriend", said a sobbing Deepak Kumar Singh whose many attempts to woo a batchmate / junior / senior / dermatology or psychiatry houseman / nurse / patient's relative had failed in the past.

Facebook user Dr. Arun Swaminathan said, “A symbol works when words fail. This is the symbol of pain, injustice, anger and helplessness of the single, male MBBS & PG students. This image is a mark of collective humiliation faced by us in front of our non medical branch friends, to not have even one pretty girlfriend in the 5.5 years of MBBS and internship.”

Whether or not this social networking wave will bring about any change, only time will tell. But a section of the protesting medical students are now planning to approach Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi in the hope of 'Ache din' soon.

I'd love to love you.

Tanha hun main, tere bin

Sochu tumhe, sara din
O meri....Jaane jaan,
Main tera Deewana

Aa meri baahon mein, Aa bhi jaa....
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, Yun naa mujhe tadpa

You take my breath away, In my arms you stay,
My world is complete, with the look in your eyes,
Sounds of your laughter, ringing in my ears,
You’re the one, I've waited for years.

Come to me, Baby I miss you, please come back
I’d love to love you, I’d love to love you.

Roothi tu, jabse hai
Sooni yeh palken hain
Aasun bhi tapke hain,
Meri inn akhiyon se

Aa meri baahon mein, Aa bhi jaa....
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, Yun naa mujhe tadpa.

I think of you, day and night,
Aura of your smile, shining bright,
Trust in me, I’m being true,
In love I’ve, fallen for you,

Come to me, Baby I miss you, please come back
I’d love to love you, I’d love to love you.

Yun naa mujhe tadpa, I’d love to love you,
Yun naa mujhe tadpa, I’d love to love you…

Charitra - The Character

The first time I saw her was on the first day of my pediatric rotation during the PGY1 of my residency. She was lying down on her bed in the chemotherapy day care center, crying, as the drugs flowed slowly through her veins over 4 hours.

With my weakness of getting emotional on seeing people cry, I decided to find out if she was in any pain or discomfort. After telling her that I was the good doctor uncle who would not give her any more pricks (did a hands-up too to show I didn’t have any syringe in my hands) and only wanted to talk to her, she let me sit beside her.

“I want to eat ‘Pani Puri’, ice cream and chocolate right now”, she said.

I smiled and told her I’ll be back after confirming with her primary care physician.

I along with the pediatric oncologist then attended to her on our rounds and explained to her that she has to be very strict with her diet while the chemotherapy was on (to avoid URTI / AGE) and would be allowed to eat everything she wanted in a few months time.

*****

Time passed, allied rotation ended and I was back to my Emergency Department. Saw her undergo bone marrow biopsy 2-3 times in the minor OT of our department, and if I was free, would always talk with her about everything except her treatment- her school, teachers, friends, hobbies, etc.

She began to open up to me. Showed me her sparkling hair clips, the games on her I-pad, would take my pen and stethoscope to play with, occasionally borrowing A4 size papers from the printer to draw and write on. And soon a friendship blossomed.

*****

Next time she came to our OT for her procedure, I had promised to give her a chocolate of her choice if she did not cry this time. Unexpectedly, she didn’t and asked for her 5 star as soon as she came out. I had no option but to change from my scrubs, and go to buy her chocolate from the Panwala outside. The smile on her face as I gave it to her doubled as I surprised her with another one hidden in my other hand, which earned me a kiss me on the cheeks.

*****

After a gap of few months, saw her again 2 days back. She has some throat pain and fever and the panicky parents immediately brought her to the ED. Could not recognize her at all as unlike her usual self, she was so quiet, looking serious, and had beautiful long hair by now and I proceeded to our doctor’s room.

“Hello doctor uncle”, I heard in a familiar voice as she peeped through the half closed door following me all the way. It put a smile on my face. For the next 30 minutes, I chatted with her, pulled her leg that we would keep her with us as we would get bored in our night shift, even tried bribing her with chocolates and Oreo biscuits my colleague had brought for dinner.

“Is the chemo over?,” I asked her mother thinking it must be by now, it has been a long 2 years…

”Still Going on,” is all she said.

The on call in house pediatrician had seen her by now, but she did not want to leave and followed me as I attended to my other patients. It was only when I was going to attend to a patient with a new onset pleural effusion did I tell her to go home (didn’t want her to get infected from a suspected Pulmonary Koch’s Patient) and promised to give her more time the next time she comes.

“I will now come to meet you on 14th July. It’s my birthday. Will you gift me a Cinderella dress? I will make 2 cards for you.” she said before leaving, and I’m still clueless what exactly a Cinderella dress is.

I am now waiting to see her again, and hopefully will find her gift soon.

*****

Nothing exceptional! Right? What makes me write this is how a 4-5 year old girl has touched me deeply with her ever undying spirit in spite of the tough ordeal she has to go through on a daily basis, her courage to not cry when getting pricked multiple times for her blood samples, her cheerfulness and eagerness to share with me all the new happenings in her life, and most importantly, she has taught me to stay happy and value this beautiful gift of life.

It really surprises me how strong a bond can build up between doctors and our patients over time. We too get attached at times, praying for their well being and quick recovery.

I don’t even know her full name. Her 1st name is Charitra- means character in English. Don’t know if this post will ever be read by her, or her parents, but all I know is that I will always pray that medical science progresses so fast that she and millions of other children suffering from leukemia and adults with cancers do not go through such painful ordeal for such prolonged period and we can soon find a cure.

*****

I have always felt a lot for patients suffering from cancer, and those with chronic kidney diseases. Both these diseases are an emotional, physical and financial burden on the patient & the family members with the high cost of treatment (Chemotherapy, dialysis, immunosuppressive drugs, etc) apart from recurrent admissions to a hospital, and an uncertain future.

Yes, there are other debilitating diseases like arthritis, patients with low ejection fraction who go into recurrent failure, liver cirrhosis, COPD and many others, but I plan do my bit after coming into independent practice soon by spreading awareness about health, and encourage others to help, support, donate for and encourage such people and initiatives for the betterment of society and people in need.

No matter how much people accuse doctors of being money minded, selfish, involved in cut practice, easy targets beat them up, hand in glove with pharmaceutical companies, and many other accusations, medicine will always remain the most Noble of all professions. Yes, there are and there will be bad fishes, but the fraternity cannot be charged to be corrupt as a whole. People should realize that ‘We do and will always care for you’.

Houseman writes open letter to HOD, demands respect.

Mumbai: In a never before seen bizarre incident in the history of medical education, inspired by the spate of open letters on social media, another open letter written by a first year Surgery houseman to his thesis guide/Head of Department(HOD) has taken the social media by storm.

Apart from well known abuses similar to the ones used the All India Bakchod (AIB) Roast of Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor (we do not want to publish them as our editor fears being attacked by political parties and religious groups), the houseman has publicly accused the HOD of insulting him in front of pretty Obstetric/Dermatology/Psychiatry residents when they come for seeing references, asking theory questions and abusing him in front of patient’s relatives, not giving time to meet his girlfriend, warning him to laugh at the HOD’s not so funny jokes, make PPTs for which the HOD takes away all the credit and many other such heart touching concerns.

Our samwadata spoke to the houseman Pranshul Kamdar (name changed to withhold identity), “If Deepika Padukone and Shehnaz Treasurywala can write an open letter just before the release of their movies to gain sympathy, why can’t I grab the limelight before the upcoming final exams of my 3rd year registrars. For the past 9 months, the HOD would only make me clean and drape the surgical site or maximum take post operative sutures when the surgery got over, but after my open letter he now only makes me adjust the OT light and count the number of mops used in the surgery with the nurse. He has sidelined me from the unit how Modi has sidelined L.K. Advani from BJP. The only people who supported me were the medical interns who too have to take their money back for the Xeroxes, tea and breakfast, etc that the HOD/Professors and Registrars ask them to get.”

The issue has now become a bone of contention between the state and the central government with Maharashtra Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis announcing free MCh seat for the houseman while PM Modi wants to nominate him for Bharat Ratna next year. Unconfirmed reports stated that impressed by his courage, Kamdar’s matrimony web profile has been flooded with alliance offers ever since the letter went viral.

When The QuackDoc tried contacting the HOD in question (identity withheld), he did not reply to our calls and smses.

Pappu suffers from Enuresis & breath holding spells: The Quackdoc exclusive

New Delhi- In a major embarrassment for the Congress party which may be considered even more shameful than their much deserved tally of zero seats in the recently held Delhi elections, Rahul Gandhi’s pediatrician Dr. Ratna Johari in an exclusive interview with The Quackdoc has revealed that the 44 year old comedian still suffers from enuresis and breath holding spells.

Enuresis, also known as bedwetting or urinary incontinence is an inability to control urination, often referring to people who are old enough to be able to exercise urinary control. Breath-holding spells are the occurrence of episodic apnea, possibly associated with loss of consciousness, and changes in postural tone usually precipitated by anger or frustration. Both these are common childhood conditions, especially among young children and the most common reasons parents ask for medical help.

“I have been seeing him ever since the disaster was born. Most of the wealth that was amassed by the Gandhi’s after looting India over the last 6 decades has been spent on seeking treatment and buying diapers for Rahul Baba. I’m sick of him emptying the jar of toffees at my clinic for other pediatric patients and also playing doctor-doctor using my stethoscope with his ‘chamchas’ every time he visits for a checkup. His enuresis is so bad that he wets in his pants on laughing while watching videos of his own speeches, and holds his breath even on seeing his nephew Raihan (Priyanka Gandhi’s son) sucking on a lollypop while he doesn’t get any”, said Johari.

The revelation has left the congress scion totally devastated so much so that he has decided to not participate in any more standup comedy shows (much to the relief of the already battered Congress), along with suing the doctor for breach of trust and patient privacy. Congress Party has meanwhile claimed that their leader is taking a break from politics to “reflect” on the future course of his party after a series of electoral defeats.

“I’m left with no money, I have no girl, and everybody ridicules me. I’m beginning to feel like a medical intern / houseman now. She has permanently derailed my prospects of ever getting married”, Rahul tweeted after the interview went viral on social media.

Taking swift action, Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal set up a committee today and ordered for a probe to investigate the source of funding for Rahul’s medical bills and diapers.

Doctors discover new 'game changing' Arnab's vocal cord-stem cell therapy.

Mumbai: In a discovery that might change wo-mankind forever, doctors at The QuackDoc Multi-specialty Hospital & Research Institute have found a new modality of treatment for men who can’t talk, argue with or back answer to their demanding wives / girlfriends.

In a path breaking research conducted over the last 5 years, doctors found that stem cells transplanted from the vocal cords of India’s legendary vocalist Arnab Goswami, known for mocking, shouting and humiliating the participants on his show ‘The Noisehour’ and deafen an entire nation, showed promise during clinical trials conducted on mice.

“The discovery of this novel modality of treatment challenges long-held scientific beliefs and holds great hope for treating an array of menacing wives and girlfriends. Any report of a perennially scared husband / boyfriend shouting back on his alpha-female better half is auspicious, but what most excites me about this research is the tantalizing prospect that this discovery is just the tip of the iceberg… It may be that we will find more, perhaps many more, hidden Arnabs using this latest technique. ,” said Professor Deepak Kumar Singh from The QuackDoc Research Institue.

In studies published in the journal ‘Fattu’, doctors claimed that the discovery, the first in 1000s of years (Only currently available treatment is alcohol) – showed that men after successful transplant to their vocal cords will be able to quieten cranky women, even without getting ‘talli’ and speaking their hearts out.

The World Health Organization warned last year that a post-alcohol era, where most men would not dare open their mouth even during routine discussion, could come this century unless something drastic is done.

Doctors not involved in the work welcomed the finding, but cautioned that human trials of Arnab’s vocal cord stem cells hold the key. Dr Singh hopes to start human testing in around two years, and claims that we are not far away from the day most scared men are found shouting back, “The hubby wants to know…”