Acute gastroenteritis banned from Oylpmics after Sushil loses gold.

Baprola, New Delhi- In a shocking revelation after being holed up in the washroom for 48 hours, 2 time Indian Olympic medalist Sushil Kumar Shinde has revealed that he suffered from 6 episodes of loose motions before the final fight and was completely dehydrated when he went in.

“Sir, I was suffering from pain in abdomen ever since that hot chick in red took away all the limelight from me in the official walk of the Indian Contingent 17 days back. Today my condition worsened. While in the washroom, they kept calling my name for the bout (The fight rounds are called bout). I didn’t care what it was all about.” said a dejected Sushil in a post fight interview with our Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge samwadata Arun Swaminathan.

Apparently, a concerned Baba Ramdev ended his fast abruptly to attend to the ailing Sushil to personally teach him Kapalbhanti and bring back all the black money from London's Buckingham Palace.

A local Pandit, Ravi Shastri who had performed a Hawan at Sushil’s house before his London departure said, “ While Sushil was holding the Japanese wrestler Tatsuhiro Yonemitsu in the doggie position from behind, I saw a transparent gas fume up from the opponents rear. I think it was some biological weapon or a conspiracy of the Japanese to prevent India from getting a Gold medal.”

A committee has now been setup to investigate the matter. Meanwhile Sushil’s blood and stool samples have been sent to LTMGH for a battery of tests. It has now been unanimously decided by all nations to ban Acute Gastroenteritis from participating in the Olympics hence forth.

“I wish I could give a Dhobi Pachad to that girl in red”, concluded Sushil.

The Big Mistake.

The smile on my face as I write this post is a coverup for the only regret I have in life. Some readers might not appreciate it, some might call me foolish, or negative in thought. But the fact remains that every individual wants to lead a life of his/her liking and a constant introspection and retrospection is a normal Human nature.

As a look back at the glorious 25 years of my life, I realize that I have learned a lot, met some exceptional people, gained respect, applause. Suddenly it has struck me that by the time I would have completed my Masters degree (a must in today's competitive world), I would be 4.5 years behind my "Non Medico" colleagues from school which makes me sad (1 year repeat after 12th, 1.5 years extra MBBS duration compared to other Under graduation courses, 2 years for Masters entrance exam preparation).

Remembering school days, I was always brilliant with Mathematics and Accounts, worked very hard, stood among the toppers, was an ideal student. With time not by my side "financially and personally" in 2002, I had become obsessed about fulfilling my parents dream of "Seeing both children as Doctors", never thought what was best suited for me as per my aptitude.

Yes, Today, I'm a good physician, loving ,caring towards my patients, providing them quality, ethical medical care for a MBBS level doctor (unlike rampant unethical practices in our profession, "Aamir you are right to a certain extent"). But the 4.5 year thought has certainly disturbed me. Today, after all these years, I feel that I would have been better off had I opted for commerce after 10th and become a Charted Accountant instead with similar amount of hard work I put into medicine, a reality I'm not ashamed to accept. Medical profession really takes a toll on your bachelorhood, health, family and social responsibilities. The fruits may be sweet later, but the latent period is considerably long.

Well, all is well now and I'm glad I'm into the only thing I was ever passionate about from medical college days, "Emergency Medicine". I love my job, my place of work, my friends here and of course treating the educated patients who are pleasure to meet ( & some "nautanki", rich, pain in the ass patients too). 2012 will be my last attempt at MBA/MHA to get into the best business schools (aiming for IIMs, ISB, SP Jain, TISS and few others only) to move to non clinical / hospital administration field, or else it will be MEM (Masters in Emergency Medicine) from July 2013 at KDAH.

The 4.5 years are never going to come back, but the happy realization has given me a new zeal and motivation to study harder.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for now, giving it everything I have got. Next few months are crucial.

Sachin bids goodbye to international cricket, announces 2nd inning retirement plan.

Mumbai: After months of anticipation and much to the relief of the BCCI who did not have the balls to ask the star batsman to retire, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar finally decided to hang up his adidas boots in international cricket today afternoon announcing his immediate retirement plans. He will now join LTMGH as a houseman to learn the famous art of ‘Patient Batting’.

“I still feel I have a lot of cricket left in me. I have always enjoyed batting and I think LTMGH will give me the right platform and experience to learn Patient Batting. The best part is there is no worry of retirement and I can enjoy batting forever,” said an emotional Tendulkar in his statement to Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge.

This news has sent a buzz among cricket fans who now expect the God of cricket to become ‘The God of Patient Batting’ soon. Even Sudhir Kumar Chaudhary, an ardent Tendulkar fan who is usually seen with his body art, waving the national flag in the live telecast of the matches will now wear Maharashtra Nav Nirman Sena colors and be seen loitering around LTMGH with his cycle.

Our inside sources revealed that Sachin has already started preparing for his new innings with daily workout to lose weight and has got hair transplant done so that he could gain weight and get bald all over again like most medicos do during their work. He has apparently also started taking speech classes since our doctors need to know how to shout and he can only say 'aila'.

“We are very happy that such hardworking person of Sachin’s caliber will join our hospital,” said LTMGH dean Sangam Jholar. “He has already started coaching and is doing exceptionally well dedicatedly learning to fill pathology  forms of patients, memorizing  the names of the mamas and HODs, sleeping with his eyes open - since it's important to do that during lectures, laughing loudly at the HOD's and lecturers' jokes and is also practicing boxing - in case he's attacked by a patient's family," Jholar added.

“I never play for records. But I want to break the record of the highest score of 219 in One day Internationals which Viru has set. I will look forward to batting 220 patients in one day at LTMGH to reclaim my title,” said a confident looking Tendulkar.

Before going to press, there was unconfirmed news that Sachin has already signed a sponsorship deal with local Medical Representatives for 2 pen supplies per month throughout his houseman days which is being considered a landmark deal by local trade pundits.