Tusshar Kapoor becomes 'butt' of jokes, WHO officials annoyed.

Mumbai: In a setback to India’s image as a hot medical tourism destination, Indian Macho Superstar Tusshar Kapoor’s (who shot to limelight with his dumb act in Golmaal series) butt exposing act has put the entire nation to shame.

The BCG mark evidently seen on the Right buttock has become the centre of attention and has drawn huge ire from the WHO (World Health Organization) officials about the grossness in Indian Healthcare system. To add fuel to fire, the protruding nipples of the man boobs or 'moobs' which have been compared to ‘Totapuri Mangoes’ on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter have highlighted the Silicone implants gone wrong in a botched up surgery conducted at LTMGH.

The above photograph which is now the centre of the storm has attracted support with Dr.Keedawala, the Head of the FN: Doctor's Lounge Institute of Clinical Research claiming, "Tusshar's butt looks ripe and 'The perfect Ass' for clinical trials. If Tusshar can offer his butt for research into new ways of giving injections, he would not only contribute to science but to the entire mankind, more than he would have by quitting acting".

With the likes of Tusshar Kapoor joining in the race for the 'Item Girl', even Poonam Pandey and Rakhi Sawant are feeling the heat of the new degree of exposure they have to do in future to stay in the competition.

When our gupt samwadata Dr.Salman Butt contacted Tusshar, he stated, "It is nothing but a testosterone injection abscess scar which my Doctor Arun Swaminathan gave me. I plan to sue him in court soon for making this particular photograph public. AA E A O AEO Penchor"

A Red Corner Notice has now been issued against Dr.Arun Swaminathan who is apparently on the run and is expected to escape to US soon.

Relatives threaten to stare at nursing sisters if doctor does not stop.

Mumbai: In a Tit for Tat incident in the psychiatry ward of LTMGH, angry relatives of a psycho patient Mr.Raas Leela (admitted for stalking a female colleague) turned violent and threatened to stare at the Hospital nursing sisters if the on duty Houseman did not stop staring at the unfortunate patient’s sister Bholi.

“Humein iss Doctor ki niyat shuru se theek nai lag rahi thi….He sees other patient twice a day but seems to pay undue attention to Raas visiting him 4-5 times a day, chatting with Bholi and trying to come close to her. He also gave him medications on his own, quietly put the Ryle’s tube, Foley’s Catheter and IV lines without arguing with the nurses. What surprised us was that today the Doctor helped the mama tie the patient too.

When Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge questioned Dr. Phil Good, he explained, “I just feel a special connection with Raas. He reminds me of my MBBS days how I had myself become a stalker after this senior of mine. She was so so….Ahem Ahem…..About me talking to his sister, as a doctor I believe it is important to make frequent eye contact with relatives to convey better. I have a clean heart.”

Dr. Arun Swaminathan, a famous US based neurologist on conditions of anonymity said, “ Doctors are the most pervert of all working professionals. In my vast experience of 1 year as an intern, I have commonly seen many batch mates look at patient or their sisters with a bad intention.”

Taking clue from the incident, Aamir Khan has already planned the next episode of ‘Satyamev Jayate’ to high lighten and showcase the pervert Doctors in bad light similar on lines of the 1st episode.

Open Letter to Aamir Khan

Dear Mr.Aamir Khan,

I have been trying hard but cannot get over the fact that you can 'sell' ignorance with such ease and honour.

Though I agree to 'parts' of your show , Lets first get the facts right.

1) You said patients on dialysis live upto 15-20 years. Fact - The 5 year survival rate of patients on dialysis is about 25-30 % ( less than many cancers). Renal transplant remains the best available treatment option for chronic kidney disease. (I hope you take responsibility for people who after watching your show plan to not go for kidney transplant and die in less than 5 years)

2) An overenthusiastic girl from the audience said that her father was forced for an emergency liver transplant '6-7 years' ago for gastroenteritis. Fact- Even today there are ' a handful' of hospitals in India offering liver transplants. To think that 6-7 years ago , just a gastroenteritis patient was offered liver transplant is not only improbable but technically impossible.

3) A diabetic patient blamed a doctor for losing a toe. Fact- Lacs of diabetic patients per year lose entire limbs due to diabetic foot ( cellulitis and gangrene) . Doctors go about step wise cutting off toes , then foot, even the leg up to above knee level in order to save as much limb as possible. The patient in your show might still be able to walk just because of the timely action taken by the surgeon.

Mr. Aamir Khan I am not getting back at you because i took your show personally. Yes , I agree that there are doctors indulging in shameful malpractices and even i know a few of them. But i can proudly say i am surrounded by more doctors who work day and night just to ensure that their patients get the best possible treatment..The' BAD' doctors should be punished and we all can come together to ensure we do not encourage such malpractices.

Secondly I would have appreciated if you would have thrown some light on the entrance examinations and the hard work, dedication and sacrifices a doctor needs to clear his MBBS, MD, DM etc examinations.

I wish you had spent half a day in the emergency department and OPD of a Govt. Hospital and realised that the work timings, working conditions, lunch breaks, doctor : patient ratio, hours of sleep per week , living conditions in the hostel and the stipend is worse than a class 4 labourer. You would have also surprisingly realised that the 'DOCTORS' are the only 'FUNCTIONAL' part of a Govt. Hospital which still caters to thousands of patients in a day. When you compared statistics of U.K and India , why didn't you include the salaries, living standards and the doctor: patient ratio the doctors have in developed countries.

Coming to generic drugs, Yes, a large amount of rural population should have access to cheap generic drugs. But one should not forget the pharma companies that charge more for the drugs are the ones that spend crores of rupees for research and development of new drugs. Had there not been drug trials no new drugs would have been invented and we would have mortality rates compared to stone age.

Also i agree that most doctors endorse certain brands of drugs (which i do not deny may be for some financial gains also ) because they have faith in the quality of the 'active drug' of certain companies. Yes many local companies manufacture generic products ( which is a copy of the original molecule discovered by the expensive company)which can be used for unaffordable patients. But you did not mention that many of these generic drugs are of substandard quality and are the reason of many uncalled for deaths due to drug reactions. Most doctors would not want to take responsibility of the quality of the 'generic' drugs.

Lastly, What do you mean when you say ' People of high IQ and desire to earn money should not become doctors'. Why aren't doctors allowed to have an ambition ?? How can a person who earns 4 crores for an episode of a so called 'social' show decide on what should be an individual's ambition and financial status !! Why can there be no doctors who earn well for their professional skills and do not indulge in malpractices ?! It just reflects your hypocrisy.

I would like to offer a few solutions to the problem.

a) ' BAD' doctors indulging in malpractices should be suspended for life. We need a strong regulatory authority to publish expected treatment 'protocols' and punish doctors found to be doing unethical practices.

b) Regulatory authorities should also keep a check on the quality of drugs being manufactured and at the same time 'sold' at the local chemist.

c) Govt. medical colleges and hospitals should multiply several folds, increasing the number of doctors in each department , improving the doctor: patient ratio. Doctor's salaries and living conditions shoul be looked after and should be comparable to other professionals.

d) Regular CME'S and licensing exams ( like other countries) every 5-10 years.

e) The Govt. should spend 6-8% of GDP ON HEALTHCARE and a part of which should also be committed to the research and development of newer drugs.

f) No politician should be allowed to be associated with any private medical colleges.

g) The general public should be educated well about common diseases and the 'acceptable' qualifications of the doctors.

These are just a few points i can think of at the moment. I am sure had you bothered to have a panel discussion and find solutions in a healthy way, We could come up with a lot more viable solutions.

However you chose to sensationalise your show, by hiring 'few' people with 'fake' or 'amplified' problems and shed a few tears.

Hope you understand that Your allegations like ' HAMARE DESH KE DOCTORS ITNE BIMAAR KYUN HAIN' and 'MAUT KE SAUDAGAR' are as seriouus as calling all actors 'Rapists' ( after the shiney ahuja incident ) and all Muslims 'Terrorists' .

Knowing that you twisted not one but not many known medical 'facts' to strike a chord with the 'ignorant' 'naive' audience, How do you expect me to have faith in you and the stories you would project in the upcoming shows. You have betrayed a large segment of the 'classes' as well as 'masses'.

All i can say is i feel sad for the death of the 'image' you created in our minds and hearts. An unbiased Aamir who strives for nothing but the truth and the betterment of the society was after all a MYTH.

Condolences,

An honest Doctor .

Man gets job, thanks expired medications.

Mumbai: Isratunissa, a manager at a local appliance store, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of C.V's, she found four people who were equally qualified. Isratunissa decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Isratunissa asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Isratunissa.

 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Isratunissa. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's property, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the field the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.

'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Isratunissa was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said. Turning to Ganpat, the fourth and final man, Isratunissa posed the same question.

Old Ganpat replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHOEA.'

'WHAT !?' said Isratunissa, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said Ganpat. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, I had taken medications but they turned out to be expired. I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit myself..'

Ganpat was hired immediately.