Poonam Pandey to the rescue as course length saga continues.

Mumbai: A day after Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge reported about Doctors protesting 1 year increase in length of MBBS course and demanding longer course, medical undergraduates have found ‘support’ and solace in the bosom of Poonam Pandey, a former Kingfisher calendar girl .

Miss Pandey who was present during the convocation ceremony at LTMMC yesterday has publicly accepted the brand ambassadorship of the ‘Increase course duration movement- Long, Longer , Longest’ since it rhymed well with her seminude bathing videos called Bold, Bolder, Boldest. In her 1st rare public appearance, the beauty who has not been posing nude even a year after promised so vowed to shed all her clothes the day MBBS courses are made of 8 years duration.

Dr. Ketan Desai, the non corrupt President of  Medical Council of India and a self proclaimed Poonam Pandey fan said, “ I waited for her videos all these months. But she always tweeted pictures which fell short of my fantasy target by few meters of clothes. It was very disappointing. We now hope to increase the length of the course to 8 years as soon as possible and pray she keeps her promise for this noble cause. After all doctors are human too.”

The LTMMC student council has already written a thanksgiving letter to the model after she filled the geeky doctors with the hope of having fireworks in the next college festival, Ashwamedh 2013. “We will all dance naked on stage if she keeps her words,” said Dr. Pranshul Kamdar, an intern who failed 1 entire semester waiting for Poonam Pandey to strip after India won the World Cup. “Unlike her, we will keep our words.” he added, and claimed that at least 50 other interns and final year students from LTMMC alone were ready to strip with him to celebrate Poonam’s commitment next Ashwamedh.

When Faking News: Doctor’s Lounge reminded Poonam’s manager Laloo Shukla that she had not kept her promise made before World Cup, Shukla clarified, “ She has been misquoted and that too out of context. She meant the Beach Volleyball World Cup, not the cricket one. She wants our Beach Volley Ball team to be number 1 in ‘ Global Exposure’ like the IIPMs.

When asked how much was offered to Poonam for the brand ambassadorship, Dr. Ketan Desai declined to give a figure but hinted, “She might get a paid job as lecturer in AIIMS to teach Female Anatomy. If found satisfactory, which I’m sure she will, we will honor her with a MBBS degree so she can become rich like all doctors and never has to strip again.”

In spite of repeated phone calls and SMSs from our Samwadatas, Poonam Pandey could not be contacted as she was busy rehearsing for her cheerleader dance and the drunken nude post match parties during the upcoming Indian Premier League next month.

Doctors protest 1 year increase in length of MBBS, demand longer course.

By Arun Swaminathan (ASS-ociated press of India)

Doctors and students from Sion Hospital strongly came out against the proposed 1 year increase in the duration of the MBBS course being considered by the health ministry. They termed the increase in duration insufficient and inadequate, saying that longer increases were needed to maintain the quality of medical education and skills among students.

“It is important to encourage students to study further and spend time in college.” said head honcho Dr.Mohit Garg, a staunch proponent of medical education. “Most students spend only 5 ½ years now which is insufficient for them to learn important skills like playing carom well and table tennis or eating 20 vada pavs a day. Most students can only spend a year or two learning these important things. In the first year, they are so scared they do not go anywhere including the library as they do not want to get ragged. In the 3rd year, they have to do extra activities like going to the wards and attending rounds which does not give them enough time to improve their carom skills. Being good carom players is an important skill to have for doctors as it teaches them effective patient batting skills. They become all-rounders.”said Dr.Garg, who is an ‘all-rounder’ himself.

Dr.Garg says that it is important to have a 7 year course at least, as it would give sufficient time to learn these skills. In addition, they would have longer to learn better ragging techniques with more experience. They would also be able to play football and other sports which would help them, he claimed, despite his non-sporty physical appearance. He claimed that if he had the chance, he would play football with the residents in gynec or dermat, especially the female ones and after the success of these events, more people would be encouraged to participate in these events.

Supporting Dr.Garg’s statement was the famous student, Sagar Chandekar who wholeheartedly supported the decision to increase the length of the course but said that it should be increased by at least 3-4 years. “Most of my batch mates are not yet married and I feel that increasing the course length would increase their chances of getting married. The longer they are here, the greater the chance of meeting someone and getting hitched.” Sagar, who famously had a crush on the librarian, spoke very sentimentally when he remembered past experiences and missed chances.

Even residents support the decision to increase the length of the course saying that it would give them longer to ‘train’ and ‘work with’ MBBS students. Said an orthopedic resident, speaking on condition of anonymity, “It really pains us to see all these girls join the course and then come to ortho in the 3rd year only. By the time we really get to ‘know’ them, they are at the end of their course and we have to start finding new girls to ‘train’. Increasing the course length would make it more convenient for us to ‘train’ these girls for a longer period of time. We can give them ‘hands-on’ experience.”

Dr.Garg, who famously turned down offers from Google and Apple to remain and serve at Faking News, said that the move to increase the course length was a step in the right direction and would encourage more youngsters to come into medicine. Studying in comfortable and clean college rooms, eating healthy, tasty and cheap food, learning important skills like filling patho forms and getting ragged were some of the other incentives for students to spend 10 years getting a very important degree that would give them the power and license to study for another 10 years  till their super-specialization. This would ensure that they would be very experienced before they even started working and doing less important things like saving a few million lives and discovering new treatments and would know important things like patient batting, carom, table-tennis, phone-chatting and filling patho forms which form an essential part of service as a doctor. This way, he said, they would graduate with lots of knowledge, but no hair on their heads.

Another major benefit was that they would be experienced exam takers and would be able to help their kids take exams too. Chances are, doctors and their kids would be taking exams at the same time. When this reporter asked Dr.Garg how he knew so much about helping one’s children with exams, Dr.Garg just smiled enigmatically and said, “I know.”

Whether the government decides to increase the duration remains to be seen, but it would certainly find a lot of supporters in Sion Hospital to back the measure. Dr.Garg, for one, would welcome the move to make sure that he can keep dating more new chicks in his band Ignition for many more years to come.

Alcoholic's goondaism- attack doctors in Mumbai.

Mumbai: In a bizarre incident similar to the attack on media persons by the ‘Vele’ lawyers in Bangalore recently, there was pandemonium in the Psychiatry OPD of LTMGH today afternoon when newly joined members of the Alcoholic Anonymous group beat up the resident doctors for failing to provide them with the Alcohol brand of their choice.

“We all were having a gala time, doctors included, drinking the regular ‘Tharra Khamba’ and dancing to Royal Stag Mega Music when the new guy ordered the doctor for a peg of Smrinoff and to ‘Make it Large’. The innocent doctor politely told him that the stock was over for the day which angered the newly joined trio of alcoholics who started hurling the empty glass bottles along with the ‘ma-ben’ awesomefucking words at the doctor”, recollected Ganpat Bevdu, the oldest surviving alcoholic of the Alcoholic Anonymous group.

With the help of the CCTV footage, the police are on the hunt of the trio of doctor beaters but they are finding it extremely difficult due to the non availability of the names and address of the culprit ‘Anonymouses’.

All group activities have now been stopped temporarily as the doctors have stopped reporting to work till the guilty are punished. Few older members have been discharged from the ward on Metronidazole and alcohol prescription till the matter is resolved. The Hospital Dean Sangam has strongly condemned the attack saying, "The guilty will be shown no mercy. No one would be spared for violating the law and order of the hospital". He has apparently ordered that henceforth, the entire stock of alcohol will be stored in his cabin till the hardworking police force bring the guilty to book.

Ganpat Bevdu and others have meanwhile started a Facebook page ‘Justice for LTMGH Doctors’ which already has made headlines with 5 fans in 1 day and more are expected to 'Like it' soon.

For more information for the Free Alcohol and Chakna, write to
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C/O Dr.Free Spirit,
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